The ABC Homeopathy Forum
Got my first critizism at work today
This made me realize quite clearly I am not an animal remedy. Just leaves plant or mineral open.First I am sorry for having misrepresented my case on here at times. Thing is since I am working again and around people, what actually my problem is, is quite clearer to see... I am writing this because I hate it when I make someone feel like he wasnt good enough, or make appear someone not good enough to other people. I dont want that. Maybe I was right with saying that I might be a mineral but just sound like an animal. Since I was in doubt and reading to much materia medicas, etc. I know if I presented my problems and case right, that I would have gotten the correct prescription is what I am trying to say.
So I got the critizism which was a small one. Unimportant but the woman who came to me to tell it started off with: ''I have a complaint, this is not a critizism, I am just telling you'... the way she started this made me feel all anxious'
It was just that I forgot to plug something back in the day before.
So what I felt the problem here was, is attack (critizsm) and my ability to defend or not defend. I was anxious and trembling all over inside of me.
2 more problems than come up because of the 1st problem.
THe issue that the woman saw me respond to this in an anxious way... before the platina this would have this 'glue' effect. Where this would really bother me and unable to let go that this happened. But now I feel that she saw this, and thats that, it is bad, but what can I do.
and the 3 problem was that I might have defended to hard which will make me look that I have insecurities about critizism.
... I defeneded myself that it wasnt me. That I always use the cords in the hallway, not those in the residents rooms but truth is that later in the day I realized I did use one once, when I did not want to disturb people in the hallway. So I felt the need to correct it and tell the woman that there is a possibilty that it was in fact me who did not plug it back in... but I wasnt man enough. Because when I feel anxiety I try to control it. I feel humiliated by it when I appear anxious to people. This was the reason. I did not want to make it more awkward. And just told my mother in hope she will tell the woman. I dont want to look like that egoistic person who will fight off any critizism always at work. Sure way to become alone.
So about the kingdoms. I dont think there is any trace of animal issue in here. I never for a moment thought what she is doing to me. Why would I? It is all about being able to defend when attack comes. If I am unable I feel like s*it. Depressed. So low. Just horrible.
[message edited by starface on Thu, 15 Mar 2012 02:34:36 GMT]
starface on 2012-03-15
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
I got a reply from homeopath, that she had food poisoning and will come up with a prescription today or tomorrow. I just hope it wont be the wrong one. Cause I know what I need with certainty. If all pysichals and mentals match, and even results are here... theres no doubt than anymore
starface last decade
♡ brisbanehomoeopath last decade
results made me most certain, dreams come in second place
3rd place is my response when I am told I am not platina. Of a hopeless feeling and nothing to live for anymore. Why would that be otherwise?
4th are the pyhsichals... numbness, Restless legs, paralyzing weakness or tiredness, That I use whole role of toilet paper when I pass stool (stool like clay sticking to anus), the oppression on the top of my head everytime I am stressed. The trembling when I am anxious or attacked
5th the reaction of palladium - if that did not imply I am sensitive to either that row or column than I dont know what else can be described as that.
... but ok, despite that. I am going to take back the ' I am certain what I need' comment.
But I think I am a mineral quite surely.
Jelousy is the only animal quality I have. I get jelous when at work someone working hard as me, coupled with that she is friendly and everyone likes her. I feel jelous than. But immediately than comes up I need to drop this feelings. How is that going to make me look. If I am jelous I cannot be the person or have the image I want to have.
3rd place is my response when I am told I am not platina. Of a hopeless feeling and nothing to live for anymore. Why would that be otherwise?
4th are the pyhsichals... numbness, Restless legs, paralyzing weakness or tiredness, That I use whole role of toilet paper when I pass stool (stool like clay sticking to anus), the oppression on the top of my head everytime I am stressed. The trembling when I am anxious or attacked
5th the reaction of palladium - if that did not imply I am sensitive to either that row or column than I dont know what else can be described as that.
