Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Hello
I am 30 Year old male, married with one kid.Overweight

My father is angry and my Mother is always anxious and very negative,and very impatience.
My parents never abused me physically but my childhood was not pleasant. Although they love me very much but my family was a bit chaotic.
I have seen shouting and yelling almost every day of my childhood life.
All my 3 sisters are very angry and not so happy family life.I am the youngest of all siblings.

I have BPD and its ruining my relationship, can not control my impulse and very low self-image. i think of my self fat and ugly. Thats why i like to hide myself from people as much as i can.

I get terrible mood swings and yell at my wife over little things.But I'm over it in no time after the outburst of anger and feel guilt immediately.
I have violent tendencies if I am not able to distance myself and the issue in progresses.( the thoughts remain in my head for a long time, although i want to think something else.

I am a very caring person; I'll help anyone in need at any cost . I have a strong sense of empathy.

I also get anxiety and social phobia, i like calm environment and have very little patience.

I don't like to go outside,and also feel jealous if my wife enjoy her time outside.All my emotions are very extreme and
i find it impossible to control any emotion. when i get angry my hands shake, voice gets very loud, my ears get hot, and tear in eyes.
I get nervous over little things,and sweat a lot when i am in pressure. My arm pits sweats a lot also my head.

I cut people off from life.I have black and white thinking, either people are entirely good or totally bad.

i thing my father has BPD too, he is unable to control his emotions too, but not anxious or agoraphobic.

My anger and rage only happens most with the people i love most.(parents and wife)

I thought i had anger problem and have been searching internet about it, then i found that i have more than 7 symptoms of BPD (out of nine) except suicidal thoughts.

I had substance abuse tendency too.(Marijuana) but i quit for a while.

I love my wife and family more than my life, but i loose my control over me when i am angry.The guilt i feel after every instance keeps torturing me again and again. whenever i think of the events i feel like the worst person on earth.

I also argue a lot with my wife over very small issues, and try to control everything of her life.(No personal boundary)

I have very good memory of past but forget to do things.I find it difficult to remember dates.

I tend to spend time alone listing to music and stay in imaginary world.

I cant handle criticism and react very rudely.

I think mostly negative of my life and i am afraid i am going to make my wife depressed too.She is afraid of me all the time but she loves me still a lot.

I get good sleep, and my overall health is good.
Only disease i remember happened to me is typhoid(4 times) and migraine(if head is exposed to heat and cold simultaneously)

I don't drink alcohol, i used to be a heavy smoker, and drink coffee and tea.

Please help me, I don't think anti psychotic drugs will be of any help(I am a healthcare profession)
[message edited by drgreen203 on Tue, 16 Feb 2016 09:04:51 UTC]
[message edited by drgreen203 on Tue, 16 Feb 2016 17:14:08 UTC]