Helpless case - tried everything,,

I am a 31 year old woman with extreme mental and physical issues. I have extreme procrastination issues,I don´t clean, don´t take out trash, I always think 'tomorrow''later'.. I HATE showering, I love swimming, but get pain in my muscles when I do it..but to go and shower at home would just not occur.. I just dont do it, I postpone everything. I have extreme OCD i something gets moved in the 'wrong' place. My home is very dirty, but some things feel more 'right' and it needs to be in the right place, and if my son moves something, I get sooo outraged and angry, and become verbally and physically abusive. Afterwards I feel so bad, and get very affectionate and try to make up for it, hug and kiss my kid to console him.. I feel like the worst person alive. I am extremelly sensitive to smell, not fieces and food, but almost every chemical smell is not survivable, I feel like just lying down, my energy just dissapears and it feels like I will vomit, faint, die.. Cigarette smoke is the worst, laundry detergent , softener, I cant be close to people sometimes, I just feel like killing them for being so smelly...I get very angry and bitter, just imagine hitting people , sometimes killing them. My husband left us, and I often imagine killing him or just smashing his head in. More and more often I feel so with my son too,like I hate him, although I love himso very very much, he is my whole life. I get almost insane, clench my teeth,shake my head like a crazy person, sometimes I hit my head in the wall and bang it, sometimes I punch my own head.My son has only me, and this is what he has to live every day :-( I feel like giving him up and taking my own life. His father does not want to be a part of his life, so I am all alone. I have been exposed to mold in pregnancy, and my health got bad afterwards. I hate the feel of washed clothes, so I just wear clothes until they get too dirty and then I trow them out and buy new ones, only some new clothes dont bother me. I cannot wear underwear, and have not been able to do so since I was very small child. Lately I have very toxic lever, bad kidneys and very high pulse,but it might be because I eat bad food. My OCD and obsessive thoughts get better if I eat, while I am eating I feel relief. I am a bit overweight, but I rarely eat anything usually, I dont feel hunger, I just eat sweets every night when my OCD kicks in. I have OCD usually during the day too, but at the night I have to lye down, and the sheets need to be perfect so I go crazy, and get better when I eat sweets. It kills my body though.. I have slo thyroid, and my fibromyalgia is a bit better, but still hurts when i sit somewhere where is soft, like a soft sofa or a bed.. I HATE cold whether, and draft, I am always cold, and love to be in a warm room. I hate warm water and juice tho, love cold water, and warm food. I really feel like killing myself, everything smells so awful and strong, I blame everybody else so I am so angry,and get so aggressive and violent, I live in a dump due to my postponing, and although I am highly intelligent and creative, my life is in ruins.. I smell, needless to say, so many friends are gone and I am so scared that I will hurt my son or that we will get some disease. I can´t live like this anymore, and doctors cannot do anything.. My nrevous system is crushing down, everything is too much.. I rarely cry, only after a rage episode, for feeling bad for being such a bad mother.. I am so sorry for the long post, but had to explain.. Here are the answers to this:


1. Describe your main suffering? Hate smells, feel like fainting when exposed to detergent or smoke smell, feel like throwing up, loss o energy, get very angry, can´´ tolerate any smoke smell, cant sit or be near it.. Violent, insane, OCD, get very angry at somebody who moves anything, blame things on others, get very mad, violent, abusive, procrastinate extremely, don´´ like the feeling of being clean, hate washed clothes against my body, can´t wash clothes, don´t shower,clench teeth in anger all the time, EXTREMELY lazy and postpone everything, feel suicidal, not sad, just tired of living like this, can´t cope, can lye in the same spot for hours, hate even moving an inch, don´t even go to the toilett, just hold it in so I dont have to move..

2. What other physical sufferings do you have in your body?
fibromyalgia, kidney pain, thirsty alot, very tired after eating, sometimes pain in my breast when I lye on the left side, beginning diabetes,hairy (genetics),sometimes painful joints,
3. What mental sufferings / feelings do you have associated with your physical sufferings?
OCD, postponing it all, laziness extreme, violence,r age, anger, suicidal thoughts

4. What exactly do you feel when you are at your worst? Describe the sensation in your own words.

Like I want to kill someone, clenching my teeth, aaa I want to scream, yell, swear, abuse someone, when I smell smoke I feel the same,want to abuse and kill whoever is responsible (not if I know that the person will smoke,just if the smell comes suddenly,, (hate being suddenly touched too, get pain directly, and get very angry..) I just feel like throwing up, smoke and detergent is the worst smell ever, just feel like my energy runs out completely, I feel like I am going to fall down and die, then I get so angry and start swearing and clenching my teeth. I hate everyone I feel is to blame at that moment. Same if someone moves something and it feels wrong, I feel like crazy, I go really really mad and crazy When the clothes feels wrong on the body, I just want to die, scream, rip everything stamp on it..
5. When did it all start? Can you connect it to any past event or disease?

Clothing began when I was maybe 2 years old, smells bothered me by the time I was 14, I had rage fits and anger since little, but became abusive by 15..Not to a disease, but we did move a lot, and I had horrible relation with my parents. When my last boyfriend lost his respect for me and became mean, I stated punching myself. I became abusive towards my husband during pregnancy when he would do the opposite o what I asked of him, I just hate when people do things against my will, I just get very angry.. My husband did never do what I asked him to, did opposite things of what I asked on purpose (I get angry when I feel somebody is stupid too..) SO when I am not treated the way I feel is ok, I get very mad, and now I have been treated poorly for years.. and my anger does not go away. I feel like I will kill somebody, or myself.