... but ok, despite that. I am going to take back the ' I am certain what I need' comment.
But I think I am a mineral quite surely.
Jelousy is the only animal quality I have. I get jelous when at work someone working hard as me, coupled with that she is friendly and everyone likes her. I feel jelous than. But immediately than comes up I need to drop this feelings. How is that going to make me look. If I am jelous I cannot be the person or have the image I want to have.
starface last decade
You will not be able to guess any part of your remedy - not miasm, not kingdom, nothing. Nobody can. Homoeopaths with 40 years of experience cannot find their own remedy.
So you are still going to persist with the Platina idea, despite it not curing you. You are so attached to being better than everyone else you cannot let the remedy go. You realise that your remedy will be one of the lowest, not the highest. This is your blind spot, an inability to accept yourself for what you are. You simply wish to create a Platina proving in yourself, make yourself into Platina. This is the self-mutilation of BDD again - you don't like yourself so you want to remake yourself over. You think life as a Platina will somehow be the better life for you. It is just part of your mental health issue, but of course, as I keep telling you ad nauseum, you cannot see it yourself. THAT is why you MUST have an objective outside party to prescribe for you. They will not be fooled by the illusions you create, they will see you for what you really are. You on the other hand just see a whole lot of smoke and mirrors, nothing real. Platina has become some kind of ideal state for you, which shows catagorically without any doubt, you are not Platina. You MUST be a remedy that feels as low as Platina feels high, something so far down that its only chance for survival is to pretend to be superior.
I only hope that the homoeopath has been given enough truth to work all this out. I can already see you starting to convince yourself you know better than everyone else again, that the homoeopath doesn't know what he is doing.
So you are still going to persist with the Platina idea, despite it not curing you. You are so attached to being better than everyone else you cannot let the remedy go. You realise that your remedy will be one of the lowest, not the highest. This is your blind spot, an inability to accept yourself for what you are. You simply wish to create a Platina proving in yourself, make yourself into Platina. This is the self-mutilation of BDD again - you don't like yourself so you want to remake yourself over. You think life as a Platina will somehow be the better life for you. It is just part of your mental health issue, but of course, as I keep telling you ad nauseum, you cannot see it yourself. THAT is why you MUST have an objective outside party to prescribe for you. They will not be fooled by the illusions you create, they will see you for what you really are. You on the other hand just see a whole lot of smoke and mirrors, nothing real. Platina has become some kind of ideal state for you, which shows catagorically without any doubt, you are not Platina. You MUST be a remedy that feels as low as Platina feels high, something so far down that its only chance for survival is to pretend to be superior.
I only hope that the homoeopath has been given enough truth to work all this out. I can already see you starting to convince yourself you know better than everyone else again, that the homoeopath doesn't know what he is doing.
♡ brisbanehomoeopath last decade
hmm interesting. A remedy that is as low as platina feels high.
hmm I dont feel superior of others. That thing never crosses my mind at work. I often feel lower than others. Only sometimes when I am in egoistic state this happens.
Are you really sure of the things you are saying? Do you think I am still an animal remedy? Or?
hmm ok you say still no platina. Good than.
hmm I dont feel superior of others. That thing never crosses my mind at work. I often feel lower than others. Only sometimes when I am in egoistic state this happens.
Are you really sure of the things you are saying? Do you think I am still an animal remedy? Or?
hmm ok you say still no platina. Good than.
starface last decade
My work I do is a sh*t job... cleaning. So in a way I feel insecure about how this makes me look to people. Those are often slight feelings that come... but on the other hand I feel like I am much more as a person. That the cleaning thing doesnt take anything away from me. So in the aspect I dont have a problem with doing such job. Since it still doesnt change anything. Soo its like it is ok for me to do such job. It just makes me look better maybe that I do such thing even though I am more than such job. And sometimes when I talk with people I mention when they ask me whether I like that job. That how could I say I like such job? It is a low job which makes me look bad, but I add that I dont dislike it.
