extreme love for parentsHello,
I need the opinion of an experienced homeopath for my daughter.She visited a few doctors but with no result.
girl, 7 yo, very thin hair, blue-green eyes
current situation: she has a big problem going to afterschool; she keeps mention that she wants to stay with us and she is missing us so much when she is there; she is crying a lot and looks kind of blue.Even if it looks like a minor issue, this separation issue stays with her from age 3 or before that, when she went kindergarten.From 3 to 5 she had a nanny and reproached us all the time that we had to go to work and she had to stay with the nanny
DESIRE PARENTS COMPANY; WANTS TO BE WITH US ALL THE TIME; RESENT GOING TO AFTER SCHOOL;(it is nothing wrong with the institution itself, it is just the idea that she will not be with us)
In the same period of time she asks to remain home alone when going to shopping or she wanted to go ALONE to the nearby shop to buy milk (she knows the lady salesman).
Going to afterschool is just another thing that she feels we are obliging her to do; she mentioend a few days a go that "EVERYONE IS OBLIGING ME TO TO THINGS"; She resent rules from age of 3 mentioning there are two many rules she need to follow
A FEW MONTHS AGO SHE MENTIONED THAT Feels trapped in house and at the nanny or grandparents she feels fee; i captured a hand gesture she made at that time- when she said she is trapped she closes the hands and fingers and when she mentioned about freedom she open the arms wide open.Asking about the gesture she mentioned immediately that it is the position of a pigeon.
On another ocassion after a big scorn, she was mentioned very clear that "I DO NOT WANT TO BE ARROUND YOU; I WANT TO GO AWAY"
She desire attention constantly, does a lot of things to capture your attention including mimicking a fall with the scooter, etc.If you do not acknowledge what she has done and do not help her she immediately got angry and cry and tells me that "YOU ARE NOT HELPING ME AT ALL; I'M SMALL; WHAT KIND OF DADDY ARE YOU".I'm not helping her because i know she can do all those things; it is something else behind this increase attention request.
I'm the kind of father that i was very attached for her since birth but i was severe when she was doing mistakes; so you may consider that she felt dominated for a long period of time; she told me recently that "YOU BEHAVE VERY HARSH WITH ME"
For the last 2-3 months there is a clear fight between me and my daughter; we are not in the terms we used to be; she experience a big contrariness to our ideas; when you asked her to do something (cleaning her room, prepare the bagpack, etc) she tries to delay as much as possible, that is asking for your help/support.
Lately she is feeling pushed to do things; you only have to push just a little her buttons and starts crying
SHE DOES NOT PLAY ALONE IN HER ROOM; discontented;
POMPOUS, SHOWING OFF; LYE TO PUT HERSELF IN A BETTER LIGHT/tell tall stories/ or to viCtimise herself (I scored to the basket, or xx teacheR screamed at me)-when verifying deeper she admits that she lied
Likes WATER, being in water, bathing, swimming-it is the thing that makes her happy all the time
Likes sweets, have all day long ; offer sweets as a weekly dose and seems to decrease her multiply requirements for sweets
Very sensitive to pain-cry at once; present you the Inger big or small; wants consolation or I think more – attention
Desire attention all the time- "Look at this attitude", disrupts our phone conversation
Very timid; getting bored easily in house; does not know what to do except watching cartoons;
Fear of dark (asks the night light open), fear of going to sleep alone, fear of insects-they will bite her
she thinks is very small; very low confidence;when she is starting a new activity she is saying that she is afraid that will make mistakes
When you override her with speech, or somehow mock her or make fun of her she easily may start crying and say “it is not fair”
Oversensitive to loud noises especially to yelling and when she flush the toilet she cover one year with one hand
Anxiety of loosing father; when I go out or in work travel he asked me when I come back; she have told me once, weeping, that she is concerned that when I will be leaving in a work travel I will not come back
Everytime after a big scold she wents to her room and make a drawing; every time; she is bombing us with drawings with all 3 of us ; the family idea;
when me and my wife have an argument (we are trying not to have in front of her) she is coming and asking us to make peace; we are just explain that we are having a difference of opinion wich it is a normal thing for grown ups.
Very attached to father; even when she wakes sometime at nigh she asks for dad not for mom; she declared hat she loves her father more
diminished appetite; prefers snaking rather than staying and eating;
she is competitive and get upset when she does not win
she like to wrestle with me
I'm not in position to give advises as i am only reading homoepathy literature but i think we need an animal with a very low confidence .
