report on tarantula for what its worth.

this from tarantula 200c -2 doses up until now

-Attention seeking no change.
-More in alignment with myself, or no conflict. So when manipulative (I would rather use the word mischievious) so all is good now and I dont care how this makes me look and appear to myself. I just like being like that for the attention I think (lol). it attracts an audience

- More angry about what people are doing to me in video games, on the street. Even used my cars horn for the FIRST time when someone drove to much in the middle of the street. Totally was to much for me. anger

- Outside it seems eye contact better. Not this CRAZY anxiety around people which makes it impossible to socialize

- more restless around people though. A need to move.

- Music sounds great. More rythmic.

- I am more courageous my mother said by how I often speak against what she wants me to do etc. those type of things.

I am more angry, every game I loose I curse, talk bad to my opponent but more in an attention seeking way I think. No malice. Its like this. I am genuinely angry. Let it out. But than it changes instantly into a 'hey look at me how funny I am, or whatever by my cursing and victim play'. Its like my mind sees that I could be on a 'show' have an audience so the switch happens. There is always genuine anger and hurt in me. Just that a switch happens when I could have an audience