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Crippling Depression/Despair/Fatigue

Hi, I'm new here and hoping someone can point me in the right direction. I have been suffering from depression which I am aware has a lot to do with my mother, but even during the times I have not been around her, I still get into dark moods. For a month, I did yoga and meditated and it helped me greatly, I lost weight during that time as I only ate between 11 - 7 pm and ate healthily.
Now, I am back with my family and my depression/anxiety is back as I am searching for a job.

I know I can ignore their comments and am smart enough, but the depression comes in and I feel no motivation to do anything. I suffered greatly as a child with depression. If it wasnt for my religious faith at the time, my suicidal ideation might have led to something. I believed that college would grant me a better future. But during college, I fought to major in what I wanted, but I received little support emotionally and mentally from my family. Maybe I am more sensitive than I think, but being financially dependent upon them only led to having a lower self-esteem. Professors and friends believe I am incredibly bright, but I screwed myself over during the semesters with apathy creeping in and feeling as though what I did didn't matter. I just liked being around like-minded people and I felt my self-esteem go up. But then the depression would come back and during stressful times, I would completely shut down and shun my work. Run away from it. Absolutely irrational behavior on my part. Intellectually I understood, but physically, I could not get myself to go through it. The stress and burden was a lot. I think it relates to how I felt about my mother's harsh judgments as a child and the criticism. I also grew up with an autistic sibling, so I was one of those children whose parents went to them for advice, and now that I need their support I find nothing but judgment and control. Now it is worse than ever. I have little patience. I get tired and exhausted. It is tough for me to focus. My hair is falling out. I feel like I'm wasting away although intellectually I push myself to work towards getting a job, I still find myself unable to get out of the bed and despairing over it. It is tough for me to cope on my own. I find vestiges of my past bubbling up all over the place and I just want to stop or escape. It's awful, I'm neurotic and over-think everything. It's both a vice and a gift, as the nature of what I was studying requires in-depth analysis. Inside I feel like a free-spirit, but as i've been shamed and shunned my whole life by my mother from being that way, I feel ill-equipped and unable to cope now as an adult. So I get angry, upset, sad, impatient, irritable and easily stressed. I run from everything in which failure will bring me into a dark pit that sets off a chain reaction of failures.

I gained back some of the weight I lost over the summer. and I make efforts to meditate and practice yoga, but with their judgment around, it is tough. Whatever I do, I get teased and criticized for by my mother. I tried to explain to her how I am and how I think and the depression but she does not understand how to cope and work with me. I'm alone in this. Also, I did self-medicate with MJ if that matters and it helped so much during that month, but as I am looking for a job, I have since been clean and am looking for something which can just keep my mood balanced.

Please point me in the direction of something which can at least help uplift my mood and focus on what I need to focus on in order to pull myself out of this. I know I need to continue with introspection and meditation, but I need to focus on attaining work so I can move out and have more time to think and be free with my time.. and to meditate without constant chiding. I am strong when I'm in my element, but these days I feel so fragile mood-wise and I see it hurting my relationships to others.

I'm 23, female, overweight and I try to avoid processed foods. I sleep fine, although lately I stay up because it is the only time I have to myself. I'm taking a prescribed homeopathy mix for my period and cramps which are working thanks to God. I don't know the ingredients. I asked them for something relating to depression, but they told me I should just get married.. haha.

I just want to get my life together than think about those things. I do search out spiritual ways to balance out, but I'm not within the supportive environment which encourages it so it's tough to do so, as I get chided for it.
I work out but the effects are temporary and my anger/despair/apathy/depression comes back. I escape into some fantasy world. The paths I've tried to practically move myself up, my family tore me down from doing. I realize the only way to attain my dreams is to attain a job in the field that my parents approve of. Then I can get a masters on my own. But it's so tough to even muster the motivation to work on this on my own. I feel so underdeveloped and ill-equipped to handle these things and self-doubt creeps in, making sure I fail. Please, please help me in any way that is possible.


