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Resentment and emotional lock-down

Hello,
Holidays usually bring out alot of rage and resentment from past offenses. I become indignant and want to tell others off and go into major defensive mode. I had my 3rd c-section 4.5 months ago and feel alot of bitterness over women who've had 'natural' births. I hate my OB and don't care to see him again even though he is a 'wonderful' doctor. I am cynical of everbody and everything..my children have frayed my nerves..I want to be alone and run away. My husband and I have zero love life and I don't care. I feel like we've fought too much to ever repair our relationship. I regret having kids and marrying into his rude and judgemental family. I am having my thyroid hormones tested as well as my progesterone through our family doctor..not my ob..I'm scared to see him and feel as if he's had too much power over my body slicing me open to deliver my kids for me while I lay there paralyzed but awake to 'see' my birth. I'm nursing exclusively and have been spotting pink though all showed well at my 6 week visit and annual gyno exam. My face flushes when having company and feels like it's on fire. I can't believe how red it gets..usually this happens in the evening anyway. I am very insecure and my self-esteem has plunged since having kids. I try so hard to create a perfect image of a family out of fear of being found out to be less than perfect. I am riddled with fears of something being wrong with me, of getting a disease, of not being here to see my kids grow up. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer five years ago and since then, I've been extremely obsessed with fear of getting it myself to the point of being unable to enjoy life or my kids. I fear getting too close to anyone out of fear of being gone or losing them. I feel like an absolute wreck and look absolutely drained. I'm just so angry and tired and down on everyone and myself. I'm most fearful of someone recognizing that I'm losing my grip. Please help!
P.S. I will be seeing a counselor--again... and know that alot of this is crap that has to be dealt with. My body just will not let this anger and old resentment go, regardless of the therapy..I need it unlocked and to set it free once and for all..
Thanks
 
  woman on 2007-12-28
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
please send your detail in my format...
.
2. Age
3. Sex
4. Married/Unmarried/widow
5. weight
6. Height ….
7. country
8. climate
9. Family History
10. Qualification of patient
11. Nature of working
12. Complexion: Fair/Wheatish/ Darkish
13. Constitution: Well built/Fat/Thin
14. Veg/non veg
15. History of taking Alcohol/Tobacco/coffee/Tea/any drugs addiction
16. List of your complain first 1. 2.. 3 ……
17. Since how long you are suffering for each complain
18. current medicine you are taking for each complain
19. Diabetic or non Diabetic
20. Desire sweets/sour/salt
21. Thirst –Small quantity/short interval/long interval/large Quantity
22. Tongue color
23. Current BP (without medicine and with medicine)
24. What exactly is happening ?
25. How do you feel ?
26. How does this affect you ?
27. How does it feel like ?
28. What comes to your mind ?
29. One situation that had a big effect on you ?
30. How did that feel like ?
31. What sensation do you experience in that situation ?
32. What are you showing by that gesture of your hand.(habits or Action) ?
33. desire or like and dislike of food
33. Name of foods which increase your problem
34. Body odor ,/sweating/-
35. Under line the right word for you ----
Morose, Quarrelsome, Hasty, Lachrymose, Anxious, Delirious, Groping, Despairing, Sad, Hopeful, Fearful, Restless, Calm, Drowsy, dullness, Anger, Being overwhelmed, Depression and gloom Despair and faithlessness , Despondency from overwork, Domination of others, Doubt or Discouragement, Easy impressionability, Fear and Shyness, Fear for the others welfare, Fear of losing mental balance, Feeling of powerlessness, Guilty and self-blame, Hard master onto oneself with an urge to inspire others, Hopelessness, Immaturity of Mind/Emotions, failure to learn from mistakes impatience, indecision in difference or boredom Intolerance and criticism lack of mental tranquility, lack of motivation and incentive longing for past happiness, nostsliqia, low self-confidence, Mental Fatigue, Mental torture or worry, Mental/emotional and physical weariness, Overcome for welfare of others, Overenthsiasm, Pride or aloofness, Resentment and bitterness, Sadness, greif, shock, Self centered talkativeness, Self-distrust, Shame or feelings of un cleanliness, Terror, jealousy, Weakness too willing , Fear from known thing, fear from unknown thing. Whether you can able to give public speech or not.
36. Aggravation (increases-time, season,)& Amelioration (Decreases)
37. . Details of the adverse features in the Pathological ,ECG, XRay Ultra-Sound's tests already conducted
38. Attached here your photographs of the affected area. (if required/optional)

Dr. Deoshlok Sharma
 
deoshlok last decade
please try (Carsinosinum-1M) 2pills weekly for 4weeks then stop and after 6weeks report me back,OK
Good luck
 
