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Cognitive OCD, over-thinking and uncertainty about myself.

Hi,

This post will be very lengthy as I want to be as thorough as possible and help with diagnosis. I’m sorry for the many possibly embarrassing details..

I am a 20 year old woman in the United Kingdom, currently finishing my university degree. I am going through stressful times as I have many deadlines, my partner has left to do his internship in another country and we have little time to speak because he is busy all the time. I am also socializing less with my friends.

For the past 3 or maybe more, I've been experiencing a sort of growing hysteria or fear or mild depression. I have developed a need to be in control of everything, including my own mental activity- like cognitive OCD. I have become insecure and nervous about talking to people in social situations, especially if I don’t know them. I analyse often what I plan to say. It’s not completely a control-freak thing, I do enjoy conversations but it has gotten worse. I feel like I am not funny or what I have to say may not be interesting and I am fearful that people might ignore me or that they think bad things about me. I feel like I do not have friends although I do, it’s like my mental vision is distorted. But it feels like no one is contacting me or cares. I can be very confident in other areas, like interviews or sorting out paperwork and studies. It seems that’s so as long as it’s not related to my emotions almost?

I also feel insecure about ‘knowing’ about something. I feel like I cannot control myself or be sure of the integrity of my thoughts. So I keep analysing and analysing until Im even more confused and fearful. I keep fearing that I have internalized negative things into my sub-consciousness and it’s acting like a 2nd person that constantly surfaces negative things into my mind and I cannot control them. A reoccurring thought that I get is that I cannot have children although there is no evidence to it. Sometimes I see my ovaries exploding. I have had a disturbing ‘full’ feeling in my right hip/waist area and I think my fear comes from imagining that something is wrong there. Ultrasound has shown that everything is OK, I don’t know why I have the feeling.

I also see a disturbing image of a clitoris being cut into half and I associate my own clitoris with it. I have also lost the ability to feel sexual pleasure from my partner, although I am able to climax on my own. I have always been very sexual (before 17) but shy at the same time because of my upbringing. I was caught drawing sexual pictures when I was young and my mother threatened to tell my father which made me feel like there is something wrong about sexuality and I feel that it generally traumatized me. Sexuality has somewhat become an obsession of mine, especially after a bad relationship where I was made clear that sex is one of the most important aspects of a relationship and my inability to live up to it is a personal failure or disability (I was a virgin too). All I can think of is to get it back but I look for almost momentary solutions I can’t find.

The loss of sexual appetite began after the break-up of my first love who I was passionately in love with but I tried to suppress my sexual appetite- unknowing what a blessing it was. I shied away from kissing, for example. After breaking up with him, I went through a stage of bad depression. I cried a lot and felt very hurt and took the change very badly. It immediately went better after I moved out of the country and lost contact with the setting.

The loss of sexual appetite for other men didn’t bother me so much (because I was less aware of it) until I entered into a bad relationship with a guy who was very bad for me (mentioned before). He constantly wanted sex from me but I wasn’t interested and I didn’t want to. This eventually led him to keep telling me that I am less sexual than normal people. He cheated on me and it all ended very painfully. I only dated him for security because I was in a new country (I’m originally from Estonia but spent the time I was with my first love in Thailand, and moved to the UK before I bet the abusive guy) but it still hurt me much. He also told me that he didn’t like my personality but loved my looks, and in his mind it was OK. This might have all left scars in me.

On top of that, I wasn’t mentally prepared to leave my home country to another at all. I experienced change very painfully, both in Thailand and in the UK. I was different from most people and they made me feel inferior because of that and I think that made me seek increased control and change in myself to fit with whatever ideal was there. I have become so aware and I triple-analyse everything. I feel like I cannot settle on anything and I only have negative thoughts most of the time. When I think about things, negative scenarios often pop into my head rather than positive ones. And I’ve become melancholic. Especially now that my partner is gone, I cry a lot, especially in the mornings and evenings, when I don’t have mush to do. I tend to fall into grandiose thinking and I analyse life a lot- I often end up with negative conclusions about the uncertainty of knowing something and about living. I also feel threatened because I don’t know what I want to do with my life- what career to go into and so on.

