8 years old behavior - My dear Annlive

8 years old behavior – My dear Annlive

Dear AnnLivi Riga Thursday, January 31, 2008

If a child is sick, then the parent’s are the cause. There are no exceptions.
This is not meant to blame you or to accuse you, it is merely ignorance that leads to mistakes, and we cannot blame or accuse someone for not knowing.
Your daughter is exposed to a stress that is called the Lack of Love, that today is a growing stress and is affecting many people. I take this opportunity to clarify the cause for your daughter’s ailments and her misbehavior.

From your posts I quote the following statements’

Your post dated 24 of January 2008

“manipulative, tantrums, whining, always sees the negative in other people & situations, blames others, she has no compassion for others, steals things, hides things, mean to other children & her brother, she swears, talks naughty, doesn't want to do errands with me, struggle to do homework, when she doesn't get what she wants she blames it on others, screams & has a fit, some other traits about her that really concern me is that when she has hurt someone, emotionally, physically or other she gets a grin on her face, she can be very demanding, wants to act like a teenager, doesn't wear underwear - I have caught her pulling her pants down in front of her friends, she has an attitude like we (her mom & dad) are her servants, she is never grateful for the things she receives & often acts like she 'deserves' them”..

Your post dated 25of January 2008

“When I was pregnant, I was very depressed & suicidal at times - perhaps this affected her”?

Your post dated 25 of January 2008

“I have suffered all my life from depression & anxiety”.

Unquote

Everything you have said in the above indicates – The Lack of Love – and surely has its starting in the womb of the mother.

Therefore please follow this link - http://www.abchomeopathy.com/forum2.php/45040/ it is an earlier post from me called “Birth stress” – which I believe you’ve read already!

I will explain some more about why things happen.

I am a nice person

A lot of parents sigh, “I myself am a nice person. I really can’t understand how I got a child like that? I have never been the one to waste time, I always have my hands full of work and I demanded the same of my child. I have never pampered him. It is his friends and school who are bad influence. This I know for sure.”

Now try looking at the situation from the child’s perspective:

1. The child’s soul is starved of love; the mother hasn’t noticed him, paid him any attention or greeted him with love at life’s doorstep. I emphasize – these are the child’s stresses. If the mother has the same feelings, how can the child be expected to feel any other way? But the mother still denies her feelings.
2. A child without love makes mistakes easily and, as easily, gets punished for making them by the parents. This causes him to be afraid of his parents and then the fear doing anything at all.
3. The child has an enormous need to be active but his parents insist on telling him to do something, even when he has already started to do it. Parents feel better when they can boss their children around and not pity or pamper them, but raise them to be real go-getters. This attitude causes a child to experience fears, sadness, resistance and defiance towards the compulsion and, worst of all, a feeling of not being loved.
4. The parents tell the children to study, without realizing that the need to learn is the triggering force behind their child’s incessant activity. It is domination when the parents compel the child to learn what they think is most suitable for him. A small child is often told, “Don’t do this, don’t go, don’t touch…” etc., instead of Come look, touch, do..”. Somehow it seems that the parents would find it more comfortable if their child didn’t make an interest in anything. A good child doesn’t bother its parents. The parents don’t pay attention to the child’s closing up, turning inwards and losing his wish to take action. And very soon the child will hear, “Why don’t you do and look, why don’t you care?” and then the child feels a sad emptiness in his soul that makes him turn away from his parents. He will find another outlet for himself but whether it will actually do him any good is another matter.
5. Parents teach the child to live by their words and not their deeds:
- don’t be afraid – and are scared themselves,
- don’t do this – and do things themselves that don’t bear the light of the day,
- don’t go – and take the crooked path themselves,
- don’t hurry – and are too busy to even finish the sentence.

6. Parents don’t understand that the child sees and understands everything. “You are small and stupid – you have to learn, but I am a grown up, I’m wise.” A good child caring for his parents with a self-sacrificing love (parents usually don’t realize it) believe that the parents’ so-called wisdom is really the only way and start to live by their standards. A lot of child geniuses have died in childhood because the parents have destroyed their true self. They have made it their property and in a process of reformation – called love and education – broken the child’s spirit in half.
7. The parents’ dissatisfaction, fear and anger towards everybody who attempts to teach their children (nursery school teachers, teachers, coaches) causes the child to have similar feelings and similar behavior. They start to believe that teachers are stupid, vicious, ill-willed and know nothing about life.
A teacher who has a good heart and a desire to work in this environment can do little else but turn into the person the children (through the eyes of their parents’) see, and that’s what she finally becomes. And yet, the teacher who seems a perfect angel to one student may seem a perfect bitch to another. The child’s attitude attracts the same kind of behavior from the teacher, and who is to say later who started it all. The only way out would be mutual, overall forgiveness.

