Hi David. Please have a look... Histrionic PD

Isn't Histrionic Personality Disorder just a form of pride that should be confessed?

While the histrionic individual often displays very prideful behavior, his or her motivations and actions are actually masked cries for love and help, and they often grow out of very low self-esteem. While pride is an issue we all struggle with, the most urgent need for the histrionic personality is to learn an appropriate sense of self-assurance—the self-assurance that can best be nurtured through experiences of unconditional Christlike love. In fact, Christ is an excellent model for relating to individuals with histrionic personalities. He displayed a firm love that was at the same time unconditional and uncompromising.

======

From Christy's outward appearance, she could pass as a fashion model, actress, or TV talk show host. She is attractive, gregarious, energetic, and has a dramatic flair that often makes her the life of the party. She is acutely attuned to her surroundings, an astute judge of the likes and dislikes of others, and a ready resource for the latest fashion trends. But that is only one side of the story.

Sometimes Christy's style turns out to be more of a curse than a blessing. Although she impresses people positively upon a first meeting, she never develops any deep, committed relationships, and her shifting moods eventually start wearing on those around her. Her consuming need for approval and desperate striving to draw out affection are just too much. And no matter how much attention she receives it is never enough. Her thirst is unquenchable but her efforts persistent. When she doesn't receive the attention she craves, she can quickly lose her charming style and become angry, pouty, rude, or condescending. These shifting moods leave her family, friends, and acquaintances hurt, bewildered, put off or mistrusting and cause them to keep their distance—the very thing Christy fears the most.

In addition to creating interpersonal problems, Christy's need to constantly evoke attention has another downside. She is constantly under pressure to perform and she is emotionally susceptible to the approval or disapproval of everyone she meets.

None of Christy's traits or attributes are negative in and of themselves. In fact, most of them are very enjoyable in moderation. But when they all come together in one person in a pronounced way, they cause serious problems and reflect a personality maladjustment known as Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD).


The Search for Attention and Admiration

The central conflict of persons with Histrionic Personality Disorders is their unresolved childhood need for affection, approval, and admiration. For some reason, histrionic persons have failed to develop a solid sense of themselves and their significance and worth. Unconsciously they feel empty, inadequate, or unlovable. Consequently, they are constantly turning to others for affirmation, attention, and rewards. In the process, they develop a highly tuned sensitivity to the moods and thoughts of those they wish to impress. They learn to quickly determine what actions or antics will succeed in getting others to respond to them in a positive way. But no matter how much attention they receive, it is never enough. It is like pouring water through a sieve.


Problems With Intimacy and Commitment

Underneath their overtly friendly relational style, histrionic individuals are actually quite unable to form healthy, intimate, lasting relationships. Some histrionic individuals try to convince others that they have so much capacity for love that one person alone can't meet it! Some are sexually unfaithful to their mates. Others are simply driven to always be with others and don't enjoy spending much quality time with their spouse.

This was true of Christy. Her husband was repeatedly frustrated when he attempted to plan and enjoy an intimate dinner just for two. Tom's efforts usually ended in explosive arguments when Christy complained that she would rather have had friends come along, and accused Tom of not appreciating her and stifling her social life.


Fluctuating Behavior

The histrionic person's effort to act in ways calculated to gain attention and admiration creates an extremely unstable pattern of behaviors and fickle emotions. Anytime they perceive that they are not commanding the attention they seek, they may do something dramatic, create a scene, or tell an exaggerated story to draw the focus of attention to themselves. Since histrionic individuals are essentially using others to build up their own fragile feelings about themselves, they must be constantly on the lookout for ways of getting the attention they so badly crave. But this leaves them without a solid, consistent sense of who they are and with a persistently unpredictable way of being. They are more concerned about getting attention from others than they are about being true to themselves


Impressionistic Thoughts and Speech

Those with HPD also have a style of thinking and speaking that differs from most of us. They tend to be highly impressionistic and lacking in details and specifics. They express strong opinions with a dramatic flair, but when asked to explain themselves, their underlying reasons are vague and without supporting facts and details. When describing another person, for example, they may say, 'He's incredible,' 'He's huge,' or 'I hate her.' They are strong on impressions but weak on details, facts, and carefully thought out plans and logic. They also tend to play hunches and adopt convictions quickly since their feelings and opinions are so easily influenced by others and by current fads. They may consider relationships to be more intimate than they actually are, describing almost every acquaintance as 'my dear,' or 'my dear friend.'