The problem is worse when I’m alone. I tend to seek out people’s company simply to keep myself occupied. I used to be addicted to carbohydrates and lots of bready foods. But I experienced daily fatigue last year and became a healthy vegetarian. After detoxing, I noticed that I cannot eat bread anymore which has made me think that I may have gluten intolerance but it’s unconfirmed. I’ve always disliked cold and rainy days but, after living in Thailand, I am especially annoyed by cold and get cold very easily. I also feel much better under the sun. I was told by a Chinese medicine practitioner that I may have ‘wet’ kidneys/spleen. When it’s cold outside, I often feel shaky and freezy once Im inside for quite a while. It can also make me sleepy (these are cold weathers that other people don’t really feel as cold)

When I was a child, I had a bladder infection and was hospitalized because of that. I can’t say that I was very sick. But I didn’t socialize with children very much outside of my school hours. But I had a very secure environment at school. My parents were separated from before I was born. I was scared of my father until early teenage years because my mother kept telling me how bad he was. This has changed around now. But I do remember a memory where I think he slapped me as a little girl and it hurt me a lot, I felt a stung of pain and couldn’t understand why my father would hurt me like that. I have reasons to believe that I imagined the slap. My mother also dumped many of her problems on me even though I was small and couldn’t understand. I was quite emotional and have always been. It’s like I’ve made my happiness depend on other people. A friend suggested that maybe I don’t trust myself and I feel this may be true. I have no problem trusting other people immediately. I also reflect myself through others. I constantly feel the need to ‘fit in’, often with people I don’t actually feel I relate to and that makes me unhappy too. I wish I had a close group of friends I could rely on. I think I’m after stability. I know that I have lately wanted to return home to my parents and my friends and my home country in general. I feel that I fit in there better than anywhere else.

Also, regarding the negative thoughts, I try to push them away but they come back with vengeance. This adds to my sense of lack of control. Worst of all, I know that this is not what I should be achieving for because we can never be in control of everything. This adds to my disorientation and stress.

All in all, I think the biggest thing revolves around my inability to trust my mental capabilities. I feel like I cannot control myself or my thoughts and I feel that because of this making any changes is hard if not inevitable. But I know that I do not want to be like this and I want to change my life around. I am a firm believer in spirituality and higher self-awareness but mine has almost become obsessive. I think myself sick sometimes. Physical symptoms that I’ve gotten from this are an aching pain around my heart region and my throat, light headedness and panic attacks. In Thailand, I also experienced episodes of memory loss. I have cold limps and nose all the time. And a full feeling in my right waits region. This makes me feel uncomfortable lying down on my back straight sometimes. And on my side less often. I also get stomach cramps but I think that’s because I keep myself tense.

Also, I feel fearful of sharing all of this with my partner. But I am slowly opening myself because I believe it helps our relationship and myself. I also worry about him when he goes out. I always tell him to watch his way etc.

Basically I’ve become aware of myself to a crazy extent where every time I experience any sexual feeling, I immediately, almost subconsciously notice it and at that moment it’s gone too because of my noticing or something. I would prefer not to think so much.

I feel that I can relate to this sentence I found in another post of a girl that had similar problems: ‘’This naturally leads us another step up the self awareness ladder as the mind tries to resolve the conflict. We become increasingly aware that we are separate vulnerable beings trying to make our way through life with no guarantees.’’

I haven’t taken many homeopathic remedies before. I experimented with uva ursi for a while and grapefruit oil when I couldn’t stop urinating. This was related to my fatigue actually. There were periods where I would urinate every ounce of liquid I drank- I had head aches and was very dehydrated. It all eased once I began to eat oly vegetables. Now I’m back to a more varied diet but bread still makes me feel odd.

