I think I look and feel better

I deleted the picture I uploaded out of fear I will get told bad negative things. I feel so uncertain from all the negative stuff I have gotten my way over the last few days. But I cannot live like this when I am unable to make contact with people so I will upload it again and if someone has something negative to say than so be it.

Anacardium made me feel wonderful out in the open again. Its really a miracle how normal I feel outside.
[message edited by Platina on Tue, 25 Oct 2011 03:11:57 BST]

I am feeling wonderful in the environment again which is “normal” like everyone else does. I got a bit of this experience while on lycopodium but not to the same degree.

today I felt tensions while walking outside in a tshirt again though. My upper back, neck. It makes it difficult to walk around people but the feeling of restriction isn’t here. And I feel great and well in the environment despite that. It is easier, lighter

I am confused whether to redose anacardium or platina. I just don’t know. Platina feels mentally deep but anacardium feels excellent in other more superficial things, like the problem in environment, more confidence, and the tension, restriction problem.

I would think I need platina, but I cannot decide and this in itself makes me think I need anacardium than since this is a symptom of it, but I still don’t know whether I should take it or not lol. In the end I usually decide always because waiting and doing nothing is as bad. So would this still fit under anacardium or not I don’t know. Some people like me might read self-improvement stuff. So they might learn. Anyway it is much easier to decide between 2 remedies than 5000.

I wished I could of be forgiven and looked past my “disease”. It seems the bad things I did have a louder volume than the good things and gratitude I showed often.

I am sad because I am without help.

It feels like I am having a bit of aggravation today which is strange since it is the 7th day today.

And I am slightly worried because it feels like a very light supression. I can tell supression when I have this feeling as if the life of me is being sucked out or when I look in the mirror and look as if I have no life in me or no energy. I cannot even get worried about anything I see in the mirror because of the feeling sensation supression gives.


It is weird since I have many great improvements if it in the end turns out to be really acting suppresive on me.

I had to lie down yesterday evening around 8 pm because I couldnt keep my eyes open anymore. I cannot tell whether I am having aggravation or getting a relapse really. Well it feels like some things improved but the tensions in some parts are coming back

I feel like everyone is against me on here, at home I have trouble with a family member again because I am unable to go out to society and do something with my life. So difficult to live like this when everyone is against me, when I am unable to make anyone accept me. It is horrible and I want it to change but it is impossible. It is beyond my control.

I feel the bad feelings that something is really wrong again but not at the same level so that they engulf me. Not so that I see the world through the filter of these horrible 'something is really wrong' feeling. It is lighter and I feel lots of self pity which I dont like. It makes me feel even more alone and it is considered wrong to self pity. But no BDD to my suprise, no looking in the mirror and trying to change the 'something which feels very wrong'. I assume because this bad feelings are less of intensity

I am confused whether to take platina or anacardium. I know the bad feelings would go away if I took platina but what if anacardium is the correct one rather.

Yes tensions and anxiety are back today, Tensions were back yesterday as I reported. Today when I went in front of the house I felt the tension, anxiety of looking out into the environment.

Anacardium didnt feel deep. No mental change at all. Only one remedy can be the SIMILIMUM therefore it must be PLATINA and what I will redose with, once I get some instructions from someone that is
[message edited by Platina on Wed, 26 Oct 2011 02:50:44 BST]

Since you said what you said to me in the other thread. I think of trying staphysgaria. I really liked the plants, the lycopodium and especially anacardium effect on how I felt outside in the open.

I know its is all my own fault, myself to blame but I cannot help it I feel the victim emotionally, because people should not leave me, people should not tell me hurtful things because I never mean bad.

My “reality” is that people like me and hearing people go against me with shocking posts does something horrible to me. It leaves me uncertain and at the mercy of those people. They can do whatever they want to me than. I am anxious, uncertain and lose all confidence. Therefore I will the victim of them doing this horrible thing to me. Noone should ever be in such horrible situation where he is completely at the mercy of others and they do horrible things to him and just keep on hurting more and making me more uncertain… go against my “reality”. I am completely unable to deal in situations where I am seen different from how I see myself. calling me delusional, sick or whatever like that ruins me. I cannot defend myself anymore, I cannot live with someone thinking that of me. Such anxiety, and I need to change this opinion. It is a horrible situation because I am so uncertain and self conscious about how I am behaving and fear it is making me look just more sick. Self doubt comes in. And I feel completely alone than. Unable to connect with people. They see me differently from how I see myself. I think the way they see me is wrong. That I am not those bad things. And there is a lot of trauma around this.

I can defend myself all I like but on the inside I feel horrible. The comments from honeykhana and the like are still hounting me and not letting me rest. It is so horrible. I never want to be in such situation ever again. I cannot deal with it. I want to avoid avoid avoid and never feel that way. That people are against me, which means they have a view of me which is considered not correct.

I sometimes get all superior and do not let people do this to me but in the end I still feel very much in doubt about myself and what other people think of me. I can not deal with it if people do not have the same opinion of me as I have of myself. Tremendous anxiety. Calling me sick and rejecting me breaks me.

But this is not staphysgaria.