for david - a clear answer please

Also on the bad days when the effects of platina stop after a week most often... I feel like it is hard to cope on the days I dont work, with the tensions, oppressions. I get panicky and this fainting anxiety... And than I just have to take a moment to mediate or do self help to relax and be able to deal with everything again.

So?. I don think this is palliation because it doesnt feel that bad, just my over dramaticallness or sensitivity I think. When something feels wrong I can quickly get panicky.


But the doubt exists what if you all are right and platina is harming me and need to stop it. Like I said on the days I redose I am sure it doesnt, on the days the remedy wears off and I get back to an anxious state than I have my doubts.


Is my disease just strong, to small doses or really the wrong remedy since I should not need to redose so often on the simillimum

please give suggestion on how to deal with this. How to find out whether platina right or not? What the right thing to do here is to cure what happened

alright than. I know I might appear strange.

Well on one hand I defend against unjust, controll, stuff like that and then on the other hand I wish to get praise for being reasonable, showing I am not attached... but reasonable, doing the right thing. I want something from people I guess.

Ok. good then. I guess I am to complicated then.

It is not really me beggin for your opinion. It has more to do with me wanting to show how reasonable and unattached I am lol sorry.

I dont know why this important to me, it is stupid. I want to be independent. It is also wanting people to agree with me, to see that I am not doing what they thought I am doing... its an attempt to try to correct peoples minds about the wrong accusation I have gotten from them. So this is an attempt to make them change their opinion about me... this is all childlike from me and I hate it.
[message edited by starface on Wed, 25 Apr 2012 06:14:06 BST]

its the disease and it tough. for example right now I am tired of simone from constantly talking to me, and could reject her immediately, yet I know the moment she is gone, lost the interest in me I will change again and want her to talk to me again with this real strong need the moment I will realize I lost her

So this is just stupid and strange.

On another note... I went for a walk with my dog, someone on the street once laughed while looking my way, she either found something funny about me or my dog... Usually this makes me so uncertain. But I was fine with it, for the first time I can remember. Obviously not 100% cure about it, since I still thought about whether it was me or something else she laughed at. But I felt emotional stability. Could not swing negatively and just was sure it must have been something else, not me. So improvement.

I hate the child in me though. I want it gone.
[message edited by starface on Wed, 25 Apr 2012 06:23:39 BST]

Also when I went for a walk I felt better, from the self help and untensing I did. I had my walk back for first time in quite a while and feeling more free. But with that I get into this unbalanced attention seeking state, maybe a bit wild? I just completely hate myself when I am like that feeling. I feel like an idiot than, childish, just cannot be taken seriously. When I am in the diseased state I am at least keeping my distance, more quiet and serious, walk normally etc... not this idiot like I felt while going for the walk, I hate it. I cannot like myself and therefore noone can like me when I am in this more wild unbalanced state. Its like an attention seeking childish hysteria maybe. I dont know. I just hate myself. If I have class before than when I am in this state than I have 0 class, and am the opposite of it. I hate it.

Noone can like me when I am in this state, I hate it myself yet I for some reason cannot stop and control myself, get back to behaving more normally. I think this is just mentally. SInce compared to being more attention seeking and behaving like as if a screw got loose in my head nothing that much is different. I just hate it when I am in this state, attention seeking, all over the place, it is stupid and low, cannot be taken seriously, noone of position rank acts like that. it just needs to go away. I hope I never be like this around people, this would be a great humiliation. But most likely my 'disease' going to prevent it thankfully. So that I become tense and self conscious again around people lol when I have to talk etc.

I noticed from the untensing I did that I feel lots of tension on the upper back, and the backside of the neck .more so compared to how I feel tension in the front of the neck.

I also hate if my walk has any bravado or pretension in it. I hate it. I dont want to have anything to do with pretension, bravado or such things, its the most disgusting thing. So LOW or SMALL. I cannot stand myself if I am like that, but like I said when I am in this state I cannot really control myself, stop how I am feeling and than switch back to my other usual state.
not possible.
[message edited by starface on Wed, 25 Apr 2012 06:55:38 BST]

To my other homeopath I just cannot talk like that. Give such descriptions of myself. Impossible. I rather die lol than present myself like that to someone. It leaves me uncertain I think of what her view of me is. Leaves me feeling out of control I guess. People who are image conscious need to feel in control.

So when I talked to her I behaved normally or when I send emails, opposite of how I am on here where nothing is holding me in place,

simple it is yes. Problem is I am with my mid in the future and see nothing good going to come out of going back to her and describing my case by email again. I doubt she is a type of homeopath who calls you back to the clinic. Since she wants to do follow ups by email.


it is still hard believing I could be wrong about the platina being my remedy. I just dont get the feeling that my belief about it could be wrong. I am now blindly believing it is wrong then. Just based on that by now I think I should have really been better if this were in fact the similimum but difficult to comprehend I actually could of been wrong and it still does not seem possible but whatever. I cannot be an idiot and keep taking the platina if it does not cause dramatic change. So I have to let it go than and think I was wrong. It is required.

