Stuttering, social fear, career failure

Hmm, sulfur helps with stammering? That is good. I will see if it works. I have some nux vomica around the house, I will look for it.

I have been using sulfur 30c 4 times a day or more. I have nux vomica 200 ck. Is that okay? I think I will wait to get the nux vomica until next week then, when I go a ways to the natural foods store.

About the nux vomica, about how many pills should I take in the evening? I am going to get it now.

Do you think the nux vomica needs to fit my overall person and ailments, or is the stuttering alone enough of a match?

Hi Minsa,
thanks for your response. With nursing, I really support continuing a long time, as long as my daughter likes, to provide her with immune system support. She nurses constantly when sick, so I know it helps her, plus there is a lot of supportive information on the web. If you are interested, here is a La Leche League link: http://www.lalecheleague.org/FAQ/advantagetoddler.html

Sometimes if you ask a question you can get a long answer!!!! I did not lose any job except one, mainly I just did not get hired. There are so many reasons I think I just don't speak well for myself, and that I don't come across as confident. Finally, I think that my classes were too challenging in my last assignment, that I should have provided an easier, more entertaining course. The kids gave up too quickly. One teacher there helped me a lot (she was paid to help new teachers), and I learned some tips to improve the class (make it easier for the kids) that worked, but then I lost the job.

I think being a paralegal will be easier and I have a better chance of getting and keeping a job.

The longer story goes like this. As a new idealistic English teacher in 1995, I was not prepared with my theoretical education for discipline issues. The job market was competitive, and I worked very hard at substituting without making a mark because I tend to be obedient, quiet, and somewhat shy around administrators and sometimes even peers. If I stutter, I usually get a suspicious look. I noticed when successful with my classes at substituting jobs I still lost two openings to political appointments/favoritism, both appointees later "failing" as teachers. When struggling as a teacher, administrators tended to put that all back on me instead of helping. VPs often did not want to dish out discipline or warning even when due, because they do not want to appear as though they have many discipline problems.
I never have done a good job tooting my horn, and I try now. English is the toughest to teach, I think, because many kids read so poorly, and the material for their age is much higher than their level. English involves so much, but it is hard to reach kids when the school strictly controls what is taught due to testing. In one class I had 5 repeaters or hellions. Every class was anyway difficult. The 7th grade VP
seemed decent, but undermined my authority on one at least one occasion. I thought eventually if I was polite she would provide more support, but she always questioned things. I could not get two of my four classes under control. All the teachers could not get at least one class under control, incl. two veterans. On some students I just gave up, and I felt like the assignment was killing my home life and personal life because the kids seemed so disrespectful and rude and they don't even realize their effects. I think I wanted out of the job, and I couldn't argue with the principal when he said he decided to let me go. I know the school let a lot of teachers go, because the school was going to be evaluated by the state for it's failure to perform. My two of my classes were actually lost causes, I think, because once you have lost control it is much harder to get it back. If I stood up more for myself it would be easier and better. I didn't have a key for my room almost the whole time because the former teacher ran me around with false keys and the administration put me off. Then, in distributing "free" time assignments I was given some of the worst, such as taking about 60 kids to the bus and keeping them in my room beforehand. In contrast, one teacher had about 8 walkers to watch in his room. I said to the assistant vp that I would get a whistle for the attn. of the bus kids when I came in the room from another place, but she said whistles were inappropriate and I was not allowed to use them. I had a bad sinus infection all that time, and my voice was just broken. Being short, some kids just would not see me. I needed a whistle. Like I said, the one teacher really helped me to go at a slower and easier pace, but the administration was too impatient to wait and I just didn't have the desire to argue that much.

Your question is a hard one to answer, really.

