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Can Homeopathy help me with Chronic Social Anxiety, Excessive and Perverse Sexuality, Jealousy in Relationships

I am a 41 year old single male from India.

At present, I am living with my mother. My father was a retired government servant. He died about 6 months ago due to kidney failure. My mother is 65 and has a psychological disease called Paranoid Schizophrenia. My younger brother, who is 32 years old, works and stays in another state.

We moved into this village house in October 2005, after my father’s retirement. Before that we lived in Mumbai. We have changed our residences 4-5 times in past 30 years or so due to various reasons.

About my problems:

According to me, there are 3 main issues that have been troubling me the most throughout my life so far. They are as follows.

Social Anxiety

The most important psychological difficulty I have been facing from as long as I can remember is Anxiety in general and Social Anxiety in particular. This is perhaps the mother of all my other problems! I had it when I was in school. I was a nervous, anxious and fearful child inside, although I tried my best to not appear so to others. I hardly participated in any social activities, competitions, etc. where there was any possibility of performing in front of others or being watched, judged, criticized by others. I was deathly scared of ‘what others will think about me?’

I experienced all those typical ‘fearful’ physical symptoms like excessive sweating, dry mouth, sweaty palms, churning stomach, racing heart, etc. etc. whenever I was in a ‘social situation’.

I have always been burdened by this pressure of ‘others’ watching me, judging my behavior and performance, and criticizing me if I made any mistakes or appear or do something foolish, etc. This resulted in me becoming extremely self-conscious in other people’s presence. I always tried to ‘act’ confident, smart, good, etc. just to make a good impression on others and to avoid appearing less competent, foolish, vulnerable, nervous and anxious.

But more often than not, this resulted in me becoming even more self-conscious, anxious and unnatural. Even as simple a thing as talking to someone became a kind of a ‘performance’ for me. I was always ‘performing’ in front of others, and every social situation was a ‘performance anxiety’ situation for me. I was never able to relax, be natural and be myself.

This social anxiety grew out of proportion during my adolescence. When I went to college, it was extremely difficult for me to cope with the more ‘open’, social and bolder environment. I was constantly anxious and nervous when I was in the college, particularly so when girls were around. I started avoiding all sorts of contact with people and gradually went on becoming a loner. I slowly lost contact with even my old friends, school-mates and relatives.

For years (about 20-25 years now), I became almost completely house-trapped. I went out of the house only when it was unavoidable. Otherwise I stayed in my room most of the time, reading books, using the computer, surfing the Internet, helping around in the house, cleaning, etc. My parents, brother and a few neighboring kids to whom I used to give tuitions, were the only other people in my life.

It is only in recent years, perhaps due to growing age and maturity that I am being able to cope with this to some extent. My reading on psychotherapies like CBT and REBT has helped me understand that my own thoughts, beliefs and attitudes cause the anxiety (or any emotion or feeling, for that matter) and by being aware of them and changing them I can change my feelings and actions.

But even now I am not going out as much and constantly keep avoiding social encounters. I want to break out of this cycle. I decide many times that from tomorrow I shall start going out, doing all the important outdoor works, etc. I plan and schedule. I read self-development books, e-books, Internet articles, etc. (I have been doing all this for past 15-20 years now! And, as I now understand, this itself has been one big avoidance strategy of my mind!) But when the moment of action comes, I cringe, avoid and stay in my comfort zone (home). I don’t like the fact that even at the age of 41, I am not financially independent. But I still keep postponing things for tomorrow…

Of course, at present, I am fulfilling an important role in our house – that of a ‘care-giver’ to my mother. But I didn’t really have a choice! Since I am always at home, I had to! My father and brother were mostly busy outside with their jobs, friends, activities, etc. So I was the only person who was their at home with my mother.

It has been very difficult for me to stay with her all the time and at times I get extremely frustrated and angry. Particularly, for past 5 years or so, as she has stopped taking any medication and has been in the worst phase of her disease ever. But, I accepted even this against the possibility of going out and finding a job and living my own independent life.

But, the thoughts about my future, earning my livelihood, finding a life-partner, etc. keep haunting me many times. All this frustrates me and I feel somewhat depressed as well. I try to console myself by thinking that I am not completely useless and a burden here. I am helping my mother, and was helping my father manage mom’s problem, etc. (which is true to some extent). But that doesn’t satisfy enough. What about my life? The fact remains that I am still financially dependent on my father’s pension and the money sent by my brother. That hurts! But I am also stuck here with my mother.