The parents’ characteristic traits are handed down and amplified in their children.

Stress has a tendency to petrify in time until finally the stubborn parents and their children find themselves standing face to face like lumps of granite.

The child is the parents’ reflection in a distorting mirror.

The child needs the truth. Parents who are otherwise good and caring are frightened to tell their child the truth or speak of problems, as they don’t want the child to feel bad.

The child is a lesson to the parents and the parents are a lesson to the child.

Fears are waiting to be set free: Forgive your fear. Forgive your inability to express yourself correctly, forgive the thoughts that are still getting in the way.

Then you’ll be free to come to the same level as the child and tell him, “Look, there’s something I’ve got to talk to you about…” Then you’ll find the right way to approach the child, and you’ll both feel much better afterwards.

The child will surely understand if you are being sincere or just trying to find excuses for yourself, and even in the latter case, he will be perfectly willing to understand if you tell him, Right now it is the only way I know or can do this, but it would make me happy if you’d understand that you are not the reason I’m worried.”

A child wants to be good. A child wants his parents to feel good. Give him this chance early in life. By doing this, you’ll save yourself a lot of suffering afterwards.

What a child longs for most is love. If there’s no other way for him to reach this goal, he will be willing to do it through suffering and disease. This is the way parents create professional patients – weak people who fall ill at every unpleasantness, never realizing that this is a form of blackmail to get care, that is, LOVE
The endless problem of control. Parents control their children and end up being controlled them selves. Everything you do, you get back twofold. He who sows wind, shall reap the storm.

I would like to repeat once again:

1. The child himself is the one who chooses his parents, with all the good and the bad they have to offer – and not the other way round. There’s no one to blame.
2. The child is a pure spirit and always comes to love his parents. The aims of the parents, on the other hand may not always be so noble, but instead quite self-serving in their nature.

A loving parent never says to his child in anger, “You don’t love me, you are bad.” Only a mother (or father) who feels unloved in her heart and knows how it hurts not to be loved, can say something like that out of bitterness, trying to hurt the child as much as she can. A mother can explain it in away quite logically: “well, he hurt me first, why can’t I hurt him back!” The mother’s obligation is to teach the child to be wise, that’s why she has to learn a lot herself. If her own parents have made mistakes in her upbringing then she has to be forgiven them, instead of repeating those mistakes.

The words that you use to strike a wound in your child’s heart will return to you sooner or later, only this time they will come back to hurt you and the hurt will be much worse. Don’t blame your child when it happens but ask him to forgive you for your mistake. Understanding always has to come from the wiser of the two.

As for your mother: you know that this sort of understanding is too much to expect from her and so you yourself have to be the one who forgives her for her mistakes, and yourself for letting the hurt enter your heart.

The mother’s duty is to teach the child to adapt to the ways of this world and make him strong. Too few mothers give birth with a feeling of pure love in their hearts. People usually get angry when I tell them this. You can say what you like but this is the simple truth: a parent with pure love in his heart will never have a really disastrous relationship with his children. They may disagree, they may fight, they may have arguments where the truth will eventually come out, but hate or insult is never needed. The kind of fight where the only goal is to win never has to be fought.

Love makes a person strong, understanding and reasonable. But if you let yourself be insulted by something the other person said, your ability to understand the situation is already blocked, and your only concern is to strike back immediately – to stand up for your own rights. Power always breeds protest and protest will grow into anger. It is obvious the parent, being older and stronger, will always have the upper hand in any argument. The more that physical strength is allowed to control the spirit, the weaker the spirit will grow, to the point where the mind of a submissive child will stop developing.

There are lots of ways to control a child:
- some parents resort to verbal abuse,
- some resort to threats,
- some resort to tears as they know that this is the child’s soft spot.

Because a child always wishes the best for his mother and father, some parents say, “You have to do this or that for the sake of the good name of our family,” and the child will do what is expected of him. He would have done it anyway, but now he is under an obligation. The strange thing is that the parents’ behavior is often at odds with the way they expect their children to behave – words and reality contradict. The child is literally sucked dry of energy.

