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FAO David Kempston : reliving childhood traumas

Hi David,

I was recommended to you re: inner child healing! remedy sought!- about re occuring patterns of behaviour that are holding me back in life. I will state 2 situations:

Age: 40 female
Body shape: pear shaped &
over weight
Height: 5ft 1'
Attitude: agreeable, changeable, anxious
External stimuli: no smell, like noise in short bursts, can get transfixed to computers and TV.

1)I am talking to my partner and I miss out the context of the sentence, partner asks me what i am refering to:
Sensations: I immediately project my deep hurt on to him by being emotionally charged
angry- small sound, deep long sigh and then annoyance and irritation
i feel unsafe, my heart beats fast,feel clamy, my voice drops to a whisper (if in ear shot of a person) become self consious and mentally seek to escape to safety,(while all my partner is asking for is an answer to understand my sentence), i go silent my brain freezes, my body becomes uncomfortable, I fidget and move alot,heart beats faster and I feel anxious.
result is: me walking off finding a safe place, metaphorically put protective shell around me that no one can get in to help me.
in my head it feels like 'help get me out of here i dont feel safe'.
Causes to get worse: asking me to repeat my sentence.
Relief: finding a quiet safe place.
Triggers: being misunderstood,intimidation.
with friends and colleagues: same pattern except the emotional trigger is internal and silent
Any time of day it can start
When did it start; childhood trauma

2)Not responding quickly to my needs: i am a Teaching assistant 2nd term in mainstream school with special needs child who needs 1-1 attention;I realise i need to ask for extra break times:
Sensation:A build up of
anger:red faced,internal anger,hopelessness, tears,
sorrow
(realised recently all my carrer choices have attracted
intensity and feel compassion for the little me whose needs were not met)but
frustration in not responding sooner
worse: thinking on my own
relief: sharing and realising positive action
triggers: failure to address my needs.

traumatic incidents
(1)Age 1 or 2 mother had stillborn child in emotionally cold military hospital in Berlin,my father buried the child, mum never saw the child then had depression, father didnt know how to handle situation, mum felt more alone/withdrawn (mum says sadness was always with her during her lifetime)early childhood intense and no fun
As an adult:
peroids of lonliness ,late teens endure silently long term mental distress, addictive to negative situations
emotionally dampened through drugs 20-26, sexually overactive 19-25, felt a failure, mentally weak and the ability to self destruct , inner strength picked me up. 26-38 holistic self empowerment with destutive relationships, aged 38 in a supportive relationship I have put on excess of weight
situations that have an underlying theme of Get me out of here i dont feel safe – carry an emotional and mental charge in ordinary situations (all described in main issue),
seek to create/attract intense career paths/friendships/relationships makes me feel safe yet all it does is make me more inward, and harder to find playfulness and humour
As a child
: dampened expression, unresolved anger,feeling left out of parents drama and brothers playtime- an emotioanlly frustrating time

(2)Age 2/3- my well adored teddy fell into the bear pit at a zoo, I watched it get torn apart apparently inconsoluble for 2 days
(3)Aged 5- first house move, built first relationship with friend, felt like no time to prepare to say goodbye and that it was a sudden departure, emotionally angry/sad . lasting effect reluctant to make friends because they leave
(3)Aged 7/8- Refused to eat for about a year , attention seeking, no lasting impact
(4)Aged 14/15 - Had hearing difficulties made life at school difficult- didnt last long – as an adult hslight hearing problems, high pitched tinnitus at present
(5)Aged 25- had short term relationship boyfriend died suddenly –had immediate 6 month negative reaction more drugs/didnt care about myself (overall impact until aged 38).
(6)My mum died at 62 in 2006 from Nephrotic syndrome an illness that spaned 4 years. first 3 years major impact on me: lost sense of smell still have, inconsoluble grief over 3 years, mum always said had anger issues that were realised after she died- then had huge guilt that i created so much stress, anxiety,worry for my family.

