Suggestions about my case? Thank you!

Hi everyone. I really value your opinions and hope you can help me with my situation.

I apologize that it’s soooo long, but I felt I had to get as much down as possible. I’ve gone to homeopaths and felt they didn’t get me. So I started reading many homeopathic books and tried to self prescribe. There were a few remedies that addressed a certain aspect of me, but nothing that covered a whole range of things. That is until I came across Carcinosinum. But because I never studied homeopathy formally, I thought maybe there is another remedy that’s close to this one, of which I simply don’t know about? Please let me know your thoughts. And again I thank you very much for your help!


Current situation: This started over a year ago. I was feeling really tired and faint. Took a vitamin. It felt like it got stuck. Panicked, ran to ER, dr. didn’t take me seriously. After that, everything I tried to eat, felt like it was getting stuck. I kept running to different emergency rooms every day for many months. (Was ashamed to go to same ones.) Kept feeling that I was choking, that I couldn’t swallow, that I couldn’t breathe, that food was getting stuck, dizzy and lightheaded, pains in heart, that I would die from malnutrition. Nothing wrong was found. I felt helpless, like I was going nuts, was searching for some powerful dr. to rescue me. I was in panic mode for months. Went to many doctors, alternative healers. Then realized no one would help me. Had a few headaches with pain behind the eyes. Memories of hospitals and those panics stay with me.Right now can eat soft baby foods, and other food that I can chew down to the consistence of soft food. Ever since that vitamin episode, my throat doesn’t feel right.
A few days after swallowing the vitamin, I had a test where a tube was placed down my throat to the stomach. (Horrible experience, was gagging the whole time.) But the very next day, I got blood in urine and a burning sensation. Tests showed no infection. Dr said I had a condition where microscopic blood would always be present in my urine. The burning and blood came back again a few months later, at which time I took SARS 12C. And after I took it, for some reason I was able to eat certain things that I was afraid of before.

Before the SARS, I have taken Ambr LM1 for a month and then LM2 for another month. Afterward I had almost regular periods for many months. (My periods may come every 5-6 months.) I took Bar C for a few months, going up to like LM4. While taking it, I felt my dependence on others increase tremendously, and then subside. Then I was given Nat C LM1. The homeopath who prescribed all these, didn’t really understand me. And I also didn’t feel comfortable with him.

In the past year, took prescription pills for acid reflux. Stopped because they all caused throat spasms. Then started having post-nasal drip. (Acid can come up to the nasal membranes and cause post-nasal drip.) When my acid was controlled, the post-nasal stuff would go away. Used nose sprays. Now feel like nose is always stuffed up. Feeling as if I can’t breathe. For past few months have been taking Nat Phos 30C every day. At first it seemed to help with acid and post-nasal drip, but now it seems to have stopped working. (Also took some herbs around the same time. So maybe it was the herbs that actually helped?) Took phos 30C a few times for dizziness. For nasal stuff took hydrastis canadensis a few times. On the last time got really dizzy and faint. Took sulfur to counteract. After taking sulfer, got two huge cysts on my face. (Tried a few other remedies in 30C a few times, Lyc, Thuja, Nat Mur.)



Background: I’m 24 years old. Female. Light brown, baby fine hair. Big hazel eyes and big, thick eyelashes. 5’2”. Right now weigh about 105 lbs. Soft, childish voice. Many small birthmarks around body (family is from Russia). Had one bigger one on left thigh; scratched if off little by little when was young. My eyes always looked old and mature. People always told me I look serious or sad, and told me to smile. Usually hands and feet are cold. Feel worse in evening/night. Had ear infections every winter as a child. Food cravings come and go. Always desired chocolate.

Bladder/Kidneys: For a few years, go to urinate frequently. If drink water, will go to bathroom many times. Periods: Have never been regular. Always lots of cramps, heavy flow, pain. Sometimes would get them once every half a year. Heating pad would help with cramps. Stomach: A few years ago when I was at college, all of a sudden I felt lightheaded and like I was going to faint. (It was beginning of spring, changes in weather.) Very awful stomach pains. Kept going to drs., but nothing. Finally one doctor suggested it might be acid indigestion. I started taking over the counter acid reducers and the pain subsided. (On a trip to Israel many years ago, got terrible stomach pains, blood in urine. Took some antibiotics when came back.)

I had all childhood vaccinations. When about 9 years old, fell down a very large flight of stairs. Overheated at summer camp once. Was sick for a few weeks afterward.