Histrionic Personality Disorder:

Constantly seeks or demands reassurance, approval, or praise
Overly concerned with physical attractiveness
Sexually seductive in appearance and behavior
Expresses emotion with inappropriate exaggeration; self-centered and little tolerance for delayed gratification
Uncomfortable in situations where they cannot be the center of attention—have an intense need to be acting all the time
Display strong but rapidly shifting and shallow emotions
Utilize a style of speech that is excessively impressionistic and lacking in detail


False Assumptions About Life

Along with their distinctive emotional, relational, and intellectual styles, histrionic individuals tend to hold a certain set of largely unconscious assumptions or beliefs about themselves and what they need to do to have a good life. They believe, for example, that to have meaningful relationships with others means they must be the center of the group with others playing the role of attentive audience. They believe things like: 'Unless I captivate people, I am nothing.' 'If I can't entertain people, they will abandon me.' Or, 'If I can't captivate people, I am helpless or no good!'

Because of their unrealistic views of themselves and life, people with histrionic personalities are constantly setting themselves up for failure, rejection, and frustration. No one can always be the center of attention! When they aren't, they either conclude that they are worthless or that other people are bad for not constantly affirming them. So they either feel depressed or resort to crying, tantrums, assaultive behaviors, or even suicidal gestures to get their way, gain attention, or to punish a perceived offender. Tom wept as he described his many attempts to show Christy love and affection only to be chastised and ridiculed for his efforts or incorrect timing.

Since histrionic individuals believe it is necessary to be loved by virtually everyone for everything they do, they also have an exaggerated fear of rejection. Any hint of rejection is devastating, even when the person doing the rejecting is not actually important to the histrionic person! Feeling basically inadequate, yet desperate for approval, they feel they can never relax and leave the gaining of approval to chance or the good will or love of others.


All of these problems in family relationships are troubling for a growing child. Instead of feeling loved for who he is, he learns that he is only appreciated, cared for, or affirmed for what he does. This leaves him feeling empty and unloved. Since those feelings are so painful he begins to pay especially close attention to the approval of others and to behaving in ways that are calculated to elicit the longed for attention.
This shift from feeling good about being ones true self to trying to become what others want in order to be loved is a life altering movement. People with a healthy sense of self have a strong inner sense of who they are, what they like and dislike, and their values and commitments. They value other's opinions but they aren't at the mercy of them. They have a realistic understanding of themselves and know their strengths and weaknesses. These people can enter into deep relationships and make lasting commitments, but they can also be alone without feeling anxious and abandoned.

Histrionic Personalities and others without this healthy sense of self tend to be unaware of their true feelings and their likes, dislikes, and values. They become dependant on others, constantly search for attention, or engage in work or other activities to shore up their shaky self-esteem since they are unable to sit even briefly with their uncomfortable feelings. This discomfort is what drives the histrionic person to constantly seek attention.

For them, even relating to God—the most true and faithful source of love and acceptance—presents a great challenge because they are too terrified to look within and face themselves. They are afraid to see how unlovable they feel inside the recesses of their minds. But until they face those feelings they have trouble letting God into those needy recesses. Yet that is the place that we must all begin our spiritual journey.

People with histrionic personalities can also have problems in their relationships with God because they want to be the center of attention. Obviously, this doesn't work with God! He calls us to be humble servants, not admired stars


Treatment

Unfortunately, most people with histrionic personalities are poorly motivated to change. They have such a lifelong pattern of avoiding emotional pain through massive repression and temporary attention getting maneuvers that they rarely seek help unless they are experiencing a deteriorating relationship, depression, or some other troubling social or emotional problem. And once they receive a little relief from their presenting problem, they tend to go on their way rather than facing their deeper emotional, spiritual, and relational struggles. If they will stay in therapy, however, they can get a great deal of help.

The ultimate need of histrionic individuals in therapy is to change their deeply ingrained tendency to try to fulfill all their needs by looking to others for attention rather than develop a solid sense of their own self-worth or self-esteem. To do this, histrionic individuals need to feel accepted and relatively safe and comfortable with their therapist. Gradually, they can begin to observe their pattern of avoiding their inner emotional anxiety by frantically looking for attention. In this process they need to learn to sit with their emotional discomfort instead of running from it.

As people with histrionic personalities learn to bear and face their fears of abandonment and inner emptiness they can increasingly focus on their internal world rather than on ways of trying to elicit attention from others. Since histrionic individuals avoid introspection by focusing on the outside world, this can be frightening and difficult. It is essential, however, to learn to see the futility of their relational and coping style in order to think more clearly and be less impulsive and more centered. In the process, they will gain insights into their unrealistic assumptions about themselves and life. They will come to see how they concluded they had to be the center of attention to feel good about themselves and they will realize that belief is an emotionally destructive idea.


Living With the Histrionic

Life with the histrionic can be challenging, confusing, frustrating, and oftentimes painful. Since histrionics struggle with depth in relationships, their partners are often left questioning their failed attempts to increase intimacy or closeness. While the histrionic will attempt to draw a partner into a rescuing, admiring role in order to ward off the anxiety of potential rejection, they may just as quickly display scorn or contempt for the same partner once they tire of their present life's routine.