I try not to dwell on negative thoughts. However, it is pretty hard not to be faced with these experiences. Essentially I am faced on a daily basis with being out of work as a result of not "succeeding" as a teacher. I am always embarassed by the idea of what people might think, since I know people have gotten the wrong idea before. Even though part of me says move on, the other part is truly embarassed about not succeeding or being independent of my parents. Even though I don't consciously think about it or dwell on it, in the back of my mind it is always there, and when brought forward I am embarassed. I haven't figured out how to put a positive spin on it. I am a bit irritated as well because I imagine that if things had been a little different and someone had offered a little help from the start I would have been a great teacher. Now the thought of teaching just is awful, because it would remind me of all the bad experiences of the past and some of my mistakes.
When I was a little girl, I was so idealistic and hopeful, and also courageous. Stuttering never seemed like a big deal to me, though it did to others. I was always trusting. Now I have had a run of bad luck at least since 1997, pretty much. I have learned in an extreme fashion that a lot of obstructions exist to doing good things (teaching), that people you love can be super deceitful and selfish, and I have been faced every year with this idea that without my parents I really am not making it, and now I have a daughter and it seems that I am jsut not competitive.
So I am really worried that I will not succeed at all in anything, maybe because I am too nice, and believe what I am told, and have a hard time believing in myself. So I do not think brooding is the right word, because that means I would be angry. Perhaps I occasionally have been vaguely resentful. But in general I think I ought to be more passionate about things. It seems I have a lot of fighting to do.
Normally I am not a person that broods or holds grudges. But if I start to think about some things in my life once in a blue moon on an especially bad day, then I might in private when people are away cry awfully and think everything bad happens to me. Then, I think reasonably that there is nothing to be done about it but go on, and press these thoughts from my mind, and keep trying.
I am definitely not happy or into making jokes much, except for my daughter. My daughter makes me smile, but I also tend to worry about being poor, and maybe about depriving her of fun. I wish I had some good friends here by my parent's home, that would really lighten things up and be good for my daughter too.
I have taken her to play groups, but it doesn't go along long before she is sick.
So I don't think about these things, but they do come up and depress me. My courage seems to be low, with my confidence, because I think that everything I have done hasn't worked, and that people really just are hooked on my slight stuttering or outer shyness and don't look beyond that.

Thank you both for the nice posts.

At the moment I am studying to be a paralegal, which is a lot of memorization, analysis, and research. I watch my toddler now, and since she is sick she wants to be held constantly so I have been using the internet a lot while holding her. I like what I just started to learn from the introductory class and still need to figure out how many classes I can take. In my class I aced all the written assignments, but I didn't speak like many did.

What is funny is that when teaching a class I could speak loudly and clearly 95% of the time, and had a lot of creative ideas. I would stutter basically just when being observed or outside of class.

I believe I would have to order the homeopathic sulfur 10M as it isn't available at the store near here. I just wonder if you are sure it will be fine to take it since my daughter is nursing. Well, I have been taking some sulphur already.

Actually Hilda I would love to write different things. I used to write poetry often, and now what stops me from writing is probably lack of organization! I have a bunch of ideas (cookbooks, songs, etc.) that I have not followed through. Glad to hear that you think I write well, since it didn't occur to me that my writing is that good, except perhaps poetry. What is funny to me now is remembering that writing a fantasy in middle school. As I got to the end it seemed necessary to have a love scene, which do to my Catholic upbringing I couldn't quite cope with, so after writing the scene I hid the book away and decided I had better not write, that maybe teaching would be better.

Astra had suggested that I fill out a questionaire, so I thought I would start. It is long so I just will start.

Name: Let us say Kathy.
Age: 33
Height: just under 5'2"
Weight: 110 lb.s

1. Chief complaint:
Inability to express myself verbally and confidently due to stuttering, weak (quiet)/broken voice, shyness, lack of confidence, lack of spontaneity, and excessive self-awareness.

Of late also very frequent colds leading to infections of sinus, also interfering with voice.

2. Beginning of problem: My parents said I began to stutter in elementary, when I had a mean teacher. I remember she did not like me. My mom was also German and was told by the American doctor not to speak German as it would be confusing to the kids. Then, her English was not so perfect. Then, at age 10 I lived in Germany and all the German relatives and friends were told not to speak in German to me because it would confuse me. So very few people spoke to me except occasionally in broken English. I did not know this until much older.

4. When is the complaint worse? Perhaps in the afternoon, as opposed to morning (re: stuttering).

5. Other symptoms: Throat or sinus complaints frequent lately (since beginning of school year 2004), which messes up speaking because of congestion or broken voice. Voice box seems to tighten and stop speech. Throat feels somewhat irritated, sore. Nose dry and/or stopped up, with slight pains around nose from congestion. Sometimes scabbing or bumps within nose. Told I have polyps in nose blocking some of my breathing, but doesn't seem to bother me much. Feel fatigued when my sinuses bother me or throat starts to feel scratchy, like today. Eyesight terrible since 10 years old, legally blind without glasses, can't see far, and close vision beginning to blur too. Eyes feel irritated, strained, ache from computer work, book work, and are recently look red from lines in whites of eyes. Peripheral vision nearly impossible, it seems. Occasional nervous stomach. Once was diagnosed with colitis. Sometimes tension headache or tension between shoulder blades and from wrinkling forehead between eyes. When stressed ccan get anxious, nervous manner. Tend to feeling cold in extremeties, and sometimes tummy too. Skin tends to dryness, hands worst. Have a condition of ringworm healing now. Skin sometimes looks ruddy on my face, esp. on my nose, though often just pale. Over wintertime usually get mild eczema.

