To Jacob-----Re:Forget then Scramble

Jacob,Its Pattee.In response to your response to my response Re:Aids I had posted a request for your assistance and stated that I forgot what I titled the new topic. I became mildly alarmed when I discovered that I forgot to post it at all.(attention deficit being part of the problem).Anyway to turn lemons to lemonaid this can be the first of diagnostic clues.i.e.Zoning out something important or screwing it up as a result of a mixed or false memory which leads to scrambling to cover my butt due to aversion to reprimand then becoming angry at the reprimander which only serves as cover for anger with the self(anger at own mistakes+ anger at impatience of others.There is a definite bouncing from idea to idea.There is a definite grogginess that I wake up with every single morning.There is a definite free floating anxiety state that is only relieved for a very very short time when I sense that all personal matters seem ok which shifts to a waiting for the next shoe to drop feeling(something negative will happen feeling)Shocked easily(hide it)Detach to cope(mind numbing effect)some would probably refer to it as being thin skinned.My pain avoidance sensors seem to be tweaked high.Pleasure seeking sensors tweaked low on some rudiculous ingrained notion that every pleasure(like a trojan horse will come with a price tag that will involve a degree of frustration that would have made the pleasure not worth it.Fear overdoing things or throwing caution to the wind. All this probably a long term end result of A.D.D. without the hyperactivity(Hidden disorganization)Need to organize and line things up when in others presence to seek favorable opinion but get ticked off if they leave a mess(hypocritical0 Spacey,theorizing ,talkative,(obviously)General low self esteem with false high self esteem,False knowledge,pseudointellect,clever but not smart(not able to focus long enough nor remember details.Biggest current diagnostic problem is that there is a neurotic history and some alcoholism on maternal side .Big time cancer history on paternal side(father + 3 of his siblings) Notice that I talk in an emotionally distanced way re: people I am kind of aspergerish(if there's such a word) and there is also part /object overfocus among me and my siblings difficulties with subjective reintegration. Personally had 3 nervous breakdowns(real deal)like what Nash went through though I am not nearly as smart as him which was probably my saving grace since knowledge base tends to strengthen delusions during psychotic episodes.My self diagnosis: History of severe depressive psychosis based on hidden mild retardation or something like that which is interferring with my ability to rapidly(emotionally) adapt to changing circumstances. The simple things that everyday people do everyday and think nothing of I fret over.I have a sense of global(earthly)awareness realizing that as an individual my problems are small when put in perspective with what is going on out there.I am also aware of my own mortality and don't expect someone to find the cure for old age for me. Mainly I figured that if I could network with knowledgeable people I could get well,then in turn help others while continuing to help myself and so on and so forth.Yea... Went off into the wild blue yonder once again.Please be patient . Thanks Pattee