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anticipated loss

I am unable to afford seeing a homeopath at present, for reasons that will become clear below. I have seen a homeopath in the past, and am presently using the acute remedy he prescribed at one point. It seems to be helping. I want to check that I am on the right track.
NB I am just after a remdedy that can best help me through the current crisis and safely process my feelings. Psychotherapy is my primary treatment model.

CURRENT SITUATION AND CONCERNS - I work for a local government council department, in the public sector in the UK.
There are budget cuts, which likely entail half of our branches closing, and many redundancies [lay offs to US people.]

The uncertainty, the powerlessness, the rage, the loneliness, the sense of worthlessness. All these feelings are overwhelming.

I have lived with depression and complex PTSD for many years.
My core wounds are of rejection and abandonment, of being ignored, of my feelings being trodden on.

Currently, I am having flashes of intense rage, suicidal feelings, floods of tears, especially before sleep. I am pushing people away, isolating. My lack of friends and social life is painfully magnified. Everyone is 'in the same situation' practically, although I feel utterly alone and forsaken and that I have to stuff my feelings away to protect others, else my intense emotions might 'infect' others.

I cry alone, although I crave physical comfort and soothing. I ache for it.

My sinuses have always been my weak spot, and right now they are draining almost constantly, all the more so with the cold weather right now.
I sneeze a lot, and gag/cough a lot in the morning, every day spitting up much saliva, but it is not usually productive.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE AND PAST CONNECTIONS - I am just over 5 foot tool, weigh 7 stone, am very light build. Light brown, wavy hair, some strands of white - increasing by the day. My eye brows and lashes are very dark brown.
I've always been underweight, having been born 2 months premature via forceps - traumatic for both mum and me. I am 40 years old, though feel and look much younger.
I am an only child.
I have green eyes, with slight golden lights. They go very dark green, almost blue when I am sad or angry.
Very small jaw. Had orthodontic treatment throughout my teens, which was painful and invasive. Including a 'head brace' every night for some years.

I was bullied all through school, every day age 6-17. This was perpetuated by my peers, and included various kinds of physical assault. Much of it was added onto with my first career, primary school teaching.
I also suffered emotional abuse at home, my father was dictatorial to me and my mum, and mum was very possessive.

I have an urge to control, to feel some power. To not be at the mercy of someone else's power.

MEDICATION - I am taking an anti-depressant, mirtazapine, currenty now on a low-ish dose, although this may be changed. I don't want to go that route though. But coming off it isn't an option in the current climate.

REMEDIES - The acute remedy I am currently using is IGNATIA.

Past prescriptions
- Pulsatilla - little effect
- Lac Caninum - helped, then got aggravation of rage
Calc Carb - helped with separation anxiety issues, then rage stirred up again
- Anhalonium - helped bring expansiveness and peace for a while
- Mandragora - helped with separation anxiety issues and supported me in gaining more confidence.

Each remedy tended to stop doing anything the further up the potency.

I've also self prescribed Thuja, Sepia, Ars Alb. All of which helped through the relevant acute phases.

I am wondering about Aurum.

INTERESTS - I am in long term analytic psychotherapy, and my main interest is the human mind and how the subconscious and conscious minds interelate. I'm also interested in child development, and how it moves through an adult too.

I enjoy reading, writing creative non fiction, and my current job is with my local library service. I have done a lot of yoga in the past, and have a brief practice now.

MENSTRUATION ETC - I get aggravations of rage anxiety and depression and paranoid feelings around the time of my menstrual cycle, a week before, and during. Paranoia/hyper-vigilance is a main concern throughout the month, just becomes more intense around day 22. Period starts around day 32, but has been as long as 38 days.
I've never had sex or a romantic relationship.
I 'zone out' a lot, especially under stress.

FOOD ETC - I eat mainly vegetarian food, with regular fish. I am trying to eat less carbs and sweet foods - which I tend to crave. I like pasta with tomato sauce. I'm trying to give up chocolate.

Family history of heart problems. Mum had a stroke 4 years ago, from which she's made a pretty good recovery. Dad never goes to the GP. High blood pressure runs in my family, and mine is always high when checked, but it's chalked up to anxiety, and no one does anything.

