Filled out questionaire - Social anxiety

Hello. I filled out a questionnaire I found, if anyone could look it over and prescribe would be appreciated.

I think noone on here takes long cases except for brisbanehomeopath so if I dont get reply I will make it shorter.



Main issues: Social anxiety, Body dysmorphia (feel that some body parts are ugly), Depression, feel worthless, not much confidence around people and a problem with talking about emotional stuff with people



1. What exactly happens?

Social anxiety



People make me anxious & uncomfortable, so I avoid them whenever I can. Which means I don’t work or study. I am not happy about it. I have a huge desire to be around people and to have friends and a girlfriend but at the same time when I go out and try to get close to people I back off and rather stay on my own. I am too afraid I guess and it feels uncomfortable talking with people. So many things could go wrong, I just don’t have the strength to deal with it all… So to continue, It’s a struggle and causes me a bit of pain, this conflict of wanting to be around people but also at the same time not daring to be around people. So it hurts when I see girls at night. I really want to be with them but I know at the same time that I cannot be with them. Its paralyzing.



I am ok around my mother and brothers… my father on the other hand makes me feel so uncomfortable that I avoid him just as I avoid strangers and other people all the time whenever I can too. I don’t like talking to him. I hate it when he comes into my room telling me that he wants to buy me some clothes or when he asks me if I want to go with him somewhere. Argh I in no way want to be with him in a car alone and have to talk with him, it would be so uncomfortable, but on the other hand I have difficulty with saying NO to him also… that I don’t want to go with him, or that I don’t want him to buy me clothes or anything for that matter. It makes me feel uncomfortable. So sometimes I say no, but sometimes I am just quiet and do what is required.



When I talk with my father I often have to laugh at inappropriate times. Or when I am downstairs making myself to eat and he comes by and looks at me. I have no idea why. It happens outside when I go for a walk too, when I have to pass strangers sometimes I laugh. Its very uncomfortable and sometimes I cannot stop even when I try hard to control myself.



I cannot force myself back to society because of my high anxiety. The problem is I cannot bear it when I make people uncomfortable. When I am anxious or close to a panic attack I simply cannot look somebody into the eye. When I see that this somebody is tense because of me it depresses me and makes me feel bad. How will I ever be liked, felt like I am wanted or be happy if I make people feel uncomfortable around me. It really depresses me when I get such negative reactions from people and makes me feel like scum.



A week ago I had to drive a family member back to a place where he lives. I was anxious for the whole drive to that place about the possibility of maybe having to meet some of his friends in case they will be outside the house. So that exactly happened. A friend came out and all I could do was nod my head back to greet him and later when he asked who I am I turned away to not need to talk or anything. I felt so horrible for the whole drive home. I could not forget it. How uncomfortable I must have made everyone by the way I acted. Which was strange. Unfriendly. I feel really bad. But it was still better than if I would go out of the car and speak to him, because than I would make a really big uncomfortable scene, with lots of embarrassment on my part by acting afraid.



2. Describe all sensations and pains. Each pain or sensation should be described in such a way that allows us to imagine having the same pain.

Well anxiety: in my head (tensions, strange sensations of anxiety, after the anxious event is over usually feel a headache), eyes (staring, tensions), face (tensions, twitches, getting hot and red from feeling embarrassed really quick), throat (tensions), mouth (is dry when I am anxious), chest (anxiety, heart palpitations that make it impossible to speak, it feels like my whole body is beating not just my chest when I have a racing heart)
And an uncomfortable feeling if I have to speak



I have some speech difficulties when I feel anxious, it means I speak unclear which makes me feel so worthless when someone does not understand me when I speak. It makes me Feel like scum, who will ever want me if I am like that - have so many issues. I want to be talk active not shy or quiet, I want to be approachable and friendly, make people feel good around me and not bring them down with my negativity or make them feel tense because of my anxious appearance. I want to feel “wanted”. The worst feeling is when I feel I am not being “wanted” or when I feel I am being “annoying” which would mean I am uninteresting to people, or not liked which means I am unlikable or the feeling of being left out in a group of people, those things made me feel so worthless in the past



3. What causes the problem to get worse after it has started occurring?

Well if I am talking or meeting someone anything that makes the situation uncomfortable. If I talk and start getting red in my face, or twitching with my mouth, or staring with my eyes it makes it all worse.



It is so difficult, I am second guessing myself when I socialize, about whether what I am doing or saying is ok or not. I feel later strong guilt for everything I might have done wrong.


-If I sense I made a fool of myself (did something wrong)
-If I sense I am not behaving the way it would be expected from me, from a person of my age

-If I sense I could get laughed at, criticized, rejected, humiliated, disliked anything along those lines

-If I wasn’t good enough

-If I made people uncomfortable

-If I have to meet a stranger on the street again with whom I had small talk before. VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.
I feel I am supposed to act more open and friendly the next time and I cannot do so. So I feel bad and need to avoid this situation



I just wish to be like everyone else, not get into uncomfortable situations when I socialize. They cause pain I guess.