Family: My father loves me very much. He is afraid of people. At home can be lively, but with others, he doesn’t talk. Weak, underachiever. Loved to tell stories about his life. Avid reader. Likes to travel. Had migraines his whole life. Recently started taking medicine to reduce blood pressure, and migraines seem to have subsided.

As a child I was terrified of my mother. She is very controlling, bossy, strict, changeable mood. Her own mother is very cold and strict. My mother spent her whole life seeking motherly love from women. She gets very attached to a particular female friend and her whole mood depends on how that person treats her. When I was little, my mother would sleep in the same bed with me. She would cuddle very tightly. Sort of like an energy vampire? On a job, she always gives too much to people. She always eats leftovers. Cares greatly about trifles. Has some compulsive behaviors. Slow, always late. Relatives on mother’s side are all wacko. Mother had acne, picked at it, got spots left over. Mother and grandma have hyperthyroidism. My family lived in Ukraine at time of the Chernobyl radiation accident. At that time, my thyroid seemed to increase. When came to the U.S. it seems to check out fine.

Have one brother, who is 3 ½ years older. Avoids people. Anticipatory anxiety. Has ulcerous colitis. Acne. Has panic attacks. Became afraid to drive on highways, for fear of loosing control and crashing the car off a bridge.



As a child I was extremely shy, anxious and afraid of people. With people I was close to or who I felt were weaker than me, I could be very confident and a leader. Over the years struggled to become more extraverted and struggled to be powerful. People sometimes pick on me because they felt my weakness. I cannot stand injustice. Always placed my power outside of myself.

As a child, I felt there was something special inside of me. (I thought I was very evolved and wanted to let it out before everyone else would catch up to me and become as evolved as I was and then I’d no longer be special.)

On the one hand feel like I’m great, the best. On the other hand don’t know my value. Don’t like if others don’t take me seriously, but at the same time put myself down in front of them. Could not hold down a job. Feel very insecure, like I can’t do what’s expected of me. Feel I’m not good enough. Quit all my jobs. Want to help people. But feel not good enough, not confident enough.

I spent a lot of my time thinking about the meaning of life. I felt a contrast between a feeling of hugeness of the universe, and of being very tiny. Would get scared of it as a child. Read a lot of spiritual books. Also, on the one hand ponder the meaning of life, on the other obsessed with the smallest things.

Since little, everyone always thought I was smart. I would know what each teacher was looking for, and I would do it; I never felt that I learned anything, I just adapted. I’m not book smart, but I am intelligent. I understand people, I always search for the core meaning of things. I learn fast but I also forget things easily. Feel guilty for not having accomplished much. After high school felt exhausted and couldn’t study for two years. And after college felt exhausted. Feel overwhelmed by too many things that want to get done, and do nothing. Keep making lists of things want to do. Can spend all day doing nothing, but always doing little things non-stop. At times push myself to do stuff, then get exhausted and do nothing for the longest time.

Outgoing vs solitude: There are times when I am very active: go to school, work. But then I do almost nothing for years. Would go to many parties and had many acquaintances. Then wanted only solitude.

I always had a lot of sexual energy. As a child I spent most of my time playing doctor. I was curious about sex, liked sexual pictures. As a young teenager, felt sexual energy increase tremendously. Then I finally learned to use an electric vibrator. I could have an orgasm many times a day.

I can feel what everyone is feeling. When I am alone, I have a sense of self. But with others I loose myself. I am very private. Can write personal things, but difficult to talk about it. Forget things, unless they’re written down. Can have many casual acquaintances, but don’t get too personal. When reading or watching movies, get completely into it. Stopped watching scary movies because bad things get stuck in my mind. Desire to help people, to unite the world in harmony. Fondest memories are when connected with people. Care deeply what others think about me. Love compliments. Want others to understand me like I understand them.

Relationships: Got crushes on boys/men who first showed interest in me, but then took it away. So I would try to get their interest in me back. Would become totally obsessed. Looking back, they were men who weren’t very bright and couldn’t understand me at all. Got obsessed with a few female stars.

When I was about 15 I started having panic attacks. I wasn’t feeling well at school one day, couldn’t leave the classroom, and got scared that I’d throw up in front of others. After that, I got terrified of throwing up in public. Always need a way to escape. Experienced lots of panic symptoms. Times when I was full of suicidal thoughts. Feel fear in my stomach.