CURRENT MAJOR CONCERN - is my emotional survival through an intensely stressful period at work, and anticipated losses relating to working environments, colleagues, and possibly my employment. Whence worries about my financial and physical survival.

What kind of remedy would you consider?

Ignatia seems to be helping some.
 
  Sorrel on 2010-11-17
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
What potency of Pulsatilla did you take and for how long?

What potency of Ignatia are you taking? Since when you have been taking?

Why you didn't get married?

When you are angry, what do you do?
 
nawazkhan last decade
It sounds like you have already had a Sensation prescriber working with you. Would you be interested in trying another prescription based on that method?
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Thank you both.

Nawazkhan, I was prescribed the LM potencies of Pulsatilla. Started with LM1, and moved up to LM3, by which time paranoia was becoming more intense and I was getting dark dreams and struggling to cope. The period from LM1 - 3 covered just over a month.

I am taking 30c Ignatia. Once every 2-3 days over the past week. I didn't take any last night, even though I felt utterly awful, I feel my system needs a 'rest' from it, or something else, or.

Scared of men, due to my father. No conscious desire for sex etc. Plus feeling unworthy and unlovable and that no one would ever want me anyway.

When I'm angry I tend to indulge in self hatred, sometimes hitting myself. I tend also to lash out at strangers verbally [occasionally physically, both to my shame when I 'come round'] who I perceive as ridiculing me, staring at me, treating me like I'm worthless and rubbish and [word apparently not allowed here]. I am sensitive to my personal space, and it is perceived violations of that which aggravate my rage mostly. That and feeling abandoned or rejected by people who I 'thought cared about me', generally feeling powerless.

brisbanehomeopath, I stopped working with the homeopath I was seeing. Long story, and lots of complex, ambivalent feelings.
I guess I could give it a try. What do you have in mind?
 
Sorrel last decade
Logging in to observe progress
 
Joe De Livera last decade
PS. I misread, and thought you said that I am already working with a homeopath. I read again and see that you said 'have already had.'
That's one of the things my mind does when under stress, misread, misinterpret, assume people are judging me in some way.
 
Sorrel last decade
I have been looking over the three threads that you have posted here. I have made notes on what appear to be the major expressions in your case.

The state showing here does not really match Pulsatilla, Calc carb, Anhalonium, Thuja, Arsenicum or Ignatia.

These are a collection of what appear to be important:-

< people being too close physically
physical assault
hostile, defensive
go into a past painful reality
afraid of strangers
dreams of being bullied, attacked
dreams of desolate places
feelings buried and frozen
grief about lost years
fear bad things happening to my treatment team
rage when someone gets in my space
helplessness
shame
born via forceps
abused, violence
no-one ever did anything to help me
ruthless, violent, defend me from being hurt
i am being constantly followed, started at, ridiculed
lose the boundaries of my body and skin
isolate myself
fear of rejection, criticism
empty, hollow
hurt myself, hit myself
intense rage
suicidal
push people away
utterly alone and forsaken
control, power, at the mercy of someone else
major concern is survival

Of all those remedies mentioned Lac-can and Mandragora have some closer similarity but obviously are not correct either.

Can I ask you to expand on a couple of those statements?

Describe the experience of people coming into your space.

Describe the experience of Rage.

Please describe in detail an example of a dream of being attacked. Were any of those dreams reoccurring?

Please describe more the feeling of losing boundaries.

Expand on the feeling of empty and hollow.

Talk more about people, about control and being at their mercy.

Describe to me the idea of survival, and how it relates to your life.

Some of these things might not be so relevent to you right now so please screen some of them out if you need to.

I can see a few points at where your other homoeopath has moved to those remedies you have mentioned. I can also see how he (or she) has not looked at all parts together.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Dear Sorrel, Thanks for the prompt reply.

After a careful study of your complex case, the correct remedy is as following.

Conium Maculatum 200C, 4 pellets under your tongue, one dose daily, for 1 week only.

I am sure, you will start feeling better in a couple of days.

What you needed was a correct remedy PLUS a lot of prayers. Now you got both, therefore, please forward a lot of thanks to your creator.

A bundle of more prayers for your cure, happiness and wellbeing.