Quite a few parents keep their offspring on a short leash by threatening the child with their own death at the child’s smallest transgression, thereby causing the child grave neurosis. But a child, who is not able to cope with death, won’t be able to cope with life. Birth and death are both inevitable and natural and this fact of life has to be made perfectly clear to the child. A child to whom it has been explained that death is the body’s transition from one state to another and that the dead person just goes away, will know that death is not destruction, but a state of being apart. He will understand that this is the way it is supposed to be.

Parents who fear death are often ill themselves and cause their children high fevers and sometimes, even terminal diseases. The child feeds his parent’s fear of death with his healthy energy. A child who is too self-sacrificing may even die for his mother or father.

The hard truth is that parents are the first to do violence to the child’s body and soul and, accordingly, are also the ones who have to bear the bitter consequences later. But parents whose favorite pastime is grumbling about their children have a difficult time admitting this. Denying one’s mistakes, however, has never done anything to improve the situation. The only way to free yourself from sickness is to ask your children to forgive you, and if you are too stubborn and proud to do that, then you will just have to keep on suffering.

Life is progress and eventually a child will grow wiser than its parents. The person wiser at a particular moment can and is obliged to teach the other – if he knows how to do it the right way. A parent, not quite sure of himself, could tell the child, “Honey, I’m sorry, but it seems to me that you are doing this wrong. Let me show you.” Every mother and father has to become wise, so that they can teach the child. If they are not wise enough, they should make it their business to learn. The child needs to have respect for his parents and a parent who takes the trouble to learn always deserves a child’s respect.

If you already overtaken your parents in wisdom, never humiliate them, thinking that you know better. You may well choose to come back as their mother or father in the next life and if you do, your wise deeds will be waiting for you with all their consequences. You should find happiness in knowing this and in things you do right.

If a child has done something to deserve punishment, it should be carried out immediately and in a manner which leaves the child in no doubt as to the reason for such punishment. Punishing is a serious business. In a way, it shows the child what the parent feels towards him. Later on, the child will be thankful for a fair and just punishment, which came in time and taught him a lesson.

If you can still feel the hurt that your parent’s unfairness caused you when you were small, then you must forgive them for causing you pain. You have to forgive yourself for taking this hurt to your soul and keeping it there so long. Finally, tell your body how sorry you are for having harmed it by this negativity.

Being sincere and straightforward – and not following a so-called free upbringing – releases a child from mental crisis. A child needs his parents’ wisdom of life because like attracts like. He has come to this particular set of parents precisely due to the similarity between the three of them. A free upbringing is a total lack of upbringing. It is a situation where parents refuse to do their duty.

A child comes to this world through his parents, and with a good reason. Parents are already adapted to the physical world and, as such are obliged to teach the child, so that he too can adapt properly, remaining true to himself in every situation in life. Then he won’t have to crash into walls on his way and learn by suffering alone. This is the law of nature and the parents who have failed to teach his child the ways of life before he turns eighteen, shall feel the effect of karmic law on himself.

As already mentioned, there are countless ways of teaching. The parents have the right to discipline his child physically – influencing the first chakra with a switch, has a releasing effect on the sixth and seventh charkas. The opposite is not permissible to a person. However, you should bear in mind that this kind of discipline is hardly ever necessary.

The parents should always think, “What did I do to cause a situation like that?” and ask the child to forgive his mistake, explaining to him, in a way best understandable to the child, the real reason behind the situation. The child will always forgive and learn from each mistake. Do not be afraid that admitting a mistake will make you look bad in his eyes. Quite the opposite – the child will appreciate your sincerity and think even more highly of you. Every child wants to respect his parents and will always defend them to the world. Puberty is a turning point and after that correcting mistakes will become difficult.

A child needs the truth, however hard it may be – not sweet lies. Man learns only by truth and truth sets you free. A child kept in terror becomes a hypocrite and his protest will grow into bitterness and later, into anger. At the same time his dignity is wounded forever. Where there’s a conflict, a child needs to be told if he was the one who caused it or if it was caused by something else.


