fear/anxiety - Jacob/Pankaj kindly help.

I'm seeking help for my anxiety problem.

Here are the details :

About me :
I'm 30 years old female, married, no kids so far. Happy with my married life as my husband is a nice person. I'm working - quite satisfied at job as I love my work and my work is also recognised.
On the whole, I'm a happy person who has multiple interests - listening to good music, playing chess, studying , art etc. I'm spiritual too and kind-hearted. I love animals/birds and I love feeding them.
I can say, left to myself, I'm a nice person, happy and peaceful wanting to use time constructively over the interests that I have.

History :
Ours was a family of 4 - my parents and an elder sister, but I mostly grew up to be a lonely child. Our father wasn't really bothered about the kids, so our interaction with him was limited. Our interaction with our mother was more than that with our father. But as she was not an expressive mother who would talk kind words as the mothers of my friends did, interaction with her too was not too much until I grew up. Also, my sister kept me away most of the time when she went to play with our neighbourhood kids - she would gang up with them and tell them not to take me in as she was worried that I would complain to my mother that she's not clean while playing etc (which probably I did couple of times). At such times, I would cry and go back home. My mother would say, they are all bad kids, you're a good kid, so you stay here. So many times, I ended up staying home and silently watch them play from our gate.
At other times, when I'm taken in, I would play with them.
As a child, I remember my world to be mainly my studies which I loved very much and then, couple of close friends at school and a little bit of playing with neighbourhood kids whenever taken in. I didn't feel any love from father, mother or sister though I was a very kind-hearted person even then and did look for love from people. I loved my sister a lot, though she showed no response to it and treated me just as another person around.

Some things that affected me while growing up are :
1. my mother constantly would say things about me like, this girl doesn't like humans so much - she doesn't have courage - she is not so bold as her sister on stage etc
2. once when I got my friend home during lunch time, and asked my mother to serve food, she just shouted saying that why did you get her without informing - I've not cooked additional food - I felt insulted. I must say, even to this day, I feel odd, conscious and anxious when people come home.
3. Once after a trivial fight when I was about 14 years old, my sister stopped talking to me for nearly 5 years until she got married. Now my sister and I are in very good terms with each other and she loves me a lot. But her not talking to me for so long during my growing years and for no fault of mine did really affect me.
4. Some of the relatives who I was in good terms with, simply refused to even smile or recognise the good old days we had, due to family problems.

So, my life has been mostly lonely in terms of people in my life.
I did have close good friends at each stage, but it won't be more than one or two at any time.
My studies alone has been my passion all the time, which also took me ahead in life.