Regards
Nawaz
 
nawazkhan last decade
Thank you both, so much.

Nawaz, I'll see what bh has to say also, and take things from there. I'd also appreciate it if you could explain some more behind your choice of Conium. Thanks. :)

brisbanehomeopath, I've just not long got home after a pretty intense day and am utterly exhausted and 'strung out'. I have tomorrow off work and will respond to your questions in depth.
You are pretty spot on with what you picked up on. That's amazing! Thank you.
I'll come back to this tomorrow.
 
Sorrel last decade
I understand. I know that my style of case-taking takes a bit of effort - take your time.

The success of a prescription often depends on being able to distill the important expressions out of a case :)

There is a picture that forms even from those things I have listed, but to be sure I would need a bit more.

Because I do ask for a lot, if at any time you wish to stop and try another prescription suggested by somebody else feel free to do that.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Dear Brisbanehomoeopath, Respectable Joe D. Livera and Madam Sorrel,

I would like to strongly encourage brisbanehomoeopath to comment on the selection of Conium and also suggest a correct remedy other than Conium.

I spent quite a bit time and effort as required in the selection of this remedy. All of her symptoms and all other factors were considered for making the choice of Conium.

The objective on this forum is to help madam sorrel by curing her disease. The purpose must not be anything else.

I would like to kindly request Joe D. Livera to help here, because all of us want to help and achieve our objective. Therefore, let's put our 3 heads together by suggesting a correct remedy for her that will lead to a complete cure. Please let's not confuse with sophisticated words, but, help with our actions in a timely manner.

Brisbanehomoeopath, you ask a lot, but do nothing, suggest nothing. You played the same role in Sawpalmetto case. Believe me he could have been much better by now. But, I fail to understand why you don't help? In my opinion, you know clearly that Conium is the correct remedy, but, you will not admit due to unknown reasons. I have respected you on several threads, but, it appears I was wrong. You are indeed losing the respect at least from me. Please try to learn to help, respect and appreciate the time and hardwork of other human beings. Above all, I would like to request you to help patients in a desparate need with a lot of pain and anguish.

I hope and pray for a positive response.

Regards
Nawaz
 
nawazkhan last decade
I suggested Cantharis for the Sawpalmetto case, based on the history and current symptoms. That gentleman chose not to take the remedy I suggested. When I last looked at the post he was still going on about the cause of his problem and looking for an antidote rather than the remedy to match the symptoms/problem.

I have been making quite a few suggestions for remedies recently - I have suggested Sulphuric Acid for one person with the hurried/irritability problem, Lac-canium for another person with self-esteem issues, I have shown agreement on Murthy's choice of Tabacum for the travel sickness patient, and expressed agreement with Sameer's choise of Calc-carb for the patient with social anxiety. Another patient contacted me outside of the forum and I have made a suggestion of a remedy for her as well.

In most of the posts recently I have been listing questions that need to be answered for me to feel confident in a remedy choice. Those questions are exactly the questions that I would need answered if the person was a client of mine sitting in front of me. I do not believe it is in anyone's interest to take short cuts.

Of course we have limitations here, no-one may ever feel enough information is gathered because it simply takes too long with back and forth questioning. I always advise people that my method might take longer, and they can take advice from somone else if they become impatient.

Typically for chronic paients I spend 2 hours on a first consultation. I usually have 10-20 pages of information gathered to make my prescription. I am working with far less here. One does not cure disease with hasty prescriptions, but with precise ones.

While any person here can take advice from whichever corner they choose, I believe it is better for any patient to be given a homoeopathic option, one chosen on the individual symptoms they are expressing, not given a remedy with no homoeopathicity. For this reason my opinion is that prescribing Arnica and Nat-phos would not be suitable for this patient, Joe might even agree with that. Because of my strong opposition to Joe's allopathic approach I try to keep out of any post he is involved in as long as he is not giving advice that is contrary to homoeopathic principles.

In my opinion, I do not see Conium as the remedy here at this stage. Until further questions are answered I cannot be sure exactly what remedy I think it might be. I have ideas, but I would like the patient to confirm them first before I suggest them.