6. Environment: Wind bothers me most, and wind with cold. Prefer moist warmth, also happy with dry heat.

7. Most uncomfortable position: standing straight.

8. Perspiration: Used to never perspire. Now perspire when nervous or physically stressed from bookwork. Perspire under arms, chest near armpits, between legs, sometimes with an odor, sometimes not. Usually not that I notice, anyway. Tending to chilliness: usually my hands, neck, feet feel coldest.

---------------
I guess I would rather do this than continue the homework I need to do! But maybe I do not need to do this since Passkey gave a suggestion already. Probably I am writing this just to insure that nothing important is missed. Please let me know if what I am writing is really unnecessary.

Good to know!

5. (More symptoms forgot to add) osteoarthritis (stiff joints from wear and tear, aging), worse in morning, fingers, wrist, sometimes toes, general slight stiffness. Since pregnancy feel can't properly pee everything! Occasionally headache over eyes, or top of head. Sometimes get canker sores which are aggravating. Teeth bother me, feel sensitive and ache. Used to be mainly upper incisors during sinus infection, now lower teeth ache too. Seems like I can't hold my teeth in comfortable position.

9. Tongue: Either pointed or round when stuck out. If pointed, slight indentation at tip. Color is redder at tip, overall tone is purplish red, rose-colored. A little whitish coating pretty much over entire top of tongue, but for tip. Line or crack (1") runs down center of tongue in the middle half of tongue, more towards front. Some raised bumps near throat opening, some smaller flat red bumps show through white coating at sides of tongue near molar.

5. (More symptoms forgot to add again) I often get mysterious itching, but since taking sulphur this is gone. My nails have vertical ridges on my hands, and sometimes it seems there is an infection of the skin by one nail on my toe, sometimes on a fingertip. I have a slight cough at the moment, no expectoration, from mucuous collecting in my throat.

10. My worries? 1. Whether I will succeed in providing for myself and daughter. 2. Whether my daughter's lifestyle is boring or not educational with mainly just me around. 3. Whether the world will become an awful place considering the environment, government.
How do you cope? Plan, make strategies, read, be active (1,2). Cross my fingers (3) and try do little things I can. Would like to do big things, but time and money not there.

11. How I keep my house: Normally clean and slightly organized. I let things slide some in the kitchen, though, by focusing on my daughter and homework. In the bedroom, I have some clothes on the floor, and almost never make the bed.There is a lot of dust under the bed, which sometimes I wash down.

12. Crying? Normally don't cry easily. Normally cry on the sly. Things have to pile up badly and I have to have some bad experiences on the particular day.

13. What do you do to feel better when upset? Spend time alone, sometimes cry if bad, go outside or in my room or take a shower. Write in a diary. Maybe bake later.

14. What makes you angry? My mom can make me angry by saying things so negatively, essentially stating my fears and suggesting they might come true, andsaying all my perceptions are wrong and illogical. Also, I can get angry when pressured to respond as desired by others (usually just by my mom), I prefer to feel free and not be coaxed or manipulated or threatened. I can't stand when people seem to invade my space, my privacy, my choice to live how I think is right instead of respecting me when I say please stop. I can get angry about apparent "injustice" in daily life, usually when people seem lazy or take advantage of someone else. Laziness disturbs me, but I have learned it is part of life and some basically nice folk.
What do you do when you are angry? Preach or direct when it might work. With my mom, since I know her, I leave the room if smart, or feel furious and yell that she is wrong. This year I have started to say she is dumb, and cut her down, a progression that is a new one stemming from a sense that she is really out of line in bringing me down and I just want her to back off or not talk to me at all. However, when it is not my mom, family, or teaching, and I am the one being taken advantage of I often am quiet because I do not know what to say and am afraid the other person will take it the wrong way or lash out at me.

15. Predominating emotion? Resignment. Jaded feeling,

5. Symptoms: Mmm, I think I have gotten thrush from nursing from my daughter. My nipples are unusually sore and pinkish. My healing rash also seems to leave a little discoloration by the way.

Since it will take some times to get the sulphur 10M through the mail (I am going out of town for two weeks), I wonder it is okay to continue with taking sulphur 30X a couple times a day? I would also very much appreciate some advice about the thrush. I have some Kali Muriaticum 6, which I read on the forum could be used for thrush in nursing mothers. Is it okay to use that,and if so how much?

Thank you for your thoughts! I will definitely look into doing everything suggested. I already have the Kali Phos. and am working on getting the sulphur. The harder part is the thought training and other options suggested.