Nervousness, anger attacks, BRISBANEHOMEOPATH please help

1. What exactly happens?

Feeling nervous most of the time, inner tension, outbursts giving onle small relief. Not able to control myself when angry - shouting etc, terrible fear of hurting someone physically.

2. Describe all sensations and pains. Each pain or sensation should be described in such a way that allows us to imagine having the same pain.

Nervousness: as my nerves were tight, that they can burst. every sound, voice, is annoying, every demand from other people is annoying. as I was in a trap, no way out, I have to be agressive to make people let me be.

Bearing down sensation of uterus - as the uterus was to fall down, desire to hold it by hands (this feeling onle on the 1st day of period), not able to stand, better when sitting, lying. as there was some power that drags the uterus down.

3. What causes the problem to get worse after it has started occurring?

Nervousness - worse by any additional stress, by contradiction, less sleep, worse in the nood (12 a.m.), when hungry, inside, when too warm, when not able to move.

4. What creates some relief for the problem?

outside, movement, excercise, full stomach, fresh air helps - but only for a while, music, dancing, smoking.

5. What triggers the problem into occuring?

It seems that it is hormonal or something like that, some days I am ok, the other I am nervouss. Worse after giving birth and all the maternal problems (be at home, with the child all the time, no time for relax, not able to do what I want) Also neverending child demands and wishes trigger it strongly, child offending, crying, all the problems connected with taking care.

6. What time of the day or night does the problem occur?

starts at cca 10 a.m., the climax is at 12 a.m., the comes the outburst, then slowly calms and disapears. sleep is ok, night is ok (because I do not need to take care of anyone and have space for myself - sometimes).

7. When did the problem start? What was happening in your life at that time? Did some specific event or treatment take place just before the problem started?

start: my mother says I had these anger outbursts from early childhood - hysterical attacks with throwing on the ground, pulling hair - when I did not get what I wanted (I do not remeber), but mostly when problems in love relationships (when fear of loosing the loved one, fear of abandonment was provoked, when offended) then stronhly in pregnancy and mostly after giving birth.

Treatment:
antidepresants for bulimia and panic attacks when 19 (left home for university studies)
I was taking this for 6 months

Sorry, just now I see your first reply, will write according to your guide once more.

Please describe any traumatic incidents that have taken place in your life. Discuss anything that has had a lasting impact on you mentally, emotionally or physically.

Traumas: My mother left me when 6 months old and went to work, my grandmother took care of me mostly (mothe was in work for 9 hours, father also). When 4 yrs old, went to sanatory for 2 months, left there by my parents without any explanations of where I am, why, fot how long. When parents came to see me (1 time) I was so stuck in pain, that I was not able to tell one single word, just a lump in my throat and sighing from suppressed grief. Then I was clinged to my mother until 19, when I left for university, not able to be without family, I traveled 700 km 2x a week. Then when 22 my biggest love - boyfriend died tragically by car accident. Until this event everything went much worse - depressions, anger worsened.

If your earlier discussions have not mentioned these already, please describe:

1. The specific foods that you crave (not just like) or hate: crave: nothing special, not much fun with eating, hate: meat - except sausages, fatty foods,
2. The specific drinks that you crave or hate : crave: very hot mild herbal tea (2-3 lit. per day), hate: pure cold water, milk
3. What your sleep is like : love sleeping, lot of sleep when possible, good sleep - no problem
4. How the weather and the temperature affects you : dislake the extremities - hate when too warm - very nervous, also too cold, humid, no sun, dislike strong wind
5. What kinds of things in the environment you are particularly sensitive to : smog, strong smells
6. What your general level of energy is like : quite high, need to be active, nervous and frustrated when can not be active
7. What your level of sexual energy or desire is like: quite high, but mostly in dreams - each night sex. dreams, mostly with spouse, but sometimes also other people or beings
8. Describe your menstrual cycle : normal 28 days, period 4 days, dark blood, strong bleeding first 2 days, 1st day bearing down and cramps, nervousness

9. Also give these details

a) Body type and build : slim, muscles easy to be build, muscles quite obvious when we concern i am a woman (others say)
b) Skin colour and texture : pale in the winter, but easily brown in the summer, easy tanning, smooth, pimples on the face
c) Areas of the body tends to perspire on : claws, neck, everywhere
d) Odour of sweat, body, stool, flatus, urine: I think very strong, unpleasant - all the things mentioned
e) Colour of stool, urine, sweat : stool - normal to dark, urine - quite dark, sweat - no colour

10. Give any reactions to vaccines or medical drugs. very sensitive to any chemical drugs, caffeine also (heart bumping, panic attacks after caffeine), feeling poisoned, dirty after any chemical drug


11. What homoeopathic medicines have you taken and what were the results?
tarrent 200 ch - 2006 - no relief in psyche, but less often respiratory problems
hyosc 200 ch 2007 - no special reaction

The deeper and more complicated questions I will discuss tommorow, will need more time and reflexion to elaborate it deeply. This is for now. THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR ATTENTION, dear brisbanehomeopath!
Wishing all the best for you, will go on further soon. have a good time. Thanks.