I am also not very clear about what I should do now or in the future. I feel confused about which direction, which field of activity I should engage myself in. I have self-learned some computer graphics designing and web designing in the past few years. But could never go out to find a job due to my SAD. I also believe that I have some flair for writing and many times think of trying writing on freelance basis or at least doing a course in it. But when it comes to actually doing the needful things, I postpone.

I haven’t even completed my graduation for the same reasons. Every year I keep thinking about completing my graduation in psychology…and then may be learning the counseling skills so that perhaps I might be able to help people just like me…But everything remains in my mind and on the paper. My socially anxious life-style ruins it all.

I feel like learning some alternative therapy like Bach Flower Therapy and maybe help others feel better. But before I can do so, I think, I must experience the therapy myself first and see if it is really effective or not. Otherwise what’s the point?

Excessive and Perverse Sexuality

Another problem has been that of a kind of an addiction to masturbation. To some extent this is understandable. I have been constantly at home without any access to the thrills and enjoyments of the outside world, without any friends of the opposite sex, without a life-partner or marriage. So my mind found the safest way of getting some pleasure in my otherwise anxious, dull and depressive life. But, the problem is, this has been excessive (until 2-3 years back, I was masturbating daily and sometimes even 4-5 times a day) and has been affecting my physical health.

I feel a constant tightness in my upper abdomen, chest, and even head. I feel kind of a sensation (not pain), in the region of the spinal chord exactly behind the upper abdomen (solar plexus?). This (upper part of the abdomen) is also the area where my anxiety, fear seems to affect the most. I feel a kind of a contracted feeling there.

I feel weakness in the left part of the body. Sometimes there is some pain in the left side of the neck, shoulder, waist, left hand, left leg, etc. All in all, the left side feels somewhat weaker.

Also, in past 15-20 years, I have been gradually loosing my hair. At present I have lost almost 60-70% of them and have developed male pattern baldness. I have read (on a homeopathy website) that excessive masturbation can cause hair loss and that homeopathic treatment can even regrow hair! How far is this true?

I also seem to have a prostate enlargement problem. For past few years, I feel some pain in the right side of the abdomen during and after masturbation. I have to urinate frequently and the flow of urine is very thin and restricted. Even after urination sometimes the bladder feels as if not emptied completely and urine keeps dripping drop by drop. There is some pain in the testicles, groin area and particularly severe in the lower back – more so on the left side – which has increased in past few of months or so.

Also recently I have found a lump of the size of a peanut in the left testicle. That seems to me the reason of the pain in the left side of the waist and groin.

Also, I have a kind of a perversion of masturbating in front of females in the surroundings. This has given me a bad name in the community. This further accentuates my social problems and avoidance. I even know that this can attract legal punishment. But even then I keep doing it (although to quite a lesser extent now).

I don’t know, but can this ‘strange’ habit of mine have roots in a punishment I was given by my school teacher when I was in the KG? I was made to stand naked in front of the whole class! I don’t even remember exactly how did I feel then…but how else must have I felt? Greatly embarrassed and humiliated! Can there be a link between this incidence and my social anxiety and the ‘exhibitionistic’ tendencies?

But all in all, perhaps due to growing age and maturity, I feel somewhat less sexual these days. And even when the feeling is there, it is not so overpowering. I can manage and control it better.

Jealousy in Relationships

Another issue I am frequently troubled by is of jealousy, suspiciousness in relationships. (In spite of my social anxiety and a very restricted life-style, I have been having my share of experiences of relationships with the opposite sex – very rare though!) But as you can expect with a nervous, insecure, anxious and sexual mind, I have been always possessive, suspicious, and jealous in them. This has been adding to my anguish. I have been going to the extent of ‘spying’ on the girls I have been involved with.

In short, these 3 issues are the most important - the core issues perhaps.

• Social (and general) Anxiety.
• Excessive and perverse sexual thinking and behavior.
• Jealousy in relationships.

And all these 3 issues seem to be interrelated and interdependent – one leading to the other – one complimenting the other.

