hand shake while doing fine work in front of others

Hi Kadwa you have already read about my writing problem.I accidently clicked the generality option however i am not happy with my husband's behavior,his timidity his lack of interest in life his lack of ambition,critism,some times he is extravagant the other time he becomes a miser he is very quiet whenever i have a complain about someone he always supports the other party on his insistence i have entered my career after being a house wife for 25 yrs but cant live without him he is very romantic even after 25 yrs of our marriage.Gives me control of every thing he possossess i have been successful to enter a most renowned organization of the country i am a microbiolgist testing bacteria is my job but i feel nervous to do fine manual work in front of others and my hands shake i feel very bad about it as a result want to run away from every thing and my memory has become so weak that i can not remember whatever was said a second ago leave alone the microbilogical procedures required for testing i am always unaware of sarrounding can not comprehend what people are saying can not observe people's behaviour can not read between the lines i get angry with my children and my husband within seconds.Its difficult for me to keep relationships or friendship as i dont find energy in myself to keep pace with the social life and what my near and dear ones expect from me.I dont fight with others but hide from my family i often get blunt and rude my mother has severe dpression my father was a chronic depression patient so are my brothers unfprtunately my in laws sale in the same boat and i see the same in my children which has made me loose remaining interest in my life i am not romantic but fantasise when a smart person from opposite sex admires me but i amm not indescet my fantasies makes me ashamed of myself.Nowmy husband appreciates my intellectual abilities but i dont care its too late now.I have no interest in life never laugh am unaware of my sarroundings preoccupied often wish to die.Do not enjoy anything,nothing fascinates me my only motivation is to protect my ego or to earn some money for my children i want to be sucessful in my career and earn money for my kids entertantment because my husbnd spends on his family more than many other men could do but he had never let us enjoy it always use to create a guilt after spending.Istart getting better in evening or when nothing is expected of me i hate house work,responsibilities just want to lie down alone in a room.dont want to talk to kids.i like warm open air sarroundings.I have been like this since i have realized life.I had a very unfortunate childhood with strict grandfather mmentally ill father his mean relative money crisis suppressed mother molestation by my fathers relatives.was treated as an insect by my paternal family.i had recoverd from all this after i got married because my husband is a dictator in some fields but also very linient and loving in most of the matters.I took 1 M dose of lycopodium today hop it works because i dont want to loose my career for just silly hand shake.