Discuss the way that you manage or deal with your problems, or any problems that occur in your life.

I try to find anything that would help - try to work on myself, any technics of finding peace proved - religion, doctors, alternative medicine. doing it all by myself, do not want to hang it on the others. I manage my problems rationaly, I think, try to find the best solution and apply it afterwards. Try to absorb all the information connected with the topic.


Discuss any patterns you have noticed in your behavior especially concerning your disease.

I am not sure if I understand this. Patterns I notices are: nervousness, trying to suppress it, after that it erupts, I behave oddly, then I feel very bad, strong remorses.

Discuss any part of your life where you feel stuck or unable to change and grow, especially where this occurred around the beginning of your disease, or as the disease evolved.

I feel stuck in becoming an independent, responsible adult able to make own decisions, take care of family, be good mother, good wife, take care of others, not only me, be able to adapt on normal life situations without complete break down by any critical situation. This is connected with my depresions - all the fears and emotions from the life traumatic events made me fragile and unable to be on my own. I still live with parents, went away from my spouse, because did not feel mature enough to live the 'real life' with all the responsibility, did not feel safe, stron enough to face the problems. Always dependent on someone, but on the other hand not able to accomodate, addapt to other people - like a child that can not be alone, but will no behave as needed, behaves as it wants.

Describe your childhood and the kind of environment you grew up in, with reference to your relationships with your family, your school experiences, and any serious childhood diseases.

Was an only child until the age of 6, after mother went to work ( 6 months) I stayed with grandmother - had a lot of work in the house and around animals. She was simple, village woman, what I honour of course, but I think she did not have time for me, so most of the time I spent alone. She also was quite cold and critical, not very emphatetic. What I remember from this early childhood was deep grief for my mother, feeling of being abandoned, felt like a stranger in some strange story with people that did not feel me, understood me, like I was invisible or something like that. I do not remeber my father at all from this time. When I was 2 my parents separated from grandmother and moved to another town, my mother stayed at home with me, father worked all days, returnig home when I was sleeping (this lasts till now - whole me life). Mother remembers, that at this time I was extremly clingy on her, did not want to let her to go to toilet alone, alwas with her, alwas tense, full of fear, anxious, afraid of sound, people, everything. Could not adapt on new place.
My father does not talk at all, or very little, so there was nearly no relationship among us until age of 22, when my boyfriend died, then my father took care of my (he has been taking me outside, feeding me, etc.)
Mother was terribly frustrated by marriage with my father and she intoxicated me with all her sorrows, angers towards father , towards anything from my early childhood. I had to listed about their sexual problems, she always criticised my father in front of me. Slowly se became an alcaholic and I had to take care of her, when she was drunken, listen to her crying, depressive drunken monologues, her self pity and desire to commit a suicide. (from my 9th year until the age of 25, cca 2-3 times a month. Father did not do anything, always at work. I had to take care of the home, prepare everything around christmas and so. Finally, I took her to hospital and persuaded her to stop drinkong, now she is abstinent for 5 years. But still so intoxicative with negativity.

Always felt strange and alone, no friends, felt naughty and odd, when I found out (at 14 age) that I am pretty, I started to hand on any guy I met, promiscuous, loving fun, try to run aways from home (no one cared at all), grew up on the street, abused with all kind of drugs, grew on my own, honestly. No one was interested in my feelings (at home), in my life.

Went to elite high school, university, good education, intelligent, but lazy. Not very ambitious, do not want to spend my life in some office, want to live life according to me, no t according to others rules, want to do work that is interesting for me. Not able to be some kind of average worker. Studied until the age of 27, then worked for 6 months, then became pregnant. Not able to stay in an office for 8 hourse, this is complete prison for me, becoming agressive.

Very inteligent, able to understand anything, good speach, strong influence on the others (when I want), magnetic. Have to control my egoism, arrogance and feeling that I am 'soo good', too big ego. Have to work hard on my prostration. Now I feel like me ego is rising up as I write this, so I have to stop, because I do not like this feeling of enourmous ego. Both on me and on the others. Think, that all we are the same, deeply inside.