Other related problems are,

• Feelings of inferiority in front of others
• Lack of confidence in my abilities
• Indecisiveness about what to do now and in future
• Mild depressive feeling
• Automatic negative thinking, etc.

Looking from the positive angle, what I really hope to have is a more relaxed, peaceful, loving, trusting, self-confident, socially confident, financially independent kind of a life. In short a happy, healthy and wealthy life!

I have started taking 3 Bach Flower Remedies namely Mimulus, Aspen and Larch for past 2 months or so. I have also ordered for Holly and am thinking of adding 2-3 more remedies like Scleranthus, Cerato, Wild Oat etc. to these in near future. I am feeling somewhat calm and less nervous and anxious. But since my problems are also a lot physical in nature, I thought that perhaps it will be wise to consult a homeopath as well along with taking these remedies.
 
  sush_in on 2010-12-02
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
Following are a few symptoms I found on the pages of two remedies Lycopodium and Staphisagria on the Simon King website which I found to be corresponding to my own.

LYCOPODIUM

The word which Vithoulkas uses to describe the essence of Lycopodium is 'cowardice'.

One type of Lycopodium feels this lack in himself and becomes very shy, introverted, soft and often becomes rather a loner. This type has many fears and even phobic states such as agoraphobia or develops anxiety about health, fear to be alone at night, fears about death and survival. Often, however, the main fear is of people.

The other type of Lycopodium takes a sort of counter-phobic response to this inner lack of confidence. Thus the patient becomes bombastic, egotistical, bragging, acting extroverted and assertive. Lycopodium is the main remedy under the rubric, 'love of power'. (initially in my adolescent years when I started becoming aware of my social anxiety, my first reaction was to try and act more extroverted, confident, smart ways. but slowly as I went on experiencing that it in fact made me even more anxious and tense and miserable, slowly that tendency went on becoming less and less and I started avoiding and withdrawing from any social interactions.)

Another aspect of Lycopodium is lack of discipline. For example, Lycopodium is the remedy that most craves sweets and eats them to the extent that it is detrimental to his well-being. The same is true in the sexual sphere. The Lycopodium patient will often be promiscuous, making passes at any potentially available woman, even the receptionist. It is not that the patient has a stronger sex drive than the average person but rather that he has a superficial interest which he constantly seeks to satisfy.

PROBLEMS OF SELF-ESTEEM AND LOW CONFIDENCE.

BULLYING, DOMINEERING, ARROGANT BEHAVIOR TO FAMILY AND THOSE WITH LESS AUTHORITY, OBSEQUIOUS TO SUPERIORS.

Anxiety: about health, about conflicts, about career.

WEEPS FROM SENTIMENTAL EVENTS OR UPON BEING THANKED.

Reverses letters and words while reading and speaking. (but only jokingly sometimes)

STAGE FRIGHT.

Fears: Ghosts. Cancer. Alone, at night. People. Commitment and marriage. Public speaking. Agoraphobia.

eruptions, fungus like white spots on scalp, behind the ears

acne on forehead and back even at the age of 30 to 35

grey hair (head or beard) in streaks or patches, mainly right side.

sometimes audibly loud rumbling in the abdomen

Stool begins hard or constipated and then turns soft or liquid.

Painful urging for urination.

had sciatica of left leg in adolescence

cracks on heels

lips crack easily in winter season

not very refreshed in the morning on waking


============================================

STAPHYSAGRIA


premature decay of teeth.

twitches of facial, eyelids and other body muscles, organs

like sweet foods

Frequent urging for urine.

MASTURBATION. MANY SEXUAL FANTASIES.

In almost direct proportion to the degree of suppression, we find in Staphysagria an excitement of the sexual sphere. The romantic and erotic inner life of the patient is truly excessive. This is often expressed through frequent masturbation, especially because the patient is shy and unable to actively seek out sexual partners. Staphysagria is one of the main remedies to consider in cases with a history of sexual abuse.

High sexual desire, weak resistance, sometimes promiscuous.

Prostatitis

Benign prostatic hypertrophy; retained urine

Tumors of testes

Chronic cough

Nervous or emotional cough

eruptions on the scalp

Alopecia areata after grief or suppression.

The underlying cause of illness in the Staphysagria patient is suppression. Generally the patient is so sweet, that she is unable to stand up for herself.

