Deep Healing for the Arising of Suppressed Issues

I think I might need some help in terms of balancing my soul with homeopathy.

I have been taking thuja since I got back to England from living as part of a fundamental spiritual community. Since my return I developed a warts on both right and left wrist. These have started to fade now.

I felt a lot of hatred of men coming up after I returned home.

I felt very spaced out, ungrounded and very disconnected from the world. Also a numbing of the body and an inability to feel sexual energy running - libido gone.

I know I’m tapping into something deep in my psyche and soul here - a pattern perhaps spanning lifetimes and even the feeling it could be something I’m clearing for the whole of womankind.

It is the feeling of giving power away to men, not listening to my own voice. Mental fog, lack of clarity and confusion. Fear of going mad, loosing it. My mind feels exhausted.

There is a fear of groups… of being exposed and humiliated, embarrassed - therefore keeping silent, stuffing down and repressing anger and rage - not speaking up for fear of being shamed and torn down... that I am wrong. A pattern my dad introduced to me, the way he treated me - very domineering, unpredictable outbursts of anger, overprotective, shaming and controlling and inability to listen. I never ever felt truly seen of heard. I felt my love was rejected. I was a super sensitive child.

It is the feeling coming up now, that I have somehow been inwardly suppressing my own inner voice and feeling.

There is a background hatred of men surfacing for healing… a resentment of the involvement I have had with controlling men, who where not aware of that in themselves - but I was - yet I settled for it anyway, and turned a blind eye to it. Complacency.

This has caused repeated swelling sty problems with my left eye.

I am feeling so fired up and ready and willing to heal this pattern.

I am seeking a remedy that will adresses this on the deepest level.

I have also been told by my ex I have a jekyl and hyde emotions/feelings and expressions.

I feel a pull to go in two directions - never sure what is my own true voice, what is my true calling… therefore getting lost in what other people tell me is best for me.

I have been told all my relationships are extreme and I want to find a balance, come back to my inner centre… and to unite the extreme polarities I have experienced in both my inner and outer world.

I suffer from an inability to fully trust my self or men. I have a deep fear and deep mistrust of men. I used to love sex… be very sexual, now I feel distain for it. It has oscillated to the other extreme. But I miss that connection to myself and the energy of sexual flow.

I am creatively repressed - I have many ideas but feel unable to bring them forward. There is a fear and block to creative expression though I have talent and a gift for art… I just can’t seem to bring myself to express.

As I said I have been taking thuja, but feel this has gone as far as I can now. It also seems to have trigger a kind of red, dry, patchiness on the lower cheeks of my face.

I just came across these remedies and wonder if any of them intuitively call out to you as something I should try?

White Chestnut Flower
Staphysagria
Anacardium
Natrum muriaticum

I feel I need something to reconnect me to self-trust of my own inner voice.

I seem to defer a lot to what I am ‘told’ by others.

I think my dad playing an authoritarian figure is a good symbol for what I am trying to heal within my own disconnection for the inner masculine in myself. Also the projective feelings of ‘hatred’ and resentment towards men.

Also a feeling of giving up, a feeling of dissociation from my own mind, body and life… the feeling I have no control or power to choose.

I also have a feeling of sacrifice… and a symbol of having my throat cut in a previous life for speaking up, speaking truth - standing in my power and truth.

Humiliation and shame too.

I need you to know that all this is coming from my depths… in deep meditation I am able to witness this going on inside. It is not an issue on the surface where I function pretty ok - but I feel it is my spiritual and sensitive self awareness is helping me see this is all surfacing now for deep healing and I am ready to face the root of all these issues.

Any advice or intuitive feeling on this would be gratefully received.

Thank you so much,

Rose