manage problems: i usually have the insight to work through them, i tend to persevere, get internal, get stressed and worry

childhood and environment:

I am 1 of 6 kids to same parents, age 1 my older brothers were 3 & 5years. At age 7,10 and 15 my brother, sister,brother was born.
We had an army lifestyle: Lived in Berlin until age 5, family back to UK, then lived Munster (Germany) age 6-9, then Wales (1 year) then UK aged 11-20, moved between uk and europe aged 20-26, most settled aged 40.
As a young child, life was intense (see traumatic incidents 1)i played on my own, imaginary world,brothers never included me and they were away at boarding school when I was 4/5- 10, built intense friendship (see traumatic incident 3)was labeled a well behaved child. Very good grandparent relationships, Better relationships as an adult with all family, mum always said I had anger issues, that were realised after she died. School gave me ability to adapt to situations, be flexible. always felt on the outside of friendship groups as life was temporary, too painful to form friendships, knowing now i am a kinesthetic learner, i suffered badly in my exams, re-sat but have always struggled with english/maths. I am often accused of not putting sentences into context.
No major illnesses apart from frequent ear infections

food
hate: olives, seafood
crave: sweet food/crisps
drinks
hate: coffee

sleep:very deeply – do not often remember dreams wake in night once to pee

hate the cold, prefer a warm sunny day thean baking heat

energy: inconsistant: lots of energy to lazy cant be bothered, better in morning, early riser,late afternoon drop in energy.

level of sexual energy: under acctive due to weight gain, lazy. Self sabotage here as want to be active, loose weight

menstrual cycle: up to aged 38 awful peroids, took various doses of calc Carb (text book case )homeopathy remedy then peroids normal.

remedy had an instant reaction with aggravated symptoms of a normal awful peroid ( nausea, diahorrea, hot and cold flush, terrible cramps)with the first dose, then next month something dislodged from my womb lining and then a pronounced feeling of feeling vital! since then no problems.

Started homeopathy for my peroids, then fertility. I have tried over 10 years all kinds of holistic treatments for getting my smell back

other homeopathic remedies taken are ferticulum (for fertility to clear past residues of contraceptive pill) nothing to report no reaction/aggrevation/changes.

I would be delighted if there was a way to resolve these issues!
kind regards,
Elena
 
  zoeelena on 2011-11-01
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
Hi Elena,

I will look over this for you and pose some clarifying questions. If I lose sight of your case for any reason just bump it up to the top of the forum so I catch sight of it again.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Thank you David for your time, i will look forward to hearing from you
kind regards elena
 
zoeelena last decade
Please describe more on the following expressions.

Emotionally charged

Escape to safety

Brain freezes

Protective shell

Build up of anger

Emotionally dampened

Safety

Makes me inward

Always on the outside


Try to give me images, explanations, feelings, experiences that help me to really understand the context of the phrase. When you use images try not to use yourself as the example.

David
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
I will get back to you ASAP, Im not sure what you mean by images?
elena
 
zoeelena last decade
Dear David,
I have started to piece together other words to describe the following:

Emotionally charged:
emotions that happen in an instant like a deep sigh, annoyance and irritation. My physical body feels energised and my heart races.
Brain freezes: all thoughts and words have left me in that moment and I cannot communicate to another person in a logical way I also get tongue tied whilst trying to express myself.

Safety /Escape to safety / makes me inward /Protective shell:( same meaning different wording)
after a misunderstanding I feel calm and relaxed by being on my own and being silent, usually lying down curled in a ball.
Build up of anger: one of the worse physical expressions would be the feeling of my body shaking and having heat in my belly that rises up in to my throat and my face going red. I guess feeling quite scared and shocked by the physical feeling and wanting to self soothe by being in movement. I cannot recollect now how my body physically feels as it has been a while.
Emotionally dampened: Unable to express myself and ask for my needs to be met by another adult.
Always on the outside: not part of a fixed group in any situation: work, friendship and family. The reality is that my family all love and appreciate me, but they are not on the phone asking how I am all the time, 3 of them live in close proximity of each other. I have had good group work relationships and ones where I work on my own, and ones working with others but having the feeling of being lonely. I have a lot of small friendship groups who do not know each other.