Do not wish to be quiet, shy, reserved, unapproachable because there is a high chance people will say why are you quiet, are you shy? I hate it when someone says something like that to me. I have no response than, its just to uncomfortable so I wish to get out of this uncomfortable situation as quick as I can.



4. What creates some relief for the problem?

Nothing.



Well if I feel I did well in a social situation, which would mean if my voice sounded normal, if I made good eye contact, if I spoke clearly and had no uncomfortable situations. Then I feel good. And no guilt and depression later. But it happens very rarely.

I speak louder and clearer when I have earphones on while going for a walk, because I will not be able to hear my voice so its not a problem than.



5. What triggers the problem into occuring?

People… being around strangers or my father. With my mother and brothers I also have trouble talking about deep emotional stuff, like girls, sex, love, mental health, happiness, fear, alcohol etc could not talk about such stuff



6. What time of the day or night does the problem occur?

Not specific to day or night, but rather if people are present or not.



7. When did the problem start? What was happening in your life at that time? Did some specific event or treatment take place just before the problem started?

Yes. I got a bit criticized by some people who were much older than me … or maybe it was not even criticism , I was told stuff like for example that I speak unclear sometimes, that I think long before answering… I could not forget this and it hurt… I am not mentally slow or retarded by the way. I was high from smoking marijuana in those situations where I had to speak and think. And anxious by having to be around people who I had great respect for. So for that reason I was reluctant to speak so it took a while to answer them because I was second guessing myself.



So with time I became more quiet, closed, depressed and spoke even less around those people but tried to say something whenever I was spoken too anyway. I was worst when in a group of people.




1. What exactly happens?

Body dysmorphia



Argh this one is painful. When I see something ugly on my face like my nose, my forehead, my ears, my teeth, my skin… well everything could use an improvement. So I want to change it, but change on the face is either slow or impossible.


I ruined many things on my face. I used to look better in the past before I started picking on my forehead and nose in an attempt to make it look better.


I am obsessed about the way I look, and I want to look perfect. Look the best way I can.


When I walk outside on days when I feel down I feel so ugly and just want to hide


When I feel ugly in my room at night I feel so horrible. I don’t want to live if I am really ugly. It causes too much unpleasantness to be ugly. Simply don’t want it, cant bare it



3. What causes the problem to get worse after it has started occurring?

Seeing an imperfection. Seeing something on my face not being the way I want it to be, for example a new sunspot appearing, a new wrinkle, hair line receding, nose looking asymmetric from a specific angle etc



4. What creates some relief for the problem?

Fixing an imperfection, getting told I am good looking,



5. What triggers the problem into occuring?

Imperfections, perceived ugliness, perceived asymmetry on my face



6. What time of the day or night does the problem occur?

Any time, at night its usually worse because the room light makes my face look different, like my nose looks bigger, thinner and more uneven, so more stress is result



7. When did the problem start? What was happening in your life at that time? Did some specific event or treatment take place just before the problem started?

My mother told me I am loosing hair one evening; it got me in a shock that I will lose my good appearance so soon. It was unexpected and shocked me At the time I was also a lot on my own, had a huge task at hand to do which seemed it had no ending, I was depressed, exhausted from working on it. I also developed hypochondriac fears before the Body dysmorphia. Feared I had C-ancer, a skin disease etc



As well as this, please describe any traumatic incidents that have taken place in your life. Discuss anything that has had a lasting impact on you mentally, emotionally or physically.



Ah lots of things, to many. Mainly memories of getting hurt, rejected, ridiculed, criticized, uncomfortable situations, when I had panic attacks around my brother in a shop, countless other similar things.



Discuss the way that you manage or deal with your problems, or any problems that occur in your life.



Well the general problems I usually solve. If theres a problem that involves needing to deal with people (other than my family) I avoid it or have my mother do it for me.


With My body dysmorphia problem I don’t stop until something is the way I want it to be. This is how I generally am, don’t stop until things are the way I want them to be otherwise I feel huge depression and cannot forget about it. So only option is to work on it until it is the way I want it to be.



Discuss any patterns you have noticed in your behaviour especially concerning your disease.



I hate it, I feel so confined. I don’t have a life. I don’t have friends or a girlfriend which I would want the most. I have no life experiences. I feel in danger because of all of the above, because other people have all this, and the problem is that if I ever make some friends people could comment on this, or see the lack of experience I have and all this would hurt me which I rather avoid. So as the days go on I am sinking deeper into a sh*thole is how I feel.


I hate that I will never be able to talk about girls, or bring a girl home because I would feel to embarrassed and in danger, I hate that I cannot freely listen to whatever music I like because I fear my brothers might laugh or dislike it or whatever, I mean I feel in danger again


I hate that I am acting like a baby, that I am needy sometimes, dependent, clingy.


I hate that I need approval and feel embarrassed so quickly.


I want to be independent, do my own thing and not care. But its impossible.