Thanks in advance for any advice on this. I know anything that can be prescribed will only treat a symptom and not solve my troubles, but I feel like anything that can help would be beneficial towards the long run. I am open to all kinds of advice. Thanks.
[message edited by eudaimonia on Fri, 09 Nov 2012 20:26:27 GMT]
[message edited by eudaimonia on Fri, 09 Nov 2012 20:27:03 GMT]
 
  eudaimonia on 2012-11-09
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
Hi,

The following additional information is required to help you. Therefore, please do the best you can in providing a detailed and accurate data.

1. ID or Your Name:
2. Age
3. Sex
4. Single/Married
5. weight
6. Height ….
7. country
8. climate
9. List of your complaints

10. Since how long are you suffering from each complaint

11. Diabetic or non-Diabetic
12. Desire sweets/sour/salt
13. Thirst
14. Tongue and Taste
15. Current Blood Pressure (without medicine and with medicine)

16. What exactly is happening?

17. How do you feel?
18. How does this affect you?

19. How does it feel like?
20. What comes to your mind?
21. One situation that had a
big effect on you?

22. How did that feel like?
23. What sensation do you experience in that situation?

24. What are you showing by that gesture of your hand (Habits or Actions)?

25. Important Question.
Current and previous remedies/medicines you are taking or took in the past?

26. Family Background
27. Educational Qualifications of the patient
28. Nature of work, what do you do for living?

29. Desires, likes and dislikes for food
30. Name of foods which increase your problem

31. Important Question.
Mind-behavior, anger, irritability, hurry,
impatient…and so on.. How are you different from other persons, public speaking or not, you can describe all of the details about your behavior, love and affections.

32. Aggravation (increases-time, season,)&
Amelioration (Decreases)

33. Attached here your photographs of the affected area. (if required/optional)
34. Location of the disease
35. Side of the problem (Right or Left), (Upper or Lower part of body)

36. Color of the secretions/discharges e.g
urine, stool, sputum, Saliva etc.

For Females Only

37. When is the period during the month approx date?

Any monthly cycle issues? Regular, early, late, before problems, after problems,
pain, any other discharges?

38. Are you pregnant? If yes, please give pregnancy start date? Any current issues?

Regards
Nawaz
 
nawazkhan last decade
The following additional information is required to help you. Therefore, please do the best you can in providing a detailed and accurate data.

1. ID or Your Name: Eudaimonia
2. Age - 23
3. Sex - female
4. Single/Married - single
5. weight - 180
6. Height …. - 5' 3'
7. country - USA
8. climate - We experience all four seasons, spring, summer, fall and winter
9. List of your complaints

Fatigue, working out momentarily lifts me out of it but I fall back into it
Trouble focusing
Anxiety over facing up to problems
Stressed very easily
I become overwhelmed by a task and the prospect of failing and even while
trying to push myself through it, the looming prospect causes me anxiety and
sometimes I snap and just cannot go through with the task or work (school related)
Sensitive at times
Sad, melancholy, I feel like being happy with cause judgment and I am not
worthy of being happy, especially around my family because for them it is a sign
that I am not working hard enough
Sometimes I lash out at people like lovers and friends and I try to explain myself,
but I just get very sad about it and cry.
I just despair and feel so hopeless at times and do not care
if I get out of bed that day. I could just lie in bed the rest of the day and not
do anything. I feel emotionally empty and then at the end of the day, it is
a viscious circle because not doing anything gets my self value down.
Then when I try to do something, it is not consistent.. when the end
part comes and I have to take the last leap, I just self-sabotage and
go back to despair over the inability in my head to focus and get it done.

At times, my heart literally aches from the state of sadness.
I have a boyfriend but it's tough to be with him because of my family, and
my heart aches too when I think that maybe we're not right for each other although
this self-doubt comes from the depression.

Severe procrastination. I cannot muster enough motivation to sustain myself.
I can't enjoy anythig or see the point of value to the tasks, even if I logically
understand the value. I see myself sabotaging myself.

10. Since how long are you suffering from each complaint

Since I was a child, so I would say 10 years.

11. Diabetic or non-Diabetic - non-diabetic
12. Desire sweets/sour/salt - I love sweets. When I cut sweets out it is better for me, but if I start up again, it's tough to control. Salty foods also
13. Thirst - I don't get too thirsty but for health purposes I drink a moderate amount
14. Tongue and Taste - nothing funky
15. Current Blood Pressure (without medicine and with medicine)
I'm not sure. At one point during the summer, from a combination of stress from the
fighting with my mother and a lot of sweating, my blood pressure was very low. I had to
drink two gatorades to get it back to normal.

