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Insecure, hopeless

Hi

I am wondering if someone could help my case.

I am currently seeing a local homeopath for the last few months. I am probably getting shifts in the right direction but I feel I can probably benefit more online. I don't know why I think that. Maybe because I don't feel I can get across my true feelings person to person.

I am basically almost 40 years old and living back with my parents. My friends have all settled and having children and I would like that too.

But I just have issues of not feeling good enough, feeling ugly and feeling that guys just aren't interested in me. I have always felt shame/shy when anyone looks at me.

I have always sought male attention and friendships by trying to impress but it doesn't hold for long. And then I feel abandoned and sad. I used to use alcohol to get courage going out and did act extroverted in a group of friends.

I was the joker at school. I get the impression sometimes that people feel sorry for me.

I have always seemed to pick unavailable or just wrong men.

I am afraid to meet someone nice because I just don't feel good enough.

My confidence is at rock bottom.

I feel better going to work though I hate my job. I am a physical therapist. I like making people feel better but I could just cry and how much people put pressure on me to 'fix them'. I am always worried that I am going to be picked up on my ability and either told off or fired.

I feel sometimes the Patients pick up on me being nervous and push the boundaries. I can be in a rage after work after feeling I have been treated badly.

I will go back home and isolate myself after that.

I have had insomnia for 10 years.


I have a daily headache in my temples and where the 3rd eye is.
I am jealous of slimmer. pretty girls and of people generally that seem to have it all. Friends, good jobs, marriages, children.

I feel I am never going to have that.

I suspect the root is the group of kids I played with when I was little that weren't very nice to me.

I feel like the big fat spotty looser in a film like mean girls.
 
  NorthernStar on 2016-02-25
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
Hi,
The following additional information is required to help you.

1. Age
2. Male or Female or other
3. Single/Married
4. weight
5. Height
6. country
7. climate
8. List of your complaints

9. Since how long are you suffering from each complaint

10. Diabetic or non-Diabetic
11. Desire sweets/sour/salt
12. Thirst
13. Tongue and Taste
14. Current Blood Pressure (without medicine and with medicine)

15. One situation that had a
big effect on you?

16. Important Question.
Current and previous remedies/medicines you are taking or took in the past?

17. Educational Qualifications of the patient
18. Nature of work, what do you do for living?

19. Important Question.
Mind-behavior, anger, irritability, hurry,
impatient…and so on.. How are you different from other persons, public speaking or not, you can describe all of the details about your behavior, love and affections.

20. Color of the secretions/discharges e.g
Pus, urine, stool, sputum, Saliva etc.

For Females Only
21. When is the period during the month approx. date?
Any monthly cycle issues? Regular, early, late, before problems, after problems,
pain, any other discharges?

22. Are you pregnant? If yes, please give pregnancy start date? Any current issues?
 
nawazkhan 8 years ago
Many thanks for your response.

Here are the answers

1. 39
2. F
3. Single
4. 12 stone
5. 5 ft11
6. England
7. at present winter - windy 4 degrees going into spring
8. Depression, hopeless, fatigue, poor sleeper, hair looks thin, face looks dull.
Neck pain, lower back pain.
9. 10 years ago I moved away to university. As I was a mature student I didn't fit in with the younger ones and felt somewhat out cast
I cam e home for a weekend and went out with a friend that over the years had not been so nice to me. We drank and smoked so much.
The next day I forced myself feeling ill to have a 5 hour walk with my dad. I remember feeling nasty towards him probably because I didn't want to be walking feeling so rough and didn't communicate that to him. Silently resenting it.
Anyway that evening I went back to a flat I had in the middle of a very small town where there are not other residents just shops. And I found myself completely unable to sleep. And then day after day just lying awake.
I then started to experience severe anxiety. It felt constant, black and dreadful. I didn't tell anyone. I put on a smile to the world. I felt completely alone and the degree I was doing was so difficult, I could hardly function.

10. Non Diabetic
11. like spicy food, like organic, trying to be vegan, have mostly fish and vegetables/potatoes. I am constantly snacking/eating bread biscuits
/crackers. I have milk intolerance tested on a vedic machine. I always had constipation.

12. Deliberately make myself take water - mostly drink tea or herbal tea/ trying to limit coffee but love coffee. Have a decaf now

13. My tongue is very red on the tip, mild coating at the very back, my throat feels a bit swollen inside

14. Normal BP no meds

15. age 7 I was naughty in school and had a dread of the teachers telling my parents which the did. And when my dad collected me from school he wouldn't look at me or speak to me and I got immediate pain in my abdomen. Which turned into vomiting non stop, which turned out to be burst appendix and septicemia and in hospital for a few weeks.

Age 19 had a surgical abortion - felt I had to . It failed to work. I had to go back and have a scan which showed a baby. I had to have the operation done again. I woke up sobbing from that.

age 20-24 violent/abusive relationship

16. I have had sepia 6c, carsinosum 30 c, staphisagria 1M, Berlin wall 1M, lycopodium 200 c,
Phosphorus 200c as of yesturday Nat Mur 200c and Lac can 10M. These are not in order.
I haven't taken any medications for so many years.