Something strange happened when I went out again for a walk. I was really self contemptous, self critical but with a difference compared to how it always used to be.... I was in agreement with myself that I deserve the self contempt. Since I should be better. So no issue or complaining or bad feelings. And I felt a bit like it was eating me again in my stomach but it didnt feel bad. I think all this happened from the self help work of untensing myself, not because of homeopathy (not because of the last platina dose weeks ago) I dont think so, since today judging by how I felt in the morning, it was again the same old depressing day that I get on days when I dont work. So it was a day when I usually have to redose.

Anyway I felt the ego than again and this feels animalstic. i just hate it when guys walk around with their egos. I really cannot stand myself with this ego. Totally unhuman. I hate it when I walk around with this ego. Not human, disgusting, low, not me. Dont want it.

But I am feeling fine and felt even better around people. The self help of ' I am already cured, I am already well' does help. It is an effective thing and immediately I notice how I become less tense.

I had 2 strange dreams tonight. One was a dream where it seemed like I am spoilt child and another one I assume pretty animal like.

The spoilt child like one was me being driven by parents to the mediterrenian sea on holiday. On the street we were driving I was wondering how we didnt fall down the height because it seemed like we were driving so close to the edge. I was worried. Then below the street downhill was a big city and than the sea. So I was starting to get restless and told my parents I dont want to be at this stupid beach which is just next to the city. It looks horrible and I just want to go. So I was walking away from the beach and telling my parents I am going into the car. Than my father said something and I cursed at him. Just seemed disgusting him the low idiot saying something to me. I get offended when someone tries to attack because it is disgusting when a small/low person does it. It is disgusting because those people attack just for the sake of attacking, of trying to make themselves look good or better. Repulsive.

But than I had the following dream after I remember now that I was called into a room by a woman and she showed me what to clean. It seemed a lot but I had no problem doing it. I do things for other people for as long as they dont critizise me, or have anything negative to say which is rejecting to me

The other Animal like dream I am assuming was... it started with me being in a room with people. Guns were pointed at each other. I kept telling someone to back off and not do anything stupid or I will blow his genitals off with my shotgun. But I became nervous that something will happen because the situation didnt seem under control and the guy kept moving so I shot at him and many guns than got fired from other people around. So it was like everyone for himself in the room. My ammunition went empty then. I had a shotgun with not many rounds. And with only a couple people left alive I was running around looking for ammunition from dead people but couldnt find any. So I was screaming in a crazy way hoping to find bullets at the end of the room by the walls trying to make myself unnoticeable or get away from the center were I could be seen. Because I thought I will be killed, not survive. Since everything happened so fast. No bullets meant death. Then dream was over.


So no more platina. Feels good in a way... freedom from it. Feeling more free again and not bogged down by something.

but platina did help me in a big way. Every animal remedy so far whenever I took it, then after aggravation passed I felt 'false positivity' and like doing something ie. wanting to work out from my positivity... but than it would bring up this negative bad feelings and immediately make me see I am just being to positive and no improvement. I hate this negativity that comes up always. feels terrible. On the platina I never felt it. SInce I never even felt the need to work out or do anything even. There was no false positivity (trying to think I am better) on the platina ever. Like I said the negative feelings come up whenever I am just trying to be positive. The truth always reveals itself to me.. This happened on the tarantula, the last animal remedy and than I stopped the remedy because of this. I knew it cannot be right then. Platina helped emotionaly and so on, but no dramatic earth changing thing happened though
[message edited by starface on Wed, 25 Apr 2012 11:10:28 BST]

lots of replies... this makes me uncomfortable a bit.

Anyway day was like sh*t in the morning. Woke up, looked over my teeth, became uncertain whether they have become more chipped (maybe from teeth grinding at night) and could not let it go... I was really late to work this time. Also the same stupid story of feeling great anger at the people for not helping me and leaving me like this followed. I just did not want to go to work. With this feeling of being not in control and wanting to solve the conflict with my teeth. I am unable to accept any loss to my appearance. I could of tell that BDD will come at some point since yesterday the day felt like time to redose.

Throughout the day it got better and than I was fine again. In the morning i was convinced I could be lac caninum. Didnt even want to hear about me being something worthwile, big or great but than once I started feeling better came this other side. Where I felt ok about myself but tired of the people around me. I didnt feel like greeting people, or saying thank you. This is how I am like when I am alone but than when someone is nice to me and talks to me I forget about this and talk normally and happily.

