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Anacardium progress for David 4

 

The ABC Homeopathy Forum

Another anacardium progress for David

Anacardium progress.

First of all I feel improvement. I am less inhibited. In “low key” situations I feel much less of tension and restriction. In other more difficult situations there is still improvement noticeable but not to the same degree.

-I had a situation where I felt humiliated at a crossing for standing and waiting for cars to pass. A girl was walking on the other side of the street and looking at me a lot so I felt pressure. And the ailment from humiliation after it is much less. But this has been improved since around first time I took platina. Things like that do not ruin my day anymore and make me think about it for a long time.

- I was once passing another dog owner and I was much less inhibited. My voice, all sounded good and there was no heaviness, It was all with ease but the emotional un-comfortableness was here and I did not want to interact. Rather hope that she would leave soon. So later the woman said “lets go” to her dog, and “he does not want to play” so it made me feel guilt. I felt as if she wanted our dogs to play but I didn’t let my dog off the leash. It made me feel bad later.

- There were some girls fishing and surprisingly while I walked past them I felt good. No problem with how I walk, tensions etc and one of them even greeted me and I greeted her back without any inhibition. My voice was ok, my body felt ok. But there was something else… After I walked past them girls I stopped and looked into the reflection of my phone about how my hair looked and I noticed the depressive feelings of not feeling really noticed or get what I wanted. All I got was a hello from them.

When I saw the girls first and looked at the one girl who greeted me, I felt this over emotionality from looking at her face and seeing her expression. This stuff always moves me. I know I would want her, want to be with her there and spent all the time with them but I felt like we are worlds apart. Have nothing in common. I could not want her, she could not want me. Interaction isn’t possible.

And I am in this emotional turmoil later, where I know there is a lot of emotional intensity behind it but I don’t feel it strongly at all. Its like if someone would look at me and if I had to describe how hurt I feel. It would look fake or not deep, or not genuine. Its like you wouldn’t buy it that I am really hurt. But I am, I just cannot show it genuinely. Or in other instances I overdramatize it. Like when I see a girl as mentioned above I get moved so deeply and get all emotional myself. Or a homeopath leaving me feels like a dagger into my heart. Getting stabbed. No wonder I feel like stabbing people I guess, but I just talk about it, I could never ever do such thing. I think its not a realistic response to feel so hurt by a homeopath leaving me. But it feels that way. And here is the problem with thinking that relationships are more intimate than they really are I am assuming.

Relationships are so difficult. I would of still probably be emailing my previous homeopath abusive messages about how she could do all this to me if I wouldn’t be following this forum already while being in treatment with the previous homeopath. But since I got a reply from David. I could have let it go and it was behind me. Only when I had trouble with David the first time did I send her another message but she was still cold to me in her reply, not nice and friendly as she was at the beginning.

I am sooo confused about what to do. And I certainly am not going to go to another homeopath as it will not solve anything. Just the same thing will happen. I am not going to run away or hop from one homeopath to another one because no one is willing to sort me out. Take the time and make the effort to help me. Which would mean to continue treating me and not leave me the moment I might get a bit difficult. I am always open to change or stop my bad behaviours that make treatment difficult. So I really don’t understand this need to leave me.

Phosphorus I took before and it didn’t really help

I took platina and I experienced that interaction with people is possible. That there is nothing that needs to be a certain way before I can interact. I felt like this mentally in the comfort of my own home. I am wondering whether phosphorus and platina are somewhat similar
 
  vitamin.X on 2011-10-21
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
I am starting to think that the materia medicas cannot be trusted entirely.

One would prescribe phosphorus probably based on the symptom 'relationships seem more intimate than they really are' but other remedies with underlying emotional hurt could have that symptom too for compensation.

====

Anyway today I am irritable, I couldnt stand hearing my cat making noises from her obstructed breathing while sleeping so I had to get her out of the room.

