stress - mothers-in-law and fathers-in-law

Those who read my article know, that all disease are caused by stress, most of these stresses are coming directly mostly from our parents- today I will lecture you about the stresses that are cuased by our Mothers-in- law and Fathers-in-Law

It would be suitable here to take a look at the mothers- and fathers- in-law.

As you already know, the mother’s and the woman’s love, flowing from her soul, nourishes the man and the husband. No man can live without it. When a son marries, he chooses a wife by his mother’s example – a woman resembling his mother the closest. This is the case when the son has failed to learn the lessons provided by his mother and needs to continue his education. If the mother has a specific and extremely negative trait, the son will marry someone with a character exactly the opposite of his mother.

When the mother has not loved her husband, if she treats men with scorn and criticism then the son, too has been left without mother’s love. The mother’s worry for her son’s marriage is nothing else but her guilt she feels for her son. As Mother’s guilt is keeping her from noticing her own mistakes, she starts to accuse others. This way, mothers-in-law find that their daughters-in-law guilty of not loving their sons enough, not being good wives to them and a thousand other sins. What they fail to see is that the daughter-in-law is just a younger version of themselves.

If the wife is a wise young woman she will see the root of the problem and if she has correct thinking, she can forgive her mother-in-law for failing to love her son in a way that her heart would be at peace. She would forgive herself for letting her mother-in-law’s accusations trouble her and ask her body to forgive her for having hurt it by doing so.

A wise wife knows that if she truly loves her husband, all the problems that have their roots in the past, including those stemming from her mother-in-law will be set straight. The love of a good woman is stronger than the anger of another. A wife who finds at least one positive trait about her mother-in-law and sincerely loves and respects her for it will, through her mother-in-law, earn herself a well-balanced husband.

However, in such a case the mother’s guilt may make her very touchy. As she is not able to understand her own being, she can start envying her daughter-in-law for her ability to love her son in a way that it keeps him from paying notice to any other woman except for his wife – his mother included! A jealous woman feels no joy for another’s happiness. Forgive her for that. As for you, my dear mother’s-in-law, let go of your jealousy. Jealousy is malicious anger that attracts cancer. Consider yourself lucky, for your son has attracted a good wife. Remember that a man chooses a wife by his mother’s example.

When the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are quarrelling then, as the mother is a son’s soul, the son is subconsciously angry at his wife. This explains why wives often accuse their husbands of siding with their mother. Actually, he is subconsciously trying to calm down his mother – that is, his soul – to restore a normal relationship with his wife. When both of the women would like to own the man, it can happen that they both will be left without him – he will go elsewhere to seek for peace and quiet. Often he will remain seeking and Mother will hardly have the time to start quarrelling with his each following girlfriend when everything is already over between them. A new so-called daughter-in-law steps in and everything starts all over again.

Dear mothers-in-law, you will let go of your accusations and jealousy if you truly love your son. You are destroying his family. You’ll make your son the happiest by learning to love your daughter-in-law like she was your own. But to do this, you have to change yourself, not to try to reform your son’s wife. You cannot mix up the cause with the effect. If the both of you want to make this man – your son and your husband – stronger, more manly and healthy, you’ll have to forgive one another.

A wife despising her hen-pecked husband usually directs all her love towards her son. He is everything for her – especially when he is the only child. The boy represents the whole male sex to the mother, all the men that have deprived her of their love. The son’s love gives her wings. And then a day will come when, all of the sudden, the little boy has grown up. A strange girl comes and robs Mother of her son’s love that had belonged to her and her alone. She was his best friend, his pal but not a mother. The father cannot be counted on; he too had failed to make a man out of his son. Quite often the son sees his father as the bad guy because he doesn’t pamper him the way his mother does. A mother, who has not known how to remain a mother, will make her son unhappy and later, puts blame for her son’s unhappiness on her daughter-in-law.

The relationship between the two mothers-in-law is a delicate affair as both of them represent the souls of their children. Even when one of them has never openly criticized the other, while looking down on her in her thoughts, their, their children will subconsciously know it and their relationship tenses up. The young couple will get mad at one another for the most impossible reasons, stresses accumulate at a quick pace, reach a critical level and the mother-in-law will be justified to say: “I told you so! Look at the kind of family he comes from!” this has always been the way – a pot calls a kettle black.

AN EXAMPLE FROM LIVE

A ten year old boy had a malignant tumor in the left hemisphere of the brain. Radiation treatment alternated with chemotherapy but there was no sign that of improvement. And even the parents were not able to change their attitude. They were indifferent and fed up with the situation, taking it for granted that the doctors would have to cure their son. It’s their job, isn’t it? A very naïve belief, by the way.

As I saw that the malicious anger of the wife and her mother-in-law had summed up in the child in the form of cancer, I asked the man if there were any problems between those two women. I sensed that he was trying hard to close his eyes to the truth. As, indeed, was the case. He declared that his wife and his mother got along just fine. But if you look at it from a different angle – the sick boy himself had chosen this specific pair of parents. Somehow I felt that I was the only one there trying to do something to change the situation, to air out their problems.

The problem of the fathers-in-law is not as clearly marked as men – if they are real men – don’t have the need to interfere with other people’s lives. Unfortunately, the number of men caught up on the level of emotions is rising rapidly. As the aim of a man’s life is movement then in case the father-in-law has not, despite of all his efforts, succeeded in reaching his goals, he may become extremely strict in his demands towards his son-in-law. He doesn’t understand that his daughter chose her husband by his own example. A father may even get jealous for his daughter, chasing away one suitor after another.