I wasn't planning on repertorizing the case until I can be certain which expressions are key elements of the State of the patient. Matching the state to a remedy is more successful than just matching the symptoms in my experience.

If I were to do a simple repertory exercise looking at:-

Fear of strangers
Delusion defends themselves against attack
Dreams of desolate/wastes
Rage/anger when touched
Helpless
Delusion forsaken
Suspicious
Rage violent
Delusion laughed at
Isolated
Striking self
Suicidal

Out of those symptoms Conium appears in :-

Fear of strangers
Suspicious
Isolated
Suicidal

Of course the rubrics one chooses will often make a big difference - could Conium be stretched over the case? Perhaps it could - it might be beneficial to show how you worked through it. I always do that so that patients can advise me on where I am paying too much attention, or where I am not paying enough, or even if I have misinterpreted something completely.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Acutally Nawaz your earlier requests for me to get actively involved is partly responsible for my doing so :)
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
This is not Conium.

I can analyze this as well, and hopefully, bris and I can get some consensus :)
 
sameervermani last decade
I agree Sameer. I have been watching your progress on some cases on the forum - you seem to have developed a knack for prescribing this way. It is very encouraging and is one of the other reasons I decided to start getting involved.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Thanks.

And, I know the remedy here, almost definitely :)
 
sameervermani last decade
To David Kempson (brisbanehomeopath)

'you seem to have developed a knack for prescribing this way. It is very encouraging and is one of the other reasons I decided to start getting involved.'

Welcome aboard and I hope you keep it up.

I hope that you will understand that Homeopathy is a precious Science which I consider the duty of Homeopaths who visit this Forum to advise the patient towards a cure, instead of criticizing the therapy that I and other Homeopaths, classically qualified or otherwise, may prescribe to the patient.

If they feel otherwise they should not inflict their presence on the Forum and waste the time of these well meaning Homeopaths by compelling them to respond to each and every criticism made which has unfortunately continued, ad nauseam especially on the threads I have tried to help the patient.

It is the record of success of the cases treated that is relevant and NOT the classical qualification to prescribe for the 'totality of the symptoms the patient presents, with one remedy', that counts in the long run.

Joe De Livera
 
Joe De Livera last decade
brisbanehomeopath -

Describe the experience of people coming into your space.

[NB this tends to be on the street, in queues or on public transport. I can just about keep it contained at work.] I feel crowded out, trapped. Like they are coming in under my skin. They are not welcome there. It's like they come in to me and it's all too raw and confusing and mixed up and merged and I lose myself. They exist, and I don't. I become invisible, or an object of scorn. [layers here from very early childhood, and the later bullying and things from my father, too.]
I need to defend my space, it's too intrusive. How dare they ignore me or treat me like s. I am lost. I HAVE to show I exist. I am desperate for respect and indignation.
Conversely, when someone like my psychotherapist comes close, it is safe and healing and supportive, and I feel safe and real and in my body, rather than out of it.

Describe the experience of Rage.

It takes over me, it's a flood of urgent action that bypasses conscious thought and control. It is slowly coming more within my control though, gradually. It's a fire in my belly and in my head that MUST come out or I will disappear, cease to exist. Yet it also feels it annihilates ME. I must push through, I must survive, it is purely instinctive.
On the other hand there is the rage that comes out in the suicidal feelings, mixed with despair. 'I'll show them how bad I hurt. I'm a burden anyway, so it'll be better for everyone when I'm gone.'

Please describe in detail an example of a dream of being attacked. Were any of those dreams reoccurring?

I haven't had one of these dreams recently. But a lot of time they've been of being assaulted with gunge or paint or other mess by teenagers, or burglary [real life events - had 2 burglaries at home in 4 months when I was 16, and also had to deal with a burglary at a friend's flat in a rough area when I was in my early 30s]or other theft. I have a recurring dream bullies stealing my bank card.

Please describe more the feeling of losing boundaries.

Please see response to first question, I think I described it pretty fully there.

Expand on the feeling of empty and hollow.

It's mainly in my belly, sense of must fill it, but can't. Sense of no comfort. Sense of needing to hold something soft and warm against my belly and/or chest, to fill an aching, raw gap.