The spirit of a child is self-sacrificing. Its love for its parents and for life is such that the child may tightly connect itself to the parents so that it cannot forget them even if it tried. It may take the burden of the parent’s troubles upon itself. A lot of mothers feel as if all their worries have lifted from them during their pregnancy. They feel that nothing in the world can touch them. Mothers explain the cause of their inner calm by reference to the fact that throughout the pregnancy they had nothing on their mind but the well-being of their baby. Unfortunately, they are often deceiving themselves. If you used to be overly sensitive before, then the child just takes your troubles on to itself and, later on, it doesn’t know how to let them go.
The child understands everything, you only have to explain and ask him to find a reasonable solution to the problem. The spirit is very wise, but its wisdom is never unlimited nor final in any sense.

Being born feels like entering a comfortable cave or canal to the baby. The canal begins with a wide festive looking entrance and ends with a narrow gate for exit. The birth canal lies to left side of life – the side of the father or power – as delivery takes great effort and clarity of mind. Children of unwed mothers or children whose father lives away from home feel a lack of the father’s support. If the mother forgives the father his absence, explains everything to the child and asks it to forgive her, the child will not develop a stress. The child is able to mobilize itself, for its own and for its mother’s sake.
Children are psychic until the time their parent’s, that is the materialistic aspect of life, destroy that gift. They see, or rather, they sense the things that grown-ups try to hide from them.
When the parents fight and quarrel a lot the reaction is similar. The child’s love energy runs out – he gives up for the sake of his parents.
The child is nervous, apathetic, scared and may experience a fear of death or wish to die. Stubborn allergies and skin-diseases frequently appear, and in spite of extreme restrictions and all the mother’s care and worry, they won’t clear up. The mother usually ends up disappointed with medicine altogether.
These symptoms may appear in different combinations, clearing up
From time to time and then suddenly making their appearance again without any apparent reason.

Heart the organ of love

To further expand on the topic of birth stress, I would like to explain a certain pathology, increasingly common in recent years.
If during pregnancy there have been negative events like fear, guilt, emotions, feelings, fights quarrels etc. than a child will be suffering from the lack of love.

In addition to the above, those children typically have a sunken chest, a protruding belly and abdominal breathing. The situation where blood is dammed off, gives a similar effect to no blood at all.

Here are the reasons for recurring bronchitis, pneumonia and asthma:
- bronchitis appears when there are low spirits, worry and a weariness of living in the family
- pneumonia appears when there are arguments, fights and a lot of yelling, or else an angry silence in the family
- asthma appears when there are suppressed feelings of love or suppressed tears in the family. The child has a fear of living and doesn’t want to live anymore.
The mother has a very special role in the family – she is the fountain of love. At the same time the mother’s stresses can keep the whole family from leading a normal life. The guilt, springing from her childhood, keeps mother bustling about, trying to earn love. When she fails, because the familiar fear of not being loved keeps her from her goals, she starts looking for someone to blame. A culprit is easy to find as everybody she becomes close to is a source of constant irritation to her – her husband, neighbors, parent’s etc. the child sees the conflict between his parents, sees love drying up and falls ill. Mother groans, “As if I didn’t have enough problems of my own! Why did you have to fall ill just now!”

The guilt she feels attracts people who, in turn, start blaming her: her husband, the pediatrician, her parents. The granny of course thinks that if everybody had listened to her in the first place, the child would never have fallen ill. A person suffering from stress feels that he has the right to meddle in others people’s affairs.

I often look at a child like that and see its soul begging me, “Please help my mother and father. There’s nothing wrong with me” If only all the grandparents and parents would release their stresses, there would be no more feelings of guilt, no accusations, no fear and fright, no anger and no hate…

Life is constant motion. Yesterday is not today. Although yesterday has passed in time, it has left its trace on today, so yesterday is never lost in eternity but will always be there to accompany us. If the trace is left is good then be happy. If it was bad, then erase it by forgiving, so it doesn’t interfere with your life – anymore.

A person who looks at his mother or father and, sees only an enemy with rigid principles who doesn’t understand young people, is robbing himself of something very valuable. The usual attitude of the young – I can discuss anything with strangers but it is impossible to talk to my own parents – is caused by a subconscious wish to rebel, or in other words, the stress caused by his parents forcing him to learn. He hasn’t realized yet that everything in life is learning.

