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Treating fear of humiliation

Hi All,

I'm seeking some of your thoughts, suggestions and experiences for my daughter.

She is 8 and very bright. Always has been. She has a reading age of about 10, yet a maths age of about 5.

She is home educated, after spending 2 years in school as I watched her self esteem and confidence being eroded.

She is VERY imaginative, verbalises EVERYTHING!, curious, asks the most incredible questions, is very firey, angry, yet loving and feels things deeply. Her mind doesn't shut off easily (never has done), she finds it hard to relax and be in the moment. She is argumentative with me and her dad (not with anyone else unless she trusts them). She will argue black is white and pushes ALL boundaries.

She is dynamic, physical, like hugs, tells me she loves me a lot, has an enormous pain of any injustice and defends all of mother natures creatures :D

The 'issue' I would like help with is to help her learn more. She has completely resisted all learning recently and I'm seeing, what I perceieve to be a 'lazy' streak.

On talking to her last night, she has memories of getting things wrong at school and her teacher being cross with her.

When I asked her how that made her feel and what that meant to her, she used the words 'embarassed, an idiot and stupid'. Her eyes welled up with tears.

What I am seeing is a little girl who is resisting all forms of learning now. She will not try anything 'difficult' and gets tearful.

I know 'humiliation' is an issue for her, and when I heard the words that she used last night, these seem to fit together.

She has lost her love of learning, because she is scared of ;getting it wrong', despite my attempts to reassure her that we ALL learn through making mistakes and attempting new ways to do things.

If she can't be 'right' first time, she won't even try,

As you can imagine, as a Mum to a home edded child this is causing me some concern!

I have never been one to push her academically, as I do believe that imagination is more important for a child. But this is something I feel could influence her life negatively as she grows older.

I'm currently using bach flower remedy of Mimulus, but would love some homeopathic advise.

One other thing which might help is that she is very HOT - in temperament and physicality. She sleeps all year round with the window open, a thin nightie and a thin duvet. If I go in and she has actually fallen asleep, her head is usually sweaty. As a baby she never wore a hat or much clothes as she was always roasting!

She is very robust, strong, non vaxed and never had a childhood illness. She has fevers - about one a year or every other year where she hallucinates.

she also gets 'locked' in her dreamtime quite often and will walk about, trying to get out through her bedroom window or through a wall (we keep it locked and have just a tiny one open for air that she cannot get out of). She often cries out during the night and is trying to pick at things that 'aren't really there'.

I hope someone can offer some suggestions - thank you for reading!
 
  starchild on 2009-05-25
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
The following flower remedies may help her. You may give her these remedies one by one or as a combination of upto three remedies depending on her condition.

chestnet bud
is for people who fail to learn the lessons of life. They may repeat the same mistakes over and over - for example, taking a succession of identical office jobs and being surprised to find each one unfulfilling. In other cases, they see others making a mistake and the results that arise, but then fail to apply this lesson to their own lives and go right ahead and make the same mistake themselves.
Dr Bach said that it was good to move on and leave the past behind, but people in the Chestnut Bud state are almost doing this too readily. They give so little thought to the past that they fail to learn its lessons and so are doomed to repeat their failures. Chestnut Bud is the remedy to help them learn from the past and then move on to genuinely new experiences.

gorse
is the remedy for people who have given up belief that there is any hope for them. It is a far stronger kind of downheartedness than the Gentian state, because Gorse people almost wilfully refuse to be encouraged, so certain are they that their case is hopeless. If ill, they may think of themselves as incurable, or say that they inherited this or that from their families so that nothing can be done for them.
Gorse is however classed by Dr Bach as a remedy for uncertainty, and not as a remedy for despair like for example Sweet Chestnut. This demonstrates that the main problem with Gorse people is a loss of certainty: if they can be persuaded to see things in a different light their faith in their lives would be renewed and they could go forward with a surer step. This is what the Gorse remedy helps to achieve.

larch
is the remedy for people who feel that they are not as good as others and that they are bound to fail. They lack confidence in their ability to succeed and so often do not even bother trying. (cf Elm people, where it is the desire to take on too much that causes the temporary doubt.)
The remedy helps people in this state to go ahead regardless of thoughts of success and failure. More able to take risks and be involved in life, they get more out of living.

