My husband is reaching peak self-destruction suffering BPD & extreme life stressors

I have Ray’s blessing to make this post.
We’ve been friends for 22 years, partners for 14 years, married for 5 years.

I will first introduce his struggles from my perspective. While I am limited in speaking for him, he’s in need of my initiative to reach out for guidance.

Next, there will be a Q&A directly answered by him.
He’s willing to participate/provide answers you request of him if we’re fortunate to move forward in this process.

——-

::General Information::

-He struggles greatly with the emotional/interpersonal dysfunction caused by his traumatic, unstable upbringing.

-Psychiatrists have diagnosed this as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

-He is currently, and has been taking Lamotrigine and Venlafaxine for 5 years. These meds are losing helpful effect on max doses.

-Not able to foster any change (as he has done in the past). Understands he’s not functioning, but emotionally paralyzed. At his ‘lowest’. His decline has injured his self-worth, and his poor self-worth adds to the decline. Unsustainable path.

-We are coping with his past incidence of infidelity, that which he deeply regrets and cannot yet embrace as an objective symptom of his internal suffering. He holds this against himself, and my acceptance/forgiveness is not felt for he’s still punishing himself.

-Spiraling quickly due to extreme life changes and stress.
1 year ago we moved cross-country (USA) to live with my parents. We are giving full-time care to my Dad who’s battling cancr, as well as assisting 5 animals and my Mom.

-Just before we moved, Ray’s mother/sister sparked conflict that collectively spun out, and is still left unresolved as Ray knows they aren’t yet equipped for healing and repair.
He’s assimilating into my family, the family he’s chosen, best he can.

Please let me know if I should elaborate more on stressors or circumstance. Thank you for your time and patience with my tendency to share detail. We are very open, and I’m trying to include factors that may help determine direction.

——-

::General symptoms::

-has lost more than 35lbs w/dwindling appetite
-hair overgrown
-showers approx. once a month
-daily tasks are burdensome
-Prefers to stay isolated, though he also feels it’s harming his mental state.
-nightmares; growing in number and intensity
-sex drive is intense and overarching, as it’s been a life-long coping mechanism since childhood. At times, obsessive masturbation and porn indulgence, usually left unsatisfied. Sex drive is linked to rage and shame among other destructive feelings I can’t speak for. I see shame and pain in him for sexuality.
-Longterm sinus infection on his right side
-Gum disease, tooth loss, chronic tooth infections
-Chronic mucous issue in his lungs. He makes great effort to maintain and manage his lung/sinus symptoms with percussion, IR light, and other measures.

——-

::Baseline Questionnaire Q&A::

Ray
36 y/o male

-Weather conditions most troubled by:
*Windy weather
*Dry weather
*Sunny weather (outside of Arizona)

-I feel better with/by:
*Open air
*Seashore
*Windy weather
*Open space
*Cold, dry weather

-I am worse with/by:
*Bright light
*Drafts

-I am generally
*Chilly/Hot, 4 out of 10
-I perspire:
*None/Profusely, 3 out of 10

-Any particular area of perspiration:
*Armpits, upper back, middle chest

-Times of day you feel best:
*12am - 2am
*5am - 10am
*2pm - 5pm
*8pm - 11pm

-Times of day you feel worst:
*1am - 5am
*11am - 2pm
*5pm - 8pm

-Which of the following symptoms do you have during sleep?
*Grind my teeth
*Talk in sleep
*Sweat
*Feel excessively cold
*Laughter while sleep
*Snore
*Get up to urinate frequently

-Which of the following do you greatly crave?
*Sweets
*Sour food
*Fruit
*Coffee
*Ice cream

-How thirsty are you generally?
*8/10

-What temperature of water do you prefer?
*3/10

-Which of the following do you greatly worry about on a frequent basis?
*Being selfish
*Money
*Work
*Not being able to make decisions

-Which of the following do you greatly fear in a frequent basis?
*Being selfish
*My future
*Work
*Being alone
*Not being able to make decisions

-The following best describes my personality:
*Affectionate
*Aversion to company
*Calm
*Easily angered
*Fearful
*Feelings of guilt
*Hurried or impatient
*Introverted
*Jealous
*Lazy
*Messy
*Overly cautious
*Restless
*Stubborn
*Yielding
*Lack of self confidence
*Loving

-When I think of past emotional *traumatic events, I feel:
*Detached

-When I think of my problems, I feel:
*Optimistic
*Overwhelm

-My usual feelings about my spouse are:
*Loving
*Dissatisfied
*Affectionate
*Honor
*Pride
*Confidence

-My general mood is:
*Other: all options apply cyclically. (Gloomy/morose, apathetic/indifferenf, animated/lively, sad, excited)

-I am generally:
*Talk only when spoken to
*Have an aversion to talking

-I am:
*Somewhat trusting

-Which of the following do you forget frequently/daily?
*None

-How often do you make mistakes with the following on a daily basis?
*Names
*Something just told to you
*Words (speaking)

-Which of the following are you overly sensitive to?
*Criticism
*Rudeness
*Being made fun of (looking like a fool)
*Seeing others suffer

-How critical are you of others?
*1 out of 10 I think if I’m understanding them.
-How critical are you of yourself?
*8, 9, 10 out of 10

-Do you experience any of these behaviors (rage, violence, throwing things, cursing, physical abuse, biting) on a frequent basis when you get upset?
*Left blank and unanswered

-Overall my sexual desire is:
4, 5, 6 out of 10. It fluctuates.

——-

::In addition to his questionnaire::

—As his dedicated partner, I have relevant information to fill in that blank: ONLY in conflicts addressing our dysfunctional sex life ((on 3 separate occasions, in the last few months)) he has quickly escalated into rage, cursing, throwing things, and physical violence. He does not look, sound, or speak with familiarity when this happens.

—His most recent episode of reactivity ((3 days ago)) was his most violent, intense, and lasting: starting in evening and continuing to the next day, waking from sleep with this anger still in tact. This needed to be slowly processed throughout that day, and by evening he was level-headed. This event spurred our decision to reach for your help.

——-

::Thank You::

Again- thank you so very much for your time and attention to Ray’s and our universe.
We are capable of the grueling efforts required to heal, grow, and piece ourselves together.

We humbly ask for your chemical guidance to achieve this.
<3