Diseases:
from very early childhood: repeated pneumonia and bronchitis (each month from 1 year cca), paliated by penicilin (very popular in our country that time), I was happy I do not need to go to school where everything was strange and cold and could stay at home with mother, who was quite detached also, but better than nothing. Often pretended illnesses. Classical school neurosis (vomiting, headache, palpitations). anorexia from 15, then changing with bulimia from 19, ended at 25, addicted to excessive sporting from 22 till cca 26, still sometimes have problems with strong urges to oversport my body, to put myself down by this.
I nearly forgot, hospitalised at age cca 2 for 3 days because of the serious pneumonia, remember grief for mother, cold nurses, abondoned feeling again.

This is all I remembe now, have to be quick, my child is going to get up soon. Any further information required, please ask me, will add.

God bless you for helping people like you do it, dear brisbanehomeopath.
Thank you very much again.

How might you hurt someone if you are angry?

To shake, give a slap, throw things, kick, to swear, say go to hell etc., use odd words, throw someone away.

Describe to me a trap with no way out. Give me an image for such a trap.

Trap: can not be alone, nor with someone. no way - right or left. now living with parents but feeling it is not okay, but not able to live on my one. The same with work in the office: like the essence of the work, but hate the enviroment, conditions. so not able to make a move, staying in unpropriate situations, with no perspective to change it. only by being angry towards the people who constrict me.

What kind of movement makes you feel better? What kind of dancing?

Movement: running, hard excercise with iron weights
dancing: kind of thechno dancing: monotonous loud music, monotonous music,
or very temperament gipsy dance, music, very wild dancing
-but sometimes when I am nervous this things make me more nervous even

What is the feeling of demands on you all the time?

I do not like, when people want from me things, that are stupid for me, or that do not respect my freedom or individuality. I can do the things, but as I want to. because I thing that my way is the best. Also the demands and rules of normal life limit me, the system we live in, that restricts us and we can not be ourselves.


Describe more about 'space'?


Describe more on 'nervous, active, high energy'.

kind of restlessness, have to go out, move, express it, do anything, otherwise the restlessness rises, have to excercise hard, or fight with others (verbaly), provoke quarels to ventle it out, the calm and quiet, also when this kind of restlessness is there and I hurt myself (not intentionaly), I become calm, like I need something stronger than me to put on some boundaries, sometimes dreaming of a strong dominant man by my side, that would give me a slap and I would stop the restlessness and become quiet, calm good, religious woman, full of love, what is the other side of me. need to give away the agression, or get it from outside - is the same proces. like I did not have the parent that would show me my limits, I think, I can do anything, no one can stop me, all the others are weaker than me. like a boxer in the ring.
Spend lots of hours (in 22 - 26) excercising everyday, to put away the gression and live as a normal peacefull being, like the others, to put away the anger, hate, grief. It worked a little, but I always finished destroyed (physicaly), not able to move, just lying, kind of selfdestruction.

Describe more on 'fragile.

Sometimes, mainly after big quarels connected with the dramatic runaway of the partner I feel, like I was going to break down to little pieces, do not understand who I am, what I do, what happened, what was I doing. Sometimes hurt a lot by any critical invektive from someone close. Sometimes afraid, that I can not be alone, because I will be lost in the time, do something unapropriate, will stay like this forever - alone in the world, until the end, lost, no one is there, world is empty, no people are anywhere., no one will help me. This feeling is often when alone in the flat.



Describe more on 'invisible'.

When I was a child, I felt like no one sees me, no one listens to my needs, there was not a single person I could hang on, just God (strongly religious from 10 years,reading books about saint little girls), felt like no one sees me, no friends, nor classmates. Also wanted to be like that later on, because afraid of being hurt by others .

How were you 'strange' and 'odd' as a child?

I felt like a stupid, ugly child, that no one wants to play with, that has something bad inside, that others would see and stop be friends with me. Had to pretend a lot, be funny to atract the others, but always felt like something was wrong with me.

Describe how the office was a 'prison' for you, and how you reacted.

Too many constrictions, not enough space, no freedom to go out, when I needed, small cabins, too many limits, also behaviour was set - how should I behave and how not - could not be myself, have to smile on everyone and say all those stupid things, this cotton without deeper sense, had to lost time by unneccesary things like hello, how are you bla bla bla, had to do lot of work that was shallow for me, go according to rules, that were not effective. Shortly said - that I could not do things exactly how I wanted and neede, but had to do them according to someone elses rules.
My reactions - tried to avoid the constrictions, limits, try to do things as I wanted, arguing about doing things other, better way, silent anger, tried to avoid people who were 'above me', an anarchist.Inner anger and aggresion, try to make some revolts against the rules. not very good worker, i see.

Describe more about this 'enormous ego rising inside of you'.