pine
is for people who blame themselves for something they feel they have done in the past, some neglect of a parent, some fault in themselves, something they have left undone, and for those who reproach themselves that, even though they may have been successful in their work, they should have done better. They are never, as Dr Bach writes in 'The Twelve Healers', content with their own efforts or the results. They also at times tend to claim responsibility for the mistakes made by others.
They are perfectionists and set themselves high standards, and this may cause them to over-work and strain to do better, and when the strain becomes too much for the physical body, they blame themselves for the ensuing illness as they feel they are failing in their duty to others, to their work and the family responsibilities. This guilt-complex takes so much of the joy out of their lives and they become despondent and begin to despair. They can often feel so guilty about some minor matter that these thoughts fill their minds and they are always asking for forgiveness.
 
kadwa last decade
How is her appetite and hunger .

Is she flatulent

Does she feels worse around evening say from 4 pm to 8 pm .

Are her extremeties like hand and feet cold .
 
vikas_grower last decade
Hi Kadwa,

Thank you for your suggestions, although, at this point, I am looking for homeopathic remedies.

Hello vikas_grower, to answer your questions.

Her appetite fluctuates, but mostly she has a good appetite. She eats three good meals a day. She likes salt and sour foods - she'll eat lemons for example. She likes sugary foods too, but I tend to steer her away from these because they make her hyperactive.

She is quite flatulent, but not overly.

During the hours you mention, I don't notice her symptoms worsening.

her hands and feet are mostly warm.
 
starchild last decade
Does she have a fear of being alone .

Does she prefer warm drinks or cold food and cold drinks .

Does she suffer from constipation .

Is she sensitive to tightness of clothing around abdomen

Is she quite sensitive to smells and noise .

Does she wakes up in morning in good mood or is irritable .

Does she sometimes laugh even when the situation does not demand it .
 
vikas_grower last decade
Hi again vikas_grower, thank you for your time.

Does she have a fear of being alone .

No.

Does she prefer warm drinks or cold food and cold drinks .

Cold, usually

Does she suffer from constipation .

No

Is she sensitive to tightness of clothing around abdomen

Yes - and anywhere else. Plus labels need cutting out of clothes, seems need straightening and shoes or socks mustn't be too tight.

Is she quite sensitive to smells and noise .

not particularly.

Does she wakes up in morning in good mood or is irritable .

Can be irritable.

Does she sometimes laugh even when the situation does not demand it .

Yes! She will laugh when being told off.
 
starchild last decade
Is she sensitive to touch around chest and throat also .
.

Is she too talkative and jealous .

Can u describe her sleep in more detail .

What is the most peculiar thing about her
 
vikas_grower last decade
Is she too sensitive also in the sense that she become tearful when praised , gifted or thanked .


Can she be identified with following symptoms .

'Dread : of men ; of solitude, irritability and melancholy.

Weeps all day, cannot calm herself, < from 4 to 8 P. M.
Sensitive ; even cries when thanked.

Satiety of life, particularly mornings in bed.

Amativeness or amorousness.

Sensitive, irritable disposition ;

peevish and cross on getting awake ;

easily excited to anger ;

cannot endure slightest opposition, and is speedily beside herself.

Ailments from fright, anger, mortification, or vexation, with reserved displeasure.

Oversensitiveness to pain ; patient is beside himself.'
 
vikas_grower last decade
Hi Vikas_Grower,

Here are my answers to your latest questions:

Is she sensitive to touch around chest and throat also.

No

Is she too talkative and jealous .

Yes. Jealous is quite a strong word, but she likes to have 'exclusive' friends rather than a group. She is very sharing.

Can u describe her sleep in more detail.

I have always felt, right from a baby that she deliberately keeps herself awake - almost as if she is scared she would miss something or, as a baby, that she kept checking I was there.

As an eight year old, I can do something relaxing such as massage her feet (she Loves to me touched through massage and cuddles), she can start to relax deeply, but then it's like she fires herself up again - it's almost as if she can't possibly give in to the relaxation and sleep - the ultimate control freak!

