Sores and Paranoia- Classic Homeopath Opinion

I would like help finding constitutional treatment from a classic homeopathic standpoint. I am a 31 year old male, married with a kid on the way. (due 10/24) I have been having very difficult time with mental symptoms, and most particularly physically sores all over my body that I pick at when stress increases. I'd really like help getting healthy so that I can support my wife and child the best that I can. I would really appreciate it if Evocationer would be willing to look over my case??
Thanks in advance. Here's my questionnaire...


MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL DESCRIPTION



(Please spend the most time on this section and give DETAILED answers - the homeopathic remedy is very often decided on the basis of the mental and emotional state of the patient !)


1. What are the issues in your life that bother you the most. Not physical issues but mental or emotional ones. List each one separately and describe why each one bothers you so much.
-I feel like people are lying to me when I'm fairly certain they're not. Like I feel like my heart and brain are telling me they're telling me the truth but my gut is telling me that they're lying to me, and I've always been able to trust my gut before.
-Secondary to that would be how poorly I handle stress. Specifically when things are asked of me I become overwhelmed very easily and feel like I'm being buried underneath a pile of too much, and I start getting very tense feeling, to the point where my lower back and almost like my kidneys feel like they're being squeezed...like stabbing pain. But if I can find a way to alleviate that feeling of being overwhelmed then the tension and pain almost immediately goes away completely.

2. What emotions are the most troublesome for you? What situations provoke these emotions. How do these emotions make you act? Do you feel any ill effects from expressing or not expressing these emotions.
-Pain and desperation. When someone misunderstands me and takes things I've said or done in a bad way when I thought I was clearly doing and saying them in a good way. When people just don't understand what I"m trying to say or do and the motivation behind it. They make me act anxious, panicked and extremely desperate for understanding and sympathy. If I don't express them I start to get very angry and just become quiet but very explosively angry, and when I let it out, if I don't get sympathy and understanding then the anger grows even further until I either give up from exhaustion, or the other person finally understands at least that I'm freaking out and need some understanding, whether they truly understand or not.

3. What incidents in your life have had a deep impact on you? Describe each incident in detail and how they made you feel? What did you do in those situations? What effect have they had on your life?
-At age 18 I found out just how important it was to stick up for the people that you love, even if you're being peer pressured. Because a bunch of my friends wanted me to hang out and party with them when the same night I was supposed to be spending special time with my girlfriend and I chose to hang out with the guys and the way that I did it was very painful to the girl and I was very weak for doing it that way, and when I saw how badly it hurt her and how badly she was crying I broke down and was crying just as badly because I realized her pain. That has stuck with me since then.
-at age 31 my little brother was talking about someone that I cared about very much in a derogatory way and I did not like it but kept my mouth shut. The following day he texted me and said he appologized for getting "heated", when I didn't care about the emotions shown, but I very much cared about what he said, so I told him exactly how crappy I thought that was and how I thought he needed to apologize to the other parties involoved, and although I thought I did this in a very mild and way and as gently as I could, he proceeded to hit me with a barragge of insults and deeply hurtful things that had happened in the past years that I thought he had forgiven me about. I felt completely blown away by his reaction, surprised by his reaction, and could not fire back because I felt there was no way I was going to let myself fall down to that hurtful of a level and hurt my little brother like that and so I just did not answer any of the dozen texts that he hit me with. It made me feel incredibly misunderstood, hurt worse than I have ever been in my life, and very angry all at the same time. It has made me question if my other family members feel this way about me and my life choices, and it has made me question myself fundementally. And it has definitely made me lose my confidence in myself, which I need for my work and for my pregnant wife, that I very much wish to support. The way that I coped with that was to dive further into work and keep myself unbelievably busy, almost to the point of health problems.