My internet connection when it isnt working makes me want to throw the computer somehwere, but I always calm down and control myself

I havent gotten something I odered yesterday in the mail today and feel like sending them an angry email but again I control myself and dont do it. Out of fear how it would make me look, what they would think of me etc. I might even regret it later when I calm down. Also again it feels good to be like this, to not have to take crap from people all the time as I usually do, its a rather empowering state but I know this isnt cure. Just the opposite state.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Fri, 21 Oct 2011 07:06:16 BST]
 
vitamin.X last decade
No they can be trusted. You just need to be trained to use them properly. What cannot be trusted is untrained people thinking they can understand how to use them.

Annoys me when people try to throw doubt on homoeopathy out of their own distorted and limited view of it.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
I didnt mean to throw doubt on homeopathy. Rather I meant to say one cannot take a remedy description or symptom out of the materia medica at face value. That its not that simple. The symptom 'thinking that a relationship is more intimate than it really is' might not always mean phosphorus automatically.

Or that Platina is always the haughty overbearing person... I read about a few Platina cases and they were not all like that.

That is all I meant to say. That its not that simple.

===

anyway I dont know what to do. Every attempt at getting help from you fails. Truth is I would not want to ask my parents for money to see a homeopath in person. I do not want to do it because I do not want to get healed I assume. It seems hopeless. I will not be happy ever anyway. I do not feel worthy enough to get help in person.

It would mean to take a leap of faith and step out into the unknown, become independent and take my life into my own hands, forget the past unjust, accept that my life sucked for the past few years, accept missing out on life for the past few years... and I simply am not strong enough to do all that. I dont see the light at the end of the tunnel. Which is needed.

I feel alone so I ask myself why would I want to get healed? Moving out alone without help or support I cannot do. THere is no motivation, no will to get help as it will lead to me being alone.

I cannot see myself be able to talk in english face to face without any difficulty with people ever again. Its to much for me. But things have to change. I cannot expect to be able to do nothing. my parents will force me to do something. And than all the pain will come up from being alone around people.

I am in such a bad spot. I started treatment in march of this year and I havent improved that much. Another year wasted. So horrible.

I dont want to go to work to uni because I will not be able to make easy contact. It so hurts when people sort of discard me or reject me. For the last few days I am noticing how it is true that I feel totally empty. THat there is nothing in me except my looks, no value, I have nothing to offer. I have nothing that would make people want me.

====


I am in a bad spot and I will stay on here crying for you. I dont care how I humiliate myself. I just see the unjust since you help everyone for free but not me. I do know it is all my fault, I have myself to blame. I know at least that (lol). But the emotional response is still the same.

Please at least try to help me. I can improve. I can stop the arguing, I do learn from things. But I am so depressed from nothing working out. I feel like I am supposed to make such a big leap in improvement in a very short time to be able to cope/deal in a social environment, but it seems impossible. I have no other choice than to keep trying though if I want to avoid the future pain.

I am so mad. I am trying for so many years to do exactly that. Improve so that I will be able to go to work or uni and avoid what I fear. But years just seem to be going by without me achieving what I need to achieve

=====

How could I ever have a girlfriend? I could not. I notice my younger brother has the same problem. He is very very sensitive around that subject. When I just tell him that I saw him with a girl in front of the house and ask about who it was. He gets very defensive. (I assume fear of ridicule) and is unable to speak. He has this anxious voice and difficulty to say anything like me.. and later one night he broke out in hysterical crying after I said something harmless to him and talked very bad about me how I always ridicule him, make fun of him etc. I felt very hurt by it. As I always made the effort to keep my insecurities and ego at check to not hurt him. As the last thing I want is for him to have the same issues as me. But on the other hand I feel hurt by him being with girls and have insecurities about it. I dont want him to run away from me. I dont want him to be something much better than me. I will feel sort of in danger, alone, left out.

I feel like often noone acknowledges when I am sensitive to other peoples insecurities and especially take care to not hurt them as much as I can. But I dont get anything from it. Nothing. I still get treated badly. Noone still takes care of not hurting me, etc.

Noone even knows I am aware and being careful as much as I can.

Anyway I dont know how this girlfriend problem will ever be fixed. There are so many issues around it. Having a girlfriend feels like going away from your parents. Its like choosing the girl instead of your mother and it makes me feel horribly worthless. Worthlessness fosters dependency I guess.