I dont know what that would mean, but this are my feelings. Than also I started now cleaining dishes after lunch time and it drives my insecurities up that I am doing such female jobs on one hand, but on the other side it is ok again that I do it. It doesnt take away anything from me. Is how I feel. But sometimes I fear that it will make people thing I am a low pushover, idiot and so on. That I might get laughed at. Doing such things makes me unsure as to how I am seen by people at times.
[message edited by starface on Thu, 15 Mar 2012 05:25:19 GMT]
I dont know what that would mean, but this are my feelings. Than also I started now cleaining dishes after lunch time and it drives my insecurities up that I am doing such female jobs on one hand, but on the other side it is ok again that I do it. It doesnt take away anything from me. Is how I feel. But sometimes I fear that it will make people thing I am a low pushover, idiot and so on. That I might get laughed at. Doing such things makes me unsure as to how I am seen by people at times.
[message edited by starface on Thu, 15 Mar 2012 05:25:19 GMT]
starface last decade
At work there is a girl about same age as me who is the only person at work that makes me feel a bit uncomfortable around. Because she is so arrogant and haughty. I dont like being around her. Other people are nice and polite, this girl sometimes makes remarks like 'move this thing' totally impolite. She is the person that brings my insecurities out and makes me feel bad. Worry that everyone thinks low of me. Dismisses me etc. Looks down on me. It isnt that exactly. THose are the feelings I get and I fear the attack will come and indignation made, and humiliation to me by appearing like an idiot if I wont be able to defend. and everyone might laugh. And from that day on I am ruined, Because everyones opinion of me might have changed as a result
I dont want to be around this girl because she is like a devil and brings out the low, insecure devil in me (lol)
But once she asked me if my mother is as dictating as she is here at home. (She is the manager) and I replied 'yes but nobody listens to her at home' as a joke and her reply to that was 'me neither', 'I dont listen to her'... this just sounded so inapropriate. She is employed their to listen to her. THis just screamed out insecurities, insecurities about taking orders' So this kind of made me see what person she is. and the compensation of hers. Also once when I helped her in the kitchen, she had to say thank you to me and I noticed how difficult it was and awkward for her, with a slight trembling. A bit suprising since she is kind of confident and condescending usually but on the other hand it made total sense.
So I know the inside of this person and her worth kind of gone. Her insecurities put her down in my mind. But this is not to say that I now feel totally at ease around her. Still she could attack me, cause humiliation to me. But it is a bit easier by seeing that this person has not much worth, because of the arrogance which stems from insecurities.
I wonder how such people can behave like that. What are they trying to achieve with that? How can you be liked or expect that people will like you when you act in such way? And it is a sure way to become alone.
[message edited by starface on Thu, 15 Mar 2012 06:21:08 GMT]
I dont want to be around this girl because she is like a devil and brings out the low, insecure devil in me (lol)
But once she asked me if my mother is as dictating as she is here at home. (She is the manager) and I replied 'yes but nobody listens to her at home' as a joke and her reply to that was 'me neither', 'I dont listen to her'... this just sounded so inapropriate. She is employed their to listen to her. THis just screamed out insecurities, insecurities about taking orders' So this kind of made me see what person she is. and the compensation of hers. Also once when I helped her in the kitchen, she had to say thank you to me and I noticed how difficult it was and awkward for her, with a slight trembling. A bit suprising since she is kind of confident and condescending usually but on the other hand it made total sense.
So I know the inside of this person and her worth kind of gone. Her insecurities put her down in my mind. But this is not to say that I now feel totally at ease around her. Still she could attack me, cause humiliation to me. But it is a bit easier by seeing that this person has not much worth, because of the arrogance which stems from insecurities.
I wonder how such people can behave like that. What are they trying to achieve with that? How can you be liked or expect that people will like you when you act in such way? And it is a sure way to become alone.