Also towards the end of the shift I once glanced over my teeth again in a mirror I just cleaned and someone saw me and commented something on it as to give me a compliment about my appearance. And this immediately made me feel ok and not worry about my teeth. It makes me believe that my appearance ok than. That I still got it all. So I dont think I would have BDD if I constantly got told nice things about my appearance. Because than I would have no doubts about it.

In the morning I just could not accpet that if my teeth did indeed get smaller from the grinding this means my smile not as good looking anylonger and therefore impossible to accept it. Accept that my smile 'less' now. This I cannot accept, let go off. Than I start looking from all angles at my teeth and trying to figure out whether my teeth got really chipped slightly more or not. Since I cannot really tell. Am uncertain. I just have the feeeling that something looks different about the teeth

I am confused now about it all... platina, lac can, lac leo? what to do?

Despite my disease being back I felt still ok. Just strange how unrespectful I can become the more I feel relaxed and like at home at work. I dont give much worth to people when I am in the state where I am feeling tired of people. But I do feel a bit of guilt about it. Since it is not right to be like that. Or when the job I am doing is bothering me -my ego. I also start feeling that being egoistic about it. Wanting to change the job out of from feeling egoisem is not right. This is not right, most knowledgable or most advanced behavior. Reacting with egoizem is what low people do. Its ugly when someone says I wont do the dishes because I feel to big for that. Someone who really not low is going to feel the ego of not doing the dishes but have enough of this something to do the dishes anyway and not react like a low animal. Because the really great, advanced or whatever the right word is.. type of people do something despite their ego coming up. So to me when I see someone ie my father not doing something because his ego in the way, when he feels to big for it... I feel disgusted by that low behavior. It just reveals how small he is and stupid. I had more respect for him if he would of do something despite the ego problem he feels. This is what it is. I would feel guilt if I were like my father. feel disgusted low and just could not stand myself.
[message edited by starface on Thu, 26 Apr 2012 05:01:26 BST]

I am taking the lac caninum 200c tomorrow. Going to pass on the lac leo for now. Dont think it could fit. Dont think that much of myself

i sleep in lac caninum position at times. and used to dream about snakes often before starting homeopathy treatment. So
[message edited by starface on Thu, 26 Apr 2012 10:59:30 BST]

I know this all. I know it wasnt nice from me and I dont like it but when I am in this state where I am tired of people I cannot show any emotions to other people. Do anything for them.

Also the long posts above from simone about me reacting as people around me my father. I know this. THe psyche always tries to solve conflicts, past things so it replays them over and over and why things repeat itself. Its a mechanism to try and solve unresolved things.

... But I cannot do such thing and do the suggested things. It would make me feel low and stupid. I cannot go down there and do such thing.

In the mornings again I have this symptom that things look changed and I cannot accept a loss.

It is when I look in the mirror at my teeth.


Isnt this a platina symptom? Anyone know or do other remedies have it too.

the 'everything looks changed, or things look changed' symptom they have if I remember correct


Also looked up disgust and disgust for oneself and the remedies were lac can, platina, sulphur on the top. SO no wonder platina helped for my BDD.

I feel like something was happening again for past 2 days. A short time of BDD. And than later in the day I felt like the agony/disgust in stomach was getting released throughout the day.

So difficult not knowing whether platina right or not, But right now I am not happy with it. I am only happy with it first week after redosing.

Yesterday I could not let go from the mirror in the morning when I was fixed on maybe having taken a loss by my teeth looking more chipped. Today I could let it go much quicker
[message edited by starface on Thu, 26 Apr 2012 21:56:29 BST]

yes, mind delusion changed,thinks everything

plat most prominent, and than comes arg-nit,bar-m,carb-an

And I am really late to work again. This is as if a screw is loose in my head. Normal people see they are late and hurry up. But I look at the clock see I am late and just the thought comes I am late I should hurry up, but no urgence, nothing actually changes, as if it is unimportant. I just cannot make myself to hurry up.
Must be my self centerdness and not able to focus on other things but me again.

This happens when you live alone for many years I guess.

I even continue doing other things when I know I am already late
[message edited by starface on Thu, 26 Apr 2012 22:08:10 BST]

So I have the lac leo and lac can... but I cannot take them. I just cannot look past the platina based on the day at work again. And I doubt there is more than 1 remedy out there that can stop my disease like platina does. But I want more from a remedy than just that my disease stops. What does homeopathy do - just stop disease?

I woke up with an ego today. Yesterday I was set on lac can and totally believing that I could be it. But today I am unable to put a 'dog remedy' into my blood. not out of pyhsichal reasons but psyhological.

I dont see how a animal remedy could help me in any way. Today at work again I just felt the inabilities. For speaking, for walking past people when they were in a group having group meetings. It was just difficult to walk past them while they looking at me. The pressure, expectation, judgement. So socially I felt the disease back.

