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Hello,

I was hoping I can get help with something that I do not have a diagnosis for but will describe.

I have tried so many things over the years, gone to homeopaths, doctors, etc, and have not found anything to get rid of this problem or cure it.

I hope that if I describe my issue or issues well enough, that I can get help here and see an improvement and get the right constitutional remedy selected that will help.

A few years ago, I started having really severe and serious issues. It was the first time in my life that I had swallowing issues or difficulty swallowing, and I was only 25 or 26 years old!!! I am now 30 years old.

I am going to give some background first before I start describing the symptoms. I will tell you about my life around that time, before then, and even my whole life since I was a kid.

I will start with my childhood. I had a very good childhood, loving family, things were fine, no serious problems to speak of. I have always though, been skinny! You could say and it would be accurate, that I was underweight, according to other people and doctors too when I was a kid. I was always fed well, not neglected in terms of food, my parents always wanted me to gain weight, especially my mom, that's how it is in our culture, so I was definitely told to eat a lot.

I didn't always eat all my food. Sometimes I would, but usually not. I always wanted to go play. I would eat a little and feel that it was enough and want to go play.
As I got older, I started putting on weight, but as I got taller I was still skinny. So, into my teens, I was skinny and everyone said it, so it's not just me who thinks that or just my family who thinks that. As I got into college age, I started to eat more and gained weight and looked better. The best I looked in my life is college, after 18 years old, and around my early 20s, around 22 or something. I was bigger and fatter than I had ever been.

However, even though I gained weight and looked good, according to me and others, and maintained a normal, healthy weight, it still seemed low to most people. I live in the US and people here are in general much bigger and it is normal. Even in our culture, I am Armenian, it is normal to be bigger and not skinny. So, I was always told I was thin and should gain weight.

It was around this time though, age of 22, that I had serious problems. I would say the most serious in my life and I think this might have led to disease. I was working in my line of work, which is Information technology. I was going to college and working part time in IT. So, around the age of 21, I was in my third year of college, which was stressful enough, and started work part time in IT, which was stressful too. After I graduated from college, I worked full time at the same company.

I didn't like working there, I didn't like what I was doing with my life in terms of the career, I didn't feel fulfilled, I wanted to pursue Music, becoming a song writer and a singer. This is basically a very difficult dream to accomplish but it's what I wanted and felt right. I don't need to tell you how hard that is, that it's a one in a million kind of thing to get into, etc, so a lot of pressure put on myself. The point is I was not happy with my life and what I was doing.

During this time, I had lost a lot of friends and felt alone. Only my family was what kept me from not feeling completely lonely and they kept me happy. So, I lacked motivation at work, I didn't like where I was working, but lacked motivation to even change to go somewhere else. When I told my parents about my dreams and goals, they didn't like it and weren't supportive. I felt horrible after this but still kept at it. Then I lost my job at that company where I did IT.

I was fired. I wasn't completely surprised since I didn't like it there and didn't want to be there anyway. However, I felt that I failed my family because they were disappointed. I also felt disappointed at the people who I worked with and felt that I wasn't treated right. Also, even worse, was that I felt like a failure because I had not accomplished my dreams.

After losing my job, I was unemployed for a year. It was a horrible time. I lived at home with my parents, felt like a failure, depressed, tried to find work that whole time but it was hard, I felt like I wanted to kill myself, even though I would never do that. I just felt dead inside. I promised myself and my parents that I would never let this happen again once I get a job again. I got a job again at the age of 23 in IT. However, I quit after a few months because I felt like I should dedicate myself to music, learn music during the day and create at night, go to school during the day and make music at night.

However, my parents did not feel this way and were not supportive at all just like before. They felt that I should work and music is just a hobby that I can do at nights after work and that it should not be taken seriously. My plan was to work during the day and take classes at night, but the classes I needed were not available at night and a lot of them were cut completely and not available at nights. I felt like it was so UNFAIR!! Like life was so UNFAIR!! I needed a music education, even though I knew how to play a little piano, but needed more to learn how to compose or write songs. I was willing to work and learn at the same time but it didnt work out that way.

