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Poor Mental Focus

In response to two of your doctors, related to a prev. inquiry, a month or two ago.


I provided the questions to my patient, and here are his answers.

I would want to understand more on the Tightness that come with Nervousness.

Nope, you have it backwards. Mostly tenseness, nervousness and anxiety tend to come with back and neck stiffness--- mostly body-oriented, though—I suppose—somewhat related to outer circumstances and experiences, too.

What exactly is the feeling around authority? What is the situation he believes himself to be in?

I feel persecuted and sense of violation of privacy. So, much pestering, and lack of respect, e.g., by management where I live. Actually, my home feels better just lately, but…historically, feels like not a safe-space, not my own space, where I can have privacy and quiet and not be bothered. Catering to others. Feels like I may be evicted at a drop of the hat (and have been on several occasions in the past, generally based on lies,.e.g.,lying about not having paid the rent, when untrue. The last time, some five years ago, the fellow house-mate broke into my room on two occasions, then illegally evicted me. He also stalked me, and broke my ribs. The police refused to do anything. Then, later, when I wanted to sue him, the lawyers advised me it was past the statute of limitations. DAMN!! The previous landlord played a lot of games, such as refusing to provide rent receipts, and knocking at the door at six in the morning. Persecution. On a couple of occasions, actually homeless for awhile.

What else? For some reason, the prospect of paying bills bothers me a lot…and I, thus, tend to procrastinate. Authority… Roman Catholic upbringing in early childhood). Mother Superior!! Bosses who do not appreciate one’s abilities; do not delegate authority to their Dept. heads. Disempowering.

What kind of 'hyper' does he become?

Hyper like most folks do when they are on lots of caffeine or methamphetamine. But this is not common now, unless I have a lot of coffee, e.g.

What sort of insecurity?

Feels like I could lose my home at a moment’s notice, and lose my money…maybe even my life. I worry about not living much longer, now that my life is finally working somewhat well. When I was young, I had a sense of being killed off before long…impending doom, I guess. Have frequently had a lot of upset over traffic tickets, and other legal matters, such as evictions. Sometimes, feels simply overwhelming…and very unfair. A tendency to feel guilty over something inconsequential, and not worthwhile or deserving of a good life.

What kind of obsessions or compulsions?

In childhood, compulsive cleanliness, alternating with wanting to take things much more casually (the latter became more characteristic in college, and felt much better. Sexual compulsions, including sex with women in lingerie, and related to wearing women’s clothing. I seem to have shifted out of this pattern, as I came to see that—while fun—it seemed to lead to negative patterns and a lot of suffering (some physical pain, and lots of feelings of shame).

What kind of co-dependence?

Close attachment to mother, even as this was painful…a lot of nervous energy around her, and a lot of “drama.” When I got a lot of psychotherapy in the seventies, I came to understand the necessity of breaking away from the dysfunctional patterns of my family, which kept “pushing my buttons.” I think I was somewhat co-dependent with my fiancé in the mid-seventies. I seem to have become much more independent over the last fifteen years—have broken out of that pattern, and mostly enjoy having my own place, though more female companionship would certainly be welcome. I am irked in that many women seem to need a real “he-man” type and/or need someone with a lot of commercial success and money. I would rather hang out with artistic and politically conscious folk, than business “dead-heads.”

How exactly did his bipolar present?

Since high school, perhaps…a tendency to feel “all jazzed up’ and great, or very much down. Maybe more so in college. Uncertain. Actually, the first psychiatrists diagnosed this as clinical depression, while my current doctor calls it bipolar disorder.

How exactly did his depression present?

Felt extremely down, after a love-affair with a woman in college in Long Beach, at the university, in the sixties. And, after a failed attempt to live on my own, and had to return to my mom’s house, in gov’t housing.

What is the feeling of being overwhelmed?

Too much stuff to attend to…just overpowering and feels unfair. Like a boulder over my head…or behind the “eight-ball.” How come other folks can enjoy success, and I give it all I have, and it’s not enough? Feels like constant bills, and legal issues, and people making excessive demands, and violating my space.

