Cough when husband kisses me, feelHi, I'm hoping for a good remedy recommendation (in USA). I have an opportunity before me, but I feel "stuck" as if paralyzed with how/what to do to move forward with it. This is a recurring problem for me. I can see very clearly to advise others (even became a certified life coach)- but when it comes to myself, it's as if I cannot gain the clarity to proceed with an opportunity/dream. I feel frozen, and I feel it in my stomach (if that makes any sense). If I'm employed and told by SOMEONE ELSE what to do, I can do a superior job. Self-direction has always been a struggle though, and since having a major marital issue, it's worse than ever.
In the fall of 2016, my husband hurt me emotionally in a way that made me feel inadequate and led to distrust. It was serious (concealed porn addiction), and I asked him to move out for a time while seeing if we could work it out. The issue has "resolved" and he moved back in 5 weeks later- but the majority of the time, when he leans to kiss me, I have to cough. I've been struggling with asthma since succumbing to a nasty cold this February, but now it only seems to linger when he goes for that kiss. It's pretty strange (to us). I'm struggling with feeling "good enough" both for him, and just in general. That's been lifelong, but I had improved before backsliding after the marital incident. I know I'm still hurting from what he did, but I want to be past it. (stuck)
Another thing: at the time of the incident (last fall), I developed a very uncomfortable nerve sensation in my left ear that is triggered by muscles in my neck, and only relieved by tucking my chin to my neck.
1. Parents divorced at age 9, remarried a year later (mom), 2 years (dad).
2. Mom was indifferent to me, dad was uninterested.
3. Dad remarried a woman who didn't much like me.
4. Shy child with social anxiety didn't know how to fit in, didn't feel I belonged anywhere. Didn't talk in school, but at home I was told I talked too much. I felt something was wrong with me but didn't know what it was or how to fix it. "Damaged" and not able to be fixed.
5. Began abusing drugs as a teen, got with an unstable and abusive (emotionally) man. Got pregnant (stopped drugs) and then had the guts to leave him (out of love for my unborn baby). Became a single mom at age 21.
6. I became responsible and successful, working as a paralegal. I wanted to provide well for my child. My child was dx with autism at age 2, and helping him became my mission.
7. In the meantime, dated an unavailable (married) man for 4 years. Finally left him. Met my husband who was emotionally shut down (feeding my generally poor view of myself).
8. We had a son, and later when I was pregnant with our daughter, I discovered he'd been hiding a porn addiction.
9. I almost split from him, but he worked hard to overcome, and we stayed together.
10. Social anxiety peaked when I experienced rejection from dad and siblings when I began going to church and stopped drinking alcohol with them. Started feeling like I didn't want to leave the house. I overcame that with counseling, and though I'm socially functioning, I do still get anxious.
9. In fall 2016 (9 years after the first time), husband relapsed with porn addiction (which he'd concealed for 5 months). This damaged trust further, and hurt me deeply. He has gotten fantastic help for it though, and is a changed man- finally no longer shut down emotionally, and truly "there" for me for the first time ever. I realize in my head that it wasn't about me, but I FEEL hurt still.
Notes: I'm easily overwhelmed, and idealistic. On the positive side, I'm compassionate, intuitive and love helping people.
1. Genetic disorder, Ehlers Danlos Syndrom (collagen defect). This causes unstable, easily dislocated joints, chronic, widespread pain (esp. in low back, neck, hips and feet). Muscles are all knotted in back and neck and thighs.
2. Dizziness/blackouts due to drops in already low blood pressure (common with genetic disorder).
3. Extreme fatigue which peaks after lunch, at which time I must lay down and rest or nap ON MY LEFT SIDE for at least 20 minutes.
4. Hypothyroid commencing at birth of 1st son, poorly managed as I react to all meds given for it (currently on NaturThroid).
5. Celiacs disease
6. At age 10, I acquired severe chickenpox (including in mouth where it receded my gums), and had it recur 3 more times, and then shingles at age 27.
7. At age 17, mono-like virus (no official dx) was hospitalized due to severe sore throat (unable to swallow my own spit and dehydrated)- developed a fluorescent green tongue (fungal). This infection proceeded my first "love" refusing to commit to me.
8. Several infections of strep throat, and at age 33 acquired rheumatic fever from strep.
9. Recurring rheumatic pain in fingers and feet intermittently ever since.
10. Gallbladder out at 35.
11. Intermittent asthmatic cough.
12. Dry skin. Occasional ingrown toe nails of big toes. Skin tags on torso that appear and fall off. Skin is always dry. Prone to itching and "skin crawling" though no rashes and skin regularly lubricated.
13. Oh, and migraines, right sided, sharp pain climaxes behind right eye. Nausea, light sensitivity, with hormone changes, smells, neck problems,and chemicals. Which reminds me, I have chemical sensitivity as well.
I imagine I'm missing something, but as you can see, it's a lot. Much can be related to being more susceptible due to genetic disorder (collagen is one of the most abundant proteins in the body). Strangely many people with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome have immune and autoimmune issues, as well as digestive disorders.
Sleep is an on and off issue. Can struggle to fall asleep, sleep restlessly, and frequent vivid dreams.
Cold is bad for me, and I'm always cold. Warmth improves me.
Height 5'7", slim build, doughy muscles, fair complexion, brown hair, blue eyes, age: 40.
I have a paradox or allergic reaction to most medications I've been put on, including antibiotics. Also sensitive to supplements (again, paradox reaction) and find that less is always more for me.
I've tried Calcarea Carbonica, but get a headache and nausea on it.
Silicea made me feel indifferent to everyone and everything. Actually, it was kind of nice for a bit. But it got to be unhealthy.
Sepia gave me a better mood, but began feeling shaky and anxious after 3 days on it.
Any ideas on what might help me? Again, I'm looking to get "unstuck" and be able to pursue a good opportunity with the same type of clarity I can employ for those other than myself.
Many thanks in advance.
[message edited by Yramliz on Wed, 12 Apr 2017 18:07:38 UTC]
Yramliz on 2017-04-12
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