can aggravation be this slow or long lasting?First I had great anger issues and in situations I did not feel anger before. but I felt mentally better in terms of anxiety. Eye contact seemed much easier. Ten from day 11 to 14 I felt like my anxiety came back just like it was a year ago before I started homeo treatment, even the body dysmorphia. My teeth seemed to have changed - I see my misaligned tooth in the middle got more misaligned,I stressed over some body part looking ugly, having a flaw.
Even this symptom from past... I walked past some people yesterday night who said to each other how cute my dog is. I felt great anxiety walking past them and felt all embarassed for how down an anxious I look. And when I am so anxious I cannot hear clearly. I am not sure but I thought I heard the word ugly than mentioned by the 2 people and thought they said this about me. THat my dog cute but me ugly. And I would not be suprised since I look ugly when I am anxious, tense, feeling down.
Anyway the uncertainty than is killing me. When I dont know whether I heard correct or not. And if I heard correct why did they say such thing. Ok this wasnt so bad like in the past. It did not stay on my mind for that long. But I had body dysmorphia than. But the ugly comment from them if I even heard correct (or was just my fearful mind) did not bother me. I know I am not ugly
starface on 2012-02-06
I am fixed on body part that I perceive having a flaw. Its the area between nose and lip which got bigger when I took platina. It changed. It got more symmetric but I am not liking it today. I noticed it makes it all look out of balance. it makes my chin look smaller. Before I had nice balance. before taking tarantula I was aware that I might look slighlty worse than before but I was not fixed on it. It did not matter much.
How can I live knowing that something on my face looks bad, not good? That I lost something which used to look good. agony in stomach and it feels like a grave problem.
starface last decade
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