I have become aware of a more dominant response from childhood playing out very strongly now in my job: I work with a Down’s syndrome /Autistic child who is very strong willed and defiant, frequently when asking her to do something she says no to me. In terms of making her life enjoyable in a mainstream school (she is moving full time to a special needs school in a few weeks) I use humour and silliness, but there are times for her safety that this cannot be done and firm boundaries need to be put down. On occasion I will respond to her defiance with a defiant reaction and it has made me notice that this does not work and a compromise has to be reached.
My mum was very strong willed and defiant!apparently runs through the Wilde family.

Thank you for looking at my case:)

kind regards
Elena
 
zoeelena last decade
So the important thing to do when I ask about particular words or expressions, is not to repeat the story you originally gave, or try to rationalize them or explain them away.

For example, this is more along the lines of what I want:

What is safety? What is the experience of not being safe?

What is 'makes me inward'? What does it mean? How do you do that?

What is a 'protective shell'? What is the value of such a thing? What is the experience of having this? What is an image of 'protective shell' that helps me to understand how this happens to you?

What is the experience of being 'dampened'? Not why do you do it or when does it happen. What does 'dampen' mean?
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Bump
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Hi David,
I am going to take one phrase at a time to see if my explanation is correct:
Safety: feeling insecure, vulnerable without the ability to deal with the present situation. (i cannot think of another explanation)
What does safety mean to me? I understand the dangers around me and take appropriate action, but I also understand taking risks is ok within a defined perameter.
If this is not what you are after, would you mind picking any phrase and write a brief sentence as a guide.
I also have a few corrections to make from my original post re: traumatic incidents

Traumatic incidents:
1)Age 4 not aged 2 :mother had stillborn child
3)As a young child was a slow picky eater/didn’t enjoy food( not really a traumatic incident).

Family background:
I grew up adoring my 2 older brothers and followed them everywhere, however the love was not reciprocated instead I got consistently ignored and teased which led to playing alone which was no fun and intense, felt alone in my imagination, labelled a well behaved child Brothers left for boarding school when I was 6

As a teenager i went through a stage of outrage and defiance
 
zoeelena last decade
There is no right answer, there are just more complete and more descriptive answers. Any phrase or word I pick may or may not be important, it is only when you talk about them that I can get an idea about how relevent they are to understanding your case.

I may choose those words because they make me suspect a group of remedies, or a specific remedy, or echo a symptom in our literature. I need to hear you confirm my idea without any suggestion from me. My prior knowledge has to be kept away from your descriptions, or I cannot trust them since I am leading you somewhere.

So I understand that Safety = secure, but how is being vulnerable safe for you?

Unsafe = danger, risk

There is also a moderating factor of being within a defined perameter - what would that be?

Can you describe more on 'Inward' and the 'Protective shell' and on 'Dampened'. I am trying to understand the energy of these experiences or sensations, the meaning of them.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
The experience of not being safe= insecure & vulnerable
Being safe (escape to safety)= secure, happy, peaceful,

Taking risks in a defined parameter= crossing the road is a risk if you don’t look both ways, the parameter(consequence) being you know you look both ways

Makes me inward/protective shell = being on own in my own space ,feeling calm, sometimes in lying down in a foetal position and silently reflecting
Dampen= squashed emotions

not sure if this fact is relevant: I had a difficult birth and born with cord around neck
birth trauma
 
zoeelena last decade
Dear David Kempston,

Thank you for your support and advice so far. I am just checking in as it's been over a month since I last heard from you. I am wondering if you have had time to look into a remedy that matches my symptoms.