When I start to think about my mental abilities, things I am good at, I start to balloon, too big selfconfidence, feeling stronger, bigger than the others, kind of path inside me, on which when I step, I start to be a fighter who wants to put down everyone. Not very rational, in past I mixed in to some rows with very strong guys, when I wanted to help someone.
My ego sleeps, when everyone is fine to me, but when someone starts to put me down anyhow, I will start to fight (mentaly mostly) and show the person that this was a mistake, that no one can do this to me, because I am not any poor person, that anyone can kick. So I fight in shops, at the doctors, in restaurants (verbaly) anytime, when someone shows me or anyone with me despect - can not avoid it.

Describe more about 'space'?

When I have to take care of someone 24 hours per day, I crave for a time for me, just to be on my own, not to be told what should I do now and then, time to be with myself only.

Sorry for the balast. Hope I will get what you need.

Just describe a TRAP, one where there would be no way out. Give an image for such a trap. Don't refer to yourself in any way.

an animal caught in a ,can not get out, just wait for death, for something unknown, something strange, dark, paniful. can not move, can not shout, nothing would help either, panic, no voice, no action, just fear and terror inside


How would something remain UNSEEN AND INVISIBLE? Not yourself, don't refer to your life. Just talk about the mechanism, the defence, the strategy. What comes to mind when you think of things that cannot be seen, how do they do that, what quality makes them invisible?

dead. pretend to be dead. or water. pretend to be like water - without boundaries, without colour, needs, translucent, silent, without voice, dumb, like a ghost - no material, no sound, just an image behind the water wall

Describe more on constriction.

Pushed from two sides, can not move, can not breathe

How would you fight someone? Talk about fighting, about strategies or methods to fight others.

Verbally: shouting, pointing out mistakes, weak sides
physicaly: boxing, kicking, scratching
no strategy, or method, just wild impulse to hurt - no rational control
Sorry, I am not sure if I understand this question.

Thank you very much.
I am gonna catch all those things needed and start the proces. Hope to get this remedy here.
Thank you.

Yes, I just studied that article, interesting. She wrote spiders to appear as tuberculian miasmas, very wild.
Will see how it works.
Thanks.

Hello,
thank you for your attention.
Well, I did not get the remedy yet, here (Slovakia) they have only tarrentula, I will have to look fot better pharmacy, but did not have time yet.
But I studied the remedy more deeply, as well as the whole group of spiders and there are som facts that do not match with me, I think I did not describe myself good enough.

the features are:

- feeling of being small, powerless and weak- I do not have this, more I have the oposite feeling (under stress mostly) feeling too big and too strong and afraid of having enormous power that could hurt someone badly
- indirect, hidden, manipulative tactics of fight - I do not have this, my tactics are straight and directed towards the object
-activity of hands - no

I also looked on my anger more deeply and found out, that it comes from too high ambitions and perfectionism, that is not fullfiled (it can never be because the ambitions are too high - example is that when I have bad day and child does not want to eat, or does not leave me to clean up the house perfectly I become very angry and I do not want this, but this perfectionism is made u from my family backround, where there is enormous pressure on success, work, achievement, goal. This stress in me rises more when I am alone, i just run whole day to achieve all my goals which are not realistic and I do not feel like me.

Sorry for the comlications, I hope I did not displeased you. Looking forward your reply.

I just wanted to add, in connection with the perfectionism, that my dad (55) has ca.cer (mouth) from last winter. maybe it is important

Okay.
What did you mean by perhas one of others might work - other spider? should I try tarrentula again? or other spider.

The homeopath I was at (4 year ago) suggested me
1. tarrentula 200Ch (not in the water, but normaly, oraly)
but I can not remember how much it helped, I did not understand homeopathy and myself as I do today

By the second visit she told that now she is sure with my remedy and gave me Hyosciamus - I felt something (increase of energy, good mood for cca 1-2 days, but then nothing happended when I repeated the dose several times. (30ch)

The homeoath also told that Platina comes to her mind, but she has pretty clear skin and my skin is with tiny acne quite often.

also she mentioned Lilium Tigrinum, which sounded quite fine for me, but I did not try it
and the last one was Mezereum or something simmilar, I do not know this remedy.

I would like to mention, that after birth of my child I had bad mood and was confused quite often, seemed like postnatal depresion and my friend, homeopath amateur gave me Aurum only 5ch and after each dose I felt much better (better mood, everything on a right place inside), but I was afraid to take it too often, so I stopped, because I read here, that aurum is very strong remedy.
But 18 month after the birth I had mastitis, very acute, on right breast, with 39 degrees fevers, after cca 24 hours I took 1 dose of aurum 5 ch and in 1-2 hours I was healthy - the temperature decreased, the breast went healthy. I was shocked positively with the power of homeopathy. Did not need antibiotics, nothing.My dr. could not believe it.
Then I also tried 30ch aurum once or twice, felt quite calm but anxious for one day, but the nervosity and agressivity then did not resend for this remedy.
I am writing this, maybe it will help somehow, to get closer to my remedy.


Thank you very much for your time and energy.