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how to increase confidence

I really need to feel more confident in life. I recently lost my job and am looking for a new one. Being in new situations makes me so anxious and shy, I become totally overwhelmed and exhausted and am not representing myself well. I turn very red, and find it absolutely impossible to stand up and speak in front of others. I will get so nervous that I will envision the worst, and be consumed with nerves for days before an event. With people I know well, I am comfortable and talkative and happy. I often avoid situtations with new people or situations due to irrational fears and worries, so I feel I am missing out on life. I hate confrontation or criticism of any sort, it makes me feel like I am dying inside, and I will cry heavily. Hugs and sympathy make me feel better. I have been this timid my entire life. I am overly sensitive to all things-loud noises, smells, and pick up easily on others emotions. So many fears-illness, dogs, heights, others thinking badly of me, etc. Sometimes I feel so fragile, as if this world is to rough and will shatter me.
I want to feel strong and confident.

I am in my early 30s, female, brown hair, blue eyes, pale skin that turns red alot. I was always thin, but I do love to eat alot and will gain weight when stressed. I love sweets, but am much worse for them. Am always very cold, especially feet and hands. Can any homeopathy remedy help me to feel stronger in life? Thank you for reading.
 
  daneo52 on 2005-10-20
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
You sound like a wonderful person; sensitive people are infinetly better company than brash and aggressive people. And a hug to you.

"Alack, alack, that heaven should practice stratagems Upon so soft a subject as myself!" - Shakespeare

In fact we are all soft subjects, though some do a better job of pretending not to ben than others. Fear is a natural response to many circumstances; the knack lies in knowing you're scared, but in making the conscious decision to go ahead regardless.

I'm also a scared of most things type of guy, but my friends wouldn't believe it.

If I'm scared, I ask myself, what is the worse thing that can happen, and is it really that bad? Fear is just another sensation, like hot, or cold. Knowing the reason behind a fear is unreasonable, you'll still feel scared, but it is your choice whether you let that fear change what you're going to do.

Being scared of illness is fine, but how does it affect the way you live? There are illnesses you can do something to avoid, and that's great. From those fears, I suspect you don't smoke and don't drink excessively, but is that really a bad thing? And then there are illnesses you can't avoid. My cousin died of a rare cancer at the age of 19. There is nothing he could have done to avoid it. Nothing. Since then, I've actually been less scared of this sort of thing. It can happen. The odds of it happening are very small, but if it does happen, you have to feel that you've lived the fullest life possible and not have any regretswhen you die.

If you're scared of dogs, try petting a dog - ask the owner first though! Pick your breed too - a labrador would probably be a good start as they're generaly soppy things.

Heights - I had this one too. For me the solution was in climbing at an indoor climbing wall. I climbed sidewards rather than upwards and remained fairly near the ground. I slipped off a few times, on to a crash mat that was just inches beneath my feet, and I was fine. So I climbed higher and higher, and still slipped off now and again, and yes, I was fine each time.

Most people fear others will think badly of them, which is good, as it is one thing that keeps society ethical, but in truth, in an average day, how many people do you really think badly of? And those that you do (if any), do you take an instant dislike because you don't like their haircuts or is it because they've behaved inappropriately? The fact is most people see you through the same sort of eyes; people won't dislike you if you don't give them reason to. And the fact is, in most cases, it doesn't matter what people think!

Confrontation is to be avoided anyway; it does nobody any good. It is rare that a confrontation can't be avoided though. Continue hating it.

Critisism is actually a measure of your worth. If someone take the time to critisize, they must see a lot of merit there anyway. Remember it's what you've done which is being criticised, not you. And the critisism is a lesson which, if there is any truth in it, will help you improve whatever it is you do.

Public speaking is a bit like walking; the first few times you try it, you fall over, but eventually it gets easier. Sadly, the only way to get over it is to do it as much as possible. The answer to this one (and you'll not like this) in my case was to join a amateteur dramatics group and be in a play. Remember, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you when you finaly perform it, you're not you, you're the character you're playing.
 
monza last decade
Thank you so much for your reply. I was having a bad day yesterday, and afterwards felt a bit silly for exposing so much in a post. Most people just tell me I am too sensitive, and I appreciate your helpful suggestions.

I do realize that nothing is ever even close to as bad as my fears. I will follow your advice, and try to do things that I fear more often.
 
daneo52 last decade
Oops! Hit reply too soon. I just wanted to add that there is so much wisdom in your post, it has really brightened my day and given me hope.

And hugs back to you!!!
 
daneo52 last decade
Hi daneo52,

I see me in your post. Glad I could help.

That's the beauty of the internet isn't it? You can say whatever you like in a forum post - nobody knows who you really are!

Let me know how you get on.
 
monza last decade

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Important
Information given in this forum is given by way of exchange of views only, and those views are not necessarily those of ABC Homeopathy. It is not to be treated as a medical diagnosis or prescription, and should not be used as a substitute for a consultation with a qualified homeopath or physician. It is possible that advice given here may be dangerous, and you should make your own checks that it is safe. If symptoms persist, seek professional medical attention. Bear in mind that even minor symptoms can be a sign of a more serious underlying condition, and a timely diagnosis by your doctor could save your life.