I feel so bad for my parents doing this to me. Since I probably have all those issues because of them. But I had to hear all my life how I am the bad guy and they are the good ones. So I am confused and dont know anything anyway. I always had to listen how they treat me good etc.

I feel a lot of UNJUST. I want to leave them all but I cant.

I am doing homeopathy not to get cured and have a life but primarily to avoid the future pain if I get forced back to society.

I am going to say it... I am a victim of life, a victim of my parents, my brothers, of everyone... I am not going to care about how wrong it is of me saying such outrageous things, I am not going to care how bad it is making me look to make such claims, because in the end I am pretty much like scum anyway. Worhtless and dependent. Unable to do something about it. At least it feels good saying it and I dont care what ever hurt or abuse I might get my way for saying such things.

hmm my ego is already coming. But I am not going to delete or correct my humiliating statements this time. But leave them.

And I am not wanting to care if everyone will walk away from me for making such claims. No I do care. I always care about that and forever will. Being alone isnt fun, is not life.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Fri, 21 Oct 2011 12:52:39 BST]
 
vitamin.X last decade
Oh god. I am having second thoughts about all this and wished I would not have posted this for wanting your help as it feels really uncomfortable, but deleting it and not wanting help, be on my own is not what I want either.
 
vitamin.X last decade
ok I am noticing my hair is slightly more regrowing in one spot, the hair isnt tiny anymore there but visible, so a good sign.

I am liking the anacardium. Pysichally I am feeling good because of it. And mentally, calmer also. Something else I noticed yesterday was: it was hard to keep my emotions in check. I talked about something with my brother yesterday evening where I have difficulty usually. But in one way it was easier to talk about it but on the other hand this strong anxiety from the past came up and unable to control them. I was blushing at times in my face which I havent in a while.

But all was sort of a no problem... improvement in ailments after it. It is not something I was thinking about later for a long time.

I dont know what to do after the anacardium. Staphysgaria is coming to my mind recently. It is true whenever I am at rest, sitting on my bed etc I always have sexual thoughts than. I always masturbate before falling asleep otherwise I cannot fall asleep.

But those people supress their emotions so that they dont feel them? Sort of non reaction? I feel anxiety and humiliation. I try to control it to not get stronger or show itself to people but I am sure it is quite VISIBLE to other people.

So I am confused. The materia medica makes it seem to me as if those people do not feel any humiliation or anxiety around people. But supress it. Feel nothing and when they get home than they have the ailments.
That is not me. Unless I misunderstood something.
 
vitamin.X last decade
I am reading a thread on here by a patient you David prescribed for. And you make the effort to prescribe but the patient is having doubts about whether to even take the remedies… Here I feel the unjust done to me because I was never selfish. I was torn between 2 sides whenever you prescribed for me. On one hand you prescribed so I must take the remedy. I cannot decline it otherwise feel strong guilt for how bad I am doing this to you after you made the effort. It is impossible to decline but on the other hand I wanted to do something for myself, or do what I want. A difficult CONFLICT to deal with. And no matter on what I would decide on I would not feel good in the end. If I took your remedy I would feel bad instantly, if I would go on my own I would feel bad later and regret it. Wish again to take your remedy and be working together again. I am sure you are not going to believe me as I am portrayed on here as the egoistical bad person. But that is how it is. I feel lots of guilt often.
 
vitamin.X last decade
So you are prescribing for yourself now, with no knowledge no training no idea what you are doing. That is what you wanted clearly, and yet now you are complaining about being left with no-one to help you. Well that is what being an adult is all about, have to deal with the consequences of your own actions.

You secretly take remedies, you point blank refuse to take other remedies, you whine and complain constantly, you continually question people with more knowledge and experience than you, and you basically go off and do what you want regardless of what anyone says. Then, you rewrite history to make those who tried to help you look like the villains, while you are the hard-done-by innocent victim.

You are possibly the most ungrateful person I have ever had to deal with. And you are harassing me on my personal email, harassing me here, posting over and over. I almost think you are in love with me or something else equally bizarre.