6. Which time of the day you are worst?
No worst time, If I wake up and feel like something is not right, like the sheets, I get mad straight away. I hate everything, all the time.

7. What are the things which aggravate your suffering and which are those which ameliorate the same? Example- time, temperature, pressure, rubbing, washing, eating, tight clothing etc.
I hate being cold, but it does not make it worse. When I walk around, shop, and something like this, if I meet people and talk to them.. If people close to me try to accommodate me I get even worse and more mad. Strange people or friends and conversations with them help. I feel like eating makes it better, if nothing bothers me I feel great..When I have fibro, and when my muscles hurt it helps to put a lot of pressure to that spot, or to have somebody hit it very hard repeatedly.Othervise, it is always the same, only depends if everything feels 'right'

8. Do your think your sufferings have relation to any external stimuli (like, change of place) or any internal biological changes in the body, like, menses (in females)? Yes, always external stimuli,if the sheets are not the way I want, my oCD is always depending on things I have no control over.. same with smells, when things change place, but my reactions depend on if I am alone, if nobody else is around, if people are looking or hearing..I can control it better when others I like are around..

9. When do you feel better, during hot weather or cold weather, humid or dry weather?

No idea, I never feel better, but if it is sunny I feel a bit better I guess.

10. Describe your general mental set up? Are you Moody, Arrogant, Mild, Agreeable Changeable, Nervous, Suspicious, Easily offended, Quiet, Arguing, Irritating, Lazy etc.
I can be happy, joyus, enthusiastic one second, and then see or feel something that is 'wrong', then I in seconds become abusive, agressive, angry, I can be moody, but not sad,not arrogant, very changable, talkative, sensitive to comments, easily offended, arguing with strangers, sometimes agreeable with friends, arguing with close family,,irritated sometimes, angry alot, very very lazy

- How do you feel before or during a thunderstorm?
no change, not afraind, don´´ love it either, same..

- Do you like being consoled during your tough times?

YES, if I don´t get consoled I get angry and even more sad, I can start crying more, but it feels good..
- Are you sensitive to external stimuli like smell, noise, light etc?
EXTREMELY sensitive to smell, especially smoke and detergents , softeners and chemicals. Perfumes are ok strangely enough, even fiences, urine, just chemicals and smoke, some tea sorts and some coffeecan bother me too.
- Do you have any typical habit or gesture like nail biting, causeless
Weeping, talking to one self etc?

clench teeth, hair plocking, acne picking
- How do you feel about your friends, family, your children and especially your husband / wife?
I love all o them, but also get very angry at amily, and hate husband , want to kill him , fantasize of crushing his head, hitting him etc. My son I adore unless he moves something he is not supposed to, then I hate him and feel like abusing him verbally and physically- I do the same with my mother and father, I can´t be close to them, feel like I cannot breath if they are in the same room and get mad whatever they say. I feel bad afterwards.

11. What are your fears and do you dream of any situation repeatedly?
No fears, just fear of rejection. I don´t dream of any situation repeatedly, I hardly ever dream.

12. What do you crave for in food items and what are your aversions?
I like sweets, not really a foody, but like bread, potatoes, rice, don´t like meat, especially red and not done meat, hate cooked or grilled corn and potato pie.

13. How is your thirst: Less, Normal or Excessive?

eccessive

14. How is your hunger: Less, Normal or Excessive?

usually less, but sometimes excessive

15. Is there any kind of food which your body can’t stand?
not that I know of..

16. Is your sweat normal or less or more? Where does it sweat more: Head, Trunk or Limbs?

trunk..gueass normal.

17. How is your bowel movement and stool type?

usually normal, very loose just lately

18. How well do you sleep? Do you have a particular posture of sleeping? fall asleep on my back, avoid sleeping, postponing it almost, sleep very good when I fall asleep, but I have constant lack of sleep, fall asleep in the morning, sleep until the noon at least, or don slepp at all and then fall asleep in the middle of the day

19. Do you think you are able to satisfy your sexual desires in general?

yes, by myself

20. Do you have any strange, peculiar or unusual symptom or feelings? How are you different from others?

Nothing is really normal with my symptoms. I am crazy,

21. What medications have been taken earlier by you to treat the diseases and do you have any particular symptom surfacing after the medication?

no, but RHogham vaccine and some antifungal pill, maybe connection with my conditions.
22. What major diseases are running in your family?
heart disease, canfer, veins, bad joints.

23. Describe, how do you look like? Describe your overall appearance.
(For Females)

I used to model, but have now gained weight, avarage hight, pretty face, brown-green eyes, dark hair, very light skin, easily sun-burned.
24. If your menstrual cycles are not normal, please describe the irregularities, like pains, moods, flow type, clots etc.

3 -4 days, clots sometimes, very irregular, very very light, almost like I am already in menopause, used to be heavy, always have been irregular, never know when it is coming, no moods, and have never been in pain from it. Was prescribed ignatia amara and then the pain started,during last period. Ignatia did not suit me AT ALL:

25. What major diseases have you had in your life and when. Please write them in a chronological manner.

Lugn infections and pneumonia 4 times until 10 yearas old, removed tonsils at 7, never been sick that I know of except various lung diseases, lugn fungus by 27, then bad joints, fibro, bad back, toxic and fatty liver, bad kidneys, some heart issues, all last year, also hypothyroid and strange hormone levels last year, and this year, nervous system failure, toxic colon, PCOS all last year with beginning diabetes.. seems like there is no hope. My homeopath has no idea what she is doing, she just keeps repeating ignatia when I get more and more symptoms with it, kidneys got bad again, mens pains, got more aggresive etc.. Is thee any hope, can someone help?