That is the reason why I quit my job so I can learn in schools during the day. I took whatever classes I could over the years, and I worked a little here and there. I tried to learn through private teachers as well. The point is that my family was unhappy with me and disappointed and that really affected me A LOT! They mean a lot to me, everything, and when there disappointed in me, I beat myself up, I was unhappy, depressed, felt dead inside, felt horrible, like a failure, like I let them down.

So, with my career being unstable, and my parents acting like this, lack of emotional support, etc, I felt like I had given up on life, like I was dead at the age of 25. I was mad at them and stopped caring what they think, but it still affected me and I was depressed more than ever in life. I felt betrayed by them too. I got into so many arguments with them, fights, yelling etc, trying to get them to understand about me and what I wanted from life and what they were doing to me. They were killing me, as if I didn't have enough problems in life to deal with, they made it worse instead of trying to make it better, trying to help me.

It was around this age, about 25 or 26, that I started to eat less. I felt SO GUILTY, being at home and not doing anything and I couldn't get food down or eat. Like I lost appetite and I heard horrible things from them everyday, especially my mom which affected me a lot. My dad doesn't talk much, he says let him do whatever he wants with his life. It's more neglectful than anything.

The guilt that I had and the feeling of being a failure, affected me so much. This is around the time I started to have swallowing issues. Around this time, there was also once where I had a serious feeling of a BALL in my THROAT, or HUGE LUMP in the THROAT. It felt SO REALL. It lasted like a few days to a week. I didnt know what the hell it was. Never felt that before. I told my parents and they didnt even care. I went to an allopatic doc who said it was just stress. Figure out what the stress is and get rid of it. It felt so real that I didnt even think that it was in my head or caused by stress.

However, he was right though. I started calming down, not letting thoughts consume me, negative ones, taking baths and it passed. The first time I felt it though, I was so scared!! Because I thought something was in my throat, like a choking feeling almost and that food would not PASS!! However, I had to eat, so I tried and it went down, but it felt SO WEIRD. Like how could it pass?? So, after that week, that BALL IN THROAT feeling passed.

But things got worse later, I didnt get the ball in throat anymore, but I had difficulty swallowing. I started noticing it a lot when I was depressed at home and my family would go out. It just started happening out of nowhere, even when I was eating and they were home, I felt food getting stuck in my throat. During the time you swallow, like after you swallow, its supposed to go down, but it felt like a little piece of food would get stuck at the throat. This got progressively worse and worse.

I imagined that maybe one of these times, when I swallow, I will choke. I have never choked in my life, never really worried about it until this started happening, these symptoms. I was so SCARRED!! of choking and NO ONE CARED. My family didnt know what to think of it. I didnt go to any docs because I felt that they would say the same thing, its in my head and to reduce stress. But it wouldnt go away no matter what. My parents said, I dont know, go to a doctor. They didnt really seem concerned or cared. Like there thinking, why would a young 25 or 26 yr old have that? Hes crazy or something? Thats what I was thinking too!!

Every time my family left the house and left me alone. I was so scared and anxious that I would choke. So, I barely ate!!! and sometimes ate in fear and didnt enjoy meals anymore!!! I started gradually losing weight!! I was already low in weight, first because Ive always been skinny my whole life like I mentioned before!! Then because of all the sadness, feeling worthless, etc, and worse now because of them!! My future seemed dark, hopeless, felt like I didnt deserve to EAT or LIVE!! In other words, you cant live without eating... So I think this happened because of that and this fear of choking caused me to not eat. Only a little bit to survive. I even taught myself the Heimlich maneuver just in case ):

After this, I moved to New York from Los Angeles. I felt so alone and that no one cared, so I just moved there. Lived alone there for almost a year. To make a long story short, I wasnt doing good after a year there, my parents came to visit me and I asked them to move back home. They said ok. So, I moved back and lived at home.