Now she is older, I have a bedtime routine which is into her room at 7:15, she can play or read until 8:30 and then it's lights out. I often hear her until 10pm or later talking or singing to herself. Sometimes she is frustrated because she tells me she will never fall asleep. But I am strict about her at least 'resting' her body, even if she doesn't sleep.

This morning she was awake at 7am - it can be anywhere between 6am up to 9:15 am

She is very fidgety; even when sleeping. If she needs to wake up to go to the toilet during the night, she can get very frustrated and angry. She will often sit up in bed and cry and wait for me to go down to her and take her. (I have explained that this makes me feel cross - she can take herself to the toilet ok, yet she chooses to be dramatic and wake me up. Almost like she is suffering the pain of waking up and she wants me to suffer too LOL!)

At other times she will sit in bed crying and I go down to her and it's like she can't see me. She starts talking to me, but nothing makes sense. She might 'pick' at something in mid air, but she can't get hold of it.

Her eyes are open, but she is not focusing; my guess is that she is asleep, but looks awake. She might say something like 'I can't get it.' and she is very troubled. So I ask her what and then she tries to talk, but I can't understand most of it. I just try to go along with her conversations, but it can take a long time to calm her down.

Interestingly, if I say in quite a loud and assertive voice, 'Let's go to the toilet then', she comes with me, has a wee, gets back into bed and is asleep before her head touches the pillow.

At other times I have seen her trying to get through a solid wall (like she has
'lost' the door) or through her window, or trying to get into a cupboard and she is looking for someone or something.

She remembers her dreams most mornings - lots of them are about water (she does have one fear - that is of the tap running. Her fear is that all the water will drip away, the reservoirs will become empty and all the people in the world will die because we will dehydrate)


What is the most peculiar thing about her

I think it's that she has a thing about straps, harnesses and reigns. She spends ages strapping up her teddy bears or even babies so that they can't get out. She does it to herself. And as a baby, I got through 4 different car seats before I found one that she couldn't get out of. I used to joke that she was Houdini!

She spent a long time watching my friend who is a telephone engineer. He was climbing a telegraph pole outside our home and was harnessed to the pole. She was intrigued and thought it was very cool! She wants to go on a climbing wall so she can be strapped to a harness ...

We get through miles of ropes and string in this house because she is always making straps, leads etc for her animals!

Is she too sensitive also in the sense that she become tearful when praised , gifted or thanked .

She can do. She can be moved to tears by being told I love her or by watching a rainbow or a sunset.


Can she be identified with following symptoms .

'Dread : of men ; of solitude, irritability and melancholy.

No

Weeps all day, cannot calm herself, < from 4 to 8 P. M.

No

Sensitive ; even cries when thanked.

Sensitive yes, and CAN cry when thanked

Satiety of life, particularly mornings in bed.

I don't think so

Amativeness or amorousness.

No

Sensitive, irritable disposition ;

Yes

peevish and cross on getting awake ;

yes

easily excited to anger ;

yes

cannot endure slightest opposition, and is speedily beside herself.

yes

Ailments from fright, anger, mortification, or vexation, with reserved displeasure.

possibly

Oversensitiveness to pain ; patient is beside himself.'

No; she has a very high pain threshold
 
starchild last decade
Is she quite sensitive to dazzling light and glistening objects .

Does the heat of sun is quite unbearable .

What is her reaction to dogs .

What is her reaction to pouring water say from one vessel to other vessel .
 
vikas_grower last decade
Hi vikas_grower, thank you for all your attention to this:

Is she quite sensitive to dazzling light and glistening objects.

Not particularly

Does the heat of sun is quite unbearable.

She loves the sun and the summer, although I see her tolerance decreasing to the heat as she gets older.

What is her reaction to dogs.

Confident - she will go up to a strange dog and fuss it

What is her reaction to pouring water say from one vessel to other vessel.

She loves water. If she pours water from one vessel to another she is quite careless and hasty - alot would be spilled as she gets distracted easily.
 
starchild last decade
She loves water but also the sound of running water makes her anxious ?