16. What exactly is happening?
Depression. Apathy. I can intellectually understand things, but my brain just cannot go
through the effort. My body just doens't want to. Fatigue. No motivation. Emotional outbursts.
Lashing out at people. Not caring about anything and not doing what I need to do.

17. How do you feel?
Tired. Sad. Despair. Wondering if I could ever save myself. If I could ever become enlightened.
If I could ever put all my knowledge to good use. I feel like I'm worthless at times.
Un-productive. Boring. Cold. Remote. Lonely.

18. How does this affect you?

It affects my daily tasks. I just cannot self-motivate myself. I will get it done in bursts,
but then when it comes to actual focus on the tasks, I cannot stay focused. I quickly fall into
escapism.

19. How does it feel like?

It feels awful. Apathetic. Lazy. Totally disconnected from everything.
Momentary enjoyment do not last too long. I quickly fall back into my pit.

20. What comes to your mind?

Negative thoughts. worries. or dreams about a distant future after I accomplish
my goals, but I'm not working diligently towards it to begin with. Like I cannot accept where I am.

21. One situation that had a
big effect on you?

I had a crazy childhood. There was a situation where I feel like I failed my family.
There was a situation when I was 5 where my mother yelled at me for not seeing how
she was upset and for playing with another child. I was running around with another child
while she was on the bed crying about something, she had high-blood pressure I think,
and she was crying and yelled at me for running around and asked me how I could
do such a thing while she was in pain. Also all the marriages my mother went through, divorces,
moving out of the country so she could marry him and things of that nature.


22. How did that feel like?

Instant shame. Confusion. Low self-worth. Guilt. As though I do not matter.

23. What sensation do you experience in that situation?

- Heaviness. The desire to run and hide. Wishing I had a different life.

24. What are you showing by that gesture of your hand (Habits or Actions)?

It's a habit for me to feel guilty for wanting to pursue my own dreams,
and guilty to want to succeed in them. During the semester,
I would go through periods where i was doing fine, and others where I did
not focus on the work and just enjoyed having escaped from living with my mother,
and enjoyed the lectures, but when it came to doing work, I was fearful of
disappointment and failure, so I simply gave up and didn't do my work at the last
minute. Self-sabotage.

25. Important Question.
Current and previous remedies/medicines you are taking or took in the past?

I used to smoke marijuana sometimes to relax, but sometimes I went too extreme
with the relaxing.=Sometimes it helped me work and cope with family,
but other times I fell into escapism. It isn't something I can do now.
I'm currently taking a homeopathy mix for period and cramps.
i do not know what it is made of, but it was to treat my symptoms of severe cramps,
fatigue, and lengthy periods.

26. Family Background - Bangladeshi
27. Educational Qualifications of the patient
Bachelors, but I have one more semester left

28. Nature of work, what do you do for living?
At the moment I am unemployed but searching out a job in IT

29. Desires, likes and dislikes for food
I really enjoy healthy foods. Processed foods make me feel bloated and moody.
I love bread and starches like yams and potatoes. I enjoy fish. Recently, I have been
eating much worse than the month I was mostly by myself and controlling my eating
habits.. at this time I had cut out red meat, but now that I am with my family,
I eat worse. I eat more sugar, more meat, and more white rice as opposed to brown.

30. Name of foods which increase your problem

Sugary foods. I crash from them.

31. Important Question.
Mind-behavior, anger, irritability, hurry,
impatient…and so on.. How are you different from other persons, public speaking or not, you can describe all of the details about your behavior, love and affections.

