EVOCATIONER Update: Feeling Fragile and Sensitive

This is a follow up to our previous conversation:
http://abchomeopathy.com/forum2.php/429671/



Thank you very much evocationer. It is really interesting but I looked up to see a picture of the clam you mentioned and saw a picture with of the birth of venus where she comes out of the shell. Earlier in this past week or so, this picture came up so I find this a good sign as my life seems to flow with these kinds of synchronicities. I do not think that I can get the venus mercenaria in the store but I can order online.

I wanted to mention a few other things that may help you out for any future insight.

I have this weird fear/aversion to getting my head wet. I only wash my hair 2x a week. I dread getting my head wet especially if I am going to be cold. I also avoid getting my head wet swimming unless it is really really nice and hot and the water is warm as well. I will not swim in water unless it is warm.

I love the ocean so much. I love the smell of the air. And the sounds of waterfalls and the ocean tide is so soothing to me. Even though I love going outside I have always love the beach most. I love the hot sun and the warm sand burying my toes. Although I never like getting sand in my bathing suit and do not enjoy walking on the sand when it is too hot. I have gotten sick from the heat at the beach with the nasea but usually that is because I was not paying attention and stayed to long out in the sun. I always feel renewed when I go to the beach. It is so relaxing and if I could live at the beach I would.

It is so expansive at the beach, so calm and relaxing. Strangely enough and on a side note I have always felt bad when I have seen a hurt turtle(we rescued one and brought it to a rehab) or seen the dead horsecrabs. I also always felt terrible for lobsters being ready to be eaten. I always have felt that the ocean life does not have much protection and I have always disliked and never have like oysters, mullusks or clams. They gross me out and I think underneath I have always felt sad because I feel like they do not have a fighting chance unlike some other sealife like jelly fish or cuttlefish.

I also really love collecting sea shells especially the shimmery pearly ones. And I love swimming in the ocean when it is warm enough. (I usually am really cold and the cold hits me all the way through especially if I am wet)

When swimming I love floating along. And when growing up in our town pool a really fun game was bouncing across the floor of the pool to get to the other side. I also love using the bathtub almost daily and I like jacazzis with the jets.

I only had one bad experience as a kid when I was in girlscouts where we were supposed to have our swimming buddies and mine left me and I fell in the pool. I was new to swimming and thought I was going to drown. No one noticed that I was struggling to stay up and I eventually got to the edge and pulled myself but I felt so terrible and kept it a secret. I felt abandoned and did not want people to know what I went through. So I definitely think I would be afraid to fall into the deeper ocean as it is scary. And the idea of getting stuck on a boat in a storm also scares me.

I also have had the experience of the light bothering my eyes at night and in the morning and sometimes it has come with a feeling of a burning like dry sand in my eyes.

And the other really weird symptom which I feel like would be a very unusual symptom is that at night I overheat. It is a dry burning over heating with no sweat. My mouth and throat feels dry. I literally feel like I am burning or on fire. I have never had a doctor been able to explain this to me. It has happened for the last several years. Sometimes it was so bad that I had a wet towel on my to cool off. Usually I pee and drink lots of water. As soon as I cool down I am extremely cold. And I always go to bed cold. So it is weird that I overheat from the bed.

I also have extremely low blood pressure that drops very extremely from sitting to standing where I get light headed and dizzy. I have passed out in the past. I also have low blood sugar and I have tachacardia where I have the rapid heart beat sometimes of the intense palpatations of the heart, sometimes from physical activity or going up flight of stairs/hiking. My heart feels like it is going to come out of my chest, and I will light headed, dizzy and feel like I can not breath and I will hold my chest.

I think the one thing that I have regretted is not reaching out for help and support more because I do not want to be judged or taken advantage of. I am very self conscious and nervous if I get upset and am around others unless a select few and even that it tough.

I recently was part of a woman's circle. The last time I was there we took turns giving massage before we went around the circle sharing. When it was my turn I asked the 2 girls I was with if they could hold me. I curled up in a ball and they held me. I felt so warm and loved. I felt like I was safe in a womb. I love curling up in a blanket and being held with a lot of pressure (not constrictive) but just a sense of safety, love and support feels amazing.

I do not know if I ever felt safe in my own mom's womb but when she found out she was pregnant with me she was upset as she did want a child. I actually came out really fast with no complications. The interesting thing is I had problems with my mom growing up because she was not there for me. And I always grew up not feeling like I had a safe home. I did not find out about her pregnancy with me till my 20's.

I have been through so many bad home experiences that I was always afraid and just wanted to feel safe and though I have appreciated that I have traveled I always wanted a safe home. I would go from place to place and people considered it so awesome and I did enjoy it in a way. But what I wanted most was security.

Even with the relationship I am in now initially it was like underneath I was mentally ready for something terrible to happen with my relationship and after I moved in. I had even went on vacation 2x far away but I think it was deep down that a part of me had a hard time excepting that I could have something that was a permanent home and not a temporary situation.

I think when I had this situation happen early this late spring/early summer I had finally felt safe in my shell and safe in my relationship and the outer world seemed so threatening that I wanted to stay inside even though I used to be a very social person. I had retreated back to the way I was in middle school/high school when I was outcasted and had little friendship within school.

And when I thought everything might be taken away from me this year. Initially I tried to fight it (my fiance's female friend was secretly trying to ruin our relationship because she wanted him) initially I tried to stop her, then I felt weak and was ready to give up and he finally her saw through her games and realized she was not the good intentioned friend he thought she was and ended their friendship.

But by then I used up all my reserves and was drained and had fallen apart. So this summer was really bad for me. I had recently came out of my shell but it has been hard for me to get re established into the world again and it is so easy to just stay at home.
[message edited by beth88 on Thu, 20 Nov 2014 02:04:07 GMT]