Are both of these true. Which one as per you is more defining of her personality .

What is her reaction to darkness and solitude .

What kind of Hallucinations she suffers from

Does she grinds her teeth in sleep .

Is she fond of fluids .

Does she makes error in judging the size and distance of objects
 
vikas_grower last decade
She loves water but also the sound of running water makes her anxious ?

Are both of these true. Which one as per you is more defining of her personality.

I think it is a control issue. If a tap is dripping and it were to break off (her fear) she would be out of control and unable to deal with the issue (as a consequence I have taught her where the stop cock to the house is and how to mend a leaking tap LOL!)

But she adores a hot bath, paddling in streams, the sea, swimming, the rain - she was born under water too.

BUT the fear aspect is strong too.

it's a difficult question - I'm not sure which one defines her more. She says the fact she worries about it is stronger.

What is her reaction to darkness and solitude .

She likes them both

What kind of Hallucinations she suffers from

Seeing things that aren't there I think. I've just asked her (as I didn't know) and she says that everything seems much too far away and that when it's pitch dark, she sees bright sparkles.

My perception is that she tries to hold things that aren't really there (but maybe this ties in with things looking further away)

Does she grinds her teeth in sleep.

No

Is she fond of fluids.

She has always drunk alot compared to her friends. But I feel it is a healthy amount - most children don't drink enough.

Does she makes error in judging the size and distance of objects

No
 
starchild last decade
Can u describe this in more detail

'As an eight year old, I can do something relaxing such as massage her feet (she Loves to me touched through massage and cuddles), she can start to relax deeply, but then it's like she fires herself up again - it's almost as if she can't possibly give in to the relaxation and sleep - the ultimate control freak'


U have also said that her minds never shuts off . Please explain this in more detail .

Please also shed more light on

'She starts talking to me, but nothing makes sense'
 
vikas_grower last decade
Can u describe this in more detail

'As an eight year old, I can do something relaxing such as massage her feet (she Loves to me touched through massage and cuddles), she can start to relax deeply, but then it's like she fires herself up again - it's almost as if she can't possibly give in to the relaxation and sleep - the ultimate control freak'

Yes. Imagine you are feeling deeply relaxed. You might be enjoying a bath, lying in the sun or about to fall asleep at night. Then, deliberately (I don't know the reason why) you start moving about, yawning exaggeratedly, fidgetting, stretching, opening your eyes widely, talking, thinking or tensing your muscles. It's as if you are working a night shift or driving a car, so you mustn't slow down, relax or fall asleep.

My daughter behaves in that way. Almost like she has something to prove - she will not be overcome by sleep or she will not let me help her relax so much that she falls asleep.

She has relaxation tapes and listens to them, then gets up and does something, rather than falling asleep during them!!

As a baby, she would bang her head to keep herself awake and to make herself cry. Also, she would wake up if I moved the tiniest amount or tried to get up to go to the toilet. I breast fed her and she would not sleep without feeding and would wake up if I tried to move away from her; even just to stretch my arm or something.


U have also said that her minds never shuts off . Please explain this in more detail .

She asks questions throughout the day, she pushes for answers and explanations, she talks or sings to herself in bed at night until she sleeps, she has an active imagination (we have no tv or computer games in the house by the way!), she tells me at night that she can't stop thinking to fall asleep, she reads and writes alot and likes logical and rational explanations for things. She also verbalises everything - when she is doing something, she tells me about it and looks for responses from me.

Although she DOES stare into space throughout the day too and seems to enjoy doing that too.

Please also shed more light on

'She starts talking to me, but nothing makes sense'

This is when she is talking to me when she is asleep. she might begin her sentence but then 'forget' what she is saying or mutter it so that I cannot hear it properly. She might be repetitive such as 'I want . I want ' I might say 'What is is you want honey?' and she starts again 'I want ....' Or she might talk about someone else - a name I have never heard for example, but again, she tends to start her sentence and not finish so I don't understand what she is talking about. She also tends to run her words into one another between crying, so that I cannot hear properly.
 
starchild last decade
Please get Homeopathic remedy Lycopodium 30c and inform .The remedy may be in either pellets or liquid form .