There can be outbursts of anger generally demonstrated by the marked, instinctive tendency to throw things

============================================
Following are some additional symptoms that I experience frequently:

goose bumps on rubbing skin, nails against a nylon cloth etc. even by a thought or imagination of it.

when catch cold - which is very rarely for past few years - it seems to affect the central part of the chest and that part feels congested and coughing starts from there. while coughing there is harsh feeling in that central part of chest or wind-pipe.

used to get cold frequently in the adolescence and suffered for many days at stretch accopnied sometimes with headache of the half part of head which started from morning and went on worsening as the day progressed until afternoon. then it subsided and disappeared as evening approached until to begin again the next day. this continued for about 4-5 days. I am not sure if this condition is called sinusitis or migrain.

sometimes while laughing intensely, there is a feeling of crying too.

some fear of thunderstorms, lighenings.

eating something like chilli starts hiccouging

more comfortable sleeping on the right side than the left

motion sickness while travelling by bus, car, etc. but not when travelling by train.
 
sush_in 9 years ago
It is not useful at all for us if you pull out symptoms of a remedy - only give your own symptoms, in your own words. Directing us to remedies is actually counterproductive, and distorts the natural and spontaneous expression of your problem that is vital to properly selecting a remedy.

Your original post, however, is quite descriptive and natural sounding. Some questions will almost certainly be forthcoming to narrow down the choice of remedies.

There are actually over 5000 different homoeopathic medicines, several hundred of those being ones commonly prescribed. You could need any one of them (if they fit the state you have described to us).
 
brisbanehomoeopath 9 years ago
brisbanehomeopath,

Thank you very much for your response.

I apologize if in my (over)enthusiasm i have done something 'unhelpful'. I am completely new to homeopathy.

Thanks for making me aware of this...shall take care in future.

Please tell me if I need to give any more details about myself and my issues.

BTW, I used the Remedy Finder and got the result 'Lycopodium Clavatum'.



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sush_in 9 years ago
okay here is the second grid that didn't show in the previous post. hope it shows up this time.

 
sush_in 9 years ago
We can rule out Staphysagria. There aren't any indications of it in this case.

You are correct that the symptoms point to Lycopodium.

Get Lycopodium 30c. Put one pellet into a 10oz or so bottle of water, and let it dissolve. Then drink one tablespoon of that. It should last a minimum of one week. At that time you should report how you feel here.
 
Homeopathy International 1 9 years ago
This is not Lycopodium.

Lycopodium does not cover the persistent, obsessive thoughts the patient is portraying here. Neither is it present in the delusions about being criticized or watched.

In my mind the competition is between 2 remedies Calcarea Carb and Lachesis.

But the epigastric origin of the anxiety and fear arising out of stomach makes me lean more towards Calcarea Carb. Moreover there are some themes here which are more indicative of the oyster shell.

Sameer
 
sameervermani 9 years ago
Please describe your physical constitution including height and weight, skin, eyes, sweat, sleep habits, etc. That can help us distinguish between these remedies.
 
Homeopathy International 1 9 years ago
Thank you Homeopathy International and Sameer for your responses.

My physical constitution is as follows:

Height: 5 feet 7 inches

Weight: around 65 kgs

Skin: color is somewhere between fair and wheatish. My skin was somewhat oily in younger age particularly the skin of my face and scalp. This was more so when I was extremely anxious. Now my skin is not that oily and is a bit dry. It easily cracks in the winter season - face and lips in particular. Heels also crack. Facial skin becomes somewhat dark, blackish due to excessive anxiety and stress particularly in social settings.

I had severe acne like eruptions on my forhead about 5-6 years back. That was a bit stressful and anxious period in my life due to certain happenings in my personal life.

Eyes: Color is black. Have normal eyesight, no glasses till date but might need in near future as working on the computer seems to strain them. There are dark (not very) circles below eyes which become particularly visible when I am anxious and somewhat depressed and fatigued.

Sweat: I perspire profusely when I am out of the house (which is a 'social situation' for me) - particularly so when I have to interact with others - due to anxious feelings.

Sweat used to smell bad in my adolescence and younger days as others sometimes made me aware of, but now it doesn’t seem to smell as bad. I sweat all over the body but perhaps more so on forehead, scalp, face, back, and armpits.

