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Mental Hang-ups and Fear Inhibiting Work!

I’m writing on behalf of my husband who is struggling with a lot of mentals at the moment. He has been trying to write his Ph.D. dissertation for two years and his inability to let go of details and his perfectionism has had a huge impact on his ability to get anything written. He is feeling panicked these days that he will not be able to complete his dissertation. (I recently was prescribed Phosphorous by a homeopath and it has had a huge affect on my mental state. My husband is desperate to have a similar experience. He doesn’t have any health issues that would allow him to get a referral to the NHS homeopath and we cannot afford a private homeopath, so we are here hoping for help!)

Here is a description of him:

He is 36 years old. He is 5’11” and 145 pounds—he is thin and his face is a bit gaunt these days. He prefers warm, sunny weather; warm dry breezes, but dislikes hot weather. He also dislikes cold weather. We live in Scotland and he feels cold most of the time. He really likes to be warm, and wears two pairs of trousers and two shirts to keep warm in the winter and is still miserably cold.

He feels hungry a lot, but eats moderately. Has a strong desire for chocolate and cinnamon rolls and soft drinks, all of which make him feel miserable. He gets headaches after eating a lot of sweets. The headaches are sometimes at the base of his neck and sometimes up in his forehead area. He enjoys cheese, fish, meat of all sorts, and hot drinks as well as ice cold drink. He feels sick after drinking liquids that are room temperature. He dislikes green vegetables—will eat them, but doesn’t manage to eat them much.

He is most focused and productive from mid to late morning. He is tired and groggy after lunch. Does well with work when he gets up early in the morning, but does not like getting up early.

His sleep is good. It has been a very long time since he has been aware of his dreaming. He doesn’t have any memory of his nightly dreaming.

He is not currently taking any medicine. He does not have any pronounced physical problems. He is physically fit—rides a bike a couple miles a day and plays squash twice a week.

One annoying chronic problem he has is pimples or ingrown hairs in his nose. This is really trying for him and causes him much suffering. His nose is almost always sore.

He also has always suffered from severe motion sickness. When he is motion sick he doesn’t want to be talked to or touched. And he doesn’t want to move. He prefers to lie still in a dark room with no noise. Recently he has treated this motion sickness acutely with Bryonia with much success. And the frequency in his incidences of motion sickness have decreased lately as well.

He does not like to shower or bathe. Dislikes daily hygiene, seems like a waste of time to him. However, he generally looks pretty clean—but his hair does get a bit greasy, although he keeps it tidely in a ponytail. He also keeps a beard or a goatee all the time, as shaving is too time consuming. He really likes to maintain a neat appearance, however. He feels strongly about the color of the clothing he wears and wants the colors to go well together. He dresses in conservative colors and usually wears blue jeans. He is a bit obsessive about always having fresh underwear and socks on. He also detests sticky, gooey fingers (and doesn’t like to eat sticky, gooey food because they are messy) and feels very strongly about our children not eating with fingers or touching things with dirty hands. Generally a bit hyper about keeping things clean (not neat or tidy, but “clean”).

In terms of tidiness, his office is usually in a bit of disorder and he is not terribly concerned with having things in their place in the house. However, he keeps his desk drawers very neat and is very precise about keeping his tools and such in order.

He has never had any health problems for which he has needed to take medication on a long term basis. He has had antibiotics a couple of times.

His father is very healthy and strong at 65. His mother died of stomach cancer, resulting from breast cancer, at 72.

He is currently getting his Ph.D. in biblical studies. He works hard and is very attentive to detail. He has a difficult time distinguishing between what is important and what is not. He has a difficult time letting go of details and will spend hours doing a task that would take someone else only a short amount of time. He feels like he is lazy and worries that he is lazy, even though to the onlooker he appears to work very hard. Feels very concerned about whether he will be able to get a job when he finishes his Ph.D. Worries that there is “not a place in the world for him.”

He would like to teach at a university when he finishes his degree. He teaches classes occasionally and students give him excellent evaluations. They seem to experience him as personable and gracious, as well as challenging and precise.

He is very attentive to his children and to myself. Works as hard at home at being a good dad and spouse as he does at the office on his dissertation.

In the past, he has kept extremely detailed financial records and is meticulous with the family bookkeeping. Although in the past year, he hasn’t found the time to do this and has had a difficult time letting go of it. With regards to money, he looks hard for bargains and is always finding ways to save money or make money. He pulls stuff out of dumpsters (or skips) regularly and finds ways to use the items at home. Does a lot of grocery shopping in the reduced for quick sale section. He tendency in the past has been toward “collecting” and having sets of this and that. (He has given this up graciously for the sake of my need for space and my desire for minimalist living and now is all for “getting rid of this and that.”)

When his work is not going well for him, he goes into a sort of mild depression and goes through spells of irritability. During these times, he is impatient and needs a lot of space. Most things irritate him during these times. The children’s noise bothers him. Messiness (in the form of sticky hands) from the kids really frustrates him especially during these times.

He really longs for structure in his life and is always trying to implement more structure.

For the eleven years we have been married, he has always talked about “being behind.” He has always believed he should know more, should have read more, and should have accomplished more for his age. He also always seems to feel that there is not enough time. He doesn’t do much socially and it seems often it is because there is just not enough time. (Although, he does manage to find time for athletics.)

He is also deeply tired all the time. I think he has been “tired” for the past 10 years. He has gone on retreats on occasion, but the tiredness he experiences seems to be incredibly deep and he can’t seem to recover from it. It’s a mental and emotional exhaustion. In some ways, I think he finds it impossible to rest and relax on a daily basis. And during holidays, he is uncomfortable and a bit lost unless he takes on a household project.

He has favorite topics that he likes to discuss and has quite a lot to say about them. He often begins talking about one of these topics and is not fully aware of the interest level of those listening. He can talk for a very long time on one of these favorite topics. He is really passionate about them and into the details of these topics that interest him.

That’s all I can think of right now. I hope it is enough and not too much! Please ask me if I’ve left anything out.

We would so appreciate any help!!
  aspen on 2005-12-28
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
This is a good place to be seeking help for your huband. Hang in there!
sheilab last decade

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