4. What are you afraid of? Especially important are phobias, but it might be objects, situations or events that just produce a high level of anxiety. How do you manage your fears? How do you react when confronted with these fears? What would be the worst situation for you to be put in that would provoke these fears? You may need to talk about each fear/anxiety separately.
-worst fear that has plagued me my whole life: the general idea of this fear is having the ability to save someones life but not acting fast enough, this fear specifically has been pointed towarsds my family and loved ones my whole life, to the point that I used to have very bad chronic nightmares, specifically about me and my family camping in the desert and we're all standing by the edge of a cliff, throwing rocks down at a lake, when someone slips and I can't get to them fast enough. And that's usually when I wake up, feeling like I"m falling with them.
-number two fear would have to be specifically my mom or my dad dying, but really any one of my family members that I grew up with. I really don't know if I would be able to handle it. I deal with it by not thinking about it. I can barely talk and I cry when confronted with these fears.
-number three, I do have a slight fear of the dark, not necessarily the dark itself, but who or what could be hiding in it, with bad intentions. The way that I deal with it is to move erattically so as to confuse anyone or anything tracking me, and watch my back and listen very intently for any signs.

5. What hobbies do you have? Why do you like each of these activities?
-It is very hard for me to define just one or two hobbies, really I like to build things with my hands, small or large, any material. I just work well with my hands, and I feel very good about building things. If there was anything in my life that I could say has stuck with me long enough to be considered a hobby, it would have to be a broad spectrum of health and fitness education. To sum it up as far as hobbies, I am always shifting. When I'm done feeling accomplished in one I find a new one. IE, recent ones have been -refurbishing a hunting rifle, building a "street fighter" style motorcycle, at the moment I am enjoying building custom electronic cigarette coils, trying for competition level quality.
Now, that I'm thinking about it, fishing has always been a mainstay. Fishing, camping, and anything outdoors. It's a mess, but that's me. All over the place. I like to always be busy, I guess.

6. Do you have any persistent thoughts, ideas or beliefs that are difficult to stop or cope with? What are they?
-That I'm being talked about behind my back.

7. Do you have any unusual gestures or movements of the body? Do you feel any unusual sensation or pain throughout your body? What exactly does it feel like is happening in your body?
-Kind of intense swift hand gestures, and their intensity grows as my anger grows, and as far as any sensations, I would say that an unusually tight clenching of glut.max. and intense tightening of my lower back muscles with kind of a dull stabbing pain around kidney area.

8. When you experience your fears, persistent thoughts, or difficult emotions, what kind of sensation or reactions do you get in your body?
-mostly in the evening, mostly when I"m at home, and mostly when I feel misunderstood and when I'm exhausted.

9. When did you feel at your best in your life? What was that like for you? If you imagine the complete opposite of this feeling or moment, what would that be like?
-I felt the best probably when I was between the ages of 16 and 19; I was very healthy, I worked out weight training and had a very good diet. I had a little bit of anxiety about growing up and becoming a responsible adult, but all in all I would say that was a mild feeling, and normal at that age. All in all I felt pretty good and pretty optimistic about life at that point.
The opposite of this feeling would be feeling run down, feeling like I"m not enough and feeling like I have too much on my plate and can never get it all done no matter how hard I work at it.

10. Do you feel like you are stuck in a pattern of behavior, especially when trying to deal with your problems? What is this pattern? THIS IS AN IMPORTANT QUESTION PLEASE CONSIDER CAREFULLY AND GIVE DETAILS.
-The main problem is how I cope with the stress. I would say that it makes me have somewhat of a selfish attitude no matter how much I try not to be selfish, I find myself being selfish in social environments and I would say I resort to coping mechanisms, IE abusing narcotics, nicotine, caffeine, semi-self destructive behavior.

11. What difficulties or problems do you have in relationships? Talk about your family, your romantic relationships, your spouse or partner, your friends, and your work colleagues. You may need to talk about all of these separately.
-The main thing that is consistent with all of those seems to be that I feel as though I am being helpful and just giving humble advice or sharing experiences that I have learned from and what I learned, but most often based on their reactions, I come off as the "know it all" type, and puffed up with pride.

12. List 5 positive things about yourself. Are there any situations where this positive attribute becomes negative (is a problem)?
-big time number one is my ability to put myself in other peoples shoes. I have been told all through my life that they don't understand how I can be so understanding, and know exactly how they feel, as if I'm taking the words right out of their mouth, but yet it can be the worst thing for me sometimes because I can't shut it off, and so even when someone hurts me I find myself caring more about their feelings than my own.
-I'm good at reading people.
-I'm good at working with my hands
-I have a crystal clear visual memory, almost photographic
-An extreme sensitivity to other people's emotions, which can greatly overshadow and cancel out my own emotions in the blink of an eye.

