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Infant toddler feeling intencse grief

My 2 year old son has just started going to preschool - however he is going through intense grief when away from parents/home.

He sticks to the teachers; does not mix up with other kids although he is very friendly and playful otherwise; refuses to eat dring anything in the school; starts feeling sleepy as if extremely tired and sad; face has a look of intense sadness as if he cannot understand or believe what is happening to him; cries wehn he sees me in school - clings to me but then becomes quiet after 2 minutes and becomes his normal playful self.

Can I give Ignatia? I have 200 and 1000 potencies.
  vai_dal on 2012-07-28
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
If Ignatia is suggested, pls suggest the dose and how to administer.
vai_dal last decade
It appears like IGNATIA but actually it is the fear of strangers & school. It appears to me to be more of GELSIMIUM.
Since it is a short acting medicine I would suggest GELS. 200c just 3 pills to be put in his mounth before waking up (while he is sleeping) in morning for only three days.
God willing it will work well.
daktersaab last decade
He is normally not scared of strangers. He mixes up well with everyone.

Let me quote another incident - Last year when he was 1.5 years old, I went to visit mu family - without his father. And he behaved in the same manner. Refused to mix up with kids/toys. closed eyes when anyone approached. Hardly ate anything. Had a look of despair and gloom on his face. It appeared he no longer wanted to live. It was that bad. He was missing his father and home. The moment I came back - he acted as if nothing has happened.

for your information - he is very close to his father/
vai_dal last decade
What went on during his birth and his life up to now?

Two years is when the child starts to be able to separate
from parents and have their own identity. But if things
went on earlier on- child will not be ready to separate-

My daughter at 2 could not wait to run into the preschool.
My son acted like your child. He had some medical things
go on earlier and also I was in the home but very ill
when he was 3 months, so I had extra family members take
more care of him than me, and this affected him as far
as separation from parents.

If you can remember earlier thing? a different remedy might
be found.
simone717 last decade
Dear daktersaab

Silent grief will fall under IGNATIA only.

cvvek last decade
I percieve more as a fear of strangers & not grief.But that is my perception.
daktersaab last decade
so he seems to be afraid of strangers when
A. father is not there for sure.
B. father there and you are not? is that fear gone?
simone717 last decade
Yes, a child has many births.

1. Cellular birth when the conception takes place in mother's womb.

2. Physical birth when delivery takes place & child is 100% dependent on parents for all their physical & Psychological needs & at that stage they feel always safe with parents. If a stranger comes at home or pick them up they run & cling to one of the paeents or parent figure in the family.
This continues for some time.

3. The third birth takes place when they go first time into the social world which is called Social Birth.

This takes place around the age of 3-4 years but in some children this takes place a bit late B'cos.When the child is given too much of love & over protection they do not venture out for experiementing with the people (strangers) in social enviornment.

In this case also the child appears to be very much over protected by father.

Apart from medical support the father must realise & reduce the attachment to a reasonable extent so that child develops self confidence all by himself & start mixing with peopla without any inhibition.

It will take some time & parents need to have patience.
First they mix with children of same age & then slowly when confident enough they will start liking elders also.
daktersaab last decade
Dear Simone 717,

My son has a healthy history. But the problem is after his birth me and my husband moved abroad, leaving our extended families and friends behind. Unlike India, here the social culture is very different. So my son has seen only his father and mother around. No interaction with kids or other people. However, whenever he goes out with us he seems quite friendly with everyone. I would not say VERY friendly, but he is ok. However, as quoted in my earlier posts, in one incident, when he was away from father and home, he fell into intense silent grief. And now again on going to preschool he is behavign in the same manner. Closeness to father is not that apparent now. He is close to both the parents as of now.
vai_dal last decade
Dear daktersaab,

You are right, the child has been overprotected by both the parents. We are trying to make him as much independent as possible now. But since we are away from our families and friends we are finding it difficult to get him good company. This is the reason I am sending him to school at an earlier age, so that he gets some company away from his parents.

However, as said earlier, he does not seem to be scared of strangers. he talks and interacts with people outside in a nice manner.

Do you suggest I try Ignatia once before trying any other remedy? I am insisting on Ignatia because I happen to have this medicine. Homeopathic medicines are not easily available in this country.
vai_dal last decade
Dear vai_dal,

In homoeopathy only the indicated remedy works. There is no concept of substitute. Do not worry there is no hurry about it. You may procure GELSIMIUM & give him when you get it.
If you are in USA or UK it is very easy to buy on line or even from this forum it can be bought.
Meanwhile do not force him to mix with people that will create more fear in him. Just be normal & let him be himself. Remember even a small child also needs its own space like all of us & it is our moral duty to allow them to be what they want to be. That is the real form of love that we can give them.
The real affection is to let each one of us allowed to be a being one likes to be.

I hope you understand me.
Warm & loving regards.
daktersaab last decade
Hi, children naturally will branch out when it feels right to them.
In case of my child, I hired a very fun loving young woman who
was going to school for early child ed, and who truly loved kids.
She came to the house for 3 or 4 hours a day when I worked.I took
child to the park and he played with same kids, she did same and then
invited them over to my house to play, etc-that worked.