Please ask me if there is anything else I need to reflect on.

Many thanks for your help.
 
  nele0206 on 2010-04-02
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
Please take three doses of Pulsatilla 200c at a gap of 4 hour for only one day (not daily) and report back after 15 days.

One dose means
If the medicine is in pills form 4 pills. Don't touch pills with hand. Use cap of bottle to take pills.
If the medicine is in liquid dilution form, 3-4 drops in some 20 ml water. Sip up slowly.

Please follow homeo restrictions like no coffee, no raw onion/garlic, no strong perfumes, don't eat or drink anything within 30 minutes before or after taking medicine.
 
kadwa last decade
Thank you very much for your reply!

Just to clarify, do you mean one dose (i.e. 4 pills) every 4 hours but just 3 times for one day (i.e 12 pills in one day)?

Also, is it possible for you to suggest something for the problem I have with digesting flour products (I'm not sure if its gluten or something else)? I have also had flatulence problems after becoming a vegetarian! I've actually had a gas problem for a long time but it became more after becoming a vegetarian.

When I was younger, I remember being very gassy all the time (probably from eating much bready foods and little exercise).
 
nele0206 last decade
Also, do I need to drink water with the pills? If so, how much?
 
nele0206 last decade
Just to clarify, do you mean one dose (i.e. 4 pills) every 4 hours but just 3 times for one day (i.e 12 pills in one day)?
**Thats right.

Also, is it possible for you to suggest something for the problem I have with digesting flour products (I'm not sure if its gluten or something else)? I have also had flatulence problems after becoming a vegetarian! I've actually had a gas problem for a long time but it became more after becoming a vegetarian.
**Please take the remedy and report back after 15 days. Pulsatilla is your indicated remedy and it is expected to help you at all levels. Please report back your response after 15 days for further treatment.

Also, do I need to drink water with the pills? If so, how much?
**No. You shouldn't drink water with the pills. Don't eat or drink anything within 30 minutes before or after taking medicine.
 
kadwa last decade
Please keep the pills in mouth until dissolved. It is better to let the pills dissolve in mouth instead of swallowing.
 
kadwa last decade
Thanks again :)

Also, I noticed that there are 2 kinds of pulsatilla, the nicgricans and nuttaliana. Is there any preference?
 
nele0206 last decade
also, if coffee is not allowed, is it okay to drink black tea or green tea?
 
nele0206 last decade
Also, I noticed that there are 2 kinds of pulsatilla, the nicgricans and nuttaliana. Is there any preference?
**Pulsatilla means Pulsatilla Nigricans and not the other one.

also, if coffee is not allowed, is it okay to drink black tea or green tea?
**Yes. It is better not take more than 2 cups a day.
 
kadwa last decade
Hi,

I ordered Pulsatilla pills from this website 200C potency. And, by mistake, I took 3 pills every 4 hours but still the whole 12 pills in one day. Is that OK?

Also, I am now confused over the potency, since, as I understand, each tablet is 200c potency? that would mean, I took 600c every 4 hours?
 
nele0206 last decade
And, by mistake, I took 3 pills every 4 hours but still the whole 12 pills in one day. Is that OK?
**It is OK. One just need to take a set of some doses that actually acts as a single dose. It won't matter if one takes 3 doses or 4 doses on the same day.

Also, I am now confused over the potency, since, as I understand, each tablet is 200c potency? that would mean, I took 600c every 4 hours?
**Please read discussion on homeo dilutions at the thread
http://www.abchomeopathy.com/forum2.php/176643/
You will understand that the quantity doesn't really matter in homeopathy.
 
kadwa last decade
thank you :) I will be reporting back in 15 days!
 
nele0206 last decade
Hi,

I am not sure whether it is the Pulsatilla but I am experiencing panic attacks and fears. I am a bit scared by this. It is the 4th day after I took the remedy.

