i don't want to suffer chronic insomnia anymore

Oh i forgot to mention that i am and always have been extremely sensitive emotionally. The smallest hint of someone saying something offensive to me and i am completely hurt and hold grudges.

Lately i have also become sensitive to sounds, especially the radio and TV. Nevertheless, for some reason I need to have them on at ALL times.


I have always had to have a loud fan on while I try to sleep. Otherwise the silence is unbearable. Always been very sensitive to small 'annoying' abnormal sounds such as someone chewing, foot tapping, etc and these send me into anger.

Thank you


Problem: Insomnia
1. What exactly happens?
When I try to fall asleep, I am not able to do so without some outside source (medication) to 'flip the switch'. Otherwise I will just lay there in a relaxed state and never fall into sleep. It's hard to believe, but I literally will just lay there for hours and hours until before I know it, it's morning. As soon as I can tell I'm not going to be able to fall asleep I start to panic, and usually end up arising to take medications to 'knock me out.' I panic even more if I can see the sun coming up or hear birds coming out.

2. Describe all sensations and pains. Each pain or sensation should be described in such a way that allows us to imagine having the same pain.
There is lots of fear and apprehension about what will happen if I can't get to sleep. Frustration, self-pity, and desperation.


3. What causes the problem to get worse after it has started occurring?
Most stimulants make the insomnia worse (such as caffeine and sugar). However, when I've been on Adderall XR in the past, those types of stimulants only make me much more fatigued. Also, heat in my room makes the problem much worse.

4. What creates some relief for the problem?
Taking Benadryl in high doses (because I've developed a tolerance to it). Sleeping with a loud fan on (I'm afraid to try to sleep in silence). I also MUST have a heavy weighted 15-lb blanket covering me very evenly. Any imperfections and I will not sleep. Lots more weight on my legs helps. Sleeping in coolness (about 65 degrees) helps, as does taking a hot shower or bath beforehand.

5. What triggers the problem into occuring?
I'm honestly not sure. It just happens every single night now.

6. What time of the day or night does the problem occur?
The insomnia, if I do not take medicine, will continue from when I go to bed (about midnight) until the next morning.

7. When did the problem start? What was happening in your life at that time? Did some specific event or treatment take place just before the problem started?
The problem started escalating out of control when I was living on my own for the first time at age 20. I suffered from an allergic reaction in the middle of the night and broke out in hives. I was very scared because I was having trouble breathing and had to take myself to the emergency room. I called my mom for help but she was very dismissive of the whole thing and didn't take me seriously. It's ever since that particular night that I've started panicking about sleep.


Problem: Pain
Thank you


1. What exactly happens?
Right-sided neck and jaw pain that is much worse at night and into the early morning hours. It comes on gradually and becomes unbearable.

2. Describe all sensations and pains. Each pain or sensation should be described in such a way that allows us to imagine having the same pain.
At about 7pm every night I start getting jaw and neck pain on the right side. It's very severe and I usually end up taking Tylenol for it (although it doesn't always work). The pain continues throughout the night, and would continue incessantly if it weren't 'extinguished' with some type of pain medicine. After I take pain medicine, it usually will not come back until the next night.
I usually suffer from a stiff neck all the time though. I will crack my neck and my jaw to try to alleviate the pain/stiffness. The pain at its worst feels like my tendons have been torn or cut in half.

3. What causes the problem to get worse after it has started occurring?
Poor posture, laying on any uncomfortable pillows, heat

4. What creates some relief for the problem?
Taking pain killers, magnesium, and/or Klonopin help relieve the pain and relax my muscles.

5. What triggers the problem into occuring?
Usually it just happens around 7pm. Sometimes it seems to be brought on by very loud noises and and uncomfortable sitting or laying position.

6. What time of the day or night does the problem occur?
The neck and jaw pain starts around 7pm. It is rare for it to occur between 9am-3pm.

7. When did the problem start? What was happening in your life at that time? Did some specific event or treatment take place just before the problem started?
Problem seems to have started when I left for college and began living on my own.


.
Traumatic events - My father had a breakdown when I was young, and I have a big fear of turning out like him. Mental illness is by FAR my biggest fear in the whole world. When I was 8, I along with my siblings witnessed him pass out in a grocery store. He was taken away still unconscious by ambulance.


Any problems that occur I usually respond with medicines and/or supplements. I also definitely withdrawal myself from the world, and frequently turn to compulsive eating, hair pulling, and skin picking.

Discuss any patterns you have noticed in your behavior especially concerning your disease.
I prefer to be in seclusion and sometimes am afraid to leave the house. I am painfully shy around strangers but if I'm around people that I know then I can be the life of the party.
I will go into uncontrollable zoning out/staring fits that I cannot control and I don't know what causes them.
I do not like to receive praise or positive attention, especially from family. It makes me very uncomfortable, defensive,and angry.
I can't stand small noises such as chewing, tapping, rubbing, etc. They also make me angry.

Discuss any part of your life where you feel stuck or unable to change and grow, especially where this occurred around the beginning of your disease, or as the disease evolved.

I'm STUCK in the area of my own health - seem to be stuck in a hypochondria circle. Also unable to move forward with a career choice, and creatively (writing, painting, and drawing). I used to love to write but not I literally cannot do it.

Describe your childhood and the kind of environment you grew up in, with reference to your relationships with your family, your school experiences, and any serious childhood diseases.

I responded to negative events with anger and becoming recluse, which led my mom to putting me on antidepressants at a young age (age 9). I always resented her for that. We moved frequently growing up. My father had to go on perminant disability due to mental illness and I witnessed him acting strangely quite often while growing up.

If your earlier discussions have not mentioned these already, please describe:

1. The specific foods that you crave (not just like) or hate
I crave SALT, sugar, and carbs. I hate (more than hate, I'm actually afraid of) foods with 'strange' textures, such as tomatoes, seafood, pineapple, etc.

2. The specific drinks that you crave or hate
I hate vegetable juices. I don't like coffee. I sometimes crave soda (2-3 times per week).

3. What your sleep is like
Once I finally fall asleep with the help of medicines, I am able to stay asleep infinitely it seems. I could sleep for 12 hours, yet never wake up feeling refreshed.

4. How the weather and the temperature affects you
I can't stand extremes in temperatures. In the winter I am always freezing with very cold hands and feet. In the summer I sweat a lot and complain of the heat.

5. What kinds of things in the environment you are particularly sensitive to
Loud sounds, and yet I can't be without them (TV and/or radio). The TV will sometimes give me headaches but I still can't turn it off just for the 'background noise.'

6. What your general level of energy is like
Usually my energy is quite poor. Although sometimes I do have some energy but don't know what to do with it.

7. What your level of sexual energy or desire is like
Pretty high

8. Describe your menstrual cycle
On birth control pills until this month when I came off them. My periods without BCPs are heavy and irregular with lots of painful cramping for 1-2 days.