Adverse reaction to ssri

In August last year I went to the drs as I had been suffering from chronic insomnia for 6 months after the death of my mum and work stress. Once signed off work I went back to sleeping as I did before. 8 solid hours. However when I knew I had to return to work my insomnia came back and I ended up taking the prescription my for gave me of citlopram 10mg for 7 days. I had such an adverse reaction, anxiety that I wanted to crawl out of my body, chronic insomnia 1 hours sleep and intrusive thoughts that I had never had in my life. I was a happy confident person before but since the tablets I have developed an accute fear of been alone, worthlessness and scared of been in my home which I loved. I was then given another ssri which made me suicidal on 5 days, thoughts that I had never had in my life. 6 months on I am still suffering from insomnia, but feel no tiredness in the day regardless of exercise. Anxiety if left alone and still really uncomfortable in my home, plus I travelled solo before and am now scared to be on my own. Plus the constant mind chatter which I never had in my life. I was such a simple soul. It’s like the tablets caused me to have a major depressive episode. I don’t take pleasure in the things I once did and feel every day is an eternity. I was happily married for 23 years before this and it has put such a strain on my relationship. I will never trust western medicine again. Is there anything that you can recommend so I can try and get my life back before I lose anymore?