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Anger and abusive

Hi, am 38 yr old, mother of 2 boys. Elder one 10 and younger one 5. Before I go ahead n ask for advise would like to give j an overview or how the past has impacted my present.
I was a highly motivated and ambitious person working for a MNC. After my son was born all was good but we saw him regress in few aspects of development n we felt something was wrong n doc confirmed that it was early autism and we immediately started the possible treatments n therapies. I took it more like a challenge to get him out of it. I was just madly behind doing whatever possible. And I did achieve , in a span of 6 yrs, could recover my son from 0 to be able to get into a mainstream school and able to do well in his academics.

My younger was born and I struggled to manage both but I did work hard n balancing and also working in the night shifts from home to cover for the Therapy expenses. My husband does support me financially,never insisted on me earning and support emotionally to some extent. But I always felt bcoz it's my sons health issue and getting his therapies and paying for it was only my responsibility and never would want anyone say that they had to spend money for my child. I need to take care of everything at home, work, therapies school etc...

I was to some extent extent happy that my elder son was doing well after all the trouble..later last year my younger son started showing signs of dyslexia. This diagnosis really hit me hard as I felt I had somehow sailed thru one stromy phase n now this....I was badly hurt from within...but I add no choice but to move on n I started getting his therapies done too.

This is when my problem started..I was getting upset n angry very soon, even if we were getting late to Getting kids ready or if kids were not eating or any small issue in would get angry, grind my teeth n get very abusive n talk very rude, ill talk about their condition, pin point something they have done wrong. I do this only with my kids n I don't talk like this with anyone else..am very social helping. But I really don't know what happens to me.

I have been really trying to calm my self by reminding myself not to get angry but am unable to. I feel very guilty after I calm down. But the damage is already done. My kids already with issues I don't want to add on to their condition by being abusive instead I want to help them get better n be a happy mom n raise happy kids.

I really need someone to help me with some homeopathy remedy...I can't see a doc bcoz I have a fear that if my husband might know he might pin point saying that the kids got this issue bcoz I have some pyhsological issues myself.

Thank you..and request not to be judgemental about me. I have given this background only for the doc to understand my condition better. And suggest the best.
  Kamisetty radhika on 2017-12-23
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healer21 2 years ago

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