I had to move out of my storage space (10’ x 10’), as it was messing up my budget (had gotten up to $150/month, which was nuts!!). I managed about nine months ago—and with a little help from friends—to reduce this to about ¼ and move the remainder to another storage area, but it was an almost impossible task for me. It took pure guts and self-discipline. Man, what a project!!

I will mention it here, as it just came to me (and I hear wild winds outside tonight), that I seem to, as a child, have had a terrible fear of the cold, and of not being able to survive, perhaps due to abandonment. Pretty strong feelings about that. Though today, I am much less sensitive about such things. I just keep focused, and put on a jacket and gloves and hat, and such, and do what needs to be done. If I do not keep it simple, and if I allow myself to become mentally dis-persed, I can go crazy about such things. Go all to pieces. Bills bother me a lot. Sometimes nearly impossible to confront them. I want to postpone handling them, or avoid them.


David Kempson
Professional Homoeopath

--New Patient Questionnaire--

Please answer the following questions in a descriptive manner after careful analysis and recollection of previous experiences and happenings.

1. Describe your main suffering? Poor mental focus, poor task application and completion. Poor self-confidence. Anxiety in crowds. I have a tendency to forget some things, like food on the stove-top, cooking. And, appointments. My memory is much better than some years ago, but does fail me periodically, especially when my neck is subluxated. At those times, my visual acuity lessens too (blurriness).

2. What other physical sufferings do you have in your body? Constant neck and back tension, helped much by chiropractic treatment. Much of this stems from sacroiliac problems, probably congenital. The back acts up particularly when I sit for too long, like at the computer. Occasionally, serious low back pain: almost impossible to get out of bed or stand. Pain meds help, as do gentle back extension stretches, and chiropractic manipulation, of course. Frequent neck pain, like right now online.

3. What mental sufferings / feelings do you have associated with your physical sufferings? Not enough fun. Feels like I am being monitored and judged. Why me?!! Little things like spilling milk (just tonight, then bean-sprouts, then bone power supplement, damn!) in the kitchen are very upsetting.

Had a lot of car trouble. When I got my last car all fixed and stabilized, next thing I knew the city stole it, and I was not able to recover it. Much bothered by management in this apt. building, where they seem to want to conduct endless inspections, and interfere with tenants’ privacy (the “Management Gestapo”). Though I am stronger in this area lately: have learned to “put my foot down” about some of this behavior. I seem stronger now…less likely to have my buttons pushed. It is the damnest thing that I, as a mature guy with much accomplish can be so weak in confronting things and people at times. Feel pretty good about myself in general, but there were major disappointments in trying to get my career going, and I had to really compromise in some ways, due to financial considerations and disabilities. Now on permanent disability—SSDI.


4. What exactly do you feel when you are at your worst? Describe the sensation in your own words. Feel unworthy, and vulnerable, powerless. Ashamed. Feel incapable, incompetent, hobbled. And poor. Hopeless, lost. Also, frustrated. E.g., delighted I managed to get on disability, but I can’t take the chance of trying to work p/t, as my lawyers tell me, I stand a good chance of losing my disability status. Sometimes feels like I’m between a rock and hard place. Easily distractable, hard to keep focused and motivated. To get anything done, I have to do a lot of exercise, kind’ve get myself wound up, and work on little pieces at a time. This is sometimes a real pain. Discouraged easily sometimes. Sometimes, I can hardly get out of the house.

When I am at my best…I am competent, but seem to take more time than others, like on the job. Seems like I am not appreciated, and lots of power games by others. This is not just fantasy. I have had jobs where there was a lot of game-playing and invalidation. And, back-biting.

I typed paramedic reports at a fire dept. job, and it was great, but could not quite make the weekly report quota (which was nutty, btw, as they didn’t tell us that no allowance was made for the occasional lunch events we had). My immediate supervisor advised me that I my performance was good overall, just weak in this area. She suggested I’d do FINE in another city position which was not a “production:” job. Yet, her supervisor went out of her way to write a report saying “not recommended for rehire,” which seemed to put the kibosh on future city jobs. Hard for me to meet deadlines. I tend to be very sensitive to criticism. And when I have made a mistake or committed a “sin”…even a tiny one--I become very anxious, almost feels, sometimes, like a curse hanging over me

City community college job: Very satisfying, but endless psych. games and invalidation. Supervisor wrote a very negative report (based on nothing of consequence and bald-faced lies), which I appealed in person to the school president, who dismissed any defense out of hand, and—I understand—wrote a negative report which sabotaged my subsequent college system job application efforts. Very frustrating.