Dr. Saab-what a beautiful way you wrote the last paragraph. You remind
me of Thich Nhat Hanh, the Vietnamese Monk who was nominated for
Nobel Peace Prize and his book ,' Peace is every Step' .He has little
stories in there with big impact, one of them is about a father and son
and how the son needed to be loved in a certain way, not the fixed
concept the father had- I am not saying it right, but everybody cries
when they read that chapter-( macho men too) We all have different
[message edited by simone717 on Sun, 29 Jul 2012 16:59:48 BST]
simone717 last decade
Yes Dr Saab that is lovely . Thanks Simone for pointing this out to me. . I am going to show this to my sons dad to make him more understanding on the situation
Sorry for jumping in on this thread it's very helpful to me too. An keen to see the outcome of this thread I wish you luck
pixie wood last decade
Dear PIXI_wood & simone717,

Thank you very much for your kind words.I accept your blessings with all humility.
This world would be so nice if we all whole-heartedly accept each other the way we are.
This life is too short to waste in negative feelings like hate, jealousy, frustration etc.
I read somewhere

instaed of '2give & 2get' it is better to '4give & 4get'
daktersaab last decade
Thanks for all the supportive comments. I do allow my son his space. It is lovely to see them grow the way they do. I always encourage him to explore and discover his uniqueness. But at the same time I want to see him happy. I know that I have not been able to give him a perfect environment in terms of family and friends after moving out of India. And this is what is affecting his behaviour now. I dont want him to become a loner.

It pains me to see him so sad and grieved in school. I have seen sad kids, but his sadness cannot be explained. It is very intense, as if he does not want to live. He seems to be an overtly sensitive child. And the closed environment here is only making things worse I guess. :-(
vai_dal last decade
Dear Dr. Saab,

Thanks for the beautiful encouragement. Your words are thoughtful and uplifting.

I will be able to procure GELS only after 15 days or so. Will report after administering the remedy.

Thank you very much once again!
vai_dal last decade
One more question Dr.Saab,

I will be going to India to visit my family shortly. I am really scared that my son will again behave in the same manner as he did before and refuse to mix up/eat/play. His father will not be around for long in India. So again he will be without one parent and away from home as well as in company of strangers.

Do you suggest GELSIMIUM for this situation also?
vai_dal last decade
Dear vai_dal,

Please do not get anxious about the forth coming visit to India.
Let me explain to you a few more important points.

1. When we as parents or very dear ones become anxious about certain things we very (unknowingly) attract the negative energy towards the kids & they start behaving in that particular fashion which we are afraid of.
This in jargonised language is called 'self fullfilling prophecy'.

Therefore, it is always good to be optimistic and hope for the best.

2.At present when the kid is going to school let him take along with a favourite toy or a teddy bear as a companion,which can be carried to India as well.
The companion can also be one of the kids from the same area of your residence who plays with him. This will also reduce his loneliness in the school.
We all also as grown up people have a favourite pillow or a chair or a cloth which puts us in good mood & feel bad when we do not have it.

3.Finally,It is very good to be concerned but not to the extent of becoming anxious.

I see your visit to India as a God sent opportunity to buy good pack of GELSEMIUM very easily there.
Wish you & your family a gala & happy time.
daktersaab last decade
Dear DrSaab

Heres the update. I cannot thank you enough for your advise! I am in India now with my extended family. My son has changed for the better after taking just 3 doses of Gels. He is now mixing up with all the family members and very happy in general even when away from his home and father. He is still clinging to me at times but I think that is very normal. I am very happy and relaxed and it is all because of you!

I need advise on one more thing. While I was abroad my son had developed a very aggressive behaviour. As in he had started hitting me when angry. Yelling in anger. Stiffening up his body and throwing his arms and legs around so it would be extremely difficult to handle or console him.

Now that I am in India and he has lots of company the frequency of those kind of tantrums has reduced, but it still is a part of his personlality. Can you suggest something for his aggression? Your help is invaluable.

A concerned mom.
vai_dal last decade
Happy to know that Gels has worked well.
Just do nothing about the tantrum part. It is a very normal process of growing up.
Everyhing will set itself to right.
Gels is a long acting medicine so by God's grace he will improve further.

Dont make him mumma's boy let him be himself.
God bless you & your fmily!!!!
daktersaab last decade
dear via_daal and dktersaab this post of urs seems to b my story.i hv A 2yrs old daughter she has exactly same problem.word to word same.should i also gv her gel.plz suggest.even she beats me or gets irritable very soon.she cannot tolerate any one of her parents absence even for few moments.plz reply soon..
needyou last decade
Dear needyou,

In your case I feel you should give her three doses of CHAMOMILLA 200c six hourly in a day & then forget about further medication.
Other behavioural guidelines are already on the thread which you both need to follow.
Golden rule is
Good luck!
daktersaab last decade
should i give her gels 200or not plz reply
needyou last decade
No you need not give Gelsemium Chamommilla itself will work.
daktersaab last decade
i told u sir her behavior is exactly as in this post so y not gels200 plz reply
needyou last decade

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