13. List 5 negative things about yourself. Are there any situations where this negative attribute becomes positive (is useful)?
-trust issues.
-impatient
-selfish
-procrastination
-not in the generic way, but controlling. As in controlling certain situations to save others from being hurt in various ways.

14. Do you have any reoccurring dreams? Describe them in detail, including any feelings that come while dreaming. Dreams are very important in unlocking the deepest truth of a patient’s case, but it is not enough to simply describe them in a sentence. Give as much information as you feel comfortable doing.
-I have not had any dreams for quite some time, but the only reoccurring dream that I can think of, starting from when I was very young, I had a dream that I would wake up in my room and the house had a very warm soothing but creepy thick feeling; dark but not totally dark just kind of dim warm lighting. And as I would walk through the hallway towards the living room where I knew my parents were, the appliances in the bathroom, like the toilet and washing machine, would come alive as I was passing in slow motion, and they would try to get me. The lid on the washing machine would be opening and closing like a mouth with teeth, and the toilet would also be opening and closing like a mouth with a lot of teeth, and they would be kind of lurching towards me and in a dream i always felt as though I could not move fast enough to get to my parents before the machines got me from behind. and right about the time that either I would make it to my parents or the machines would be inevitably close enough to get me, I would wake up, very very upset and very scared. and I would hide under the covers until I fell asleep again.
- In the later years, I would dream about my family being around the cliff, as mentioned in previous question. The family member would always change, but the cliff and the location was always the same, and the scenario of having a good time and throwing rocks. In the dream I was always in the back of the group, and when someone started to get too close to the edge, it would start to move in slow motion just at the same time that I would start running for them, and i could never make it, no matter how desperately how hard I tried or how fast I could run, knowing that I could not run fast enough to save either one of us. Its just a feeling of intense desperation. And then I usually wake up right before we hit the ground, with that very very real feeling of your guts being up in your throat and gasping for air and like grabbing the bed with a big jerk.

15. Did you have any reoccurring dreams as a child, or earlier in your life? Describe those in detail including any feelings that came with them.
-answered above.

16. What were you like as a child, your character, your personality, your fears, your dreams, your problems?
-very shy, very mild mannered, but definitely had a sneaky and witty side that I would only let a few people see. fears would have to be having to be on my own, and was I going to be a good man when I was grown up? as far as dreams, nothing really stands out, except that I wanted to be healthy, and happy, and never forget how to have fun. My problems were I had to be homeschooled from 2nd grade on, because my parents thought that I was getting sick at public school too much, when in reality it was probably more so me playing sick cause I didn't want to go to school.

17. What kind of environment did you grow up in? What problems where there at home, with your family, with your parents, with your siblings, with school?
-my environment was low income, but always provided for well; very loving but at times very volatile and heated between parents. problems with sibling would be my second to oldest brother was not around a lot, but when he was around i had very mixed feelings because on one hand he was the coolest guy in the world to me, but on the other hand he scared me more than anyone because of some very violent behavior from him and fights between my dad and him involving my mom. I loved his guitar playing and his cool car, but his angry outbursts would make me hide, if I thought he was going to be angry about something. As far as school goes, I was always very skinny and athletic, but lacking confidence to use my attributes so I ended up getting bullied just because they knew they could get away with it.

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GENERAL SYMPTOMS

(Symptoms that don’t fit anywhere else, but are things that tend to affect all of you as a person, but are not emotions or thoughts)

1. Sleep - what position do you tend to sleep in?
*on my back with arms straight down or above my head.

- what position can you not sleep in?
*I can sleep in any position, but have trouble with either side.

- do you do anything unusual in your sleep?
*sometimes I talk about work in my sleep, or just babble nonsense right as I'm falling asleep, to the point where sometimes I catch myself and ask, "what the hell was I just saying?!"
- any problems with going to sleep, staying asleep, or waking up?
*I have always had problems waking up, never had problems staying asleep. recently have had a very hard time falling asleep. Have a hard time falling asleep before 2 AM.