All forcing is taken painfully, as any kind of imposition is negativity. The youngster can’t see the parents’ care for him behind their strictness. He is already blinded by stress, caused by the fact that he doesn’t know how to grasp his parents’ behavior with his reasonable mind. A child, who has been taught to look for the positive side in the negative, has no trouble trusting his parents and his trust will be returned. Without having to go through a lot of heartache he will be able to realize that substantial feelings have a lot of weight to them while superficial feelings don’t. And even if the parents, in their wish to do good, create a lot of negativity for the youngster, something quire positive may come of it later on.

As long as the first mother has not done anything to try and improve her relations with her mother and her child, then the chain of stress will go on forever, and unfortunately, the next generation will always suffer more then the last. The person who made the original mistake may return to the next generation and have to deal with the consequences of his own mistake.

You may prove to the rest of the world how much your mother has hurt you and how, in turn, your child is hurting you and how it is making you the unhappiest person alive, but unless you have forgiven your mother and asked your child to forgive you, there’s no hope of anything turning out better between the three of you.

I keep stressing the role of the mother more than that of the father as the father cast his influence on the child through the mother. We should still remember that the father may be the mother the next time around and, accordingly, the forgiving the father does is no less important than that of the mother.

More than ever before, children nowadays suffer from the lack of love.

Some grandparents, not happy with their daughter’s choice of husband, hope that at least there will be no children. They don’t realize that their daughter chose to love precisely this man and no other and that it is her sacred right to choose anybody she likes.
A lot of marriages are destroyed by parents and in-laws but there are people who, despite extremely difficult relations between the generations, still manage to keep the family intact. Nevertheless, such grandparents are still causing a lot of harm to their children, their children’s children as well as to the children of their children. Remember the old saying about sins of the fathers being visited upon the children. This is the most painful thing anyone can experience. The grandparents, who have caused this suffering, will no doubt have to bear the consequences in this life as well as the next.

If your child should marry someone you consider inappropriate, remember like attracts like. The two of them must have something in common that you are refusing to see, or they wouldn’t be drawn to one another in this way. You are probably just too ashamed to admit it, because the quality that irritates you most in your son or draught in-law is also present in your child and who but you could have handed it down to your offspring? You might as well admit it and mend your ways, then you’ll see that the situation isn’t as bad as all that and is getting better quickly.

It may also be that your child rejects the good things you have to offer, to the extent that he or she will go ahead and marry someone totally opposite to your view of the ideal spouse. That’s his or her right, because the child has its own lesson to learn. Children are not your property. Instead of endless arguments and trying to force your will on them, teach your children to adapt to each situation in the best possible way. Please remember the old saying that a mother has to know the right time to come and the right time to leave.

And if reading this has made you feel sad then you probably have a lot of difficult understanding life and the way it works. You want your child to be an exceptional person but you don’t seem to understand that the lives of exceptional people are much more demanding and harder than those of ordinary folk.
An example from life
A child with an allergic skin infection was brought to me by its parents. I told them such a complaint is caused by an accumulation of toxins in the liver, so that the liver is no longer able to purify the body, and the skin is forced to come to its aid. The liver is unable to do his job because a fear of anger and rage has blocked its operation. Another reason for the disablement of the liver is a lack of energy in the heart chakra. So we can deduce that in this child’s life everything was not right with feelings of love.

A child is a mirror of the home. The parents’ anger and rage at everything that is not well; that hasn’t been put right; that the husband or the government has been unable to provide; destroy the feeling of love. The child witnesses everything and the silent pain felt over the destruction of the parent’s love and the family falling apart, will block his heart.

The child in question had been unplanned and in addition to that, conceived in the middle of a power struggle between the parents. I went on to tell the parents of the stresses that the child has acquired in the womb from such an atmosphere. I saw two pale faces, tears in their eyes, looking at each other in shame. At the same time they were growing more determined. They had admitted their mistake and a person who admits a mistake will surely do his best to put it right.
I knew that their child would be cured quickly and for good. His spirit knew that it was just a lesson and no matter what, his parents loved him.

An example from life

Another mother returned to me in disappointment – her child was not completely cured. This was not the first time she had had to come back. The cure had had some effect but not as much as was hoped. The mother was desperate for her child to gel well. I saw her scared face and realized she was ready to burst into tears any minute. How many times can you bear to be told that the child is the mirror of the home. We have a perfect family, we never fight at all. She didn’t see that in their perfect family, bitterness had gathered in the soul, that is, in the liver. And it wasn’t true about never fighting – a constantly irritated and raised tone of voice, living by orders and bans, is worse than any fight.