[message edited by starface on Thu, 15 Mar 2012 06:21:08 GMT]
starface last decade
First jobs are like that- you have to
start somewhere-Hahnemann the
founder of homeopathy- his father
painted things on plates and Hahnemann
was sent away to work with a green
grocer ( he hated it and ran back
home and his mother hid him in the attic
for a week before they could tell
his father) , who was a very stern man.
Lucky he did not stay in that grocer
learning job. Most people start out
at the bottom of whatever-you are learning
how to just be in the workplace- right
now-don't worry about it.
start somewhere-Hahnemann the
founder of homeopathy- his father
painted things on plates and Hahnemann
was sent away to work with a green
grocer ( he hated it and ran back
home and his mother hid him in the attic
for a week before they could tell
his father) , who was a very stern man.
Lucky he did not stay in that grocer
learning job. Most people start out
at the bottom of whatever-you are learning
how to just be in the workplace- right
now-don't worry about it.
♡ simone717 last decade
^^
Yea I know. I am not really worrying about the job I have. It is just nice being around people again and just working.
SOme people just can make me insecure when they dont treat me well about my job that is all. It makes me feel like they might be treating me this way because of the job I have, maybe.
In some way I am totally incapable when someone attacks me to defend myself... but on the other hand I think I can deal with this just fine. Like I was born for that. winning against me in arguments can be very difficult. And often people just dissapear quickly by finding out they are way below my level.
[message edited by starface on Thu, 15 Mar 2012 06:15:24 GMT]
Yea I know. I am not really worrying about the job I have. It is just nice being around people again and just working.
SOme people just can make me insecure when they dont treat me well about my job that is all. It makes me feel like they might be treating me this way because of the job I have, maybe.
In some way I am totally incapable when someone attacks me to defend myself... but on the other hand I think I can deal with this just fine. Like I was born for that. winning against me in arguments can be very difficult. And often people just dissapear quickly by finding out they are way below my level.
[message edited by starface on Thu, 15 Mar 2012 06:15:24 GMT]
starface last decade
To david.
I dont think I have a 'high' side, or a superior one. It isnt the superiority of platina that made me want it. Being special it is. Different from others. Unique. Above?.
But this picture below makes me wonder whether platina is just another 'pretentious' lycopodium. I guess there is nothing for me than in the end. Nothing that could fit me.
-braggart
-charlatan
-boaster
even the so called most noble remedy has this disgusting traits. I really wonder what is it in platina that is supposed to be unique. Other than their feeling. Its just a feeling of being special those people have I think.
They are pretentious, boasters, charlatans.. yet they think they are unique and above others. THat does not fit together for me.
Ok I drop the platina thing. There is no remedy for me. I would think this is exactly what would make me Platina. That I feel dissapointment and that no remedy for me exists since all have those disgusting traits. But oh well. I dont care.
[message edited by starface on Thu, 15 Mar 2012 06:57:39 GMT]
I dont think I have a 'high' side, or a superior one. It isnt the superiority of platina that made me want it. Being special it is. Different from others. Unique. Above?.
But this picture below makes me wonder whether platina is just another 'pretentious' lycopodium. I guess there is nothing for me than in the end. Nothing that could fit me.
-braggart
-charlatan
-boaster
even the so called most noble remedy has this disgusting traits. I really wonder what is it in platina that is supposed to be unique. Other than their feeling. Its just a feeling of being special those people have I think.
They are pretentious, boasters, charlatans.. yet they think they are unique and above others. THat does not fit together for me.
Ok I drop the platina thing. There is no remedy for me. I would think this is exactly what would make me Platina. That I feel dissapointment and that no remedy for me exists since all have those disgusting traits. But oh well. I dont care.