Also once I saw on the TV a girl dressed up pretty like a model. I thought she is good looking at first sight but than I saw that she is just the 'nothing special type of girl' with make up on and nice clothes. So this looks disgusting to me.

I also noticed something else... I think me or platina therefore becomes noble from the disgust they feel, is this correct? noble behavior, haughtines is the compensation for the disgust, attacks, and emotional dissapointments... I fit all 3 categories.


At work I also once heard a superviser asking the residents if they are happy witht the cleaning or have any complaint about it and me next room hearing this... I was immediately feeling my ego coming up and just wondering if anyone going to dare saying anything negative about the cleaning. I would not tolerate it.



So I think if I decide to take an animal remedy or lac leo and think it could be my remedy than I deserve all the scorn and self contempt. Because it just totally wrong. The lac can is out of question based on how I feel TODAY - not putting it into my blood lol. To filthy

At work once I was asked for an opinion and I could not answer, my mind was blank. I was just smiling. I was FIXATED on this for quite awhile after the situation was over. An EGO hit I could not take. I just left the kitchen than quietly 10 minutes later when I finished my work without saying anything even to anyone. This is how it affects me when I appear bad to people. Not easy. I am even unable to speak than. Nothing just working then.


I also dont feel emotionally stable any longer. I am becoming over dramatical again at times.

Reason why i havent contacted my homeopath I think is just another platina symptom. But oh well.

If I would take the lac leo I would just take it for the excitment I could feel of feeling something new. But this need is 50:50. Not as bad as it used to be in the past and in a way I dont want to play this game (addiction) anylonger. BUt than comes the thought that I am not happy with the platina. I expect more from similimum. So? than I start thinking take lac leo and maybe I will start feeling great.

But I just dont see an animal fitting me in any way. Not what my disease is about.

well I guess I wont know about the lac leo unless i try it. And I can take the lac can later once I dont have the ego to see what will happen, or maybe I will never be able to. I see no other option than to try those remedies, get it behind me and know than for certain if they help or not. Waiting and doing nothing never good. But there is resitance because my mind knows what remedy I am.

Sulphur is the other remedy that feels disgust beside platina and lac can, but I definately feel much more than sulphur so cannot take it either. lol my pickiness is actually helpful in choosing remedies which are similimum or near similimum then at least. I am not taking what doesnt feel right.

I am taking the lac leo now despite knowing I am the platina. mental, physichal all just points to it and even the results. (it does stop my disease always no matter what the potency)

a bit of an ego struggle is all that happened on day I took the lac leo. But nothing like what happened when I took palladium and dont even think anything can come close to that ever.

Some people had a party and were loud outside on my street. This bothered me to a great deal. My ego, Like eating me up for me being in my room while those people are out there having fun with girls etc which should of been ME. Everytime I heard those peoples voices outside it felt like it is eating me up (anger), but not that strongly. I felt it much stronger in the past before.

More angry. Would not let my mother even sit on my bed. SHe had to get down from it quickly and some other similar things like this happened.


I have a big ego. As I said before I dont know how boxers on the TV who get knocked out ever dare getting back in the ring after a defeat. I could not. How can they ever feel good about themselves again. How can they on the next fight still look all tough and stare the opponent down, boast, get their egos up again... I could not, how can they if they got defeated before? Maybe I am to fixated on those ego hits I take. And see things to black. But how can they do it and recover. It means after defeat you are not the best

Therefore my BDD was a big problem for this reason, my skin having sun spots, wrinkles, my hair falling out, my noses size not the perfect size... all great ego hits, impossible to recover from and great fixation therefore.

Anyway I had to do self help now again for the feelings of disgust and agony in stomach and feel better now. I believe that tensions are holding disease in place, so if I can untense things will improve and the negative emotions go away. People tense against negative emotions, emotions they dont want to feel and this keeps them stuck in place. This is what I read many times before in different books and with this new self help thing I started doing which untenses me effectively I think I can agree from own experience with this. That untensing is helpful with letting things go, with being able to accept things that happened and letting them go
[message edited by starface on Fri, 27 Apr 2012 14:17:56 BST]

i have to correct. I dont think it is about being the best. In many things I am not and this I dont like. Its just fixation and depression if something bad happens to ego


I doubt I am actually going to feel any aggravation or the remedy.. because I dont feel affeted by remedy if I take remedy after I have taken platina this happens everytime. That i dont feel the following remedy in a whole way. rather more subtle

i am feeling a lack, of how much less than other people I am, but not strongly. just so much that I can notice the feeling. and a feeling of defending against every attack. I am in a state were I can take everything as a criticism, an attack to me.

A bit similarity to the palladium aggravation. although not intense,rather relaxed still at this stage