“And the father, he didn’t come?” – “I see, he had no time.”

I happened to know that at that very moment he was sitting in the car in front of the house cursing his stupid wife for dragging a sick child to see all kinds of crazy people. And he had enough time to spare for that? As for crazy – there are remarkable few people who you could call perfectly sane…

The mother kept telling me that their life was good

“My dear woman,” I thought, “I would be so happy if it was really true, but if you are scared stiff of your husband and never say a word for fear of making him angry, then you’ll end up with allergic asthma yourself and your child will not be able to get well in an atmosphere of such anger.”

There was a point where the stifled feelings of love started to overflow from the heart. The child’s disease took a turn for the worse and sores appeared on the skin in the neck area. Hence – the child was still suffering from fear that he might not be loved.

Who is not loving? Who is not loved?

A child loves its parents completely and forever. When it sees the situation at home (and it is impossible to deceive a child), he is seized by fear that the parents’ love might be vanishing. Economic problems are also known to effectively undermine normal family life. In most cases the beginning of these dates back to things that were done and happened during the time the child was still in the womb. There is no sense in denying the problems. You have to forgive your fear of anger, and then you can go on to forgive the father. Do it every night, before going to sleep. Don’t feel frightened in front of your child and then he will feel immediately that the love for the father will flow free and start to blossom. Forgive your mother-in-law and father-in-law for not being able to cultivate the ability to love in their son. And you should also forgive your own parents for making your love dependent on fear.

A free spirit is brave and strong. When all is done, you’ll see that the forgiving has freed your husband’s stresses too, and it is even possible to discuss things with him. Male stubbornness is often little more than a defense. Right action is always acceptable to a real man. Admitting a mistake and asking for forgiveness only adds to the dignity of a real man, but the wife has to give it proper appreciation. The child will surely appreciate this.

An example from life (AB004)

An 11-year-old boy with pneumonia recovered after having been hospitalized for two weeks. He was supposed to spend one more week at home recuperating but on the fifth day his temperature rose again and a suffocating cough appeared.

Fever indicates an extreme outflow of energy. Pneumonia is a blockage of energy in the heart chakra, showing that the feelings of love have suffered a big blow. What feelings of love can you speak of in an eleven-year-old, you may think.

A child loves his parents and wants them to have a good life. This particular family was experiencing a period of grave economic difficulty. The father had developed a feeling that he was no man if he wasn’t even able to take care of his family. His wife would surely have no love for such a husband and he couldn’t bear it. The wife sensed her husband’s anguish but could find no way to convince him that her love for him had nothing to do with the thickness of his wallet. For both of them the feelings of love were blocked. Then the child started to direct his energy towards his parents and the outflow caused him to fall ill with pneumonia. When he was taken to hospital, he was also removed from the biological field of the family and was able to get well. Back at home, however, everything started again.

The fear of all fears –the fear of not being loved

Materialism is teaching mankind a lesson – the lesson of female domination. All domination is negativity. For life to run its natural course, the spiritual and physical sides have to be in a fifty-fifty balance.

The primary component of life is:
Correct thinking, followed by correct breathing, correct nutrition and suitable exercise.

If the person thinks right everything else will follow naturally. Everything has its polarity or duality, i.e. it has two sides to it. This is also true of thinking – one side is logical or rational, the other, the intuitive side, is to do with feelings. These two have to be in a fifty-fifty balance, backing each other up when need and circumstances arise.

Man is reason – the head, woman is feeling – the neck. If the woman has forgotten that she is not the head but the neck (supporting the head); if she forgets that she is not the reason but the feeling; if she forgets to be happy for being able to make the man soar with the power of her own loving; if she has forgotten all that and would like to dominate, then she is going against a divine law. A person has to know that if he wants to dominate, then he has to come into this life as a man but if the person has come as a woman, then this experience is not necessary for her at the moment.
We come to life through the free choice of our spirit and should we then start complaining about our choice, we are only tearing down whatever we came to build, and quite soon we’ll find ourselves standing on a pile of rubbish.