Leave me alone. You have made your bed now sleep in it. All you are making me now is more and more angry.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
What?

Havent I said countless of times I take blame for everything also?

No I dont want to self prescribe.


Why is there such misunderstanding between us.

I am the most ungrateful person to date? wow, i got enough now too. It is because of your effort to help me why I mostly took remedies you prescribed for me even though it was difficult.

Good Bye

This is unbelivable there was 1 round of remedy prescription I declined because I didnt agree with it and I get all this crap now (point blank refuse to take remedies?). 2 times I took remedies secretly but I havent done that ever again. Excuse me but I admited to what I did shortly thereafter and therefore will not consider myself as bad as you make me look. You are just critizising me over and over again now, everytime I try to correct the therapeutic relationship. Critizise my remedy choices, and everything. Which were more accurate than yours anyway. THis was to much now.

Good Bye
[message edited by vitamin.X on Sat, 22 Oct 2011 01:21:38 BST]
 
vitamin.X last decade
I was told I can try out remedies for 2 months on my own... but the trouble started when I made the comment 'I always know best' to another member. Just strange. Yes I feel the victim because I didnt mean it. Because you dont understand me. It was meant in a fun way and I thought I will be liked for it.

Yes I am a victim. Because my intentions are not bad really and no one understands me but good bye. You are just going to hurt me over and over now I see. We will not meet in the middle. It seems impossible. Thanks for everything. At least you tried Good bye
[message edited by vitamin.X on Sat, 22 Oct 2011 01:27:11 BST]
 
vitamin.X last decade
Now I am as good as dead and have noone to turn to for help. What will I do? The unjust boiling in me. And have to figure this mess out on my own. How great. Why did this had to happen. I guess noone will ever like me, unless I am always a specific way. THere is no thing as unconditional love.

I cannot leave you alone. I cannot help myself. Only you can
 
vitamin.X last decade
What I would really have wanted was this: Prescribe for myself, do things myself but have a helping hand when I need it. A guide. And not be alone. I have an aversion when one person does everything for me. It doesnt feel good and I need to get away. I asked my last homeopath to be just a potency guide and let me prescribe but she complained and hurt me as well.

But I dont even know what I want. WHat I want is changing. I feel the victim and hard done by. Because noone understands me or makes the effort to understand me. Just criticism from left and right about how bad and unmanagable I am.
 
vitamin.X last decade
''I almost think you are in love with me or something else equally bizarre''

Yes portray me again as someone sick and bizzare like last time, its not hurtful at all.


How can you not understand that I have noone else to get help from? Who is as nice as you to help people for free and has the knowledge and experience to do so?? I dont think I could find anyone else like you.

There has been a ton of misunderstandings between us.

And I must assume you have gotten to personally offended by my behaviours to not be able to objectively see me anymore. How depressing.

I am sorry for everything.
 
vitamin.X last decade
I am getting banned from forums, rejected by homeopaths. I am the bad guy you are the good guy.

I gave info on a personality disorder in (vain) hope you would understand me and try to help me.

I still dont understand:

1.You like helping people and doing homeopathy
2. I apologised and take blame for everything
3. I gave some good information about me (the personality disorder

So why can no one be so nice and stop the hurt I feel constantly inside me and help me?

I want the David back that complimented and praised me for how good I am doing when we did sensation together :)

===

I know my responses are like that of a child. I sort of have a mature rational mind but emotionaly very very immature. And this is a danger to me. David where are you? PLease help me. Noone on here does give the same level of effort as I do, not even gkumar.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Sat, 22 Oct 2011 02:10:17 BST]
 
vitamin.X last decade
Anyway the anacardium is helping. I was having a conversation with my brother in front of the house. Only close to the end of the conversation did I think about “how come I am talking without a problem in front of the house”.

But later I went for a drive with my brother and a friend of his and I was trembling from anxiety when I stepped on the gas to drive a bit faster. I was so shaky. And had twitches around my face as always when anxious. Which made me feel bad later but its not heavy anymore

I don’t know maybe Platina is the answer really. From all the remedies I took Platina made me the most stable and stable in my mind without this “hystericalness”. It made me even feel emotionally mature for a few days after the aggravation but it went away again. Strange I would of have expected natrum muriaticum to make me feel that way but it didn’t. And I think I know why.