Much obliged for your help.
bayard on 2019-06-13
Why does she feel free at the nanny or grandparents house?
What is different there?
What is the relationship with grandparents and nanny vs. her
♥ simone717 3 months ago
Either at nanny or grandparents she mentioned that are no rules to follow.Seh can do what she wants.
I think she is trying to say that she percieve "home" as a place where she need to conform (to eat , to sleep, not to play ball in the house, etc) and therefore it is more strict than at nanny or grandparents house where they all are trying to spoil her and not to assign any task.
At home there is a lot of nagging, critics from parents, don't do this, do that, etc PLUS a kind of "harsh upbringing" while at nanny or grandparents she feels like she can control them, asked them chewing gum, ice cream, etc things that have a special regime at home.
The same issue is reflected when she is playing with the kids. With the schoolmates she feels in control, order them, lead them while with the kids from our building she doesn't have the same success and gets upset. she is crying, telling that a certain girl wants to be the leader all the time and she does not have the courage to stand up.she feels small .she does' like others to "comand " her, to tell her what to do.
She loves her mother very much, but less than her father.
Maybe it is of your interest that the mother considered that she is expecting a boy up to the 7th month when the ecography displayed a girl. for like 2 days she was a bit blue. Asking after a while what happened my wife told me that she was expecting a boy because the boy will help her when she will be old.
In the presence of my wife she needs to confirm while with me she is more free(verified during some visits to a psychologist).
bayard 3 months ago
How much time does she spend with the nanny
Or grandparents? Is there a regular schedule?
What did the psychologist suggest?
I was a teacher and counselor, and this reminds me
Of kids from divorced parents who had to
Constantly adjust to different rules of two households,
And it causes huge problems in their mental
Health and well being.
[Edited by simone717 on 2019-06-13 13:48:07]
♥ simone717 3 months ago
grandparents :in summer holiday she spends between 2-4 weeks and some other weekends a few months distance.
these days she went again to a psychologist for the issue described here. She envisaged from the meeting just with the parents that we are considering her older than she is and expect her to do things that a 10 year will comprehend.Nevertheless she needs to explore this extreme attachment for parents.
In the past was for a horror movie she saw on a mobile phone of an elder kids and she was having night mares that the monster will come to take her.she is very sensitive to this kind of materials becasue (she used to have the same behavior after watching something similar on nanny's phone 2 years ago).
bayard 3 months ago
You know there are “stages of child development”
If you do not know what they are please read about them.
One cannot skip these stages. So you have to
Work on where the child is in that spectrum.
Missed stages will always be there as cause of some kind
Of neurosis even when an adult. For instance,
Parents who do not understand the two year old
Saying No constantly, is a stage where they are
Realizing they are a separate self and it helps them
Develop boundaries and a sense of self. Parents
Who do not understand this , think the child is
Bad, a discipline problem etc and the child will
Have messed up reactions thru life because of this.
Things like seeing a horror movie at the wrong age
Causes shock because the child when younger
Cannot distinguish what is real and what is not
Real. The monsters , etc are registered in the
Body/ mind as real.
So what you are asking here is really - why is
My child so attached? They are attached because
Stages of development were not completed.
And scary things that were not age appropriate
Caused trauma- just the same as a real trauma.
My advice is your parenting has to be adjusted
To help the child complete whatever is missing.
If the psychologist says you have been acting as if
She were 10? Things have been missed. A remedy
Is not going to fix that. You and her Mom are
Going to have to learn what she needed and still needs.
She could probably benefit from a remedy to
Help her with fear- ( horror movies episode)
But most homeopaths want to see the child in person and with the parents so they can understand from observing
The child and the interaction of child/ parent
What would be best. This forum has no drs
On it and is set up for discussion really and it is not a clinic.
You need to see a good homeopath and continue
With a psychologist to address parenting behavior
Regarding stages of development.
♥ simone717 3 months ago
Once in the past I thought she could be Phos. but you said it was tried in vain previously. I suggested different potency/mode of administration but you did not take it.
Well this theme --extreme attachment, clingy to her parents, loving one of the parents more than the other, the inability to stay alone particularly when found in a child reminds me(actually came across this reference only recently) of a rare remedy Bismuth Subnitricum. This constitution also loves cold, cold things, water. If you are interested have a look. Do not know which book carries detailed description. A few books carry brief description though.
[Edited by maheeru on 2019-06-23 01:41:55]
♥ maheeru 2 months ago
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