17. BSc 2007

18. Private physiotherapy - part time

19. Feel people don't like me. Want to stay at home in bed. Don't want to get up in the mornings. Feel angry at the way people have treated me in the past. Don't feel motivated. I've always let people dump their issues onto me and thats what I'm doing in my job now. It wearing me out. I hate listening to people now. Moaning all day long. I worry all the time too. What my parents think of me. I am snappy and angry with them too. I can get rage in work, where I feel like people are taking advantage. Or using me. I always felt people loved my sister more than me. She is younger. My last relationship was with a guy that I felt so much anxiety with. I couldn't relax around him. I kept feeling that if he really knew me he would leave. It was a constant effort of worrying about how I appeared to him. He was always looking at other women. I didn't feel good enough in my body to for him. He had 2 affairs. I took him back with the sob stories he gave me. Its a relief for him to be gone as it was so stressful trying to keep up with that.



20. all normal I would say.

21: Period every 28 days. Seems to come now with full moon. Back pain in the sacrum as soon as day 14 comes. Since I was young I had severe period pains. I would be doubled up in bed with hot water bottle and turning one way then the other. I would also sometimes vomit when the period came. I ahd to have a day off school.

22: not pregnant.
 
NorthernStar 8 years ago
Hi,

Please take Apis Mel. 200C, 4 drops mixed in 2 sips of mineral water, 1 time a day, for 3 days.

Many prayers for you.
 
nawazkhan 8 years ago
Many thanks Nawaz

I was wanting to add one more thing.

I was given psoriunum or something like that in a liquid on my tongue yesterday.

Last night I dreamt of a huge snake like a python or a boa constrictor in the back garden of my childhood house. It was terrifying and emerged from some murky green water. I couldn't make out if it was a lump in the grass at first and then seen it was a massive snake.

So I tried to quickly get my mother, grandmother and sister into the house in a big panic. But the snake got in through a gap in the door that was due to my mother being slack in her security of the house.

Once inside i then had to try very hard, with great struggle to break through a window to get us all out of the house. But the window had thick perspex on the inside and nailed down and we couldn't get it off to get out.

I googled homeopathy and Python and sure enough there was a remedy and the symptoms so closely matched mine. Particularly being made to do things against my will and feeling constricted around my throat and in life in general. Also by job and family.

Do you think my dream is revealing what could needed for me?

I do pray before I sleep for god to give me what I need in dream time.

Many thanks to you :)
 
NorthernStar 8 years ago
"Python and sure enough there was a remedy and the symptoms so closely matched mine. "
What was the remedy?

"I was given psoriunum or something like that in a liquid on my tongue yesterday.
"
Who prescribed? What is the response?
 
nawazkhan 8 years ago
Yes I meant I dreamt of being very frightened of a large Python snake. It was so vivid and clear the dream.

It was after my Homeopath had given me the remedy Psorinum (not sure of spelling).

I feel more positive since having it.


But sleep is still unrefreshing .

I googled my dream and found there was a remedy frpm thePython snake. The cases I read seemed to match my feelings well.

I thought maybe I was bringing what I need into my unconscious? or dream state

Many thanks :)
 
NorthernStar 8 years ago
"the remedy Psorinum"
What potency?
 
nawazkhan 8 years ago
I am really not sure. I wd guess quite high. She likes to work with quite high I think

Ta :)
 
NorthernStar 8 years ago
Then, please wait for a couple of days.
 
nawazkhan 8 years ago
I feel so sad and full of regret over the past.

I feel I have rejected the people that loved me. And I feel so much guilt for that.

This is particularly strong as I had a day of drinking alcohol with my friends yesterday for 10 hours.

I feel so sad when my mum looks at me. She sees that I am unhappy and she looks sad. I feel like I waste year after year being unhappy and its my state of mind.

I feel sad when I look at old photographs and I miss the times when I was innocent playing with my sister.

I feel like I am too old, like my life is somehow over. I am too old to achieve anything now. I feel like a looser.

I feel all on my own. I work as a therapist listening to peoples moaning all dya which drives me mad.

I worry about my parents dying and me being without them.

I worry that I will still live with them and never move out. I feel like I am letting them down.

I stay in situations that make me miserable as I am scared to let them down.

I am worried about trying new things.

When we were out yesterday I just feel down when slimmer, younger girls get the attention from nice looking men. I always feel ugly. I am not ugly though its how I feel.

Its a crazy feeling that I get upset when other girls get male attention, yet I cringe if I have men looking at me. I feel I am being criticised when I go in places publicly. Maybe I have a hangup because i have always been so tall.

I long to be free and travel and be confident> I have really tried hard to be that adventourous, upbeat, confident girl. I have put myself in so many situations out of comfort zone like going to France on my own for a month but couldn't handle it at all. I was okay when a friend came to visit and then we got meeting lots of people, but when she came to leave, I bailed and had to come home. I hate being around people I don't know, but can chat to people easily if I am out with friends and have had drinks. In fact then I get these crazy urges to jump on the stage and play the guitar, or pick someone up and whirl them around. I would be seen as a real clown when I am out.

I just don't understand myself. I am so unsatisfied with my life. I read about loads of different homeopathic remedies in desparation for an answer and I don't feel like I am getting anywhere.

my job has gone down to 1 day a week. I am in one way completely relieved to not be working in a role where people lie and cheat and exagerate illness in order to get compensation. And feeling the disappointment I am causing my parents that as this will cause them so much worry for me not being successful or married.

sorry for rabbiting on here. This is so completely self-absorbed and boring I'm sure.

i just don't know what to do. Everything seems so serious to me. I spend so much time worrying and feeling down.

Hope I am coming across clear to someone who can see what I might need.

many thanks
 
NorthernStar 8 years ago
Hi,

Did you try
"Please take Apis Mel. 200C, 4 drops mixed in 2 sips of mineral water, 1 time a day, for 3 days."?

Many prayers for you.
 
nawazkhan 8 years ago

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