2. Appetite - What foods do you crave/desire strongly?
*spicy/vinegary, very much. salty, sweet, greasy, crunchy things.
- What foods do you hate eating (have an aversion to)?
*honestly the only food that i can think of right now that I would not like to eat right now, would be blood sausage. Other than that, I love a wide variety of foods. (but I'm not overweight)
- What foods have a negative effect on you or cause symptoms?
*mostly greasy foods.
- What foods have a positive effect on you or seem to improve your health or symptoms in some way?
*Spicy foods, salads with a lot of vegetables, high protein meals.

- What is the effect of hunger or fasting on you?
*when hunger first hits me, if I don't eat right away my stomach will start to feel like it is twisting and trying to find food, and then if I go past that, then I start getting very hyperactive in a very anxious way, almost as if I am trying to carry an extra amount of air in my lungs, and sometimes find myself walking around on my tippy toes.
3. Thirst - What drinks do you crave/desire strongly?
*I have always been a huge milk drinker, and sweet drinks.
- What drinks do you hate to take (are averse to)?
*unflavored water.
- When are you most thirsty?
*in the evening, and while active.
- When are you least thirsty?
*in the morning.

4. Stool - Do you have any problems with your bowels or passing stool?
- What is the shape, color, odor of the stool?
*at this point I would say nothing unusual to note. No problems.
It varies depending on what I eat; if anything I would say sometimes that the food is not digested fully, but thats a pretty mild symptom if at all.

5. Urine - Do you have any trouble passing or retaining urine?
*no problems, passing or holding.
- What is the color, odor of the urine?
*normal odor, color is golden to clear depending on fluid intake.
- Do you have any sediment or debris in the urine?
*No.

6. Sweat - How do you feel about the amount of perspiration you have?
*average to high amount of sweat, but unusually high in the warm months, and very irritating in spring and fall when it's the most muggy, and it doesn't take much mugginess.
- Where do you have the most sweat?
*my head, by far, chest, and groin.
- What is the odor?
*I've always thought it smelled like yellow onions, but my sister always told me that it smelled like vinegar.
- What color does it stain clothing?
*yellowish brown. mostly in armpits and around neck.
- Does anything in particular cause you to sweat abnormally?
*no. just activity.

7. Sexuality - Any problems with your sexual desire?
*no.
- Any problems with your sexual ability or function?
*stress affects me in a negative way; I cant seem to get my head out of stress mode, and I have no desire at that time. Sometimes I have an unusually low amount of control in lasting as long as I want to.
- Any history of sexually transmitted diseases?
*I have the strain of herpes that is spread from coldsores, but have had only one outbreak in the last 15 years on genitals.
......
9. Environment – How does the weather affect you?
*I prefer cold and dry, but my skin does not. It dries my skin out and causes cracked hands and dry scalp. Summertime the heat is very uncomfortable and drains me of energy. I find it hard to keep up with liquid intake, but my skin seems to appreciate the sun, it's much more healthy in the summertime. and it seems to heal quicker then, too. I very much dislike muggy weather.
- How does the temperature affect you?
*Cold is good, hot is not. My appetite is greatly increased with the cold and greatly decreased with warm weather.
- How does the season affect you?
*mild winter depression. and summertime my mood is great but I feel as though I don't have enough energy, not as much as when its cold.
- What physical activities affect you?
*I like lifting weights, but dislike running, or jogging.
- Is there anything else in the environment you are sensitive to?
*I feel like I get a very positive charge of energy and almost a fluttery feeling in my chest and gut, when the temperature drops with a warm breeze and I can tell that a big storm is coming in the next few hours. It's a very exciting feeling, but faded by the time the storm rolls in.
10. Anything else you feel is important that hasn't been covered by previous questions?
*one thing that had a large impact on me as explained by my mother was that in childbirth I was strangled by the umbilical cord when I came out I was blue and not breathing, but for the first year of my life and ongoing through infancy, if anyone or anything touched my neck I would hold my breath turn bright red, until I turned blue, then gasp for air, and then go into a very aggressive tantrum/crying fit.