sexual fantasies HELP

My problem is quite long but please read and help me out.

I born in the divided family where nobody cared me, in age 5-6 somebody involved me into sexual fantasies, all I cared about sexual fantasies and no future and education, when I was 23 I found a true relation for marriage, the girls still loves me a lot and she is still willing to marry me after 5 years (she is holding up for me and she trust me a lot).

I live with brother and sister in law, my sister in law seduced me a lot and wanted to have sex with me, I get very excited, I wasn't too sharp kid, I left my true relation, once she noticed that i am not in relation anymore she started pushing me away, when I get angry she manipulated me again and again.

Meanwhile she were having sex with her husband and later tell me, I said do it with me she totally refused, I was young and I started pornography for hours, after that I started torturing my self, when torture also doesn't satisfied me I put on some insect who bite my penis, the quantity of insects got more overtime, my sister in law knows everything I told her but she did nothing and said go find another girl to have intercourse, I asked her to masturbate me but she refuses.

3 months ago I called the girl I loved and we settled out our mistakes and we are now together, my sister in law said you don't love me anymore and you are going to that bitch again, remember when she left you I were there for you.

I totally left my sister in law and I am very happy with my would be.

Now the problem I am facing, I don't have control on anything because I am to weak internally and because I masturbate over 12 years and 5-40 times a day.
If I decide not to watch pornography, my mind is too weak to remember anything, whenever I wake up (like I am brainwashed) I forget all my aims and start watching it for hours and keep allowing the insects to bite me, I have many many wounds on my penis and some of them are not recovering from everyday insect bites.

I write many notes, many reminders on my mobile, writing down daily routine but it didn't helped me stop, I have thrown the insect many times but the very next day I catch them back, I am keeping the insects at home, they are getting more over time.

I was too shy and afraid to tell it to anybody but now I am doing it.

Is there a way to get out of this mess or I should kill my self ? because the life I am living doesn't take me anywhere, I don't do any work, don't care for anyone, only I care about my sexual fantasies pornstars and their bodies.
I am stupid person who don't care of anyone, have no mind to think of his own, what others say I usually do it, no self resistance, no self respect and no dignity.

Best Regards,
anonymous2