confused about some improvements.

I think from when I took Platina I have gotten better. And from this remedy on it seems I am just taking good remedies? Platina felt like it didnt change anything much, except that all seemed well and I could take things in a light way and laugh about myself again. BDD did not bother, all ok but no significant change I think.

Then I took tarantula and as far as I remember I still had the problem with my mind running on its own late at night in bed from the mental work I did before going to bed (playing video games). Some random dialogues I would hear than as if I was half asleep half awake. which worried me a bit. When I noticed this happening I would 'wake' up. And I had fear of the night, of ghosts from platina 10M more strongly.

And all this seemed to have gone away with tarantula? Also I was getting feeling in my chest and shoulders, & back from it. and my head seemed better too. A feeling returning. tobacco smoke started really bothering me again though, from my senses getting better and car drives made me feel unwell when sitting in the back.

But I went away from it because BDD and this feeling of being not in control returned which I havent had for a while. And I noticed how I got this improvement from platina, about control which I wasnt even aware of until that day

And I had to make a phone call while on tarantula and noticed what my problem actually is and tarantula had no such rubrics. SO I went away having no hope tarantula right.

Since platina I am in a state where I am not cured but it doesnt matter so much. I am supposed to start working somewhere in 2 weeks. And usually this would make me so anxious, unable to think of anything else but this. Try to expose myself daily around people to get the anxiety down.

Tonight I dreamed that a police officer was assaulted by some people. Than some other people would come and assault him too, choke him etc. I am afraid of violence, of ever including myself out of fear that I might get attacked, but I was so angry by what I saw. ( i was just going for a walk with my brother when I saw this) So I went close to the fight and felt like attacking everyone of those people who attacked the policeman. And have fire or some tools in my hands that will make noone want to attack me. I think I felt like cutting everyones balls away but than I thought about how I am gona feel about this when the anger settles.

And in another dream my father talked to my mother about moving to an area in the country that was hit with earthquakes because businesses are cheap there now. And I did not like this at all. What if the earthquake comes again and the business you bought gets ruined. And my fahter than told something to my mother again in contradiction to me which I did not like at all.

one more. I was somewhere around people afraid that I might get attacked pysichally while waiting for a bus. Then ahwile later when I walked down the street I saw so many people who passed me have a hurt eye. Bands over one of their eye
[message edited by starface on Sat, 11 Feb 2012 23:11:49 GMT]