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Problems with Mum?

A woman wrote to the World Wide Essence Society Message Board: 'I need
> some essence recommendations for a difficult relationship with my
> mother. I moved back to my hometown a few months ago... I am 48 years
> old. My mother has always had a tendency to be very critical of me. I
> think this eroded my self-esteem in my earlier years; she continues to
> be this way today, and I still find her very, very hurtful. She
> recently
> called me a 'wimp' when I told her a recent medical procedure was very
> painful and I didn't want to repeat it. She tells me how to stand
> ('pull
> in your stomach and tuck in your behind!') She uses harsh and abrasive
> tones with me for no apparent reason.
>
> 'In the past I have stood up to her; more recently I 'took' it for a
> while to keep the peace, but finally snapped a few days ago when she
> said 'Don't do that!!' while I was making an unconscious facial
> _expression while listening to her. She is too much for me anymore. I
> just want peace! Please, please help me find essences that will a)
> facilitate my decision about whether to keep in contact with her, and
> b)
> help me find essences to be less sensitive to her remarks. Thanks so
> much for any suggestions. ' -- Ginger
>
> I replied, 'Ginger, I have found essences as quite helpful with my
> relationship with my own mother. And the following way I used them came
> about because of MANY conversations I had with my Vibration Magazine
> co-Editor, Donna Cunningham, and one of our wonderful authors, Connie
> Barrett. We pondered a long time how to use essences for parent/child
> relationships when the parent isn't changing, and doesn't see why they
> should.
>
> 'Out of the ideas we generated, I decided that I myself would take a
> bottle of the very essence I felt my mother most desperately needed.
> Though the most standard answer would be that if that worked, it was
> because what made me most impatient with her was some quality in myself
> that I refused to recognize, I don't think that is true here. I think
> we
> are made up of all the energies represented by the flower remedies.
> Exposure to someone very out of balance in a particular way will 'use
> up' or drain the energies in us that are reflected by that remedy.
>
> 'I found that after a substantial course of the remedy my mother most
> needed, I was far more relaxed and open around her... and not nearly as
> impatient as I had been. So, if your mom is a Chicory maybe with some
> Vine (a possibility, but I don't know her well enough to be sure), then
> use Chicory and Vine yourself. And maybe use it for a while -- over a
> month, and probably longer. If it helps, you may still find that every
> so often you'll need another course of it as you've been 'drained'
> again
> by further exposure to her.
>
> 'There is a book out recently about mother and daughter relationships:
> Deborah Tannen's You're Wearing THAT? One of the things she asserts is
> that daughters hear what mom says as critical, when mom thinks she's
> being helpful. And that mom can't understand daughter's negative and
> distancing reaction. In other words, you are FAR from alone in how you
> feel, m'dear! '
>
> A long-term, essence-savvy client wrote to me after taking several
> substantial courses of Heather, her mother's most needed remedy: 'I
> wanted to update you on the ongoing saga of my mother and Heather,
> which
> I somehow persuaded her to take. She's retired now half a year, and
> after the distraction of houseguests the first two months, she's now
> had
> to deal with a lot less social contact and has to be with herself and
> her own mind much of the time. I suggested she start on Heather again
> two weeks ago because she was feeling so sad and lonely. She had also
> stopped taking her antidepressant, and her doctor convinced her this
> would be a good time to start it again. She was feeling much less sad,
> but the loneliness was quite severe, thus the Heather.
>
> 'Yesterday, nothing short of a miracle happened, and I'm trying to fit
> it into Heather's picture, and maybe I almost can. She has a long
> history of being obsessed with how people have slighted and hurt her --
> and she's always the victim in the story. I wonder if you need people
> too much, you will only reinforce your own helplessness? A Heather
> downward spiral, perhaps? A capacity for unbiased self-examination
> might
> be difficult for a Heather. What they believe and feel MUST be how the
> world operates, since they are the center of everything. To be able to
> see oneself as out-of-tune with the rest of the world requires one to
> separate self from other. So, perhaps many boundary issues can be
> helped
> with Heather.
>
> 'Yesterday, she spent the day in a deep well of depression over
> something very minor, but seemed to be responding to the Heather. It
> turned out when the facts came forward, she was ASTONISHED to find out
> the situation was not a real problem. She said for the first time in my
> knowing, 'I can see that I do this to myself. I totally jump off the
> deep end and I'm completely beside myself over things that don't exist.
> This all happens in my own head!' I think I'm going to take some myself
> for good measure, which has been very helpful for me in the past.'
>
> Another example of the tactic of taking someone else's essence was with
> Cynthia, who has an often domineering, critical, jealous, and verbally
> harsh mother, whose own mother was similar. Cynthia has two sisters,
> and
> between the three of them, they are some combination of silent,
> forbearing, acquiescing and rebellious toward mom. They are all mothers
> themselves, so it can be speculated that they have brought forward some
> of these attitudes to their relationships with their own children.
> Cynthia is a healthcare practitioner and teacher, and works with each
> of
> her sisters in turn, recommending particular flower remedies and other
> forms of healing as the occasion requires.
>
> Using the idea that it can be helpful to take the essence(s) that their
> mother needs most, they all used the same mixture -- Chicory, Heather,
> Holly, and Vervain -- at the same time. The daughter of one of the
> sisters also decided to participate because of difficulties with her
> grandmother. The blend was a combo of remedies that their mother
> needed,
> and which each offspring reflected to some degree in their own
> behavior.
>
> After a month, the results were nothing less than amazing. Cynthia's
> acceptance of herself in all circumstances simply soared. She was even
> comfortable being in a teaching role with her hypercritical mother
> present as a student, which is a very first for her.
>
> Cynthia reported to me, 'Mom is a changed woman -- and she didn't even
> take any essences! She's less demanding and domineering. She's able to
> allow others to take center stage without her usual jealousy and
> resentment. She's even genuinely complimentary to family members --
> without jealousy, which is something new for her. She listens better
> when my sisters and I speak with her, and is far less demanding of us.
> She's allowed others to be in the limelight, without her interference,
> sarcasm, or scene-stealing tantrums -- which was her previous modus
> operandus.'
>
> The power of the three daughters and one granddaughter taking these
> same
> essences simultaneously seems to have been quite a powerful agent of
> change. To have each of those relationships change all at once seemed
> to
> be freeing for everyone involved. Amen, amen, and amen.
>
> So if your Mom -- or someone else close to you -- is bugging the life
> out of you, and you are sure you know what essence they need IF they
> would only take it, then try taking the remedy yourself. You might be
> quite pleasantly surprised at the result. I'd love to hear about how it
> works for you!
>
>
> ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Deborah Bier, PhD, is the maker of Whole Energy
> Essences and co-editor of Vibration Magazine. For more of her articles
> in Vibration Magazine, see here.
> http://www.essences .com/vibration/ contributors/ deborahbier. html
>
> http://www.floweres sencemagazine. com/aug06/ mothersdaughters .html
>
> ***
>
 
  walkin on 2006-09-18
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.

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