Anacardium, platina, palladium are probably the 3 remedies I need. I am in doubt over staphysgaria though or maybe a completely different remedy would be right.

Why don’t you help me david? I guess I could find out if platina works based on if I will stop with all this behaviour after taking a dose of it. But its to early anacardium is still working. And I don’t even know whether I need to stay on it or not.

I took natrum muriaticum in the past because I thought it will break me open

I took silicea because I hoped I wont care about my image anymore

I took phosphorus because I hoped it will give me self love and make me connect with people, not feel distanced anymore

I took palladium in hope I will be able to be the “actor” who can capture people by his over-emotionality again. But it gave me unbelievable intensity to fight, made me feel even more distanced. It intensified my issues and possibly made me realize I need Platina. I feared I was going crazy in an attempt to be something big and great.

And then I took Platina without any thoughts or hopes of something happening or of gaining something as with previous remedies. I had no idea what I would gain. I surely am not going to get such intensity to fight again as I did from the palladium. There is nothing higher than platina. And to my surprise it worked in a way I did not expect. I didn’t really gain anything specific except the knowingness that I am fine the way I am and all is well.. hmmmmm

Palladium should have worked not platina. But those 2 remedies are apparently very close to each other.

When do I stop anacardium? What needs to be taken first in my case? Anacardium or platina?
 
vitamin.X last decade
Vitamin.X...please leave this man alone...you are turning into a stalker and you are ruining it for the rest of us who actually want help and will not stoop to the level of harassment to try and get it. This man has said that he will not treat you any longer because of your own behavior and there is nothing you can do to change that. You are not taking no for an answer and your behavior is psychotic and reprehensible. Your need to stop calling out to 'David' in your countless threads, this is considered harassment and is not taken lightly. I hope you know that people are getting tired of it, and in addition to being reported to those in charge of the forum, it would be easy for the subject of your harassment to track you down and file a lawsuit. It happens everyday. I have seen it happen before and you sir are treading a very thin line.
[message edited by allicando on Sat, 22 Oct 2011 05:19:41 BST]
 
allicando last decade
You again!
What is it with those threats about filing lawsuits and reporting people? You want me to care for you people when no one cares about me? How hard is it even to ignore a post from me that isn’t even addressed to you or anyone else but David anyway… I doubt it is difficult, so stop complaining about small things. But for me on the other hand it is difficult to accept a “no” for my treatment. You can talk your psyho, reprehensible, reporting, lawsuit stuff all day. Scare someone else with that reprehensible low behaviour.

Please go away
 
vitamin.X last decade
I am trying to bring something to your attention before you find yourself in further trouble. You can get angry all you want, it was no threat. That is how things work in the world, you continually harass someone and eventual you get in a lot of trouble for it. FYI
 
allicando last decade
Hey you.

If you so care about me and want to help me you know what I would want, so bring it to me otherwise leave and save it for someone who cares about what you small people have to say!

give me a break with that oh so common innocently disguised 'I just want to bring something to your attention' crap, ..dump your anger on someone else.


I dont even know what I am doing here. I know what remedy I need. I know it all. David & gang can critizise all they want. Fact is that I found it despite having to listen before taking it how difficult it is and how I am not that remedy. Break someone else with that crap, not me!

I am leaving. I got enough of you small people.

====
Oh and editing a post after I replied to it to make yourself look better is really beyond low. God some people are low
[message edited by vitamin.X on Sat, 22 Oct 2011 07:06:42 BST]
 
vitamin.X last decade
for some reason I cannot leave.

I am wondering whether I sound like platina genuinely or whether I picked this up from materia medicas.

I have my eyes on tarantula hispanica and am wondering if it could fit me.

I still cannot believe you called me the most ungrateful person after I said so many times thank you to you and only once declined a round of remedy descriptions once. I must assume you exaggerated this because I cannot understand it otherwise.