I hate that I flirted with so many girls when I was a teenager. Lots of girls liked me, but it never lead to anything and I don’t know why. Whenever it became official, when I was in a relationship I quit the relationship, because I felt unsure, uncomfortable and afraid. There was one girl only that I kissed with for a bit once on an afternoon and I did not like it all. I had no feelings for the girl, I just wanted to get away from her.


I hate my problems


I hate My sensitivity to getting rejected, hurt, ridiculed, criticized,


I hate my fear of losing my good appearance


I hate myself for being incapable to change my situation, because I know I am very capable and could be something great, someone that people like, just as I was in the past.



Discuss any part of your life where you feel stuck or unable to change and grow, especially where this occurred around the beginning of your disease, or as the disease evolved.



Ah I feel broken, cant see myself wanting any change soon. I know that its me who does not want things to change. I know that on one hand I want things to change but on the other hand I don’t want them to change.


I hate not having the courage to just jump into it and start a change. But yes I don’t want to. Cannot and don’t want to forget all the bad things that happened to me.



Describe your childhood and the kind of environment you grew up in, with reference to your relationships with your family, your school experiences, and any serious childhood diseases.



Don’t like my family. Wished I had a friendly, loving family like you see in some movies. My parents always blamed me for everything. They made me feel really bad. I hate my mother for that. And I treat her in a bad way many times, but my father on the other hand I just avoid all the time, whenever I can.


School was good, apart from the days when I got a haircut and got laughed at for. That was horrible always. I was well liked, got interest from girls. Had good friends. All was well. Except the problem I had with being with a girl in a relationship in school.



If your earlier discussions have not mentioned these already, please describe:



1. The specific foods that you crave (not just like) or hate

Like Melted cheese, lasagne,pizza, spaghetti, mexican food, ice cream, white chocolate, some sweets,



2. The specific drinks that you crave or hate

Like Hot chocolate,



3. What your sleep is like

Go to sleep late 3am, sleep long, wake up late unrefreshed, in the past if my mother woke me up by making too much noise downstairs I would not be able to fall back to sleep and feel angry and resentment. If I wake up to early I am like a zombie for the whole day, feel awful.



4. How the weather and the temperature affects you

Don’t like to hot and not to cold. I am a rather warm person so I can take a bit of cold



5. What kinds of things in the environment you are particularly sensitive to

Light, smell, sound from people talking, irritates me when I am doing something


The wind, makes my eyes wet and uncomfortable


Outside in the cold my nose is always running


Narrow places – have claustrophobia


Not getting enough air, suffocating, though its not so extreme, I only fear in narrow places I will suffocate or in crowded places, like once on a full bus I was close to panic. Or in the past when I fought with my brother when he was grabbing me around my neck it caused me to panic


Snakes, sharks



6. What your general level of energy is like

Not that great, although I would never say no to some sport activity with my brothers,



7. What your level of sexual energy or desire is like

HUGE



8. Describe your menstrual cycle

Not a girl



9. Also give these details

a) Body type and build

Around 1.72m and rather thin


b) Skin colour and texture

I think I have a good looking skin, although hate the imperfections on it, the blemishes on my face and shoulders, light complexion with smooth skin


c) Areas of the body tends to perspire on

Arm pits and a bit on my hands (palms)


e) Colour of stool, urine, sweat

Stool Brown, urine white (colourless usually, sweat white (colourless), nose discharge white (colourless)




What kind of dreams do you have? Describe any that reoccur, or any images or themes that reoccur.

Dreams of not having control: example, I am driving and brakes are not working so I hit many other cars or fall of a cliff; or car engine is getting hot while being a passenger while someone drives me so I am unable to do anything about it; or sometimes I am in a shop and its closing time so the gates are closing and my feet don’t want to move so I stay inside the shop without making it out in time



Dreams of something happening to my family members: like today I dreamt my brother was getting handcuffed and taken away by a fake policeman, and I was right there telling him that he is “fake” and so he should run away. I was even trying to get the handcuffs of him and told people around to call the police. Then later I was in prison with my brother before the dream stopped


My dog falling of a roof or something



Dreams of getting attacked: by snakes many times, sometimes even sharks, sometimes by people with spears or guns



Dreams of suffocation: stuck in an underground tunnel, in a crowded place like a car.



Dreams of girls: That there is a girl who wants to be my girlfriend or that I find a girl attractive and want her to notice me, get her attention



Dreams of people breaking into the house: and I always see it before they break in and try to make everyone in the house to be aware but no one ever listens or reacts in my dreams to what I say. Those people try to attack me or kill me



Dreams of social situations: events from the past or past friends are involved



Dreams of being killed; put into prison; attacked; mobbed while I am alone and defenceless against so many people; of being at a place alone where people could hurt me physically; of being cornered by people who want to attack me and I am ready to fight for my life; of ghosts; of fights for live and death; of travelling, walking in new landscapes; needing to escape; being pursued by attacking snakes, people, sharks or sometimes ghosts,



I even dreamt tonight that I am argentum metallicum by constitution and when I saw a bulldozer I impulsively wanted to jump in front of it and had such difficulty to control myself and not do it.