Sleep habits: are fairly normal. I sleep quite peacefully the whole night (unless sometimes my mother or our cats create some trouble!). I don’t seem to dream much or perhaps I do but do not remember much of it in the morning. Sometimes I sit working on the computer till late in the night. But I don’t like to keep awake till late. I feel much better in the morning if I sleep in time somewhere in between 10 and 11 pm. I generally wake-up around 6 to 7 am.

So that is what I can say about what you asked for. Hope it helps.
 
sush_in 9 years ago
You are probably correct about Calc!
 
Homeopathy International 1 9 years ago
Calcarea Carb is where I would recommend starting at.

Please take just 3 doses of 30c spaced by 30 minutes or so.

After that no more doses are to be take, just wait for 8 to 10 days and report back here.
 
sameervermani 9 years ago
Thanks. I shall do as suggested. Just need to know what exactly does '3 doses' mean?

Susheel.
 
sush_in 9 years ago
Dissolve 1 or 2 drops of Calcarea Carb 30c in about 250 ml spring water, stir and take a sip from there. This is 1 dose.

Take 3 such doses at 30 minutes interval.
 
sameervermani 9 years ago
Okay. Thanks. Spring water is not available at the place where I live. We have an open well. Since a well gets water from underground springs, will that be suitable for my purpose?
 
sush_in 9 years ago
Another thing is that there is no homeopathy pharmacy in my area. I will have to order the remedy from nearby city. There is only one homeopath in my area. But when I asked him, he said that he has them only in the form of 'globules' and that I will have to order them from elsewhere if I need it in the liquid form.

So what would you suggest?
 
sush_in 9 years ago
It is better to use filtered water than well water.

Try to get the liquid potency if possible.
 
sameervermani 9 years ago
Thanks. I have ordered the remedy. Will take a few days to reach me.
 
sush_in 9 years ago
You seem to be very intelligent. You may want to learn more about homeopathy!

You might want to read:
http://simillimum.com/education/little-library/index.php
http://www.drluc.com
 
Homeopathy International 1 9 years ago
Well not really! :) But having some basic knowledge might help me co-operate well with the treatments, I guess. So thanks for the links.
 
sush_in 9 years ago
Will probably need Med. at some point in time :)
 
faustian 9 years ago
Faustian, I would agree about the need for Med. at some point but keep in mind that Calc also is an anti-sycotic par excellence.
 
sameervermani 9 years ago
Sameer, I couldn't agree with you more there and in any case its better not to start with a nosode straightaway.
 
faustian 9 years ago
To brisbanehomeopath.
I understand when you say that one should not pull out symptoms from remedy, it distorts natural response, etc. but it is natural for us (patients) to be inclined to do so if we know something about homeopathy.
We are very keen to help out, 'enthusiastic' so to say. And I call it 'desperate'. At least I am desperate to tell about the possibilities so that I can quickly get a correct remedy and start feeling better. I have similar feelings like sush_in in this context.
Sorry for any interruption in the case.
 
sci_spi 9 years ago
Yes sci_spi, from a patient’s point of view, you are correct. We tend to be somewhat desperate to get well. And also since in homeopathy, the more information we provide the better, I did try to help out by conveying the symptoms that I found quite close to my own. Of course this is quite natural from our viewpoint.

But then again, what brisbanehomeopath pointed out to me may also be right since he is an expert on the subject and has knowledge and experience, and thus knows better about what is more helpful and what isn’t. It is in our own interest to co-operate with the experts as much as we can if we really want to get better soon!

We need to be really ‘patient’! Perhaps that’s why they use this word. To remind us of the quality we should cultivate in order to benefit from the treatment. :)
 
sush_in 9 years ago
And I think, brisbanehomeopath doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t give as many details as possible or should be brief or to-the-point, etc. What he means is that we should just express our problems in a natural and spontaneous way and in our own language – as I did in the first post - rather than giving the details in a ‘possible-remedy-and-corresponding-symptoms’ format – as I did later.

So I guess, that sounds pretty logical and in line with the homeopathic way of treating diseases as far as my very little knowledge about it goes.
 
sush_in 9 years ago
Did you try the Calc?
 
Homeopathy International 1 9 years ago

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