The remedy will be taken in spring water and hence get a bottle of that about 200ml .

Once u get them , please inform we will discuss the dosing method .

Thanks also for patiently answering the questions .
 
vikas_grower last decade
Hi vikas_grower:)

I'm finding Weleda or Nelsons pillules online; do you think one is better than the other? Or doesn't it matter which ones I get?

Many thanks!
 
starchild last decade
You can try at

www.helios.co.uk

1)Before u proceed , please also explain in greater detail

'Is she sensitive to tightness of clothing around abdomen

Yes - and anywhere else. Plus labels need cutting out of clothes, seems need straightening and shoes or socks mustn't be too tight'

2)Do u think she resists sleep as it makes her condition worse in some ways .

3) Can we call her very talkative jumping from one subject to another .

4)Please read the following and see if it broadly matches .



Mind.„ŸGreat anguish, insupportable anxiety, and uneasiness, from which patient seeks relief in open air.„ŸFear, and presentiment of death.„ŸDiscouragement; distrust; easily affected to tears.„ŸMental dejection and melancholy, with apprehension, uneasiness about one's malady, great tendency to give way to sorrow, to look upon the dark side of everything, and to think oneself persecuted, hated and despised by acquaintances.


„ŸDread of death; fears to go to bed; fear of being poisoned.„ŸThinks she is some one else; in the hands of a stronger power; that she is dead and preparations are being made for her funeral; that she is nearly dead and wishes some one would help her off.„Ÿ


Sadness when awaking in the morning or night (particularly in the morning); no desire at all to mix with the world.„ŸRestless and uneasy; does not wish to attend to business, but wants to be off somewhere all the time.„ŸSadness, and disgust to life.„Ÿ


Mistrust, suspicion, and a strong tendency to take everything amiss, to contradict and to criticise.„Ÿ


Frantic jealousy.„ŸIndolence, with dislike and unfitness for any labour whatever, either mental or bodily.„Ÿ


Timidity of character, with variableness and indecision.„Ÿ


Great apathy and extraordinary weakness of memory, everything that is heard is, as it were, effaced, even orthography is no longer remembered, and there is forgetfulness even of things on the point of utterance.„Ÿ


Confusion as to time.„ŸMistakes are made in speaking and writing, as well as in the hours of the day and the days of the week.„Ÿ


Imbecility and loss of every mental faculty.„ŸOver-excitement and excessive nervous irritability, with a tendency to be frightened.„Ÿ


Perfect happiness and cheerfulness followed by gradual fading of spirituality,


.„ŸState of ecstasy and exaltation which even induces tears, desire to meditate, and to compose intellectual works, with a sort of pride.„Ÿ


Frantic loquacity with elevated language, nicely chosen words, and rapid and continual change of subject-matter.„Ÿ


Loquaciousness, with mocking jealousy, with frightful images, great tendency to mock, satire and ridiculous ideas.„ŸNocturnal delirium with much talking, or with murmuring.„ŸDementia and loss of consciousness
 
vikas_grower last decade
'Is she sensitive to tightness of clothing around abdomen

Yes - and anywhere else. Plus labels need cutting out of clothes, seems need straightening and shoes or socks mustn't be too tight'

By this I mean she really hates tight clothing anywhere on her body. From her socks to hats; if it is too tight she almost gets panicky to get things off herself. Then she gets hot and stressed in the process.

In addition, she is particular about labels and seams not 'itching' or irritating her - she feels things that possibly other children would not feel. I have to cut labels out of clothing and have ben known to give perfectly good things away because she cannot wear them.

She cannot wear itchy fibres against her skin such as wool or some manmade fibres.

2)Do u think she resists sleep as it makes her condition worse in some ways.

I think she would BENEFIT from better sleep!

3) Can we call her very talkative jumping from one subject to another.

Fairly; although other people remark how focused she can be; and she can be very intense about something once she latches onto it. She does get distracted though and has a 'butterfly' mind. I guess she swings from being all over the place to being very fixed.

4)Please read the following and see if it broadly matches .