Ive been living here with them ever since, still kind of an unstable career, but I do work, my relationship is better with them, but these issues are still there. Im 30 years old now. The swallowing issue is not as bad anymore as before, but its STILL THERE!! I just cant eat enough food, im underweight, when my parents came to visit me in New york, i was the lowest weight I had ever been, like I looked like a skeleton. Over the last three years since then, I slowly gained weight, just by being more positive, eating as healthy a diet as possible, and trying different things like herbs, etc, some homeopathy, etc.

Ive probably gained 15 to 20 pounds since then, so I look better in the sense that I dont look like im dying anymore, but I still have a LOT of PROBLEMS and I still seem underweight and cant eat like I should be, like a normal person, normal adult.

There is more. I should also mention that when I first starting having serious issues in my life, at the age of 22 like I mentioned before in my story, which was when I lost a lot of friends, wasnt doing good at work, didnt know what I was doing with my life and career, wasnt happy about my purpose in life, etc, around this time I started to have a lot of other THROAT problems. I had a LOT of CLEARING THE THROAT. I NOTICED I DO this ALOT when I AM NERVOUS OR when I hear my own voice and notice it or pay attention to it. I USED TO BE VERY INSECURE ABOUT MY VOICE. And keep in mind, that I wanted to be a SINGER. So, I also felt that I had a good voice and a good singing voice and ability. However, even in regular conversations, sometimes I didnt liek hearing my own voice and sometimes I did. When I didnt, I would clear my throat A LOT. But anyway, the point is that I started clearing my throat more than ever in my life at that time. I was doing it everyday at work, chronically, and I talk a lot on the phone for my work. That was the FIRST real PHYSICAL PROBLEM I ever had that was chronic. This was before the difficulty swallowing so I forgot to mention this.

IN ADDITION TO THIS!! At that same time in my life, at age 22, at the same place I worked. All of a sudden, out of nowhere!! I started to have A LOT OF MUCOUS and OR PHLEGM, in the THROAT and NOSE!!! I didnt know what this was either!! Because the only time I felt mucous in my life before was when you get a cold like normally when people do, and they have runny mucus. This was NOT RUNNY though. This was like thick, sticky Mucous that started in the NOSE and DRIPPED down to the THROAT. Like it obstructed my breathing, felt like the Mucus wanted to go down or make its way down, from the nose to the throat, so a lot of times I would PULL IT DOWN MYSELF, from the NOSE to the THROAT. Then when it came down to the throat, because it was so thick, I had to SPIT IT OUT, or HAWK IT OUT, whatever its called. So, for the first time in my life, I had to carry TISSUES and NAPKINS around in order to do this. Because it happens all of a sudden and I didnt know when it was going to happen.

I thought it was allergies or something at first when it happened. But that didnt make sense. I had worked there for almost a year or so and no problems. And nothing indicated that. ALSO, to this DAY, I STILL HAVE ALL THESE SAME PROBLEMS OR SYMPTOMS!! NO matter where I AM!! So its not allergies or anything. ITS SO DISGUSTING. I honestly cant even believe that something like this would happen to me!!! Like I would have symptoms like this. IT IS the MOST ANNOYING, EMBARRASSING, and DISGUSTING SYMPTOMS for me.

Also, I should mention that my voice seems weak a lot of times. Like for many years, and again I want to be a singer so thats not good!!

Ok, I hope this is enough information to find something for me. I have typed a lot. If you have anymore questions, things to expand on and provide more details, things you need to clarify, please let me know!

Thanks in advance to everyone!! I hope someone can help me with this, this IS DRIVING ME CRAZY and IS VERY BAD FOR HEALTH. Im MALNOURiSHED, UNDERWEIGHT, I NEED HELP!!

Thank you, I appreciate anyone who can help and the urgency!!