Talk more about people, about control and being at their mercy.

Right now at work it feels like my feelings and sensitiveities have been stamped over. In the job, people have been responsive to my needs and feelings and now I'm just shoved on the rubbish/refuse heap and pushed aside and I no longer matter. But I am 'in the same boat' as everyone else. So I feel ashamed of feelings so 'entitled' and wanting to be cared about and understood. But why should anyone care when they have to care about themselves? And so the cycle goes. [Feel angry and tearful now.]
Feeling [in some part of me, not an 'adult' part] that I can control things by either getting really emotionally unwell or attempting suicide, then they wouldn't dare take my job away from me, or indulging in self pity feeding on things like 'I'll be homeless' [though this is an emotional sense from the loss more than what would be the fact, as my parents have promised they won't let that happen, if I lose my job]. Or that resigning now, before everything gets really even more stressful, then I would have some control.
This job is the first job that I have felt like a part of a family, and accepted and valued and be considered and respected. It's like a home to me. And to lose that... Before this job I worked as a supply/substitute teacher for children aged 3-11, mainly in very rough and deprived areas of Inner London. There, I was rootless, and further traumatised. Getting my current job just over 7 years ago was a refuge, a safe haven, harbour in the storm. I have kept working through the rough times of my illness when my depression and anxiety were most severe. I've rarely taken sick leave. I am seen as a hard working, good member of staff. I had to resign my first full time teaching job because of my emotional difficulties [I was having a breakdown, but didn't know it and no one else picked it up back then], and thence to feel the prospect of how I might have to leave a job where I have actually achieved so so much and am not 'in trouble' feels utterly awful and who wouldn't have feelings of wanting control over others to avoid or defend against that?

Describe to me the idea of survival, and how it relates to your life.

That if no one notices me or cares about me I will die. That with everything happening in the UK and the world right now, everything will just collapse and the world will end and I will die. That if I can't control or don't know what is happening in my life, I will die, or committ/attempt suicide because I cannot bear it.

This all makes me sound like a horrible person. But I'm attempting to simply state how it is when I'm like that, and not judge myself harshly as I am wont to do.
I can be kind, sensitive and responsive to others, I can be helpful and empathic and supportive. Just not when I feel under threat in any way.
 
Sorrel last decade
Nawaz,
On one level, Conium does fit. But from my reading thus far, and I admit I've not read that widely[and I'm no expert in homeopathy although I have studied psychotherapy and the human personality a lot, and of course am engaged deeply in the long journey of self discovery] it appears that it focuses on more the 'sexual suppression' side of things. Which, while it is an important issue, which is receiving therapeutic attention in it's way, isn't the deepest most core issue I'm facing here. I do see how the sexual stuff relates to aloneness and how things are more intense right now because of that.
However I'm not the homeopath here, rather an intelligent, involved observer. I'll read everyone's thoughts and see where to go from there. I do need people to ask me questions, so I do find bh's questions helpful.

Ick. I so don't want to antagonise anyone here.

Sameer, I would also be interested in your thoughts.

I'm not looking for cure. I know homeopaths might find this contentious. But. I simply want to be able to face and manage all my feelings which are flooding right now with less impact on my life and get through this period of stress as unscathed as possible, and with as much conscious awareness as I can. Just to live a bit more gently through the storms.
 
Sorrel last decade
There is one remedy running through this entire case, and that is Lachesis, Lachesis and Lachesis :)

Instinctive
Survival oriented
Hyper-vigilance
Worsening from constriction 'have to defend my space'
Delusion laughed at
Delusion despised
Delusion forsaken
Delusion being followed
Discouraged
Suicidal
Fear of men
Rage
Pre-menstrual worsening
Use of nicely chosen words in writing

Just 1 single dose of Lachesis Mutus 200c is what I would advise. This dose is not to be repeated.i.e.,Just take 1 dose and update back in 10 days.

I am almost certain, this will help you.

Good luck !

Sameer
 
sameervermani last decade
Thank you Sameer. That makes sense. :) At one point, it seemed to me from various questions that my ex-homeopath had Lachesis in mind, but then must have discarded it for his own reasons.I don't know why exactly.