Partners of histrionics often live a life on eggshells, not knowing when they will be smothered with superficial affection or loathed for being too predictable or dependable. This is turn can begin to undercut the partner's self-esteem. By definition, the anonymous people in the 'audience' of the histrionic person are less interesting or exciting than the 'beautiful' person holding center stage! This impact can be both subtle and cumulative, eventually leaving the partner of the histrionic filled with uncertainty and self-doubt. It can also leave partners resentful because they feel that they can never provide enough attention or admiration to fill the histrionic's emptiness.

In the face of the histrionic's compulsive optimism, denial, disassociation, and evasion, the partner who raises the issues of life's negative consequences and inevitable pain, can expect to be the brunt of the histrionic's wrath.

For the partner, the most helpful approach to living well with a histrionic person is to offer maximal emotional support while maintaining strong personal boundaries. By adopting a loving, but objective stance, while holding the histrionic accountable for his/her behaviors, the partner gives the histrionic person the best chance of learning to trust in a relationship—not out of successful performance, but because of mutual participation and acceptance.

It is also important to sensitively encourage behaviors that are mature, responsible, and based in reality if the histrionic is to emerge from his or her position of childlike powerlessness. Remaining loving and flexible, while tactfully confronting destructive behaviors in the relationship, can help the histrionic gain a realistic understanding of his or her impact on the relationship.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Tue, 18 Oct 2011 13:46:44 BST]

The HPD (histrionic personality disorder) GAME is pretty simple. It is this:

Person with HPD meets guy. HPD lights him up. Makes him feel like no one has before. She shares intimate details with him, almost right away, to bring him in close. She treats him like a god. She's very sexual and she is very beautiful. Her goal, conscious or not, is to make him fall obsessively in love with her. Once he does, she starts to get bored. There is no chase. It is too easy. She becomes less attentive. Something is different now. He senses it, and starts to try harder. This pushes her away more. But he keeps trying, hoping to recapture the magic of the HPD he first met. Every once in awhile he sees glimpse of the original HPD. But they are fleeting. He keeps trying. Intermittent reinforcement rules him now. She must be in there somewhere he thinks. I can fix this. Eventually he gives up. He's drained. He's had enough. It's over. But it's not over. Once she senses him pulling away, she comes back, to reconquer him. He is so happy, the original HPD is back! He expresses his happiness and love, and boom, she soon starts to pull away again. Repeat. (For brevity, I have skipped all the fights and drama.)

It's pretty obvious in the above scenario, one which so many here have experienced, where he went wrong. He gave himself to her again, and again, that was boring to her, so she discarded him, again and again.

The point? Never ever ever let her know you have feelings, especially that you love her, if you want to keep the charade going. Never chase her. Never call her out on her s-hite. Simply remove attention whenever there is bad behavior. Let her come to you. Don't be too available. Don't always say yes. Have other friend-girls. Keep her guessing what you think. This is not the wisest choice - no that would be to run, fast. But this will work, if you never relent, and never give in. And never expect to just relax, and be yourself and have a reciprocal relationship

I hope to hear from you again David. I tried my best always. It would be mean if you wouldnt come back. I dont know what else I could do better than I have.

hmmm something makes great sense about reading this. Something I didnt even know about myself. Example after taking the anacardium I am feeling less inhibited, which immediately put me in the evening into the 'false self', where I was over emotional and attention seeking a bit at home. I felt good. I reported often when I am like that I dont have worry in a world. But apparently this isnt me which I didnt know. But it is true after thinking over it for a while.

Also while taking Platina. I felt more emotionaly mature for a few more days I reported this back than. But it didnt last which I also said and begun the talk about being a different remedy again - aurum and so on if you remember


I had many dreams tonight. Noone was out of the ordinary. Except the last one that my mother bought my brother an iphone while not me and I went mad. Run away from her than all of a sudden I was in a shopping mall and looking for the exit, but the stairs didnt go down as they were supposed to. As if blocked.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Tue, 18 Oct 2011 23:25:10 BST]

David, I thought you like doing homeopathy and maybe take on a more challenging case like mine. Although it is not on purpose at all. Some people are just a bit more of a challenge. WHy do people have to give up? I dont understand this. I never give up.

Today it was much more difficult to talk with my father. I must assume I have a problem with intimacy whith my father. As the articles above say. In person I am often depressed and feel the emotional uncomfortablness. But over the internet it is different. I become different.

Please do me a favour and tell me what remedies could fit the histrionic personality disorder? I have no idea. I see a bunch of remedies but not a single one that fits it entirely
[message edited by vitamin.X on Wed, 19 Oct 2011 06:50:01 BST]

Why am I being ignored?

Ok David you are right about everything, always right.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Wed, 19 Oct 2011 08:26:27 BST]