I took the pulsatilla when my monthly period began and I was also under the influence of ibuprofen. I followed the homeopathy restrictions that you outlines, however.

I have also been trying meditation and Qi Gong...
 
nele0206 last decade
You have to wait for 15 days to assess the impact of Puls. In the meantime you may do some breathing exercises to overcome your panic attacks.

Please read my posts on the breathing exercises called as Kapalbhati Pranayam and Anulom Vilom Pranayam by following the links given below. Please practise these pranayams regularly for half an hour preferably in a garden early in the morning. You may practise at any other convinient time. The only restriction that you have to follow is not to do these exercises within 4 hours after meals. You can have meals not within 15 minutes after finishing these exercises.
http://www.abchomeopathy.com/forum2.php/134752/
http://www.abchomeopathy.com/forum2.php/133092/1
The second breathing exercise should calm down your mind.
 
kadwa last decade
thank you kadwa :)

I am also interested in whether I still have to follow the homoeopathic restrictions? A child in the family has gotten pin worms and I wanted to eat raw garlic so it would not spread..
 
nele0206 last decade
You can take raw garlic as an exception but otherwise you should follow homeo restrictions during the whole treatment period.
 
kadwa last decade
Hi,

It has been 17 days now. I do feel a lot better. I am not sure whether it is the Pulsatilla or some other things I have been trying but I feel better..

However, I feel like it is in between. I am still sometimes feeling bad and thinking that I may regress back to my old state. But at the same time I find myself more in control and relaxed.. when bad thoughts occur, I can move away from them and not concentrate on them.

I still have some gas problems and I cannot seem to keep liquids in my body. I use the toilet quite a lot.

Other than that, I am not sure what else to include. Is there any other areas I should reflect on?


Many thanks for your help :)
 
nele0206 last decade
Overall, I feel like I need another 'push' to help me completely.. I still get 'old' thinking patterns. Maybe I need to week another few weeks for pulsatilla?
 
nele0206 last decade
Please take a single dose of Pulsatilla 1M for only one day (not daily) and report back after 1 month.
Dr. Mountson (Girilal) who works for joyful homeopathy always advises not to bother about the reason for wellbeing and to enjoy the wellness.
The breathing exercises should also help you a lot.

One dose means
If the medicine is in pills form 4 pills. Don't touch pills with hand. Use cap of bottle to take pills.
If the medicine is in liquid dilution form, 3-4 drops in some 20 ml water. Sip up slowly.

Please follow homeo restrictions like no coffee, no raw onion/garlic, no strong perfumes, don't eat or drink anything within 45 minutes before or after taking medicine.
 
kadwa last decade
That's part of my OCD and need for certainty- I am concentrating on being sure that I am in fact better and if I notice anything bad then it tends to spiral me back into worry and over-thinking.

I have looked at myself again and while I do feel happier and able to be more positive, I am still struggling with bad thoughts and over-thinking. Cannot seem to quiet the mind. Also, I feel that I am more emotional- as in a I react more emotionally. When there is a sad movie, I get sad and crying more easily or when something is funny, I laugh many times more.. Should I still go with the single dose 1M then?
 
nele0206 last decade
Yes.
 
kadwa last decade
sir I am a member of your forum.my name is snehasish biswas, 25 years old.i have some ocd symtoms. and I have taken your pulsatila 200 dose for 1 day before 15 days ago. now I am much better. what I have to do now please tell.
thank you.
 
choton 9 years ago
snehashish,

Please don't take any remedy for the time being. Pulsatilla may be your remedy as you did well on Pulsatilla.

Please copy the Questionnaire from the following thread
http://www.abchomeopathy.com/forum2.php/188925/
and post all the questions here duly answered. On that basis your remedy may be reviewed.

The answers should be given in a way that we are able to understand you as a person.
 
kadwa 9 years ago

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