faisal qureshi last decade
2. Age---31
3. Sex---Female
4. Married/Unmarried/widow---Married
5. weight--175
6. Height ….--5'5'
7. country---USA
8. climate---cold/wintery/midwestern US
9. Family History--father-diabetes..mother-breast cancer..
10. Qualification of patient--master's degree MBA full time mother--three sons
11. Nature of working--dragging through day and overwhelmed
12. Complexion Fair/Wheatish/ Darkish-fair and can seem ruddy at times
13. Constitution: Well built/Fat/Thin--well-built pre-baby but somewhat overweight postpartum and hit plateau at 175..hoping to lose at least 20 more lbs. to get to normal weight for me
14. Veg/non veg---non-veg
15. History of taking Alcohol/Tobacco/coffee/Tea/any drugs addiction---cup a day coffee-herbal tea--prenatal vits., acidophilus, fish oil, prolamine iodine, detest tobacco although social smoker back in college..very occasional glass of wine or beer
16. List of your complain first 1. 2.. 3 ……
1. highly irritable and emotionally numb..annoyed by husband and kids--how long? 3-4 years..progressively worsening
2. Resentful of others..especially extended family and in-laws. Jealous at times of their seemingly flawless lives...6-8 years progressively worsening
3. Can't stop remembering past annoyances although I've tried to forgive offenses etc. It just seems to keep coming back..a decade..gets worse and more complex.
4. Major health anxiety. Obsessed with fear of getting a disease, esp. cancer-breast cancer like my mother, and dying, not being here for kids...always a hypochondriac from around 16 years..nervous breakdown. specifically fear of br.cancer since 11/02 when mom was diagnosed..
5. Anxiety prevents me from focusing on children. I'm almost scared of interacting with them because it hurts too much and makes me cry at the thought of not being here for them...progressively worse with each child...but especially since 10/04..
6. Scared of my ob-gyn. Paranoid and feel like he knows something about me or my health that he's not telling me. Resentful that he's sliced me open three times. Feel as if he owns my body...since January of 03..my first pregnancy and after mom was diagnosed with b.c--side note--no relationship with mother as she was very verbally and physically abusive when I was young.
17. Since how long you are suffering for each complain--see 16.
18. current medicine you are taking for each complain--no pharma meds...just vitamins listed above. Sometimes GABA for anxiety.
19. Diabetic or non Diabetic--hypoglycemic
20. Desire sweets/sour/salt--desire salty food and sweet food alternating
21. Thirst –Small quantity/short interval/long interval/large Quantity--regularly consuming large amounts of water..breastfeeding exclusively
22. Tongue color--light pinkish/purplish..a slight white tinge on surface
23. Current BP (without medicine and with medicine)--128/70
24. What exactly is happening ?--I wake up overwhelmed and exhausted and consumed with dread. I get through the day like a zombie and look forward to when kids are put to bed for the night. I feel guilty for being so unavailable to the point of feeling like it'd be better if they had a different mom.
25. How do you feel ?--sad, hopeless, angry, jealous, resentful, emotionally numb and just really cold.
26. How does this affect you ?--I sound emotionless, have to put on a front around holidays which drains me and makes me resentful. I'm just always scard of something. Diagnosed before with generalized anxiety disorder
27. How does it feel like ?--it feels like being completely ungrounded and always uncertain.
28. What comes to your mind ?-fears of being alone and unrecognizable with my children hating me as teens and adults. Just a sad picture and painful legacy.
29. One situation that had a big effect on you ?--excommunication from church and abusive treatment from mother and parents divorce. Anger at dad for never protecting us.
30. How did that feel like ?--scary and trapped
31. What sensation do you experience in that situation ? fear
32. What are you showing by that gesture of your hand.(habits or Action) ?hand always on chin, nail-biting/picking
33. desire or like and dislike of food -comfort foods and dislike vegetables
33. Name of foods which increase your problem --breads
34. Body odor ,/sweating/- body odor and sweating since birth
35. Under line the right word for you ---- Depression and gloom Despair and mental torture and constant worry...faithlessness..although many of them fit.


Morose, Quarrelsome, Hasty, Lachrymose, Anxious, Delirious, Groping, Despairing, Sad, Hopeful, Fearful, Restless, Calm, Drowsy, dullness, Anger, Being overwhelmed, Depression and gloom Despair and faithlessness , Despondency from overwork, Domination of others, Doubt or Discouragement, Easy impressionability, Fear and Shyness, Fear for the others welfare, Fear of losing mental balance, Feeling of powerlessness, Guilty and self-blame, Hard master onto oneself with an urge to inspire others, Hopelessness, Immaturity of Mind/Emotions, failure to learn from mistakes impatience, indecision in difference or boredom Intolerance and criticism lack of mental tranquility, lack of motivation and incentive longing for past happiness, nostsliqia, low self-confidence, Mental Fatigue, Mental torture or worry, Mental/emotional and physical weariness, Overcome for welfare of others, Overenthsiasm, Pride or aloofness, Resentment and bitterness, Sadness, greif, shock, Self centered talkativeness, Self-distrust, Shame or feelings of un cleanliness, Terror, jealousy, Weakness too willing , Fear from known thing, fear from unknown thing. Whether you can able to give public speech or not.

36. Aggravation (increases-time, season,)& Amelioration (Decreases)--changes of seasons, especially late fall and early spring..very anxiety provoking. feel better with blast of fresh air and walking. worse in am and late afternoon or too much coffee.

37. . Details of the adverse features in the Pathological ,ECG, XRay Ultra-Sound's tests already conducted--past ultrasound of thyroid revealing multiple nodules and goiter, subclinical hypothyroidism, past cyst on right ovary that disappeared. occasional constipation. noted estrogen dominance and severely debilitating PMS.

Thank you very much for your time and attention. It is greatly appreciated.
 
woman last decade
I heard that Carcinocin is highly controversial. I'm hesistant to take a nosode...
 
woman last decade
nux vom 200 one dose daily for five days report j k mohla
 
akshaymohl last decade
Argentum Nitricum 200 should be of help....... since your mind of full of imagined fears.

Pankaj Varma
 
PANKAJ VARMA last decade
Dear stop all the medicine if you are taking....
first take one dose of 2 drops campher 200 and wait for a day next take one dose of 2 drops of Nat Mur 10M and wait for a week and report your all the detail and feeling.... for taking next step

dr. deoshlok sharma
 
deoshlok last decade
Thank you Dr. Sharma.
 
woman last decade
Dr. Deoshlok could be right ...coz you have lot of suppressed anger. So Natrum Mur.

Check your BP readings and let us know.

Pankaj Varma
 
PANKAJ VARMA last decade

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