All in perspective

Thanks Walkin,that feels good coming from you. I had some 200c Anarc on hand and diluted very small number of granules in approximately 8oz of water. I sipped 2 teaspoons about 1 minute or so apart,then went to bed. 24 hrs. later I'm feeling a bit better less panicky and confused(overall slightly better confidence and though new to homeopathy can only think that those who arrogantly deny its' effectiveness have either never tried it or haven,t been able to generate a positive response. I'm, almost tempted to take more Anarc. but am trying to follow 1 procedure at a time to find what works best for me.Right now I am not going to take it again until response stops. I believe that Anarc. may be well within the ball park of what I need but not a home run. Unfortunately I lack the knowlege to self diagnose and I get this strange suspicion that part of me (memes or personality layer)is preventing me from seeing what I need to do to get better.I've ruled out o.c.d. as the disorder but not as feeding the disorder. Closest diagnoses seems to be bipolar1 disorder(manic depression with psychotic symptoms or simply depressive psychosis) The trend is daily chronic melancholia(hidden like a natrum mur type)with free floating anxiety. There is definitely an inverse relationship between the two emotions (when one increases the other tends to decrease and viceversa)Feeling this way chronically drains my energy reserves rapidly as I struggle to maintain the facade of 'normalcy' I haven't discounted the possibility of a yet undiagnosed nonspecific emotional disorder being at the root of the problem.The reason I believe this may be a possibility is that I often feel like a child(insecure about decisions and being responsible and such)who must act like an adult in an adult world. Matter of factly started doing this from a very young age ,always feeling frightened and having to keep up facade of courage along the way. Anyway there is a massive history of cancer on my fathers side (Dad,uncle and aunt)which caused me to ponder taking carcinosin then baryta carb for emotional growth and indecision or what ever my constitutional remedy would be at that time. Notice in my post I complain of PSEUDO intellectualism meaning there is a blockage to meaningful comprehension to enough things that it registers in the emotions. My average to perhaps only very slightly(on a good day) ability to conseptualize and communicate (though spelling ,etc.. is going to the dogs)is nothing more than slight of hand. It was my way of fighting back so to speak. When necessary to baffle them with bull. I was too sensitive as a kid (maybe phosphorus type with the quick flair up of temper and whatnot woke up feeling trashed each morning ,mainly groggy like a nux type) concerned about manner of dress and appearance unlike a sulphur type but imagination and thinking style of a sulphur type.One thing for certain is that I,e lived out the majority of my life as a causticum type . Easily numbed out more and more with every hit to the psyche.`Fondness for sweets but not hard candies or fruit texturen needs to be right.Like to eat familiar foods.Will forego food for cigarettes,coffee and chocolates or donuts things of that nature. Sources of protein fast food hamburgers tuna or peanut butter sandwiches with jelly of course.Will choose taste and familiarity over perceived appropriateness,for instance will drink hot regular coffee on the hotest of summer days.Sweetest fruits are my favorites and once again texture is important I,love peaches in syrup from the can especially with whipped cream but would rarely if ever buy fresh peaches(skin on) for myself. There was a time however that I was on a health food kick where for days could get myself to eat only very healthy foods. I tend to be kinesthetically hypersensitive.for instance if I take potassium I.ll have anger management issues. Anyway I'm taking this opportunity to blurt out stuff hoping to get help. Walkin if you can help me I'd appreciate it. Or recommend someone if you cannot. Much appreciated.