The central theme running around my symptoms is within the context of communication and being misunderstood, when I convey myself verbally or through email/writing I feel people misunderstand me and this is the root cause of my distress and frustration.

Here are some adjectives around how I feel when this issue arises. There is another theme of isolation/lonliness/exclusion.
misunderstood
bitterness
rage/anger
strike back/sting (this is often my defense mechanism)
heat of the moment
out of my depth
retreat
licking my wounds
feeling of being stuck
fight and flight
seeking comfort
foetal position

Hope this might help, any advise that you can give on a suitable remedy is greatly appreciated.

kind regards
 
zoeelena last decade
I am sorry I lost track of this thread. I will put it at the top of my list and look at it today.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Dear David,

Wishing you a Happy New Year!

when you have a moment, would you look into my case again?

kind regards Elena
 
zoeelena last decade
So the shell itself is not important? It is just a representation of your own space?

Describe a little more on :

Bitterness

Strike back

Sting

Lick my wounds

Retreat

Fight and flight


These new words completely change the direction I was originally taking.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Hi David,

thanks for the prompt response. Yes the shell represents my own space.

I have realised theres alot of repetition in the following words!

sting and strike back: mean the same to me, an agitated
verbal response, defense mechanism

Lick my wounds and retreat:both words mean the same as the shell - as it is a representation of my own space!

Fight and flight: Fight:being attacked verbally,feeling intimidated
Flight: same meaning as the words above: lick my wounds and retreat.

Bitterness: feeling a failure, displaced anger, self critic

Hope this helps

Elena
 
zoeelena last decade
Ok I am not so much asking for you to tell me what you do, but what the word means. Try not to diminish or humanize the words, but instead expand on them and bring out their peculiarity. I am trying to understand what about those specific words describes the unique and individual experience you have.

What is 'sting'? When something 'stings' what does it mean? What is the experience of 'stinging'?

What is to 'strike back'. Describe how this is a defence mechanism.

What wounds need to be 'licked'? When are you wounded? How are you wounded?

How do you retreat? Describe the exact experience, the energetic process, of 'retreat'.

What does 'shell' represent? Why use the word 'shell' rather than just 'space'? What is a shell?
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Dear David,
these are my interpretations of the following words:

Sting means: a sting is unexpected and unannounced with instant heat, pain,agony and anger that something has attacked the body.

to strike back means to retaliate back in response to another or thing that has outraged or struck a nerve, standing up for ones right and having a voice How is this a defense mechanism: a desire to have an assertive voice to counteract critisism

the word lick my wounds means to parent, soothe and nurture the body and soul back to better health after feeling defeated by an external battle or verbal assault. Wound Can also represent pride, so licking the wound would be restoring one’s pride

retreat means to be silent, the desire to be alone, having a feeling of being spiritually connected to the world. A moment to gather ones thoughts to re address the balance and feeling soothed, peaceful and comforted in a bubble of ones thought that could be timeless.

fight or flight means that the body has an internal chemical response that is activated when there is a perceived and dangerous situation immediately happening. The body decides to stand and fight and respond to the threat or flee to safety, either way the body has to pump the body up with adrenalin to make the choice. This immediate response can bring up feelings of disempowerment,being frightened, threatened and scared.

Bitterness means an intense hostility to another after a harsh or disagreeable word, in the moment feeling resentment, reactive and venomous.

Shell is a protective covering from the outside world, it is another word for having my own space, there is no other explanation i can give as to why i chose these 2 words except to say my brain works too fast and I don’t stop to think that I have written to words that meant the same thing.

I cannot think of any more descriptive words for the above words and phrases, they are all in the context of miscommunication and being misunderstood mainly relating to the work place and partner.

many thanks
 
zoeelena last decade
David,

Thanks for giving your time on my case - wandered if you would tell me the homeopathic remedy you had originally considered.

many thanks,
Elena
 
zoeelena last decade
I will have another look at this today.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade

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