[message edited by starface on Thu, 15 Mar 2012 06:57:39 GMT]
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starface last decade
I can understand some things about remedies better now, if platina just had symptoms of feeling light or heavy etc there would be no identification or desire, it is the other personality traits that made me identified... unique, special, what row 10 represents etc.
My reaction when david told me I am as low as platina is high was that of a devilish inferiority I think for a split second. (not sure about inferiority but something devil like it felt definately)
Reaction when I examine platinas qualities... is of a void, an emptiness now. That platina isnt really what I thought it is? A tight chest with some difficult breathing and feelings of what could be for me than? I am alone again.
I am mixed up in those remedies to much (lol). I give it up. But I feel alone, an emptiness and dissapointment maybe? totally alone
This is something I wrote yesterday:
why is platina a boaster? Why dont they look down on this qualities? Why dont they feel in their mind that boasting is low, or that they are above it? THat the havenots do such things only?
Boasting and yet thinking of yourself as more than other people or as enlightened doesnt sound to enlightened to me at all. I thought platina are the enlightened ones. Or at least that they consider themselves enlightened. Do those people have a ton of blindspots or what?
What about platina is enlightened. If they were enlightened I think they would not boast coz they would know instantly the reason as to why they do it.
It seems to me that this remedy has a ton of blindspots about themselves and lack total self awarness.
Is that what a superiority complex does to you? Coz I am not like that.
.there must be something I am not understanding.
So platina is not the best, they just think they are it?
[message edited by starface on Thu, 15 Mar 2012 20:05:26 GMT]
My reaction when david told me I am as low as platina is high was that of a devilish inferiority I think for a split second. (not sure about inferiority but something devil like it felt definately)
Reaction when I examine platinas qualities... is of a void, an emptiness now. That platina isnt really what I thought it is? A tight chest with some difficult breathing and feelings of what could be for me than? I am alone again.
I am mixed up in those remedies to much (lol). I give it up. But I feel alone, an emptiness and dissapointment maybe? totally alone
This is something I wrote yesterday:
why is platina a boaster? Why dont they look down on this qualities? Why dont they feel in their mind that boasting is low, or that they are above it? THat the havenots do such things only?
Boasting and yet thinking of yourself as more than other people or as enlightened doesnt sound to enlightened to me at all. I thought platina are the enlightened ones. Or at least that they consider themselves enlightened. Do those people have a ton of blindspots or what?
What about platina is enlightened. If they were enlightened I think they would not boast coz they would know instantly the reason as to why they do it.
It seems to me that this remedy has a ton of blindspots about themselves and lack total self awarness.
Is that what a superiority complex does to you? Coz I am not like that.
.there must be something I am not understanding.
So platina is not the best, they just think they are it?
[message edited by starface on Thu, 15 Mar 2012 20:05:26 GMT]
starface last decade
♡ brisbanehomoeopath last decade
I havent read through everything yet. Because I don't have much time.
Thing is Platina probably is a validation of my specialness or something. That's all. If I am Platina I can feel good and know I am special, different., worthwile.Without it I am not and don't feel much myself or anything.
When I went to work I had my 'special' moment while driving in the car. Once I felt this urge like i did on palladium where something in me totally intense. So I had to overtake the cars in front of me on a 4 lane street. And than when I was in front alone came the feeling that I am special and some good electronic music playing in my car which just adds to it and makes me a bit over emotional. But thing is this doesn't last and my awareness gets in the way because I know why I am having this feeling, what it means.
So obviously I think people could understand why Platina important to me in a way. To know for certain that i am this. Than this special feeling could last which doesnt. It only comes up with when I feel rejected or some emotional difficult situation when I have to face etc. but than it leaves after awhile again usually
I don't know what this all means and it is fine
Thing is Platina probably is a validation of my specialness or something. That's all. If I am Platina I can feel good and know I am special, different., worthwile.Without it I am not and don't feel much myself or anything.