Mind.„ŸGreat anguish, insupportable anxiety, and uneasiness, from which patient seeks relief in open air.„ŸFear, and presentiment of death.„ŸDiscouragement; distrust; easily affected to tears.„ŸMental dejection and melancholy, with apprehension, uneasiness about one's malady, great tendency to give way to sorrow, to look upon the dark side of everything, and to think oneself persecuted, hated and despised by acquaintances.

I would agree with about 50-75% of that.


„ŸDread of death; fears to go to bed; fear of being poisoned.„ŸThinks she is some one else; in the hands of a stronger power; that she is dead and preparations are being made for her funeral; that she is nearly dead and wishes some one would help her off.„Ÿ

No - she has a good attitude towards her own death, is aware of her spirituality and is not afraid of it at all


Sadness when awaking in the morning or night (particularly in the morning); no desire at all to mix with the world.„ŸRestless and uneasy; does not wish to attend to business, but wants to be off somewhere all the time.„ŸSadness, and disgust to life.„Ÿ

About 50%; yes


Mistrust, suspicion, and a strong tendency to take everything amiss, to contradict and to criticise.„Ÿ

Over 50%


Frantic jealousy.„ŸIndolence, with dislike and unfitness for any labour whatever, either mental or bodily.„Ÿ

Often.


Timidity of character, with variableness and indecision.„Ÿ

With strangers, yes.


Great apathy and extraordinary weakness of memory, everything that is heard is, as it were, effaced, even orthography is no longer remembered, and there is forgetfulness even of things on the point of utterance.„Ÿ

Unless it is something she WANTS to remember, in which case her memory is astonishingly good.


Confusion as to time.„ŸMistakes are made in speaking and writing, as well as in the hours of the day and the days of the week.„Ÿ

Over 50% yes


Imbecility and loss of every mental faculty.„ŸOver-excitement and excessive nervous irritability, with a tendency to be frightened.„Ÿ

50%


Perfect happiness and cheerfulness followed by gradual fading of spirituality,

Not to my knowledge.


.„ŸState of ecstasy and exaltation which even induces tears, desire to meditate, and to compose intellectual works, with a sort of pride.„Ÿ

Not sure - she resists meditation and 'calming' activities although she knows how to do them.


Frantic loquacity with elevated language, nicely chosen words, and rapid and continual change of subject-matter.„Ÿ

Often.


Loquaciousness, with mocking jealousy, with frightful images, great tendency to mock, satire and ridiculous ideas.„ŸNocturnal delirium with much talking, or with murmuring.„ŸDementia and loss of consciousness

Apart from the latter, over 50%
 
starchild last decade
Dear Mother

Along with Lycopodium please also get Lachesis 30 c
 
vikas_grower last decade
I now have Lycopodium drops - can you suggest how much to give and how often please?

I decided to work with just this remedy for now. I hope that is ok and look forward to your advice.
 
starchild last decade
Ok we will try Lycopodium first , please also get Lachesis 30 handy .

Pour two drops of Lycopodium in 250 ml of spring water bottle . Leave the bottle aside for few minutes .

After few minutes, Shake the bottle gently so that the drops spread uniformly .

From this bottle give one cap ful. After a gap of 45 minutes give another and again after 45 minutes give one more .

One cap ful makes one dose .

Make sure the child has eaten nothing 40 minutes before the first dose and 40 minutes after the third dose .

In between also nothing else is to be given except water .

Throw the rest of the spring water away along with the contents .

No more of medicine has to be given .

We wait for one month after these 3 doses .
During this month the child should not be given coffee and no body sprays are to be used in the house .

If no change after one month we will then go to Lachesis .
 
vikas_grower last decade
A very interesting case!
 
gumby last decade
Gumby
What are your views ?

It seems more Lachesis than Lyco .
 
vikas_grower last decade
I am also more in favor of Lachesis.
 
gumby last decade
Hmmm :D

Could you both help me with explaining differences between the two and how you both thing that Lachesis is the one. I don't feel very empowered right now!

I haven't started on the Lycopodium, so still have time to switch remedies.

Thank you!
 
starchild last decade

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