From the moment woman first got the idea of domination, a qualitative change took place in sexual life – begetting children became having sex. The merging of two spirits in love, culminating in a physical relationship, has become trying out exotic positions to whip up desire. Men are all for stressing the technical side of sex without understanding that real fulfillment can be achieved only by a love that is spiritual. When a child is conceived in a purely sexual act, it will have a stress from the lack of love. True lovers don’t have to think of new positions, those will come by themselves. They are not disturbed by the fear of not being loved. And yet, without acknowledging the yearning of their soul, both man and woman are stubbornly looking for something different and wonderful and in the hope of finding it, they have sex over and over again. They are trying to forget themselves, their reality: to forget all about their bondage – their stresses. Forgetting, however, is self-deception. Instead, the stress has to be released.

The fear of not being loved is the greatest of all fears as without love even the spirit doesn’t have a life.

The death of a physical body is natural. The spirit will continue to live and reincarnate.

The destruction of love is the destruction of spirit. The destruction of love is worse than death.

A person who has a fear of not being loved, will try to earn love; he will be turned into a slave of love – if only someone will love him. But because he has a stress – he has to feel that he’s not loved – then despite all his efforts he will not be loved. He will be used later, when he has fulfilled his purpose, will be cast aside he can’t understand why people are hurting him, as the fear of not being loved is blocking his mind.

A lot of people weep and wail in disappointment at being rejected again and again after all the good they have done to others, but the rejections natural – who could love a slave? A slave is scared of not being loved and the same fear needs him to feel unloved over and over again – that’s the mechanism of learning. It’s no use looking for fault in other peoples; the fear has to be released.

There are three main mistakes women are making today:

1. A child is conceived. Taken symbolically, the child comes to the doorstep of life and the first thing it sees is negativity. It takes it personally. The parents’ everyday worries have drowned their love for each other. The child sees it all. It stands there waiting to be called in, but as the mother has lost her primeval instincts of conception, including an open love for her future child, then the child concludes nobody loves it.
2. This stress is fixed in the child at the time of birth. The mother’s fear causes a spasm in the birth canal as well as in the child’s body. Instead of comfortably gliding through a tunnel of love, the child is put through a mangle, hurting it self and the mother. Do you think that a loving person would want to hurt its loved one? No! And that’s what the child thinks, too. But the mother did; therefore – she doesn’t love the child.
3. The child is born. He expects Mother to love him right away. The need for merging is immense. Mother doesn’t know that, and in the best scenario she is happy that the child is born, the first question is usually a frightened, “Is the baby all right? Am I all right?” This is the first fear, quickest to arrive. The midwife is already cutting the umbilical cord and the child’s last hope of experience the feeling of being one with the mother, and thus the fear of not being loved is further fixed in the child.


The mother can convince the whole world how much she loves her child and the whole world will believe her, because her feeling is sincere. But the child is frightened. It will not be free of the fear until the mother has cut the child’s chain of stress by asking for forgiveness, and the mother herself will continue being plagued by an indefinite feeling of guilt.

It doesn’t matter if the mother denies her guilt and refuses to believe what has been said here, calling it an ugly lie a made up story – she will still carry the feeling around inside herself and the stress will bide its time, gathering the strength to break free. A sick and nervous child is the result of the mother’s mistakes.

Many women shed tears, complaining to all their friends that they were blamed for their child’s illnesses; that they were accused of not loving their child. I sometimes look at such a woman and see that her three-year old child understands what I am saying, but she doesn’t. if a woman wants to understand, then she does, and if she doesn’t, she find someone else to blame, someone who has hurt her. If only it would make things easier for her!

The fear of not being loved will have reached maximum power by the end of the 20th century and the beginning of the 21st century. Consequently – all mothers today should ask their children to forgive them for the three main mistakes listed above, forgive themselves fro making them, and ask their body to forgive them. And the children should forgive their mothers for those mistakes.

Woman is feeling, but let’s not forget, that a woman has a reasonable mind as well. Man may well be reason, but believe me – men have feelings too.

Mankind has lost its sense of reality in its fear of love being lost. Women moan and complain, “My husband doesn’t love me”. They think of all manner of tricks to attract a man – moods, demands, accusations, helplessness, illness – simply from a desire to keep him under control. All this leads to neurosis, the first sign of which is headaches. Men get frustrated or angry and think it is wiser to say nothing, until their patience runs out. Both have a similar approach: “Why can’t he or she be more like me?”

The whole problem is caused by a lack of understanding by a person whose brain is blocked (of both feeling and reason) by the fear of not being loved. Each and every ache and pain, without exception, in the head, neck, shoulders, arms and hands, is caused by this fear. The majority of people prefer to deny it – nobody wants to be a weakling. People are simply not aware of the destruction that stress causes. Anyone who takes the trouble to think about it reasonably, will find that stress in himself, and realize that this has been the cause of his unreasonable behavior.

