Depression and Anxity Help

Dear All please help me in my depression and anxiety.

I am a 48 year old Male.From Mumbai India

Please help me to find the right remedy. I am unable to write down my

Symptom but trying to give detail as much as possible.I am copy pasting

Symptoms from other peoples post to make clear as much as possible.

1. When I wake up in the morning Very very tired and irritable.

Feel hopeless and do not understand what to do.

Do not feel like to go to work or to go out but same time feel crying
and restless and do not understand what to do.

spend a lot of mental energy in worry, indecision,

My appearance: tall(5'10'), not obese but not thin(180lbs/80kg),Very fair dark brown hair and eyes.

Intelligent and capable but don't have a whole lot of direction, can't seem to stick with something.

I am really overly self-conscious about everything and i overthink things and my mind is always preoccupied and so I am forgetful.

-I have very low self-esteem but at the same time I know I am very intelligent and talented but I can't seem to harness my energies. I am too anxious.

-I feel like I am wasting my life doing nothing.I haven 't realized my true self--

-I have strong sense of justice/fairness

-I don't get enjoyment out of anything these days and don't really care about anything

-When I am very very depressed I feel like I wish I didn't exist. I cannot cry. Rationally, suicide doesn't make any sense and it is too violent and irresponsible and would hurt too many people. I stay alone need some one to talk to me but do not have any friend with whom I can share my feeling.I am afraid of talking to others for fear they will see how desperate and weak I am.

-I prefer to keep depression to myself.

- I feel like I am not really on this planet the way other people are, like I am floating through and not experiencing it correctly, I am acting, not living

-very forgetful, bad short term memory

I have a strong sense of honor and try to uphold your dignity at all costs.

I tend to suppress emotions particularly anger or resentment.

I am extremely sensitive to insults, reprimands, criticism and rudeness in general.

I avoid confrontation because I am afraid of the insult or emotional pain that can come out of it.

I have strong fears of rejection, humiliation and embarrassment or fear my honor being wounded.

I am very profoundly affected by music. with a great love of dancing, and keen sense of rhythm?

I feel as if I have suffered from some kind of great loss.

I am a perfectionist.

I have some what of an eye for detail especially when it comes to sense of beauty ?

I am very creative.I use to be a dance and fashion show choreographer and achieved great height of success in that field that was when I was in college about 25 Years ago.

I am always angry.People tell me I am very rude.

I am unable to smile or laugh.

There is so many thing I want to write down but unable to express my feeling.

I am reading your blog from last so many years but never got courage to
write down and seek help.

I have gone to my local Homeopath doctor he is very senior doctor got treatment from him for almost 4 Years He also got fed up with me and at last he told me that I should get a electric shock from psychiatrist.From that day I have stopped going to him.

Please help me for my current situation.

Initially Dr Taufeeq Has given me Nat MUR 1M one dose on 07Dec17 and Bach Flower remedy.It had helped me in so many thing but still My depression and anxiety is not under control.

Please help me..

Thanks.
[Edited by LonelyMan69 on 2017-12-22 11:15:02]