I have less patience. I get irritated by stupidity. I have an ego attached to intellectualism.
When I love someone, I love deeply. I give a lot to them. I grew up without a lot of
touching and affection, so intimacy is sometimes an issue, but I grew past it and with my
boyfriend I have become more comfortable touching him and hugging, but sometimes I feel awkward
like wanting so much affection is wrong and egotistical so I keep my distance.
I'm quirky, socially awkward. I do enjoy laughter, but again, with my family, I get suppressed
and judged for anything I laugh at or do. I'm a free spirit, I want to travel, I want to do great things. I majored in the humanities, but my family doesn't see the value in it and
will not let me travel to teach abroad because they do not feel it appropriate for a woman to do so. So because of all this judgment, sometimes I am awkward because I want to be freer
and more open but I get worried about being judged. I get very nervous around situations like
dealing with money or bureaucracy or one-on-one time with professors. I get very nervous and
I blank out and feel stupid. I speak without thinking too carefully because I become very self-conscious and focus on that. I have a short temper too.
I feel like I'm more sensitive and take things much more personally than other people.
I don't hold onto grudges but when they occur I get very sensitive.

32. Aggravation (increases-time, season,)&
Amelioration (Decreases)

I get incredibly depressed when the cold/winter sets in. But I am depressed all the time.

33. Attached here your photographs of the affected area. (if required/optional)
34. Location of the disease
35. Side of the problem (Right or Left), (Upper or Lower part of body)

36. Color of the secretions/discharges e.g
urine, stool, sputum, Saliva etc.

For Females Only

37. When is the period during the month approx date?

Around the 28th

Any monthly cycle issues? Regular, early, late, before problems, after problems,
pain, any other discharges?

Pain. I get spotting sometimes before the period and cramping before. Severe PMS
I get very moody, fatigued and emotionally. I get angry and upset easily at these times.

38. Are you pregnant? If yes, please give pregnancy start date? Any current issues?
no
[message edited by eudaimonia on Sat, 10 Nov 2012 07:28:40 GMT]
[message edited by eudaimonia on Sat, 10 Nov 2012 07:34:59 GMT]
 
eudaimonia last decade
Hi,

Please get hold of Lycopodium 200c, Colocynthis 200C, Avena Sativa 6x and Ars Album 200C.

Many prayers for your good health.
 
nawazkhan last decade
Hi NawazKhan,

Thank you very much for the speedy reply.
I will look into these and keep you posted.
How long do these things usually take to kick in? Thank you for your prayers.
 
eudaimonia last decade
Hi -
You need to understand how this works. You don't look
into what Nawaz prescribed for you. These are remedies
he wants you to have on hand and he will tell you
which ones to take, how many times to take, and
how long to take-and when to report back what is
happening with whatever you are taking.

For instance, when you get these delivered, you then
post that you have them. Then at same time you
post your mental and physical state at that time.
THEN- he will tell you - ok take ____x and Y once a day
for 4 days- 2x a day and report back on here what
is the effect. After you report what the effect is-
he may change the dose , he may tell you to take
another remedy and then the same process is repeated.
You report back what is the effect- what are your
mental and physical symptoms.

The case goes in layers- remedies change as your
reports change- and this is not like allopathy-meds.
They release things, you feel better and then see
what is next- it is a progression -Think of it like
building your house of health back up to wellness.

So please order the remedies and then post when
you get them and post your mental and physical
state when you get them and you will be advised
what to start with.
 
simone717 last decade
Hi,

Thanks very much.
I ordered the items and I suppose I will receive them in a couple weeks. I will update once
I receive them. Thanks!
 
eudaimonia last decade
Thanks Simone for explaining the process. May God Bless you.

'I will receive them in a couple weeks'
Great! We will have to look at your state and symptoms at that time and decide on what remedy to start with.

More prayers for your good health.
 
nawazkhan last decade
Hello Dr,

Thanks so much for the encouragement and the help.
You sound like a very kind person.

I've received all the items and am awaiting on instructions.

In terms of how I am feeling..
Thanks to God, I did a wonderful Sufi meditation technique to open the heart and
I feel like it has helped me out

But I would love to continue meditating with the homeopathy because depression comes in and out for me, and my problem is maintaining a balanced mood , as depression seems to be more of the default state than anything else.

Thanks in advance!
[message edited by eudaimonia on Sun, 18 Nov 2012 03:23:21 GMT]
 
eudaimonia last decade
Hi,

Please take Lycopodium 200c, 4 drops mixed in 2 sips of mineral water, One dose every 3rd day, for 2 weeks.

Hold on to other remedies for now.

Many prayers for your good health.
 
nawazkhan last decade

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