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Irrational thoughts and mental arguments

Hello everybody. I found this website/forum while researching natural remedies for my problem, and I'm hoping there's someone here who can help as I'm running out of hope.

I'll try to explain it as good as I can, but my memories of the last 3 years have been patchy. It all started about 3 years ago (2006) when I started dating my current girlfriend. At the time she was diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic and borderline personality, and had most of the symptoms associated with them (delusional thoughts, irritable, severe mood swings, anxious, etc.) At the time I was very supportive and tried to help her cope with her disease.

Unfortunately, after a while of living with her I started to pick up some of her symptoms. At first it was just irritability, but after a while anxiety came along. I also started to feel like I was losing my identity and turning into someone/thing else. All the above symptoms were slight, but I could tell they were building up.

Skip ahead to 2008. The symptoms become worse. I hardly spend any time with my friends anymore and when I do I feel like a different person when I talk to them and even they hint that I've changed. Irrational/delusional thoughts and fears surfaced around the same time. I began to think she could hear what I was thinking.

I began to analyze every sentence I spoke to some one and I was always worried about offending people because she would always give me a 'how dare you' stare when I would say things that wouldn't normally offend people (I asked her politely if she could flush the toilet after she uses it because of staining, for example. It generally wouldn't matter how small the favor.)

She ended up going to a psyche ward in April of 08, and while she was in there I started having 'reoccurring thoughts' all day, mainly wondering why I'm with her and doubting it will work. I would have arguments with people in my head for hours at a time, sometimes all day, and my imagination played the role of the person I was arguing with.

While she was there I started drinking in an attempt to deal with the anxiety and reoccurring thoughts, which worked wonderfully at first. It 'cured' every mental problem I had obtained, but as time went on it just got worse, unsurprisingly.

When she got out of the psyche ward about 2 weeks later she was prescribed anti-psychotics, which pretty much eliminated most of her condition and she acted more like the person I knew before she developed her condition (I knew her for a few years before we started dating). But I couldn't recover from being subjected to the negative symptoms for so many years.

So now in the present I'm doing slightly better. I quit drinking in Dec 08. I don't feel the social anxiety as strongly anymore, though it is still far from gone. I still have the 'reoccurring (sometimes delusional) thoughts' and arguments with others in my head, which are the main issues I'm stuck with at the moment.

I'm sorry for telling you my 'life story' (even though it's 3 years), and I'll gladly answer any questions you ask of specifics.

A few more specifics:

22 year old Male
5'10' 170lbs. (I've gained 25 pounds over the last 8 months or so if it's significant)

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm truly grateful for any help you can provide.

Eric
 
  anthrop on 2009-01-18
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
Please delete this double topic. Thank you :)
 
anthrop last decade

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