What RemedyShould I Take?

If lived alone could arrange a room neatly then sit there in total silence soaking up that peculiar brand of ambience.Gets upset over mess and disorder especially when its someone elses.Need to keep things in same place as many of my actions are in the automatic conduct spectrum.Will keep looking for things in the same place. Takes me forever to relearn new locations even if their my own.My thoughts are almost always elsewhere hence difficult to concentrate on task at hand.Reasons,(Desire to be off to something better or solving something else,generally anxious and depressed)Oddly my preoccupations usually involve conversations with not present individuals that I know in reality.According to one of Trevor Smiths'books I have a form of o.c.d.that periodically crosses over into the schizophrenic spectrum.I have a history of delusions including 2 Christ complexes during 2 of 3 psychotic episodes.The progression is need to be certain but can't be certain leads to anxiety with magical thinking(to try to find assurance)to mild delusional thinking which intensifies to psychosis.(Passed through a causticum like phase each time......NUMBED OUT due to repeated assaults to the emotions always waiting for the next shoe to drop.....Difficult staying optimistic for long