5. When did it all start? Can you connect it to any past event or disease? My best guess is at birth. Feels like it might be related to falls and hitting my head… and lots of parental hyper-discipline and invalidation (What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you be normal? Why are you so weird? What is YOUR PROBLEM? Why can’t you fit in?). Probably related to parents’ divorce around age ten. Things got better after I left my mom’s home, after high school, but then I did not have the emotional and other assets to make it on my own (at the university), so had to move back (with “my tail between my legs”), which was very disheartening. Have memories of walking around, back behind her place, in gov’t housing…vacant land, feeling lost and depressed.

6. Which time of the day you are worst? First thing in the morning…sluggish. Best time: Late at night. When I am feeling good and “jazzed” late at night, I DO NOT WANT TO RETIRE at night.

7. What are the things which aggravate your suffering and which are those which ameliorate the same? Example-time, temperature, pressure, rubbing, washing, eating, tight clothing etc. Like slightly loose clothing, mild temps, tasty food, like to bathe, but not make a huge issue of it. Feels like my parents were terribly strict about this. I did better when I moved away and took things more casually. Very restricted environment early on, and very judgmental.


8. Do your think your sufferings have relation to any external stimuli (like, change of place) or any internal biological changes in the body? High heat and cold seem to affect me. I perspire easily. Have to eat regularly and not sit too long, to prevent back tension. Do much better with meat protein. In the past, when I have had minor urogenital problems, I felt absolutely awful, ashamed, and worthless…not for sometime now, though.

9. When do you feel better, during hot weather or cold weather, humid or dry weather? Do not like cold or hot…nor humid conditions. I’ll get on a bus, with all the window closed, and everyone else is all bundled up and wonder how they can stand it. On the other hand, I have had roommates who leave the windows open in the winter, and I close them (“Are you nuts? It’s winter-time and it’s cold! Were you born in a barn?!!).

10. Describe your general mental set up? Are you Moody, Arrogant, Mild, Agreeable Changeable, Nervous, Suspicious, Easily offended, Quiet, Arguing, Irritating, Lazy etc. Probably moody, mild and agreeable, somewhat nervous, easily offended (easy to “push his buttons”). Not arrogant, some tendency to be victimized. Lazy, lacks motivation/initiative/gumption. I seem to have difficulty providing fun for myself. And, life tends to feel VERY SERIOUS. Though I have much more confidence than twenty years ago, and can more-or-less handle myself socially (though with some anxiety), not much luck with women, which irks me.

It occurs to me that I usually have one area…such as a bill, a certain person, or a health problem, like dental problems--which plagues me at a given time, and causes me much grief. There is an obsessive feel about it.

I do better when I go out for walks, but it is sometimes difficult to get myself out to do this, and until I do, I tend to be depressed and feel vulnerable (and self-involved). Lots of lethargy and lack of initiative.

- How do you feel before or during a thunderstorm? Love it and feel good. Unless I have to be out in a very cold environment and get wet, then, a mess!!

- Do you like being consoled during your tough times? Yes, if not patronized. I have some disability and resent it if people make a big deal about helping (in a demeaning way). I am a professional and deserve to be treated with respect.

- Are you sensitive to external stimuli like smell, noise, light etc? Noise bothers especially, as do rotten or noxious smells.

- Do you have any typical habit or gesture like nail biting, causeless weep-
ping, talking to one self etc? Tics, I am told, but this is related to trying to loosen back and neck tension, not a nervous complaint. Sometimes stuttering. Sometimes talk to myself, but nothing pathological about it, and this can be comical.