Forgive this fear for coming to you. Forgive yourself for taking it in. ask your body to forgive you for harming it with this fear, and ask your spouse to forgive you for having isolated him or her from you by this stress.

A person with the stress of not being loved has built a wall of fear around himself. At the same time he keeps moaning and complaining that nobody loves him, while the other person is not able to get close to give him the love he so desperately needs. Should the other person be a soft-natured individual, he may crumble under all those accusations. If he’s a fighter by nature, he tries again and again and then gets angry. If the other should have the stress, “I’m not worthy of love” as well, then the situation becomes even more complicated – those two souls grow further apart each day.

There is the mother who spends a lifetime accusing her husband and children of not loving her. She’s miserable – everyone draws away from her. The husband and children, on the other hand, are unhappy that Mother doesn’t believe in their love. It is a vicious circle where everybody destroys themselves and one another. Often the general unwillingness to understand is so stubborn that there is nothing else left to do but part. And so the go their separate ways, hurt to the bottom of their heart, without a hope of finding happiness because their stress is keeping them from it. And yet – there is a way out.

People with the stress of not being loved, subconsciously want to see themselves as good and worthy, to be deserving of love. The need is so unreasonable overpowering that it drives them to humiliate others, just to seem better or higher than other people. With their anger, born out of fear, they keep destroying the things most precious to them, as they are unable to think reasonable. They fraternize with people who willing to engage in disparagement, at the same time despising people who remind them of themselves. They make their children and family suffer, and suffer even more themselves, if a person is full of fear and becomes aggressive this gives him no right to hurt others. And if he does, he will receive the same back, only twice as much.

Children, forgive your grandmother for not instilling the feeling of love in your mother’s soul. Forgive your mother for not being able to understand her own unhappy situation. Forgive yourself for letting the hurt, helplessness, the feeling that your mother doesn’t love you, the despair that makes you draw away from her, come inside you. You have chosen your own mother and this is your lesson, however painful it may be.

It’s entirely up to you whether you prefer to turn into a vicious individual because you have taken into your heart the feeling that your mother doesn’t love you, or instead, are willing to let your stresses go. When you begin to understand that your mother has been driven out of her mind by fear, then you will be able to love her. Look at your mother as a human being who is capable of making mistakes.

The same holds true for your boss, who is afraid of not being loved. Such a person turns into a despot and starts destroying others in his need to be better than them – so that he can be loved. They don’t realize they are doing it; they deny it even to themselves. Only a free person can be loving and brave. Every spirit has a yearning to progress. A spirit in bondage doesn’t know the right way to elevate itself – it starts to break down the bondage of fear, fights and is beaten. It doesn’t know that the right way is to set the fears free.

If an employee of such a boss should have a similar stress of not being loved, then he will try to earn his boss’s approval at any cost. He doesn’t realize that he is making him even more angry with his fear. And if the company should, in addition to this, have a middle-level mamanger with the same stress, then this poor individual is in the worst position of all. His fear makes him a slave of both his subordinates and his boss, as each spirit needs the highest level of love. His fear is driving him.

Well-meaning, reasonable individuals today, trying to improve the situation attempt to change themselves in order to become more like the opposite sex:
- women try to become more like men – more reasonable
- men try to be more like women – more sensitive.

This kind of change is always a forced one. It is self-inflicted violence, causing a dysfunction of the solar plexus. Forcing oneself in ulcers, and when done with viciousness, the result, sadly, will be cancer of the stomach.

The way out is to release your stress so that the love you yearn for so much can start flowing in you. We are surrounded by an invisible world – we all have our guardian spirits, teachers, spirit guides. By releasing our stresses, we make room for the good to enter us. We shall get what we deserve, and we will discover with amazement, that we are loved after all.
Dear Annlivi,
I’m sure the above has shone some light your question and you understand, because it is only you who can look into your heart, and it is only you who will be able to change it!
Although the above maybe lengthy it is only a small part of the many factors that are playing a roll in our daily lives.
It’s a pity I’ve missed your post, since I was recently in the USA, we could have met and I could have given you some guidance, were to start, and how to forgive the pains from the past.
I wish you faith and strength to believe in yourself, good luck,

Dr.Beek
(skype name - curefx)