Urgent question anxiety

Thank you for your answer Sameer.

Is the fact that it had such long aggravations a sign that it is close to the good remedy?

My homeopathy seemed so convinced but he never explained it. He said to take 1 x 30K Arg. Nitric. yesterday which I did in the evening.

Is it also possible that the working of the cure is blocked by the fact that I am angry and scared and confused when my homeopath doesn't explain this or when he is not there? I also feel ill effects from the fact that my psychiatrist is gone for two weeks now. I seem to be a very dependent person I realize now and since I realized it a few hours ago I feel better.

I posted earlier a more detailed status on my case.

Thank you so much for your answer, I hope you can get back to me for this too.

This is the link to my earlier but probably too detailed post...: blank">http://abchomeopathy.com/forum2.php/153338/

Yes. I have to say though that this is not my usual homeopath. Normally my psychiatrist (a psycho-analist) is. But he is gone for two weeks. He always starts with XMK, I think because he believes it is necessary for me to go deep, like in the analysis.

I will give you some additional information on my case. I have been studying homeopathy quite some months myself now (amateur but I believe more and more in it).

First of all: Alumina did work the first time.

Argentum Nitricum gave aggravations but no overall amelioration yet (today is day 19 I took it) although since this morning (after realizing anger towards homeopath) I feel much better.

1. What are my main sympoms?

- Fear of committing suicide (3 attempts in hospital in spring)
- Highly dependent on my psychiatrist and healthcare professionals and my wife.
- Fear to be alone.
- Fear of having to go back to the psychiatric hospital and abandoning my wife and children again (for which I feel extremely guilty), I think it is projection of own separation anxiety.
- Nightmares in early morning just before awakening. Feel anxious or depressed then.
- Anxious in the morning (what will the day bring) and before sleeping (what will tomorrow bring).
- Superstitious (sometimes I think I will die the following day)
- Feel better when walking, biking near the canal, laying outside in the sun, taking bath, working on my computer and talking (even like to you in this forum)
- Angry when dissapointed (like now with homeopath)
- Obsession with bridge over the water, was scared to go over it when I came back from the hospital, now each time I go biking I force myself to go over it.
- Scared of plastic bags (that I would pull them over my head), electrical outlets (that I would put my fingers in them), medication (that I would take it all), knives etc... very irrational fears
- Compulsive behaviour
- Fear that I am not going to make it untill psychiatrist is back
- Jealous of children (they get more attention from wife)
- Guilty about all above things
- Impatient to heal
- Afraid of feeling intense emotions (that they will get worse)
- Hypochondria
- Foresaken feeling
- Not sure who I really am (sexually, emotionally and so on)
- Scared of making love with my wife
- Scared that feeling joy, having sex and hoping will be 'punished'
- Try to avoid company, unless I can talk about my problems and approach them more rationally

2. About my 'childhood':

- Father often absent, mother depressed. She threatened sometimes to go back to her family and my dad took me in his car to get her back while she walked to the trainstation.
- Hypochondric, intense fear of dying
- Intelligent, serious, not so playfull child
- Felt responsible for well-being of mother and little brother
- Jealous and angry at little brother (he was hugged)
- None of my parents learned me to feel: mother had no room for me, father waved my feelings away
- Foresaken, lonely feeling
- Earliest childhood memories:
-> mother left me and little brother (me age 4 or so) for small shopping, we were dead-scared and it seemed like ages she was gone
-> Grandfather (from mothers side) threatened to kill himself, once I held him from taking a knife in the kitchen (age 3?) when my grandmother was laughing it away
- As a small child chronic bronchitis, asthma (since then all my life) and allmost died twice from desiccation (ill effects of antibiotics)
- Long time in psychoanalysis but untill depression in spring I hid my real feelings
- Now all feelings are really floating out since months, 40 years of suppressed anger
- Everybody had high expectations for me. Was number one in primary school. But in seconday things went wrong. Started university (law, beacause my father insisted) but stopped after three years and went working in a dirty, underpayed job (revenge?)
- Got very angry at parents as teenager: also automutilation (sharp objects)
- Parents always reacted by supressing (rationalization) and got tranquilizers already as a child.
- Later alcoholism to not feel my pain.
- Scared that people always loved me for WHAT I am not for WHO I am
- Confused about identity
- Have been hiding true emotions for many many years (rationalizing mainly)
- Liked to travel and learn
- Since childhood passion for language and spoken word (work in communication and internet business now, write books)

3. Cures

Everytime I look for possible cures I find most of the time the following ones:
- Arsenicum Album
- Argentum Nitricum
- Phosphorus
- Sepia
- Aurum Metallicum
- Calcarea
- Alumina

Are these related in any way?

4. What next? I noticed that I have 30K remedies of nearly all above so sooner or later in my life I got them.

I have been thinking to try Arsenicum Album 30K myself but am scared it will harm me or that it will block Argentum Nitricum and my pscyhiatrist will be angry when he comes back.

Well, this is probably one of the most complete descriptions you ever had so if you (or anyone else) can spend some time studying my case, I would be eternally gratefull.

I forgot: Merc. often comes back too.

Thank you Sameer,

Will do. Funny that you mention fizzy drinks and chocolate. I've been trying to stop consuming chocolate (for which I crave) and Coke Light (same) but I get symptoms.

With capful you mean with cap the dop on the bottle I guess.

What I have here is what they call in Europe Arsenicum Album 30 K granules. Is this the same as 30ck?

Many thanks.

PS: last night I also remembered having got Natrum Muriaticum last summer and it caused pneumonia with very high fever.