- How do you feel about your friends, family, your children and especially your husband / wife? In general not too bad socially, but—historically—had to control myself, keep focused and calm…as my apparent hyper mood would alienate people. Have learned to calm down, btw, using breathing and relaxation exercises (and with small amounts of beer and wine). No current wife or girlfriend. Have only a few friends. Seem to do pretty well in a social situation, e.g., when I go to an activist meeting, or volunteer at a local non-commercial radio station. Some shyness, but I …you might say…have learned to “put on my radio persona” (some experience in radio since the late sixties, which has helped undo the horrific shyness I had as a kid). Practice, and using little techniques has helped me to be more focused, confident, and to keep things simple…and to not alienate people I speak to. When I have a problem with an issue like a bill, what I do is do all I can to prepare—and lessen the anxiety as much as I can—then “It’s show-time!!” I become the radio announcer and “go for it!” This usually works, if I can get to that relatively low-anxiety place.

11. What are your fears and do you dream of any situation repeatedly? As a child, horrible nightmares. Now, very rare, though I had one of these maybe five years ago…like an old “friend” coming home to roost, just after someone said something to me about putting a curse on me. Wow, was this upsetting!! No, no particular dreams lately. In a dream last night, arrived at a bit of information which helped solve a problem related to a utility bill, which was very welcome, and which I put to use today. As a child, feared the devil, and snakes and spiders, and heights, and open places. Feared the thought of being invaded (or possessed?), and feared bullies. Just dawned on me that part of the reason I could get to sleep. well, yes, the nightmares, but also because I feared I would not wake up, i.e., that I’d die in my sleep. This may still affect me today.


12. What do you crave for in food items and what are your aversions? Love potato chips and fries (salty), and sweets, though I have learned the problems with sweets, so now just fruit…only rarely ice cream, pie, cookies, etc. Learned just recently that chips and dip at night may play a part in recent insomnia. Do not care or lima or black beans. Allergy to shiitake mushrooms… severe utricaria..whew!! Not much interested in sushi, nor in squid, nor snails. Love sour cream, as in garlic chip dip (with LOTS of garlic). Love gravy. Will eat salads, but sometimes seems a real chore to prepare them!! As a child, I HATED onions—like in potato salad, and lima beans. Now, I like onions. Very fond of Italian and Mexican food. When, I have fish, my body goes “Zing!!” Love it.

13. How is your thirst: Less, Normal or Excessive? Seems less than usual: would like to see myself drink more. I seem to have to urinate more than usual.

14. How is your hunger: Less, Normal or Excessive? Think average, in general. Yet, sometimes, I tend to put off eating, then have to remind myself…because I do much better when I eat protein every couple of hours.

15. Is there any kind of food which your body can’t stand? Shiitake mushrooms. Can’t stand nutmeg. Don’t much care for okra.

16. Is your sweat normal or less or more? Where does it sweat more: Head, Trunk or Limbs? MORE, rather than less. Trunk, primarily. My brother tells me, when I have rarely seen him, that I have a BAD perspiration problem, but I think that MOST of this is his being unusually sensitive to odors, and being rude. When I visited him in his Ventura condo some years ago, he INSISTED I immedi-ately take a shower, which I found very insulting. Then, after one day of the weekend, he insisted I leave early, which I found disheartening and rude…and was not due to any behavior (such as a social gaffe) on my part. He just invited me for a visit—in Reno (their new home, as of a few years ago), but I am hesi-tant to take him up on this. I have no need whatever of any criticism or insult.

17. How is your bowel movement and stool type? Lately, diarrhea, and fatty fecal material…frequently very smelly. Also, much flatulence. Digestive enzymes (and simethicone, and “Beano”) may be helping some, not sure.

18. How well do you sleep? Do you have a particular posture of sleeping? Generally fine, but lately, insomnia…especially if I get to bed late. Difficult, because late-night is my best time, when full of fun and motivated. Taking more magnesium, calcium and potassium, and turning in earlier seems to be helping SOME. Also, a small amount of wine with a ¼ bottle of beer. Sleep best on the side, and switch sides every so often, probably related to neck comfort. Some-times the only thing that will put me to sleep is a sleeping pill and a bunch of liquor.

19. Do you think you are able to satisfy your sexual desires in general? Yes, and no. Little availability of partners in recent years, but feel better about myself sexually. Sex is very important, but not necessarily a lot…just with some kind of regularity. As a youth, lots of embarrassment and shame, in part related to Roman Catholic upbringing.