Always wanted to escape, run away. Since little, if ever any problems, had desire to escape, to move, to leave, to quit. Can’t escape from throat thing. If something is stuck, wouldn’t be able to get it out, would be helpless. Choked on Chinese food once. But afterward was able to go back to normal eating right away. Maybe years of fear have been tough on my stomach and acid had made my esophagus very sensitive? In relationship, always want to leave. In arguments, leave and make plans to leave relationship for good. Impulsive. Blow up. Get very mad, but soon it subsides and can’t remember why I was mad.

Many things I want to change about my appearance. Wish I was beautiful and then could enjoy life. My face has been extremely greasy and oily since I was 13. It’s like an oil slick all the time. Blackheads, whiteheads, cysts. Before I got acne, I was active in many physical activities. But after, I began hiding at home and hiding under makeup. I feel like I’m missing out on all the fun things in life because of my face. Hate to miss out. Obsessed with face. Have had many peels, used creams. After one harsh peel, have been having more cysts. At one time, Retin-A stopped me from breaking out for a while. I became more social. Then I stopped using it and the acne came back. I also pick at acne. I can squeeze pores for an hour. But then these red/brown spots/scars are left.

Dreams: Have reoccurring dreams where I have to take one more class to graduate, but I’m going to fail because I never attended that class and never studied for it. When I wake up, I have tremendous relief that I’m no longer in college and that I already graduated. Had dreams where I’m fixing or putting on my makeup, but not being very successful with it. Also a few times had prophetic dreams of things that later seemed to occur. For years had a dream that I went back to my hometown and want to visit my childhood best friend. But I spend the whole dream trying to get to her and not being able to. One time I did finally get to hug her in my dream. Another dream where I have to walk alone outside at night. And it’s very scary. And then there is a van that is following me. Sometimes in dreams, I will realize it’s a dream and will try to control it in a direction that will resolve whatever it is I’m struggling with in a dream.

Sleep: Sleep on side, a little on stomach with arm above head. Need to have blanket of substance (not very light). Many times don’t feel very refreshed after sleep. If don’t sleep enough, then feel groggy all day. Hard to fall asleep, even when tired, because think about many things. Hard to sleep during the day, if do sleep, then feel out of it afterward. Rock myself to sleep. Sometimes get into fetus position.

Mood: During the day I can be brave and confident. At night, fearful. Music has a big effect on me. Get very sad with sad music, and euphoric with happy music.

I was always afraid of pain. Physical sensations frightened me. Don’t like anything foreign inside of me, like needles or drugs, or medical equipment. Afraid of side effects, allergic reactions.

Have terrible anticipation anxiety. When know that I have to do something the following day, then I worry about it, can’t fall asleep.

Perfectionist. Things have to be right. Done right. Have to look perfect. Want everything organized, in its place. Sometimes don’t clean anything, other times start cleaning.

Feel different. Like from another realm.

Cannot say “NO.” Want to please.The only way around it is for me to avoid people.

Other:

On the one hand very independent, on the other depend on people.

Can’t sit still. Like to travel. Feet always moving. Like to drive or ride in car.

When sneeze, sneeze 4-5 times. I’m told my dad’s dad used to do that too. When come out of dim home, and if look at very bright sunlight, will sometimes sneeze.

When drink water, can feel it settle in stomach.

Fear loosing control and killing loved one.

Sometimes when walking, feel as if gliding through air.

Sometimes feel dead, no emotions. Other times overwhelmed. Rage. Difficult for me to cry, but sometimes do get to that point, and feel relived after crying.

Feel lots of wax/warm fluid inside ears. Can feel it running to the side I’m laying on, but nothing ever flows out.

All of my pen tops are chewed up.

Have to touch everything.

Before throat thing happened, I wanted to loose weight. Was feeling unattractive. Remembered how I was skinny when I was depressed, because I couldn’t eat when was depressed. Subconsciously wished that I’d get depressed again and not eat a lot. And then this happened. And I became afraid to eat. So it’s like body gave me what I wanted, in a twisted up way.

Teeth grinding.

When tired, feel difficultly speaking. When relaxed, then words come out with ease.

Loose interest in things that acquired. When want something, won’t really relax till get it.

Very self conscious. Notice every mistake I make, and others’ mistakes and weaknesses. Critical of self and others.

Goosebumps when kissed on neck; but only on the side of the body on which kissed.

Love being by the ocean.

Difficulty concentrating. Thoughts all over the place.

Like the feeling of electricity; Like to have TV on, even if not watching. Get electric shocks a lot (don’t like those).