When I went to work I had my 'special' moment while driving in the car. Once I felt this urge like i did on palladium where something in me totally intense. So I had to overtake the cars in front of me on a 4 lane street. And than when I was in front alone came the feeling that I am special and some good electronic music playing in my car which just adds to it and makes me a bit over emotional. But thing is this doesn't last and my awareness gets in the way because I know why I am having this feeling, what it means.
So obviously I think people could understand why Platina important to me in a way. To know for certain that i am this. Than this special feeling could last which doesnt. It only comes up with when I feel rejected or some emotional difficult situation when I have to face etc. but than it leaves after awhile again usually
I don't know what this all means and it is fine
starface last decade
ok-platina----
It has nothing to do with anything
or any sense-it is like rubbing a
magic coin or a rabbit foot and
triggers a feeling of being special-
like a song can do that also.
You like that feeling and so are using
thoughts of platina to generate
that feeling-bc it is a trigger. The
same could be said for chocolate cake-
eating it a few times and feeling
special for whatever reason.
Then everytime you thought about
chocolate cake you might
get back that feeling again-so platina is being
used like some virtual drug bc it triggers this
state.
It has nothing to do with homeopathy- it is like
a kid with his special blanket. Just stop
trying to justify it homeopathy wise. Not
going to discuss it anymore on my end.
It has nothing to do with anything
or any sense-it is like rubbing a
magic coin or a rabbit foot and
triggers a feeling of being special-
like a song can do that also.
You like that feeling and so are using
thoughts of platina to generate
that feeling-bc it is a trigger. The
same could be said for chocolate cake-
eating it a few times and feeling
special for whatever reason.
Then everytime you thought about
chocolate cake you might
get back that feeling again-so platina is being
used like some virtual drug bc it triggers this
state.
It has nothing to do with homeopathy- it is like
a kid with his special blanket. Just stop
trying to justify it homeopathy wise. Not
going to discuss it anymore on my end.
♡ simone717 last decade
♡ brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Ah I knew it. I knew it. Normal ordinary people. THis is exactly the reaction I get when I look at the picture of the woman in black clothes and the hat, in the pic I pasted above. There is a strange reaction in me. Its like I look at the woman deeply whether she is fake and I totally can see it. that she is nothing.
Ah so hmm there is a void now.
When I took platina... I often tried to check in with the special feeling... and it did not matter at all. WHo cares about being special? No energy behind it.
hmmm. This feels terrible now in a way.
When I went to the homeopath this is exactly what I thought. How on earth is she going to prescribe platina to me. She saw an ordinary person in her clinic. At work I feel less ordinary since I know I am liked by everyone and do good work, even if it is a sh*tty job. But I am praised for it.
----
I was just about wanting to write the following. Before I read your reply:
Number 1: I dont like that people are trying to make me not care about remedies, special, unique because I am not at that stage where I am ready to move past this. I think it would be much more 'correct' to try to find out why this matters to me instead of telling me that it should not matter to me.
Number 2: All is well for as long as I am told nice things, but when I start reading things that what I am thinking is crazy etc. the negative things... than I have a problem. Dont like such treatment. It wont work anymore
Number 3: I was wondering about palladium. Since I know I have this in me what got aggravated when I took palladium. Like I felt it today slightly in the morning. I now know how to describe the aggravation. I was just in this fight mode for a few days. And this fight mode happens when I am attacked by my father for example. I usually shrug it off. But when a point comes when it is to much. to offending. Than I brake out in such anger and feel a force in me. etc. So this is how palladium felt. The attacked state of me coming up. It was like fuel thrown on it.
DOes platina have scizophrenia as symptom?
I did an online test just for fun. And scored a 1 out of I dont know how much. If you scored above 14 than it meant you are likely to have scizophrenia.
The questions suprised me though. One was about if you feel like people are jelous of you because of your special abilities. Do you think you have special powers?
This kind of scared me. The answer was no for me. But I did not think this is scizophrenia. I thought it is about hallucinating.
