≡ ▼
ABC Homeopathy Forum

 

The ABC Homeopathy Forum

bullying child - any solutions anyone? thx

Hi my 12 year old son is making life a misery for his little brother.

It gets physical, not rough stuff luckily, but he is always "playing catch", insulting him, pushing him around, bossing him around - it is just not acceptable.

i got a small amel from hyo 9C dosing (10 granules in one go) and before i go onto next dose was wondering if anyone else has anything on this?

thx
 
  mariedo on 2005-01-16
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
Problem is largely psychological. The older child is displaced by the younger in the affections of the mother. The more you take the part of the younger the worse the problem will get. Nux V ; Sepia;Hep Sul & Puls show up most so suggest you study those and see which matches the character of the eldest child.
 
passkey last decade
Passkep is correct of course and there are some things you can do to help.

The older must be given more "separate" time in spite of his attitude. (ignore the attitude) It won't be long before he becomes a difficut teen. One must do what you can before that happens. He may turn into an abusive man unless led another way.

No matter what happens as you go, no one is allowed to get into a yelling fit. If the boy yells, send to room that is striped of loved things. he can earn them back one by one.

Parents must be in perfect agreement and show no fear or emotion.

What does the older like? (It can't be buying or giving money). It has to be something within. Something that says who he really is. He is part of the decision.

After deciding, he has to earn it by his behavior with the brother and within the family. After earning it, he is told it will be removed for a time as punishment if he again abuses his brother.

Both boys must have the plan explained as a form of growing up to be respectful men. Mention that others will never respect an abusive man.

At the same time the younger must be informed of the problem and also informed that it is quite common and to be forgiving and patient at this time. Ask his help in this by not becoming jealous of your attention to the older.

Talk to the boys separatly. You need to establish separate relationships with the boys.

I raised 3 boys 4 years apart. The oldest two had a love/hate relationship until grown. But they joined forces against the youngest as he had asthma. They claimed he was a sissy. Of course, he required much of my attention.

When they were playing "fort" they made the youngest the "lookout" to keep him out of their way and keep mom happy. They knew they would be in trouble if he was not included sometimes in some small way.

Of course, when I caught all three on a makeshift raft in the canal I was REALLY upset! The youngest couldn't swim yet. They also helped him at age three climb onto the roof.

When I was not looking one of the two oldest would pound the youngest. He learned a really good trick. He screamed like he was killed and fell to the floor. This would divert any more hits and would bring me into the room. So both the larger boys would have some sort of punishment and learned it wasn't wise to hit him.

All of this was discussed together and privately. It was also discussed with the neighbor boys that picked on my youngest.

Our home and yard was a fun place and they hated to be restricted from coming over. If the neighborhood misbehaved at our place, my boys couldn't play outside of the yard, and they couldn't come in.

Every phase of the reasons were discussed. The children were encouraged to talk about it in any way they wished. They had permission to say what was on their minds. I would then explain fairness and respect.

Just because it sounds easy 40 years later, do not be deceived, I thought I would lose my mind. I really didn't think I would live to see them adults. But I did, as we all do. Just do your best.

Blessings, Sabra
 
sabra last decade
thanks for your advice sabra and passkey - i am mom of 5 boys, three in the first lot, and two youngsters (9 and 12), and just for the story, they are already both into the "difficult teens" - with older brothers around, they seem to have 5 years advance on other kids!

nobody yells at home, they were not educated that way. nobody would even dream of that here, but it doesn't stop them getting upto it all.

my smaller kid does the same as yours - dropping onto the floor and screaming like he was being killed, which like you, brings me hotfooting it into the room.

the elder one does say though, that he resents me getting at him, because "i don't see what the younger one does" and i know that is true, because i have sometimes caught him redhanded - the big difference between them is the elder one is too clumsy to get away with it - for the little one getting away with it was survival!

u are right though when you say the more you take the little one' s side the worse it gets.... but i have tried over and over again (without success) to reason the elder one into his role of the big brother, older and therefore more responsible! it doesn't work...

i like the theme of stripping the room and having him earn it all back...

any suggestions on the tv? it is in the older one's room. i can't move it because of the cable (none in the younger one's room), and if i take it out, then the younger one doesn't get it either.
 
mariedo last decade
having got some pretty good results with hyos 9C, i was wondering whether to move onto 30c and maybe 200c for each of them at the same time to get rid of the "hate" factor which is obviously part of it when they are at it..

maybe nux v 30c to the elder one who has the nux type anyway, dark haired etc..... strange i never thought of it really..
 
mariedo last decade
Even though dark-haired, the final analysis is the emotions. Let this be your strongest directive.

If the Hyos 9C is doing well, why would you want to change? You must realize by now, that there is no magic pill. Stick with what is working until you are sure you really want to change.

Cut the TV off and make them both earn it back. Put up a board with points to earn (or lose).

If the younger one is irritating the older one like a little terrier, then he can join into the punishment for awhile to think over the consequence of his actions. Ask him very pointedly if this is why his brother wacks him.

Once I just couldn't make the youngest admit to the habit of lying. I explained it all to him, that it wasn't necessary as I wasn't waiting to "get" him. Nothing worked, so I lined them up and informed them they were all punished for lying. Even this didn't work. (hoping to shame him).

Finally, I said to him "now, you know you are lying don't you?" But, while I spoke I nodded my head and he began to nod his with me. Finally, this was the trick that broke through to him.

5 boys??? Oh My God!!! I would never have survived!!! I had 3 brothers, and all my grandchildren are boys.

Mine are all over 40 now and it seemed to happen so fast!

God Bless you mightily. Sabra
 
sabra last decade

Post ReplyTo post a reply, you must first LOG ON or Register

 

Important
Information given in this forum is given by way of exchange of views only, and those views are not necessarily those of ABC Homeopathy. It is not to be treated as a medical diagnosis or prescription, and should not be used as a substitute for a consultation with a qualified homeopath or physician. It is possible that advice given here may be dangerous, and you should make your own checks that it is safe. If symptoms persist, seek professional medical attention. Bear in mind that even minor symptoms can be a sign of a more serious underlying condition, and a timely diagnosis by your doctor could save your life.