The following is a positive example of what the relations between a father-in-law and a new bride can be.

AN EXAMPLE FROM LIFE

In front of other people, an elderly man, an invalid for 20 years grabbed her daughter-in-law, sat her in his lap, hugged her warmly, repeating, “What a lucky man I am! My son has given me a daughter!” The young woman showed her gratitude by loving her father-in-law like he was her own. She was happy with her two dads. She used to call her mother-in-law Mummy and her father-in-law Daddy. Without knowing it, she had found the magic words, the secret key to communication.

Although nobody could explain it, the father-in-law got well. His will and ability to accomplish was amazing. Instead of the support and love of one woman, he had two fountains of love to quench his thirst from.

The respect and love the young woman felt for her mother-in-law had its beginning at the time when the older woman had supported her at a difficult moment of her life, saying, “We never know what this was good for. We can only be happy that it wasn’t any worse.” Those words stayed with her and from there on, helped her to understand her mother-in-law. Every one of us has its own crisis, and at times like that, who wouldn’t be tempted to put the blame on others…

Our mothers criticize us all the time but somehow this is considered to be normal. But heaven forbid if the mother-in-law should say anything – we blow to the sky. By releasing our prejudices towards our mothers- and fathers-in-law we can start feeling at home with them.

The relation between the mothers-in-law and sons-in-law is not so easily flammable. The typical mother-in-law of today sees the main value, in his industriousness. When the first conflict arises, the poor mother-in-law is inconsolable. But the mother is the daughter’s soul, as you know. The anger the mother feels for her son-in-law is alive in the daughter even if knows nothing of the conflict.

As we can see, the tensions between a husband and wife mirror their parents – all of them. The person who releases his stresses by forgiving will never attract the anger of his in-laws. There will be no need to interfere in other people’s live then. Nobody can hurt or insult a person whose mother and father have let go of their possessive feelings towards their child. Accordingly, a mutual searching for one’s own mistakes and forgiving them will make everything all right in the family.

No matter what the relations between the two generations, you should always remember that if you are disturbed by somebody else’s error then it is really your own mistake that irritates you. Certainly, you harm others by accusing them but the harm you do to yourself is twice as big. The transformation of negativity into positivity always begins with oneself, with releasing one’s own bad thoughts and not looking for mistakes in others.

I know that a lot of people reading this post will burst out in irritation, “What do you say – am I supposed to feel happy if somebody bullies and abuses me, to say nothing about the gossiping and humiliations!” No, of course you should not. Only a half-wit feels happy about everything. But you should forgive your fear and anger towards the bullies, the abusers, the gossips and those who intentionally harm you. Forgive your anger that everything is not the way you would want it to be. Remember – this is the lesson of your life and you have attracted it to you. If you have been born, you have come to learn. When you married your partner, you also married his spirit and soul – your mother- and father-in-law.

AN EXAMPLE FROM LIFE

A mother is seeing me about her son’s disturbing weight-loss. The boy is in love, spending all his time, strength and money on a girl who won’t even hear about marrying. She wants to keep her freedom. She is a normal modern woman! She wants to take everything from life it has to offer. The mother feeds her son and looks after his clothes but dares to say nothing about his love life – he is unhappy as it is.

My dear woman, you are putting material wealth on a pedestal. You have desired for money and pretty things. You didn’t love your husband so that he could be more of a man. For you, he was nothing but a machine to keep you provided for but you are still having regrets about not marrying a wealthier man. Your son is carrying on your husband’s existence; he doesn’t even know to want for anything better. A man chooses his wife by his mother’s example. Your son’s girlfriend is nothing more than an enhanced version of yourself. Like a lot of young women today, she declares her right for personal freedom without really knowing what she means by it. if you understand your own mistakes then your son will be released of his nightmare.

You have forgotten to discuss life and people with your son (daughter) you have had so many more important things to do. Should you now decide to make up for all the lost time and give your son (daughter) the motherly advice you failed to provide when he/she was a little girl/boy, then such a talk would sound like a lecture. Your son/daughter wouldn’t listen to what you have to say – the right time for teaching has passed. Now he has to learn by suffering, to be able to draw the right conclusions.

The fact that your heart is aching indicates that you have done something wrong. You can help your son/daughter by asking, in your heart, his forgiveness for leaving him/her without a mother’s advice and having caused his present suffering by it. Forgive yourself and ask your body to forgive you for having harmed your son/daughter by your feelings of guilt. When you have done this in all sincerity, your son/daughter will change his attitude or you yourself will feel justified to speak your mind. If he won’t listen to you, then you have not managed to correct all your mistakes – you had only thought you had.

Don’t forget: your child is the way you are or the way you have managed to bend him. And now you want to bend him again, in some other direction suitable to you. And all according to your moment’s in need, so that your own mistakes wouldn’t be so hurtful and the rest of the world couldn’t point a finger at you.

THERE ARE MORE ARTICLES POSTED BY ME, EXPLAINING THE REASONS AND CAUSES OF SOME OF OUR ILLNESSES, YOU WILL FIND THEM UNDER MY PROFILE.

Regards
Dr.Beek