To tell you the truth if I took more palladium I think I would have gotten into a different reality too.
There was such force in me. I was at one point lifting weights late at night. So overemotional, and when I got out of the room and walked past the hallway while some emotional part of a song was playing I had this feeling like I am walking into a stadium or something.
THis wasnt something unreal. I knew perfectly what was going on and that it was just my mind and my feelings. It was childlike. But it was crazy and so difficult to control and calm down.
Who knows what would of happen if I took palladium 10M. SOmething even more terrible than platina 10M. Because I believe I started seeing things differently even. Once when I got home from a walk outside and looked at objects at the table they seemed so distanced, small.
--
Hmm I felt a bit panicky and out of control after I read this about platina from you. And the question now is 'what now'? How to live with this truth. Its like something was taken away from me now. I am feeling this sensation that I always used to feel before the platina. Which caused BDD always to me. This agony in stomach and tense chest, throat... but it isnt that bad. It doesnt feel that bad anymore
[message edited by starface on Fri, 16 Mar 2012 04:24:01 GMT]
Ah so hmm there is a void now.
When I took platina... I often tried to check in with the special feeling... and it did not matter at all. WHo cares about being special? No energy behind it.
hmmm. This feels terrible now in a way.
When I went to the homeopath this is exactly what I thought. How on earth is she going to prescribe platina to me. She saw an ordinary person in her clinic. At work I feel less ordinary since I know I am liked by everyone and do good work, even if it is a sh*tty job. But I am praised for it.
----
I was just about wanting to write the following. Before I read your reply:
Number 1: I dont like that people are trying to make me not care about remedies, special, unique because I am not at that stage where I am ready to move past this. I think it would be much more 'correct' to try to find out why this matters to me instead of telling me that it should not matter to me.
Number 2: All is well for as long as I am told nice things, but when I start reading things that what I am thinking is crazy etc. the negative things... than I have a problem. Dont like such treatment. It wont work anymore
Number 3: I was wondering about palladium. Since I know I have this in me what got aggravated when I took palladium. Like I felt it today slightly in the morning. I now know how to describe the aggravation. I was just in this fight mode for a few days. And this fight mode happens when I am attacked by my father for example. I usually shrug it off. But when a point comes when it is to much. to offending. Than I brake out in such anger and feel a force in me. etc. So this is how palladium felt. The attacked state of me coming up. It was like fuel thrown on it.
DOes platina have scizophrenia as symptom?
I did an online test just for fun. And scored a 1 out of I dont know how much. If you scored above 14 than it meant you are likely to have scizophrenia.
The questions suprised me though. One was about if you feel like people are jelous of you because of your special abilities. Do you think you have special powers?
This kind of scared me. The answer was no for me. But I did not think this is scizophrenia. I thought it is about hallucinating.
To tell you the truth if I took more palladium I think I would have gotten into a different reality too.
There was such force in me. I was at one point lifting weights late at night. So overemotional, and when I got out of the room and walked past the hallway while some emotional part of a song was playing I had this feeling like I am walking into a stadium or something.
THis wasnt something unreal. I knew perfectly what was going on and that it was just my mind and my feelings. It was childlike. But it was crazy and so difficult to control and calm down.
Who knows what would of happen if I took palladium 10M. SOmething even more terrible than platina 10M. Because I believe I started seeing things differently even. Once when I got home from a walk outside and looked at objects at the table they seemed so distanced, small.
--
Hmm I felt a bit panicky and out of control after I read this about platina from you. And the question now is 'what now'? How to live with this truth. Its like something was taken away from me now. I am feeling this sensation that I always used to feel before the platina. Which caused BDD always to me. This agony in stomach and tense chest, throat... but it isnt that bad. It doesnt feel that bad anymore
[message edited by starface on Fri, 16 Mar 2012 04:24:01 GMT]
starface last decade
I know what you are trying to tell me. I see this all the time. You treat this feeling of being unique or special, of being the best... as a symptom like a fear of bugs.