Symptoms :
1. I love being alone and I'm comfortable with only people who make me feel comfortable i.e. people who are pleasant and nice to me - who I feel do not watch or judge me. I love people who smile a lot and who are cheerful. I personally smile quite a bit.
2. I do not like to be centre of attraction. I do not enjoy social gatherings or even office gatherings for that matter, but I'll be fine there as long as I'm not given attention or nobody is watching me.
3. Even with some of my good friends, who I think watch or judge on what I talk etc, I do not feel comfortable. I struggle to make continuous eye-contact at such times. When I'm speaking with them, I think that they are observing my facial expressions etc and I try consciously to put up some expression, try to wear a smile - it's like making efforts to wear some expressions rather than concentrating on what they are talking.
4. I do not feel comfortable to enter a room of people when all of their eyes turn towards me.
5. I do not like getting on to stage and give seminars. In my office, I had to give some seminars to juniors - I did it out of compulsion as I could not say no or explain to them that I have these problems. A month before the seminar, I was always worried about the seminar - how it'll go etc. I did not do the seminar so great, although not very bad. But if I were to teach the same thing to one person, I would do much better job than what I do to a group of people, since I feel very conscious in front of group of people.
6. When some people come home, who I think might judge or might read my facial expressions, even if they are my friends, I become very uncomfortable. I even struggle to smile even if I want to smile. I kind of feel out of control and simply keep talking something or asking some questions without actually wanting to ask those questions. This is just to keep them engaged so that they don't observe me or watch me. And then, after they leave, I worry that they may not have felt comfortable talking to me or must have felt bored with the way I talked. And then I think they must have thought I didn't want them to visit home, whereas I actually want people to visit home and feel comfortable with me. This doesn't happen all the time, only with people who I think might judge me.
7. I have varying self-esteem. When I'm comfortable with the people, I talk with good self-esteem. When I'm not comfortable with people or I think they do not believe what I'm saying or for instance, suppose, I meet some new person who looks smarter in terms of their dressing or their fluency of talking, I begin to show signs of inferiority complex.
8. Many times, both in office and in other places, I've noticed that people like me, they want to extend friendship to me, but I'm not able to continue the friendship after initial talks - I feel I'm talking for the sake of it, and I come back to my shell after I'm done talking.
9. I do worry about what others think of me. This used to be more prominent in childhood, mainly because of childhood experiences. But it's there even now. For instance, suppose I met someone 'who I think watches/judges/reads me' - it could be a known friend or some new person, after talking, I would be thinking was I nice in what I said, was I looking normal, what did he/she think of me, did he/she see my facial expressions etc
10. If somebody makes fun of me or hurts me, I do not forget it easily. In fact, I've cut off from some people because they spoke rudely to me - with some, I get angry when they speak rudely and with others, I get inferiority complex when they treat me bad.
11. My mother used to shout or get worked up because of the problems she had in her life. She has not shared good relation with my father all through-out. I do inherit the hot temperament of hers - getting angry and shouting with loud voice in some contexts. At such times, I would be completely heated up, very loud and hurting, as if I'm a different person altogether.
12. My father has not been very social and does not know how/what to talk when he meets people. He's a virgo and so am I. So I sometimes feel this could be the reason why we are not very comfortable with people. Our symptoms are different though. He goes on talking non-stop without bothering to see whether the other person wants to hear.
13. I'm scared of people who are bold and make sharp remarks to my words or who don't hesitate to make fun of me in public. I just fail to handle them - won't know how to react - it's like a scared kid inside. I can't gracefully handle criticism.
14. Recently I got to know that my father has been messing with women. That shattered me for a while, then I got over it by working towards it - by thinking philosophically. But it has caused some low-esteem and also I feel all my friends and neighbours are living such a nice harmonious life, whereas my family is messed up. Since my married life is fine, I'm able to ignore it to a great extent, but I do feel sad that my family is not something I can be proud of. Both my parents have given some positives in my life e.g. my father has been a good employee at work, my mother wishes good for people and brought me to where I am today. I respect them for that, but when it comes to showing my parents to others, I have some fear on how they'll behave.

At all these anxious moments, I get into different symptoms. Sometimes my heart beats fast, sometimes, I sweat on my palms/face. Sometimes, I go very cold, and sometimes I get heated up and become warm. At such times, my reaction would be becoming sad/dull/silent or get angry and shout at my husband etc.

Despite these symptoms, I managed to survive all these days hiding them - may be some have noticed the discomfort in me, some haven't. But I feel I'm slowly reaching a stage where I cannot avoid more of these situations. For instance, in office, I'm already at the level where I'll have to learn to network with people, give seminars etc In my social network, I'll have to interact with more people.
In fact, there's a ceremony ahead in another month in our house and we have invited people. But I'm so nervous about it - I keep imagining about it - how it'll be when so many people come home, will I be able to wear a smiling face and give them a warm welcome at home? What if I'm unable to smile - they might think they are not received properly etc.

I want to be social, be happy with people, help people and make them happy. Instead, due to the fear of being exposed on these weaknesses of mine, I'm now slowly staying away from people. I'm slowly going away from friends too.

Jacob/Pankaj, kindly help me. As I'm aware that homoeopathy treats people based on their traits and history, I've tried to include as much details as possible. Kindly help me.