===
No it is platina. Anacardium feels good. But I feel the loss in my good appearance again. It must be platina therefore. A mineral! And I got unjustified criticism for being obsessed with the minerals. But platina playing a victim is not present in materia medicas.

It is either stapysgaria or platina/palladium/anacardium what I need.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Sat, 22 Oct 2011 14:17:56 BST]
 
vitamin.X last decade
I have been confronted about needing to go to study again this morning. And I noticed improvement. First the bad

My hand started trembling, heart palpitations, anxiety, I couldnt answer anymore after a while and just stayed quiet while he kept talking.


The good, the improvement: I was fine with staying there, fine with him saying all those things to me, I feel like I have more confidence and feel like I am able to hold my ground and not do anything until I am cured. And I directly answered him at first before the anxiety got bad about the situation that I am not ready
 
vitamin.X last decade
I hope noone will take this in bad part but I have to let my frustration out:

'Gkumar again asking for a remedy to be considered. Obviously he is reading upon remedies a lot.

I really don’t understand this. Wherever I look I see people asking for remedies to be considered and no objection to it whatsoever unlike with me. I got told I will be left if I take a remedy, I should stop corrupting stuff, stop reading remedies etc. This is not an attempt to hurt anyone. I am just so puzzled over this because it happens always to me. SO I know there has to be something wrong with me that I always get treated this way. Controlled around, told what to do, punished for whenever I want to do something on my own. It is ridiculous… I hope I wont get abuse my way and told how bad and wrong I am for saying all this again. Everyone gets treated equally with respect but not me.''


I talked about arg-nit and anacardium that I strongly felt I needed one of those. The reply I got was that the information is corrupted and those remedies need to be disregarded now. Obviously I felt in a bad spot as I knew if I take the remedy the consequence is david will leave me and if I dont take it I might not get cured.

Why did I have to be in such tough spots? Why couldnt I have been just told to try it like EVERYONE else?


I am to blame for all this 80% but not for everything. Although I know I didnt make it easy so I do not blame anyone else for this. I just want a second chance and more freedom, not this tight control followed with punishments as I always get. Which is ridicoulous
 
vitamin.X last decade
I really dont know where to go from here. Anacardium, platina or staphysgaria?

I am improving and that is great but I dont know exaclty what to do in the coming weeks, to not mess it up and overdose on a remedy which isnt needed anymore.
 
vitamin.X last decade
I feel like I shouldnt lower myself since I got treated so unfairly. Even when choosing my own remedies I have gotten criticism after criticism my way. Never said anything good to me even when the remedies turned out to be good. I had to listen how they are just working because I want them to work etc. Great unjust and I would deserve to hear something good for once.

I am in a no win situation always because I am dependent. Either take the abuse I get but not be left on my own or speak up about it and get left on my own.

But it feels good to let all my anger and feelings of unjust I got my way out, not hold it back anymore out of fear. But still it feels like I am digging myself into a bigger hole now and will never get any help from David again.

It is just so frustrating that it has to be always like that. A choice between 2 things. where neither outcome is good.
 
vitamin.X last decade
You told me you believe I want to be the dominating one in our therapeutic relationship. And I acknowledged the fact that you see me that way. Even though I considered it to be far away and rather the opposite from how I see it. But I thought about it and kept it in the back of my mind to try and change.

I feel hurt that noone ever can see my view point. Noone can be considerate of my view, of my 'reality'.

I posted on the histrionic personality disorder. I consider myself to have it but I am a bit more advanced or close to cure. Because I can observe my over dramaticallness. I can see how I am very over dramatic about this whole thing but still I cannot stop it and wished someone would help. I feel hurt by the fact that I am trying to improve every day and noone acknowledges it. I am observant, introspective, I improved a lot but noone can see it, noone acknowledges it

Why am I so dramatic and unreal? Is there a remdy for this.

I feel hurt by every little thing you say to me because I make always the greatest effort to show how advanced, observant etc I am, which I really am! And take great insult in being called sick, bizzare, delusional about the change of my nose which happened or whatever.
 
vitamin.X last decade

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