And I also drink lots and lots of herbal tea:

- Resistance mix: 1 cup every two days: containing echinacea, orange, camomile, liquorice, rosebud, eucalyptus, thyme and lime.
- Relaxation mix of Dr. Kneipp brand (lemon melissa, lemongrass, lemon verbena, apple, camomile, raspberry leaves) or sometimes plain lime tea: several cups per day
- Liver mix: 1 cup every two days: containing Rosemary, anise, dandelion, mint, artichoke, liquorice.

For my lungs I applied Vicks (eucalyptus, mint).

Could these have blocked Arg. Nit.?

Last thing I noticed: worse when resting on bed (anxiety), better when resting in living room near wife if children not too noisy.

Now I really have nothing more to add ;-)

And again: so many thanks...

Will report back in 3-4 days.

Dear Dr. Sameer,

I had to wait two days before I got the medicine. But in those two days something strange happened.

I started feeling at least 20-30% better than before and that two days in a row.

So much better even that I decided to diminue my tranquilizer.

Last friday, saturday, sunday and today however where hell.

I'm much more anxious, sometimes extremely.

But sunday something got me thinking: I thought that maybe these symptoms could be related to diminuing my tranquilizers.

I started looking on the Internet and found they all did: flatulence, increased anxiety, increased depression, shaky hands and body, anger (with desire to go out and scream it out) etc...

Then I started looking back in the journal I kept and realized that last time I e-mailed you I had diminued too and that in 8 days I diminued twice. So maybe that's what happened too when I told you that after healing crisis mental symptoms came back...

So I am in serious doubt now. My family MD told me today I was building off too quickly and that I should raise it again and decrease with intervals of two weeks.

So I am in doubt about the efficiency of Arg. Nitr. I felt much better in between the two periodes that I was building off tranquilizer.

Tomorrow I see my homeopath/psychiatrist for the first time in two weeks. i am dead-scared that something will occur in between.

It would be so kind of you if you could say me if you think Arg. Nit. might work after all, given these new data.

I am very sorry not to have gotten back to you sooner.

I also have to say that I did a separate post on this subject yesterday: http://www.abchomeopathy.com/forum2.php/153993/

I thought that given these new data it might result in a less wrongfull information than last time.

OK, that is clear...

Will not start new threads anymore. Sorry for confusion, shows despair.

Thank you again for your help.

Dear Sameer,

I have tried the remedy (the same day of my last post) but felt no changes.

I still am very anxious, especially about things going wrong, suicide, diseases, anticipating, the future,...

Three days ago I had a good talk with someone and noticed that I felt well afterwards (for a few hours). Since then many people have confirmed me that when I can talk with someone about my troubles (and then I can talk for hours without anyone can interrupt me) I seem yo become another man. I find it strange since most of the time I feel worse in company but not then (and only if many people and noise).

Tomorrow is first schoolday and I have very strange feelings. On one hand I am happy (less stress, more attention from wife, it's like I am jealous of children, I'm even jealous of TV because wife looks so much at it instead of talking to me) but on other hand I feel guilty (since children had depressed father in summer holiday) and am afraid that the house will be quiet and I will be depressed.

Also anxiety for what I will feel on that first schoolday, like I will feel their lonelyness.

I often feel lonely too and have few friends which seems strange since I crave for people to talk to. But I think I am scared people will judge me or look down on me.

Also more asthma last days.

Finally noticed two more things last days:
- Much supressed anger and scared of sex but long for it.
- When I get angry (which happens rarely) it's verbally by saying little things that I know will hurt people)
- Had argument with wife of clothes I was wearing to go to family. Wanted me to wear shirt and tie, but I can not stand it.

What can I do?

Update to yesterday post:
brought children to school with wife. Felt sad. Started crying in car after having left the smallest one in Kindergarten. Thought that he felt alone and like I felt what he felt.

Am alone at home now, feel very sad and scared (that might do something).

I never wear turtle necks. I also hate shirts with 'stiff' or tight collars.

In fact I hate clothing that is 'hard', 'stiff', 'itchy' or tight in general. I even can't stand Jeans.

Whenever I can I wear light T-shirts or joggings (sweater-materials).

But I especially can't stand ties, turtle necks (unless sometimes in winter when the fabric is very very soft) and shirts with stiff collars. Come to think of it: I have a digital music player and do not like to hang it around my neck either, I wear it in my hand when I can or ut it in my pocket.

When I go to a party where I HAVE to wear a tie, after maximum half an hour I take it off and undo the upper buttons of my shirt.

Hope this helps.

- I do not trust people, I am afraid they have bad intentions. Yes, I am suspicious in that sense.
- I can indeed rapidly jump subjects. I have exceptional loquacity if I can talk about my problems (can talk for an hour straight). Before my depression I was very talkative in general. But sometimes suddenly I get and got scared that people would find me crazy.
- My wife always says I know exactly what words I say to hurt her. I show agresiveness rarely but it is indeed with the precise sarcastic words. My humor is in general very sarcastic too. And I do know the weaknesses of others (even manipulating sometimes).
- I am not jealous in the way some men can't stand their wife going out with friends. I am only jealous (and angry) if other people or even things (children, friends, TV,...) get too much attention of my wife so she has no attention for me. For instance today she was all day busy with first schoolday and so on and I felt angry/sad/anxious/jealous (had to shout it out at a given point when no-one heard me)
- Normally I am extremely intense and passionate. I always come up with many new ideas and projects and desires to travel or to do sports or to do this or that. But I rarely effectively do them. It's like something scares me. It's the same with sex and masturbation: I want it but am scared (and sometimes feel sad or guilty or anxious afterwards). Now I intensely feel my fears and anger but before my depression it was about ideas, business plans and so on. Sometimes I was talking so enthousiastic about them that I stopped talking because - again - I thought people would find me crazy.

I remember I once said to my wife (before my depression) as a joke 'I think that I am an undiagnosed ADHD-patient. But sometimes that's who I feel.