Obviously there is a problem. That to me this symptom is important to have to be able to live. So I cannot just say this symptom I will let go off and is not important anymore. Without it I am nothing. Its like for some other person telling to it 'needing to look beautifull' is just a symptom and you dont need it. It doesnt work
Without remedy this cannot be just let go off like that if that is important to you.
It is that I dont see being unique or special as something 'sick' or something that needs to get let go off.
Obviously there is a problem. That to me this symptom is important to have to be able to live. So I cannot just say this symptom I will let go off and is not important anymore. Without it I am nothing. Its like for some other person telling to it 'needing to look beautifull' is just a symptom and you dont need it. It doesnt work
Without remedy this cannot be just let go off like that if that is important to you.
It is that I dont see being unique or special as something 'sick' or something that needs to get let go off.
starface last decade
My mother is platina too. WHy else would she say when I told her about platina being the queen.... 'That is me I am the queen', in this strange low embarrassed way as if she herself does not believe it or fear getting attacked for it. SHe is a manager and hard working. Loves praise and this is the only reason why she works so hard. So that everyone can tell her that they havent seen a woman like her before.
SHe is just like me. Had social anxiety, panic, and the problem with pictures that made no sense aswell.
Her saying ' I am the queen' was so uncharacteristic of her because she isnt openly egoistic ever and dislikes arrogant people (all just like me). But she felt the need to say this immediately. What other reason could there be.
[message edited by starface on Fri, 16 Mar 2012 04:33:32 GMT]
SHe is just like me. Had social anxiety, panic, and the problem with pictures that made no sense aswell.
Her saying ' I am the queen' was so uncharacteristic of her because she isnt openly egoistic ever and dislikes arrogant people (all just like me). But she felt the need to say this immediately. What other reason could there be.
[message edited by starface on Fri, 16 Mar 2012 04:33:32 GMT]
starface last decade
♡ brisbanehomoeopath last decade
♡ brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Oh god, the things you are telling me today.
The BDD got out of destructive mode so quick with platina that you would think it was magic or something.
Who knows where I would have been today if I never gotten to take platina. When I took ambra grisea on the night of aggravation and self picking which caused new imperfections I had suicidal thoughts. BDD was getting worse and worse. Every month I had more imperfections on my face, self created by the self picking where I attempted to fix things, but it just created additional imperfections
Funny thing I just remember I dreamed tonight of someone wanting to kill himself by jumping of a height. This person was just holding on with his hands to an object and hanging of the building. It felt like he had second thoughts about it. But a man quickly came grabbed his hands and made himself hang of the building. So that this boy who wanted to kill himself was just hanging on to the man. And the man to the object on the building.
The man came because the boy had second thought to kill himself. It was like the man tried to tell him you have to do this and did not want that the boy decides to live.
A SICK dream.
[message edited by starface on Fri, 16 Mar 2012 04:49:16 GMT]
The BDD got out of destructive mode so quick with platina that you would think it was magic or something.
Who knows where I would have been today if I never gotten to take platina. When I took ambra grisea on the night of aggravation and self picking which caused new imperfections I had suicidal thoughts. BDD was getting worse and worse. Every month I had more imperfections on my face, self created by the self picking where I attempted to fix things, but it just created additional imperfections
Funny thing I just remember I dreamed tonight of someone wanting to kill himself by jumping of a height. This person was just holding on with his hands to an object and hanging of the building. It felt like he had second thoughts about it. But a man quickly came grabbed his hands and made himself hang of the building. So that this boy who wanted to kill himself was just hanging on to the man. And the man to the object on the building.
The man came because the boy had second thought to kill himself. It was like the man tried to tell him you have to do this and did not want that the boy decides to live.
A SICK dream.
[message edited by starface on Fri, 16 Mar 2012 04:49:16 GMT]
starface last decade
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