breastfeeding depressed mom looking for a cure

1. I am a 34 year old woman with a six month old boy. I feel utterly utterly depressed at the moment, but as I am breastfeeding, I am afraid to take any meds, so homeopathy is my last resort--please help! A few years back, I was diagnosed with depression and dysthymia by a psychiatrist while I was a PhD student, and used a variety of meds, none of which really worked, but sort of just helped me totter by. I had a trouble-free pregnancy, but my depressive attitude returned, and was exacerbated a few months after the birth.
More particularly speaking, my symptoms are:

i. insomnia--keep awake all night, sleepy all day (it has pretty much always like that all my life, but now that I have my baby, I am desparate to change this pattern)
ii. fatigue, dizziness (mostly caused by my weird sleep pattern)
iii. tendency to oversleep
iv. inability to concentrate
v. avoiding any mental work (I am in academia)
feelings of hopele
vi. feel like an utter failure careerwise
vii. feelings of hopelessness, helplessness
viii. avoiding writing/reading anything that's related to my studies/academic field

2. Fatigue. I had blood tests done about a month ago, and it seems like my Ferritin level is below normal levels, and I was slightly anaemic according to the test results. But my vitamin B levels were fine, and my TSH hormone level was slightly above the lower acceptable level.

hypoglycemia? After eating lunch/dinner, I almost always feel faint and want to sleep.

Also, head feels as if it's stuffed with wool. Sort of a heavy/dull feeling. My temples ache a bit due to stress (I tend to frown).

3. ?

4. What exactly do you feel when you are at your worst?

I feel like an utter failure, and feel horribly guilty all the time. A conference where I have to present my work is drawing quite near, but I feel almost paralyzed--I just cannot seem to be able to get to work even though I know that I must. I blame my former failures (rejections from numerous journals) behind my current 'paralysis.' I also feel like a horrible mother to my baby, which makes me feel horribly guilty, and adds up to my insomnia.

5. I was an insomniac and depressed/dysthemic all my life. But I am beginning to think that perhaps certain events trigger flare ups. Like the journal rejections I received in the past few years, the successes of my colleagues (jealousy/envy), the strains of motherhood.

6. Which time of the day you are worst?

At night when it becomes clear to me that I have wasted yet another day without caring enough for my baby or enjoying him to the fullest, enjoying the time with my husband or doing any academic work.

7.
Aggravating factors: other mothers' stories with their babies (which makes me feel that I am not doing enough for my baby) and success stories of my colleagues (I feel like an utter failure, and envy their success).

Ameliorating factors: during my last depressive episode, talking to my therapist really helped, but I live in a different place now. Walking in fresh air also seems to help, but I feel guilty doing that, thinking that I am wasting the time I should either be spending with my baby playing with him, or doing academic work.

8. I am suspecting that some of my symptoms might be related to hypoglycemia, and some post-partum hormone messup. But I think a great deal of it just generates from my mind and my pessimism/negative attitude to life in general.

9. My feet and hands get cold very easily/tend to be cold in general so I prefer spring like weather--not too cold, but not too warm either.

10. Lazy, Jealous, Irritating, Arrogant, Nervous, Negative, Cerebral, Loyal, Sensitive, Helpful

I don't like thunderstorms. They scare me. I feel tense before, and I also tense during full moon.

I want to talk about my problems a lot, but I find it easier to help other people by lending an ear than ranting out. I fear being considered as weak, and don't want to bore/overburden people with my problems, including my husband. I have a fear that they would not love me, or would leave me if I told them of my problems and weaknesses.

I am quite sensitive to smells.

- Do you have any typical habit or gesture like nail biting, causeless
weeping, talking to one self etc?

Biting nails, restless legs while sitting.

My husband tries to understand me, but I fear sharing my problems with him. I love my baby boy, but he's too young to help me.

11. I utterly fear that I will have to leave academia and will fail horribly as a mom and as a wife.

12. What do you crave for in food items and what are your aversions?

Crave: carbohydrates, salty things, yogurt/milk

13. I feel extremely thirsty all the times, but I am nursing at the moment. Still, I love water and liquids in general.

14. My hunger: Normal/less

15. These days intense sweets make me sick after a while.

16. Sweat: normal

17. Bowel: flatulence. Taking iron supplements at the moment, so I am unable to tell you about its color etc.

18. Want to sleep at any occasion particularly during daytime. Nighttime, wanting to make up for it and stay up, but it's wasted time, so will fall asleep late.

Sleep position: on tummy, favoring left side, well tucked under covers, otherwise limbs get cold immediately. Left hand tucked under pillow and head.

19. My libido has decreased since the delivery.


21. I was prescribed almost all SSRIs under the sun during my depression a few years back. But now I am breastfeeding and can't take anything!

22. What major diseases are running in your family?

Depression, Hypertension, Type2 Diabetes.

23. Describe, how do you look like? Describe your overall appearance.

Dark hair, hazel eyes, angular, long face with a sharp chin. Prominent nose, pale skin. Spider veins on my nose and all over my legs. Thin/translucent skin, weak, brittle fingernails, long hair, tends to get oily very fast (happened after pregnancy). Tall; thin bones, long limbs, stooping posture, belly out like a little child, feet with high arches