Regarding potency. I would be unable to get a hold of 200c until Tuesday afternoon [I work on Saturdays, and homeopathic pharmacies don't open on Sundays here]. I could however get 30c on Sunday though.
Would it be better to wait until I could get the 200c?

I'll await brisbanehomeopath's verdict also.

Thanks. :)
 
Sorrel last decade
Hmm...interesting that the homeopath couldn't see Lachesis here. It is written all over the case. 30c is fine as well. Please follow dosing below.

Three doses of Lachesis 30c to be taken for ONE single day ONLY as described below.

Dissolve 2 pellets of LACH 30c in a 250 ml spring water bottle. If leave the pellets in water for 20 mins, they will melt. You can shake it gently after they have dissolved.

Take a teaspoon from this bottle using a disposable spoon 3 times, spaced by 30 minutes. This is to be done for one day ONLY.

Let us know in 7 days after these 3 doses. I look forward to your response.

Restrictions:

1/. Nothing should enter the mouth for 40 minutes prior to, or after taking the remedy.
2/. Do not touch the tablets with your hands, tip them into the cap of the container they came in and then into the water .
3/. Avoid coffee, tea (including green), and other sources of caffeine such as some fizzy drinks and large amounts of chocolate, except where this would cause a drastic change in consumption
4/. Avoid wearing perfume/aftershave, or exposure to anything with a strong smell on the day and 3 days following the remedy administration. This includes any and all essential oils, and incense.
5/. Avoid the consumption of excessively spicey foods
6/. The use of medicinal herbs, either as 'teas' or supplements should be avoided during Homoeopathic treatment, as should the use of over the counter medication, unless this has been recommended by an MD.
7/. Nothing of a medicinal nature should be applied to the skin

Sameer
 
sameervermani last decade
Actually I probably would prescribe Lyssin first, strangely enough for most of the same reasons! But I saw both remedies appear quite prominently in my analysis. There is no harm in trying one, then reassessing to see if the other is more appropriate.

The difference for me, is the degree of rage between those two remedies. Lyssin is all about rage, when touched, when approached, when mistreated. Lyssin is like the dog thrown in a cage and tortured, it lashes out when people come near, it does not trust anyone. Lyssin can become violent, abusive, they will 'see red' when they experience their rage. Lyssin is well known for harming themselves when angry, they will bite or strike themselves. They are suspsicious, and imagine or feel attacked by those around them, feeling compelled to defend themselves. Lyssin feels 'picked on', harassed, tormented by others, and their response is to 'bite back'. They can barely restrain themselves.

The violent rage, loss of control, desire to harm themselves, the strong feeling of being attacked and aggravation from touch or the close presence of others seems to me a bit closer to Lyssin. Lyssin can look like Staphysagria, with all the indignation and abuse and victimization, but to a much more extreme degree.

I believe that this case needs an Animal remedy, no doubt in my mind. Sameer's analysis and mine are not too far apart from each other. I imagine we will differ at times :)

Just looking at the last post, some of those answers actually nudge me towards the remedy Positronium, which I have had a little experience with. The words I recognize from the proving and the two cases I have had are:-

I lose myself
I dont exist
Invisible
Space
Trapped
Disappear
Annihilate
Collapse
World will end

However, I think that it is more appropriate to go with a more well-known remedy first before even considering a new and quite unusual one.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Thank you both.

I'm going to sleep on it and see where my dreams go with this.

Last night I dreamed that my period had started, quite heavily and suddenly, even though I am only just about mid cycle. Not sure if that helps any!

Lyssin, I have read some on, when I was prescribed Lac. Caninum, and did resonate with that. Also, on a brief research just now, the spitting and saliva business of course connects.. It also has the abuse/abusive connection. There are other elements which resonate, too.
Same with Lachesis, on other levels.

Any recommendations on which might be better to start with?
 
Sorrel last decade
This will always be the problem with seeking advice on the forum. I guess you will just have to make the decision yourself. I can't tell you for sure which remedy will work, until you take it. Sameer and myself are both cautious prescribers so you shouldn't get into too much trouble with either of us :)
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Brisbanehomoeopath
Sameer

In your opinion, what is the root cause of her problems?
 
nawazkhan last decade

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