20. Do you have any strange, peculiar or unusual symptom or feelings? How are you different from others? Though seems like we have a better balance in this “department,” for the last six months, say, history of male identity problems. More identification with the female. This can be fun, but tends to lead to problems, such as feelings of shame, and urogenital problems. Also relates to obsesssive-compulsion disorder, I am convinced…and to depression. Lately, I seem to have come more to terms with my being a male. Would do better if I had more female contact, I think.

21. What medications have been taken earlier by you to treat the diseases and do you have any particular symptom surfacing after the medication? Ritalin helps the ADD (mental focus, task-completion, and general sense of competence and self-confidence) in a major way, but has led to bone and tooth mineral loss (and major tooth-loss), skin spots, and visual floaters, which I find irksome, so pretty much off it now. Desipramine HCl and Prozac for depression/bipolar disorder in the past, along with Elavil. Now off the Prozac, as it eventually meant loss of libido and sexual E.D. Diagnosed with clinical depression (current doctor says Bipolar disorder) and ADD (not ADHD)…about 1990.

22. What major diseases are running in your family? Mom: breast cancer. Maternal grandfather: think heart disease. Lots of “drama” in childhood, and obsessive-compulsive mom; childhood environment never felt stable or safe. Felt like my privacy was frequently violated (and looking back, I now know that my brother was stealing a lot of my stuff) and felt very vulnerable, powerless. Bright, but many ups and downs, including my mental functioning. Pain in the butt when teachers complained that I was not applying myself. Yea? Walk a mile in my shoes!!

23. Describe, how do you look like? Describe your overall appearance. Tall, average build for thin male, average chest development, more muscular extremities (from walking two miles to school), which I like. Head, about average, possibly distinguished, look like an old-fashioned doctor in the American West, maybe…or a scientist. Big mustache and pony-tail hair… …feels like an artist, or non-conformist, which is fun, and self-expressive. Fair posture, a good casual dresser, like certain colors like earth colors, black and red (blue, also).


(For Females)
24. If your menstrual cycles are not normal, please describe the irregularities, like pains, moods, flow type, clots etc.

25. What major diseases have you had in your life and when. Please write them in a chronological manner.

Big crier as infant, think related to low back problems, sacroiliac (probably congenital), in particular. The usual childhood diseases. Mom smoked and drank. Seems I was sickly. Was probably hypochondriacal. Seemed to feel cold all the time (though the heat was a killer in the summer, too).

Broken right arm in childhood—three times (around 8 and 9)..not from abuse, but from falls. Seems was always hitting my head. Bullied a lot.

Lots of muscle tension, all during childhood and later. Uncoordinated all through childhood. Better now, probably related to chiropractic care. Lots of nervous-ness, and anxiety, though less over the last twenty years. Chiropractic helps a lot, but is necessary very frequently. Left short leg.

Two falls on the sidewalk, a year and six months ago, bruises and cuts; the first time, included a forehead cut which bled a lot.

Misc.:

Serious insomnia lately, which is unusual for me. Have a little regimen for getting to sleep, but lately…no good. Finally on OTC sleeping tablets, which work great if I discipline myself to take them at ten, and turn in by midnight. Lost satellite TV service over an unusual situation recently (not my doing or lack of paying the bill)…expect to work this out, but—in the meantime—I feel kind’ve bereft, a loss. Almost as though I had lost a friend or undergone trauma. Was homeless for two periods about five years ago and eight years ago. Six months ago: Hit on right, front of head on cabinet: Eyesight changed: L eye weaker; R eye stronger: Needed change in eyeglss Rx. Vision in R eye changes with condition of cervical spine (slightly blurry until I get a chiropractic adjustment, and frequenty upon waking).

When I am on the stimulant “med,” (Ritalin) my mental focus is BAM, right there, and I am motivated…and not only can begin projects, but complete them. AND, I find that after a bunch of these completions, my confidence is really enhanced (and I do not seem to suffer from clinical depression). The only problem: the side-effects of the med: Bone and tooth mineral loss (and gum retraction), brown spots on my skin, and visual floaters.
[message edited by drtch2 on Wed, 02 Feb 2011 19:50:52 CST]
 
  drtch2 on 2011-02-02
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.

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